T R I G G E R W A R
N I N G
BITCHASS MATTHEO, ED, BADDIE CALANTHA
─── ･ ｡ ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
MATTHEO IS YASMINE AMAROS. CALANTHA, LANA, ERISED, NICCOLÒ, KASSANDRA, DAÌNN, AND EPIPHANY ARE MINE.
─── ･ ｡ ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
─── ･ ｡ ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
T W E N T Y N I N E
MATTHEW
I LEARNED from a young age that a life can change at any given moment, no matter how big or small, something or someone is affected in a multitude of possibilities.
But never had I thought that I would truthfully care about the course my life was taking, or, at least, not until Calantha.
Before her I was just me, doing the things I still force myself to do, only now do I carry the shame and guilt of my actions.
But after her is nothing. I am completely alone and nothing.
When I started to recognize the feeling in my gut whenever I wasn't around or near her, the feeling that was never there whenever she was around, I understood then that I cared for her.
It was then that I started to second guess every single thing that I did before doing it, and all for her. Because before her, I didn't care whether I put myself in danger or not, I didn't care whether I died or if anyone else did.
But she needed me, and once I allowed her to have me, I knew I couldn't leave her. I knew she had been put through that pain one too many times, and I knew that in watching her suffer through it again, I would suffer alongside her, because I couldn't stand to see her hurting so much.
I hated it.
Because it was one thing to watch someone in pain, but to watch someone you love in pain, and not be able to help them, is much worse.
Usually, I would never admit when I was in the wrong, but for once, just this one time, I'd fucked up.
I knew she blamed herself for what happened to her Mother, I knew that she carried that burden with her every single day, and still, I used it against her.
I blamed her for everything, knowing how much it would hurt her, but in the moment, I wasn't thinking about what would happen.
I didn't care that the plan my Father had going for her was no longer a plan of any sort, and that I'd failed him, nor that he'd somehow find out and inevitably torture me for it.
The only thing I cared about was getting her back, making sure she knew and understood
how sorry I was, and once again truly believed that someone cared about what happened to her.
Because I was so sorry.
And I cared about her so much.
And I still do.
At the same time, I felt she was better without me.
But I was selfish, and I didn't care whether or not she was better or
worse without me, because I cared about her, and she needed to believe that again.
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ERISED
"She's still in her dorm?" I questioned Kassandra with a raised eyebrow, watching as she sat down in front of me at the stretched table.
It was the fourth night neither her or Mattheo had shown up to breakfast, and it was quickly nearing the dawn of Christmas holiday. I didn't have to ask to know that Calantha wasn't going home to visit her family for a week, but I didn't want her here alone, especially if something was going on between her and Mattheo.
Because there was something going on between her and Mattheo, and while I could say we all knew it wasn't the first time, we all knew that whatever it was it was bad.
Kassandra huffed as she nodded sadly, shrugging her shoulders while she leaned forward and tilted her head against Niccolò. For the past few days she had been trying to get Calantha to talk to her, and everytime she'd failed.
"She didn't want to see me." she mumbled.
"She won't talk to me either." Epiphany sniffled beside me. She rubbed her tired eyes with her hands and yawned, her eyes fluttering open and shut. "Neither will Theo."
I watched as her small figure slumped next to my shoulder, and I brought my hand to reach over her shoulder and pull her close to me. "They're just going through something, Epiphany, it's going to be fine."
My heart hurt for her, knowing she was sad and even more so confused not knowing what happened between Calantha and Mattheo.
"You should try and talk to her," Kassandra suggested, her face blank. At her notion, I frowned, tilting my head to the side as though confused. Epiphany beamed as she stared up at me, her eyes wide in hope, and my heart dropped knowing there was no possible way I could let her down.
"Why would she want to talk to me?"
"Why wouldn't she? You've been there for her from the start. You care about her, that's easy for anyone to see. You protect her whenever needed. She's let you in every other time, so why not try again?"
I thought for a moment. She wasn't necessarily wrong; everytime I'd tried to care and help her she'd let me. We'd built some form of a bond within the week of my arrival to Hogwarts.
I nodded. "I'll stop by her dorm tonight."
"You should go now," Epiphany blurted. "Just to make sure she isn't alone." she quieted, looking around suspiciously.
I looked at her, sighing. "I guess I could go now," I shrugged, watching as Kassandra nodded.
"Well then ladies," I stood up, bending down to kiss Epiphany on the forehead. "You have a good night. I'll see you both whenever I do."
Kassandra smiled at me and Epiphany watched me walk away, down the long, almost empty Great Hall.
There was barely anyone here because of the attacks, how Dumbledore let anyone leave if they wanted. With Holiday coming, the school would surely be empty.
I'd already talked to Kassandra, and I knew that she and Niccolò were going to visit his parents somewhere in Northwest London. Epiphany said she was going to spend the Holiday week with her grandmother, and she'd hoped Mattheo went with her.
Draco, who I hadn't seen for a long while, continued to quietly slip off the premises of the school at night. I didn't care much for him, from what I could tell, he was a narcissist, but at the same time, he constantly needed reassurance.
I knew he'd be leaving to stay at his parents Manor as soon as he could.
For me, I was planning to visit some family, but there was no way I was leaving Calantha alone like I knew she would be. Everyone else was leaving; I couldn't leave her by herself.
I knocked on her dorm, tilting my forehead against the soft wood as I pressed my knuckles into the frame.
"Go away, Kassandra," her voice sounded muffled from behind the door, but it was evident enough to tell that she was beyond annoyed.
"Calantha," I burrowed, almost cooing. "It's me."
After a long silence, I heard her scoff. "What? Is she sending others up here now?"
I looked down and tried to twist the doorknob, but it was locked. "Calantha," I mumbled, my head still against the wood. "Open the door."
"You open the fucking door!" she yelled, then, a loud boom followed, and a shudder went through me as I attempted to turn the knob again.
"Calantha," I knocked. "Calantha! Open the door!" I shouted, my flat fist slamming into the wood over and over again.
"Just, just wait." she laughed, groggily. "G-give me a second, Erised. I fell," another laugh, followed by a whimper. "Hold on, I can't move my leg."
I started shaking the door handle, trying to get it to break or open, the locks had been magicked. In anger, I kicked it, watching as the door shook.
I kicked again, and again, and eventually, the faltered wood sprung open, revealing Calantha laying on the ground beside her bed.
I shut the door behind me as I walked to her on the floor, my stomach turning as she looked up at me and smiled. She looked miserable and unhealthily deprived of sleep, but beautiful nonetheless.
"Calantha," I bent over, lifting her onto her feet by her waist, trying my best to be respectful in my hand placement. She leaned into me, sending me into a stumble backwards as I held her to my chest.
"Why were you on the ground?" I said as she brought her fingers to my lips, slowly caressing them. Nicely, I pulled her hand away, placing it at her side.
"Love, have you been drinking?" I hoisted her onto her bed, softly placing her head on a pillow.
She shook her head and lifted her feet in the air, wiggling her toes, laughing. "I think I hit my head."
I walked to the other side of the bed and sat beside her, lifting her head to make sure she wasn't bleeding or hurt, then laid her back down.
"You know what's so stupid," she rubbed her tired eyes, her colorless cheeks turning into a frown. "Mattheo Riddle. He's so stupid."
Tell me something I don't know, I thought.
"Why do you say that?"
She shrugged, playing with her fingers. "I don't like him anymore, Erised. I am so done with him."
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
"Nothing happened. Nothing was real. It was all fake." she sighed, covering her eyes.
I frowned, not understanding what she meant. "I'm sorry, Calantha, but I don't understand."
"He was playing with me, Erised." she sat up, using her hands for structure. "None of what he said or did he meant."
"How do you know that, Calantha? I mean, I don't like him, but I watched the way he looked at you and—,"
"Because he told me so. This is all your fault. I never cared about you. Blah blah. You killed your mum, it was your fault. Blah blah." she mimicked his voice, but I didn't laugh, because I was too focused on what she'd said.
"What?" I turned serious, my mind whirling over the possibility that he'd really blamed her Mother's death on her. "He said that to you?"
She nodded, smiling. "Yes he said it was all just a game to him. That I—,"
"No, not that. About your Mother?"
She nodded, rubbing her eyes again.
I couldn't even comprehend anything else she started to say. My mind was focused on Mattheo, and finding him, and killing him.
I watched Calantha everyday, I noticed the small pause in her own time when she'd stop smiling and pretending, and the second later when she'd seemingly reminded herself that she was around people and that she had to fake her perfect smile.
And I knew there was nothing that I could truly do to help her. And it hurt knowing that.
And just as I'd watched her everyday, I watched her right now. As she started to cry, I watched her, fearing that I'd hurt her even more. Anyone that looked at her could see that she was broken.
"Why does it hurt so bad?" she moaned through tears.
"Do you remember the day when I came in here after Professor Marvolo left?"
She nodded.
"Do you remember how I told you how much it would hurt when you started accepting your emotions again?"
She nodded again.
"This is that hurt, Calantha."
"Then," she looked around, confused. "Then I just have to turn it off again." she shrugged.
"No, Calantha," I grabbed her hand, earning her attention. "You can't do that."
Tears streamed down her cheeks as she quietly fell apart in front of me, holding my hands, her lips quivering.
"I can't, Erised." she looked down. "I can't keep doing this."
I cupped her cheek with my hand and hugged her as she cried into my shoulder, feeling her sob into my neck, her tears wetting my collarbone.
"There is so much pain, and I don't know how to not notice it."
I stroked her hair and tried to comfort her, although I really had no idea what I was doing. "I'm sorry that I can't help make it go away, I really am, but I think we should at least try."
"There's no point," she shrugged, completely leaning into me.
"Calantha," I whispered, pulling her away to look at her faintly bruised face.
"I'm fine," she wiped her tears away, shaking her head. "I'm fine." she said again.
"No, Calantha, you can't just turn it all off again."
"Yes, I can." she got up from the bed, grabbing into the bedside table for support. "It worked before, didn't it?"
"Did it, Calantha? Did it really work?"
"I don't—," she put her face in her hands. Then, almost as if she turned off a switch, she turned to me."Leave, go." she pointed to the door.
"You need to find something that makes you happy," I ignored her telling me off and stood
up, standing on the opposite side of the bed as her.
"I did!" she yelled, then her eyes widened as she realized how she was acting, heavy breaths leaving her lips. "I did," she repeated herself, only this time she whispered. Her eyes dropped to the floor as she scoffed to herself, now shaking her head with a cold grin.
"And now it's gone," she looked at me, the devious, nasty smirk still torn across her lips.
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CALANTHA
I hadn't seen Mattheo in a few days; however many it was I wasn't counting, but the last time was in the corridor.
Since then, I'd spiraled and fell down a hole I'd never had to crawl out of. My head was constantly spinning with thoughts of all kinds, and for what, I couldn't wrap my head around.
I missed him, I did, but I hated him even more. I wanted to drive him crazy, make him feel terrible for the things he'd said to me.
I wanted to play with him in the same ways he had with me, and I wanted to enjoy every second of it.
And I knew I would.
I walked over to my open closet, rifling through the small variety left of Kassandra's clothes, and pulled a black low-cut tank top off of a hanger, sliding it over myself.
It was one of her favorite tops from what I could remember, and I couldn't help but notice
how much it accentuated my chest. But all in all, I felt pretty.
I slid the usual black miniskirt up my legs and followed them with black socks, then my boots, and put my cloak around myself but kept it open.
I had Defense Against the Dark Arts today, which meant I was going to see him, and Daìnn.
I pulled my long black hair behind my shoulders and took a small glance in the mirror before walking out of my dorm, my ears soon filling up with the sound coming from the below common room.
To my surprise, Erised was leaving his room at the same time, and as his eye caught mine I walked up to him with a grin wide on my face.
He took a long look at me, his eyes moving up and down before looking somewhere else, and he chewed nervously on his bottom lip.
"Hello Erised," I walked alongside him down the stairs, both of our arms swinging softly at our sides, our pinkies touching ever so often.
"I like your outfit, Calantha. It looks very nice on you." he nodded as he smiled, taking my hand in his as he kissed my knuckles.
I smiled. "Thank you." I told him, following behind him to the portrait on the wall. Somewhere else in the room were girls shouting at each other, and while the voices sounded familiar, I bothered not to turn around.
I moved in front of Erised, his hand on my lower back as he helped guide me in front of him, but just as I did the portrait swung open, knocking me back into him.
"Pardon me, mate." a dark-skinned boy smiled wearily as he walked out of the painting, waving to both Erised and I.
"You're fine," Erised whispered back.
"Lana!" someone shouted in the back of the room, a boys voice, followed by a loud boom. I wasn't surprised to hear someone yell her name, everyone here pretty much hated her, including myself.
But it was natural instinct to turn around at the sound of a loud noise, and so when I did, I saw Epiphany on the floor, laying on her back with Lana crouched over her.
And the blood inside of me started to boil; I turned to Erised and gave him a look, watching as he eventually caught on to my anger and shook his head, but by that time I was already half way across room.
"What the fuck are you doing?" I calmly walked over behind Lana and shoved her off of Epiphany, laughing as she fell to the ground beside her.
On the ground, Epiphany smiled as she sat up. "Nasty girl." she scoffed, standing up in front of me as she patted her legs off. "I hope you choke on goblin piss!" she yelled in Lana's face.
She laid on the floor, her short black hair a mess in her face, her eyes fuming with anger.
"You can't even fight your own battles you little
shit!" she yelled back as I took a step backward and stopped, turning.
"What did she just say?" I coldly turned back to face Erised, my face turned into a smile of disbelief.
"Calantha, dont," he shook his head, walking toward me. He was ready to grab me, to stop me from doing what I was going to do, but I was too fast.
Epiphany smiled as she watched me with beaming eyes, her tracing my every move as I bent down to where Lana kneeled now on her knees on the floor.
In the corner, Draco sat in a velvet armchair with a bottle his hands, his legs open as he watched me with a smile.
And suddenly, without even hesitating, I slapped her hard across the face with the back of my hand, hovering over her while I bent down.
"You're fucking pathetic picking a fight with an eleven year old," I spit in her face, grimacing as she wiped her bloody lip.
"Eleven and a half actually." Epiphany shook her face at Lana, a manicured hand on her popped hip.
"You love hurting people don't you?" Lana grinned. "Fucking crazy bitch."
"You don't know anything about me." I looked around the almost empty room. Anyone that was here other than Erised, Draco, and Epiphany had left for class.
She picked herself up off of the ground, smiling as she stared confidently through me. "I know a lot more than you think." she bit onto her bottom lip. "I know what happened with your Mum, how your Father blamed you and left, how you blame yourself."
"Who the fuck do you think you are? Coming here and walking around like you do. You're fucking disgusting."
She tsked, shaking her head. "You don't know the first thing about me or where I come from."
She wasn't wrong.
But who the fuck was she?
I laughed, not taking her seriously. Then, I grew serious, my smile stopping, and I walked to her. She leaned backward as my face grew closer to hers, and I leaned over her shoulder beside her ear.
"I know that the last girl that looked a lot like you, ended up hanging from the fucking ceiling." I whispered, pulling away from her and meeting her eyes.
"You don't scare me." she shook her head, narrowing her snake-like eyes.
"It's not me that you should be afraid of." I smiled.
She said nothing more. Instead, she shoved past me and huffed, walking out of the common room portrait.
She was going to be a problem, that was inevitable. But everytime I looked at her I couldn't help but see Pansy. And everytime I thought about Pansy I saw her dead body hanging above me.
+++
I walked into the darkened classroom and sat in my usual spot, seeing that Mattheo wasn't there yet. Lana had gotten here before me, and I could see out of the corner of my eyes the dirty looks she was giving me.
I wasn't giving her any more of my attention than I already had, simply because she was so unworthy of it.
Something brushed against my back, and I sat up, a shocked whisper leaving my lips before feeling something lean against my back.
"I'd like for you to stay after class today." Daìnn whispered in my ear, my eyes moving to my lap.
"For what, may I ask?" I straightened my shoulders, not turning to meet his eyes.
He softly laughed under his breath, bringing his hands around my neck as he pulled my hair behind my shoulders.
"There's people in here Professor," I leaned into him, acting as though we hadn't argued days ago in my room. "You wouldn't want them to catch something they aren't supposed to see, do you?"
"No, Miss Adamos, which is why I'm telling you that you'll be staying in my classroom after class is over."
I turned to face him, and just as I did so, I slowly angled my body toward him; out of the corner of my eye, Mattheo walked into the room, and sat down beside me, not once giving me any attention.
"Well then, Professor," I touched the front of Daìnn's black button-up shirt, looking around to make sure no one saw. Nobody did, but in my side eye, I could see Mattheo staring at me with a clenched jaw, his body shut off from mine, his hands in white fists on the table. "I guess I'll see you after class."
Daìnn furrowed his eyebrows only in the slightest, then gave way that he understood what I was doing with a quiet smirk on his lip, and as he turned to Mattheo, smirked at the back of his head, and then turned back to me, I caught myself pressing my legs together as I traced Daìnn's every move with my eyes.
"You should plan to miss next period as well, Calantha."
"Don't you think it's a bit unprofessional to refer to a student by their first name, Professor Marvolo?" Mattheo turned to look up at his brother, who was showing that he took absolutely no offense to Mattheo's interjection, and was smiling.
But before he could say anything, I jumped at him. There was no fucking way Mattheo was going to still try and butt his head into my business after everything he'd said to me.
We weren't together anymore, not that we ever even were, but that didn't matter.
"Don't you think you should mind your own fucking business?" I stared daggers at him, narrowing my eyes as Mattheo slowly drew his gaze from Daìnn to me, silent disbelief on his lips.
"Looks like someone's growing a bit confident, isn't she?" Mattheo laughed coldly, shaking his head as he turned back to Daìnn.
"Mr Riddle, I suggest you keep your comments to yourself, or I can assure that you will regret opening your mouth later"
Mattheo only laughed, watching as Daìnn walked away. Still, he said nothing to me, only stared.
I wasn't expecting this class to be easy, or really anything that involved him to be, but the amount of tension between us was almost too hard to stand.
We were only staring at eachother, but the both of us were angry. His soft jaw was clenched to define his perfect bone structure, his beautifully bruised knuckles white from how tightly he held his fists against the table, and of all the parts of him for me to stare at, I couldn't look away from his lips.
Memories of kissing him flooded my cloudy mind, his faint whispers filling my ears as I felt his fingers against my skin.
But none of that was happening right now. None of it, as I presumed, though had not hoped, would happen again.
None of it.
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───
"Right then, you may all leave." Daìnn took a seat behind his desk. He sat looking bored, his face plain as he watched every student leave the room, whispering to their friends and other meaningless people.
I sat in my chair, watching with a smile on my face as Mattheo shoved all of his things back into his bag. "You should really hurry up." I leaned over and whispered, my chin resting on my hand. He paid me no attention. "You wouldn't want to be late to your next class, would you?"
"Shouldn't you be trying to lose weight?" he said without looking at me, a cold sting icing my veins as heat flooded my stomach.
"Fuck you, Mattheo."
"I'd love to," he stood. "But I wouldn't want to be late to my next class, would I?"
And then he was gone, leaving me with my thoughts.
Shouldn't you be trying to lose weight. He was unbelievable. Completely unbelievable.
But I couldn't let something like that get to me; I couldn't let him win that fast. I wasn't going back to him, not this time, and I only just now understood that.
There was no going back to whatever we were. I knew that now, and clearly, he always did. "Miss Adamos," Daìnn interrupted my thinking.
I only had to move on from him.
"Or, Calantha,"
To find someone else to distract my thoughts.
I watched him with a close eye, as he walked toward me with a sinful look in his dark eyes. His eyes held so many secrets, it was easy to tell, but they were so beautiful.
"Yes, Daìnn?"
He smiled at the corner of his lip, stopping right in front of my desk. "No," he said. "I prefer you call me Professor."
My legs went weak from underneath the table. Not now, Calantha. I told myself. Not now.
"Yes, Professor?"
He smiled once more, than stopped, giving me a serious look, pressing his large hands on the table in front of me, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows to reveal the thick veins along his arms.
No Dark Mark.
"Miss Adamos," he leaned in. "I want you to tell me everything about the girl you've been seeing."
─── ･ ｡ ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───