I sit on the floor of my en suite with my head hanging over the toilet bowl. I gag and cough as I throw up my last couple of meals. I cling onto the side of the toilet as tears fall down my face. I can't believe this is happening, I can't wrap my head around everything. My mother is stepping down. I am going to become Fire Lord. My heart beats frantically in my chest and my breathing grows rapid and uncontrolled. I can't do this, I have never wanted this, what am I supposed to do? I hear footsteps enter my room and it isn't long before I hear knocking on the en suite door.
"Ula, are you okay?" Bolin's voice asks through the door. I cough again and as I do vomit rises from my stomach and falls into the toilet. I hear the door handle rattle and it swings open behind me. I cough a couple more times as someone moves my hair out of the way. I know straight away it's Bolin just by the way he rubs my back.
"Ulazu," I hear Asami mutter. A panicked gasp leaves my lips as I struggle to breath. I haven't panicked like this for years and now that I am I'm terrified. I'm terrified by my inability to breath and my inability to get my thoughts to stop rushing for a second. Bolin moves to the side and grabs some toilet roll, wiping my face for me as I hyperventilate, falling to the floor further.
"Ula, I need you to breath, okay," Bo says in a calming voice. He puts his hands under my arms, picking me up slightly and leaning me against the wall. I try to look at him as he crouches in front of me, but my eyes can't seem to focus and my head rolls to the side as I desperately try to fill my lungs with oxygen.
"I-I can't, I can't, Bo I can't do-" I stammer feeling my level of panic increase as I talk to him.
"Hey, don't. I just need you to focus on your breathing, take a breath with me, all right?" He says gently. He takes a deep breath and I try to inhale like he had, but no air enters. I shake my head as more tears fall.
"I c-can't-" I gasp.
"It's okay, why don't we try again." He says before taking a deep breath. I try again, finally feeling air reach the bottom of my lungs. Bolin smiles and puts his hands on my knees gently, "Good, that's good, take another breath with me." He says taking another deep breath. I take another breath with him, and after a couple more breaths, I calm slightly, though that doesn't stop my tears.
"Ulazu, are you okay?" Korra asks. I look away from Bolin to see her standing in the doorway with Asami and Mako standing beside her, looking equally worried about me.
"You p-promised me that it, that it wasn't bad." My voice shakes as I stare at Korra. Her eyes widen before blinking a couple of times. "You promised." Tears burn against my eyes and my level of panic begins to slowly rise again.
"I-I didn't realise it was so bad." Korra replies and I scoff, shaking my head as I lean back. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself again, the last thing I want to do is have another panic attack over it. I don't know why I'm reacting like this. I might have never wanted this for my life, but I always knew it was going to happen, I knew that one day my mother would utter the words she had just done. I guess I just ignored it, praying that it would never come along if I paid it no mind. However, I've just learnt that ignoring a problem makes it worse.
"Ulazu, I'm so sorry. I knew this was going to happen, I-I should have told you." Bolin says and I shake my head again.
"I know you all knew, I'm not upset with you. It's not like you had time to tell me," I sigh, "I'm sorry, Korra." I say looking over to the Avatar.
"You don't need to apologise." She says as she gives me a small smile, walking into the en suite. She shares a look with Bolin before they both help me off the floor. My legs are shaky and so I grip onto their arms tightly. They bring me to my room and sit me down on my bed, and as soon as I'm seated Asami is moving around the room to gather some comfortable clothing.
"Actually, Ulazu, I've known for a while." Bolin says nervously. I turn to him feeling confused and I watch as he scratches the back of his neck. "I've known for about a year." He admits. My eyes widen and my heart stops beating as I stare at him.
"A year?" I breathe. He looks at me in guilt, but I can't focus on it. It suddenly makes sense why he had so many shared looks with my mother and grandfather, and that he would remind me frequently about how I'm seen by the public. He knew that I was being watched closely. He knew all along.
"I, umm, also was the one who suggested to Fire Lord Izumi-" He starts, but he stops as he watches my face fall.
"You suggested what?" I ask. He looks over to our friends nervously, gulping slightly as he turns back to me.
"I suggested that now was the best time for her to, umm..." Bolin says and my entire body freezes. He's the reason my mother is stepping down now? He did this to me? Bolin, my fiance, my best friend, was the one to condemn me to a life I've never wanted and have feared. How could he do this to me?
"Y-you-" I breath unable to comprehend what he's telling me. He wouldn't do that to me, he wouldn't, he loves me, and looks out for me; he is the man that doesn't hurt me.
"If we're being honest," Korra says however my eyes don't leave Bolin as she continues to talk, "I encouraged Bolin to do something." She says, but I can't take in what she says. I'm still too hurt by Bolin. Sure, Korra might be my best friend, but Bolin is so much more than that, he's the one who is supposed to know me more than I know myself. I stay silent as their eyes cling onto me, desperately trying to figure out what is going on in my mind.
"Ula, please say something." Bolin begs. My stare turns cold, my fear and panic turning into pure rage.
"If I talk to you right now, I'll say something I'll regret later," I say, "get out." I stand from the bed and tear out my royal headpiece from my hair, ripping a small clump of hair out with it, but I really don't care right now.
"Can I just explain-" Bolin begins, but my angry glare stops him.
"Explain what? Explain how you felt the need to decide what happens in my life? Was me being a princess not enough? Is being engaged to a Fire Lord a better ego boost?" I spit shooting daggers at him with my eyes. My friends look at us with wide eyes as they take a step back, unsure about what to do.
"You really think I am like that?" He asks sounding hurt by my accusations.
"How the hell am I supposed to know, Bolin? You knew how many nightmares, how many anxiety attacks I've had over this, yet you would do this? The Bolin I know protects me and keeps me safe, but you, you're not him. You have made my nightmares a reality, h-how am I supposed to forgive you after that? Spirits, how am I supposed to love the Bolin who did that?" I say, my voice growing more emotional over each word I spit. Bolin's body freezes as soon as I spit my words, but my anger blinds me to it.
He stays quiet as does everyone else in the room, and so I take that as my chance to leave. I walk past Bolin, not looking at him or my friends as I make my way past them, my eyes solely on the door. I storm through, slamming it shut behind me, and as soon as I'm alone I break. A loud sob breaks through my lips and I fall to the ground, cupping my face with my hands.
I sense heat walking towards me and I quickly wipe my face to attempt at making myself professional. However, my eyes soon land on my brother and the tears flow again. He walks over to me and offers me his hand. I take it and he picks me off the floor.
"Come on, Sister, let's go talk." Iroh says quietly and I nod, continuing to cling onto his hand as we walk through the corridors to his room.
Bolin's P.O.V.
I stand frozen in place with Ulazu's words replaying in my mind. How am I supposed to love the Bolin who did that? She really said that to me. I never meant to hurt her, spirits, I did this for her. I know how much she hates that she has to become Fire Lord and I know what she hates the most about it is the attention she gains from the coronation. I thought that if Fire Lord Izumi was going to step down soon anyway then it would be best for her to do it when everyone is too focused on the wedding. But is there even going to be a wedding now?
My eyes move towards the door as the sound of crying fills my ears and my heart breaks when I recognise it to be Ula. I hurt her, I can't believe I was this much of an idiot. Tears cover my eyes, clouding my vision, but I can still see when my friends move closer to me.
"Bolin, I-I'm so sorry. I told you to find a way to make it easier for her, I-I didn't think-" Korra begins to stammer, but I ignore her as I move past them towards the door. I open it, expecting to see Ulazu crying, but she is gone. My heart shatters in my chest and the pain of it makes me gasp.
"What have I done?" I mutter to no one in particular. A hand clamps down on my shoulder which makes me flinch. I turn to see my brother giving me a small smile with Korra and Asami close to his side.
"Look, I'm sure once the initial shock goes away she'll be okay." Asami says.
"She said she doesn't know how to love me." I say, my voice cracking over the word. Hot tears begin to fall down my face though no noise leaves my mouth. Hearing those words hurts more than I could have ever imagined they would, and it kills me to know that I've caused her enough pain for her to utter those words. I was supposed to look after her, I was supposed to make sure she never had to suffer like she once had again. But I failed. I failed my love.
"Bro, it was just her anger talking, she didn't mean it." Mako says in attempt at brightening my mood, but it doesn't.
"Ulazu has never said something she doesn't mean. Even in anger and with high emotions she speaks without regrets. It's one of the things I love about her." I say and straight away I notice how each of my friends fall deep in thought as they think back to when Ulazu has grown angry. She always speaks her truth, and sometimes she does it in a subtle way. Whenever someone apologises and she isn't ready to forgive them, she'll say something like, 'it's been done now'. People think that she has forgiven them, but I know she hasn't just yet, she's just ready to move on from it.
"I need to talk to her, I need to find a way to get her to forgive me." I say as I go to walk away from the group, but Mako's grip on my shoulder tightens to stop me.
"I don't think that's a good idea. You need to let her cool down." Mako says gently but it only seems to cause more tears to fall.
"But, Mako, I can't just leave things like this." I cry, my emotions flowing out of me uncontrollably and I can see his face drop with sadness. It's not often I fall into a state of despair like this, but right now I feel completely hopeless, and I can't help but fear that I have ruined the greatest thing to come into my life.
"Mako's right," Korra says just as gently as Mako, "Ulazu needs time to herself to calm down and get her thoughts in line. Her emotions are wild from everything that's happened today and the last thing we want is to push her too far." She says. A couple more tears fall, but I nod. The last thing I want to do is cause Ulazu to lose control. I've already caused her enough pain, I can't bare the idea of causing her even more.
"There is a small living space a couple of rooms down, why don't we see if there's a game we could play or something?" Asami suggests. She links her arm with mine and slowly guides me out of Ulazu's room. I sniff and wipe my eyes with my free hand as I let my friends lead me to the living space, praying to the spirits that Ulazu will forgive me. Please let her forgive me.
Ulazu's P.O.V.
I sit on the sofa in Iroh's room crying into my hands. My brother has wrapped a blanket around me and sits by my side, his eyes on me as he remains silent. Growing up I would get so overwhelmed and upset about being princess of the Fire Nation and every time it would get too much Iroh would bring me to his room and sit with me until I calmed down. He has always been such an amazing brother, I honestly can't thank him enough for everything he does for me.
"Ulazu, I know you're upset about the announcement, but please try to see positively." Iroh says gently. I sniff and wipe my eyes before turning to him. His face softens when he sees my red, swollen eyes and I wrap my blanket around my body further.
"I'm not crying because of the announcement," I say shaking my head, "Bolin was the one to tell mother to step down." I say and Iroh's eyes widen.
"Wait, seriously?" Iroh asks and I nod.
"I have told him so many times how much being Fire Lord terrifies and he has looked after me every time I panicked about anything to do with the idea. He knows how much I don't want this, yet he would do this? I've never felt so betrayed, Iroh." I say crying more. Iroh frowns to me and he sighs.
"Ulazu, I think you're mistaken about being betrayed." He says and I scoff, wiping my face with the back of my hand as more tears fall.
"How have I not? He knows my fears, my dreams, he knows my biggest fear is being Fire Lord yet he convinced mother to step aside." I say stressed, but my brother shakes his head to me.
"Come on, Ula. We're talking about Bolin. He looks out for you more than you even know." He says and I raise an eyebrow.
"I know he has looked out for me in the past, but-" I start however, Iroh cuts me off.
"No, I don't think you realise. During the fight against Amon when we were in the tunnels he wrapped his coat over you whilst you slept and then stayed awake most of the night making sure you didn't get colder." Iroh says.
"Sure, he did one nice thing I didn't know-" I say, but once again I'm cut off.
"After what happened with Ghazan and Ming-Hua you were summoned to the Fire Nation to continue service. Bolin spoke with mother and with her permission and grandfathers guidance, he completed your jobs for you." Iroh says and my eyes widen.
"He did?" I mutter.
"Yes, and he has done so much more that he has never told you, so I'm sorry, but I can't agree with you when you say he has betrayed you." Iroh says and I sniff staring at him. My brother is usually right about people, but how could he say that after what Bolin has done to me?
"But he is the reason my worst nightmare has become a reality, this is his fault, he-" I begin to rant quickly however, Iroh stops me.
"Ulazu, Bolin didn't do this to you. You were always going to become Fire Lord." He says sternly and my tears stop as soon as I hear his tone of voice. He always takes my side in arguments but here he is taking Bolin's. I don't understand how he could after what I've told him. Sure maybe I was always going to become Fire Lord, and maybe he has done nice things for me in the past, but he spoke with my mother and asked her to make me Fire Lord now. I mean, this whole thing reminds me of when I was younger and how people would pretend to like me just so they could get close to my mother or brag about knowing me. I never expected Bolin to be like them.
"Maybe he didn't, but why would he even think about suggesting it to mother?" I ask in frustration, my voice comes out loud and Iroh groans even louder than my cry.
"I don't know, but you should be grateful he has!" He says loudly, standing up from the sofa so that he is standing directly in front of me.
"Grateful? Why in holy hell should I be grateful?" I scoff. Iroh frowns at me and crosses his arms over his chest.
"Watch you language, Ula," he scolds with a huff, "and you should be grateful because he suggested you become Fire Lord during the only time in your life, in anyone's life, where becoming a Fire Lord isn't the biggest news going around in the Fire Nation." He says. My eyes suddenly widen and I look straight at him, my foul expression slipping instantly when the realisation dawns on me.
The confused and hurt thoughts bouncing through my mind begin to align with one another and straight away I'm feeling like a complete idiot. This is why he acted strangely when my mother informed us how big the announcement of our engagement was going to be, this is why he asked to speak with my mother and grandfather after we informed them of it. He knew for a year that my mother was to step down soon and so he made sure I could become Fire Lord when no one cared for a coronation or any of the other formalities. He did that for me.
"Spirits, brother," I mumble, fresh tears pricking in my eyes, "I've made a horrible mistake."I say looking up at him. His features soften and he sighs again as I drop the blanket from around my body and stand up.
"Ulazu, it's not that bad just yet." He tries but I shake my head, warm tears dropping against my cheek without my consent.
"I said awful things to him, and what makes it worse is that I meant everything I said to him. How is he to forgive me after that?" I ask. My brother takes a large step towards me and instantly he wraps his large arms around me. I don't hug back, rather I simply rest my head against his chest as I desperately try to figure out a way to apologise. Bolin truly deserves someone so much better than me.
"You will figure out a way to apologise and he will find a way to forgive you. You two are closer than anyone I've ever met, this isn't enough to break you." He says in a gentle tone. I pull back and look up to him.
"Are you sure?" I ask and I know he can hear the vulnerability in my voice, but I don't care enough to even try to hide it. All I care about is coming up with a way to say sorry.
"I'm positive. You're Bolazu," he says. I look at him bewildered.
"We're what?" I question. He releases me and scratches the back of his head as he thinks.
"Maybe Ulazin sounds better." He thinks out loud. I let out a small laugh at my brothers antics knowing fully well he is saying such things to lighten my mood, however I soon stop as an idea on how to gain Bolin's forgiveness fills my mind.
"I think I know how to apologise. Can I borrow your Pipa?" I ask. Iroh shakes his head to remove his thoughts before smiling down to me.
"Of course, my dear sister," he says. He walks across the room and picks up the instrument. He tunes the strings at the top of its neck to ensure it's in perfect condition before handing it to me. I hold it in my hands, strumming it to make sure all is in order. A small smile hits my lips as I raise my gaze to my brother again.
"Thank you, for everything, Iroh." I say as genuinely as I can. He smiles back and ruffles at my hair.
"I'm glad I can help you see through your crazy. Now go apologise." He says with a smug grin. I frown at his phrasing, but choose to ignore it. I don't have time to argue with him, all I need to do is find Bolin and apologise. And so, I tighten my grip on the instrument and run out of my dear brother's room, racing down the halls to find my fiance.