Eren knew he was about to be in an argument when his father rapped his knuckles against his door.
His relationship with his father varied, either their minds were in perfect synchronization, or Eren was fed up with him. Whenever Grisha came up to see him, it was either to say hi (something which occurred once every second month, if even) or to have a long talk (it could start out as being a question but could spiral into a long conversation if Eren said too much). The last possibility was the worst. Grisha would come to him, and if Eren explained what was going on, followed by his opinion, they would get into a heated argument.
In this case, Eren suspected his mother had said something to Grisha about his mood - and if he was honest with himself, if Carla hadn't told him, then Grisha wouldn't have known at all. He didn't feel like being admonished by his father at that moment, which usually started with Grisha sitting down beside him, and finished by Eren feeling even worse than before. Eren had always found excuses for his father, for how bad he felt after, but lately he was feeling a bit more bitter towards him, because he knew the reason why Grisha didn't know anything about him - not that adults really understood young people anyway - was because he just wasn't home. At all. Eren felt a bit hurt when Grisha seemingly chose work over his only son. No matter how important his job was, it always came before Eren.
Yes, saving patients and finding diseases with the diagnosis team is vital, but isn't your son important too ?
Was a moment of his time with no fighting too much to ask ?
It was Tuesday evening, so both Levi and Eren were studying at their desks, Levi sitting at the new oak desk him, Eren and Carla went to get at a furniture store on Saturday. Eren groaned softly when he heard the knock. He stood up, ready to open the door his father had agreed not to open now that Levi was there.
Levi is here . Following that statement, Eren got a brainwave.
"Sorry sir, Eren went out to get us a bag of coffee beans since we ran out of them."
"Of course, I'll talk to him later on then," nodded Grisha, closing the door.
Eren poured as much gratitude as he could muster from his cloudy thoughts into his thanks as he stepped out from the closet, successfully having avoided his father.
More proof of Grisha's absence : Levi never drank coffee, anytime he got offered some he always turned it down, preferring tea from what he had told Eren. And even worse, Eren didn't like coffee, and Carla rarely drank any. And since Grisha was never at home ... There was absolutely no need to go get coffee.
His jaw clenched as he sat back down at his desk, pressing a bit too hard on his pencil as he wrote down sums, snapping the pencil lead. Eren stared at his page, losing all interest in calculating a letter x he would never need again. He decided to pick up his french folder instead, absentmindedly reading the same sentence over and over again.
"Your father just left the house, I suggest you grab a bag of coffee and be on your way home," said Levi, who was facing the window.
Eren hummed in agreement, glad to have an excuse to leave his schoolwork behind. He crept downstairs, carefully listening for any noise indicating his mother's location. He didn't hear a sound, so he grabbed the unopened coffee from the cupboard, then slipped on his coat and shoes, racing out halfway between his house and the shop. It would seem more believable in case his father drove back by there on his way home.
Eren could get quite crafty when it came to avoiding things.
As he was walking back, he heard his name get called from behind. He hesitated to ignore the individual calling his name, but he for the sake of politeness, he didn't. Turning around, he saw Historia running towards him, Annaëlle following a few feet back.
"Hey Eren ! I haven't talked to you in a while, you've been pretty silent."
"Yeah, I've been focused on other things" Eren answered ruefully.
"Don't worry 'bout it," smiled Historia, tucking a blond lock behind her ear.
Just then, Annaëlle caught up with her, her brown satchel slightly bumping against her thigh, covered with a pair of blue high waisted jeans.
"Bonjouuuur !" she grinned joyfully.
Eren greeted her back in French, giving a slight smile.
"So Eren, we're planning to invite Jean and Marco over to Mikasa's house along with the others, and hopefully end up with a truth or dare. With the outcome being Freckles and Jean becoming a couple. Are you down for it ? We talked about it on the group chat but I didn't see your answer," wondered Historia.
Eren pulled out his phone, quickly scrolling through all of the messages he had pressed "read" on from that evening, without actually reading them. "Oh yeah, my phone turned off, and I forgot about checking them once it had finished charging. Sure, I'll be there. Was asking me that the reason behind you chasing me down ?" he joked, attempting an exhaled laugh.
The corners of Historia's pink lips turned upwards. "Amongst others perhaps. I'm making the most out of every occasion."
Eren pondered those words, thinking about how he had been throwing away so many occasions to talk with Levi, so many occasions to make his friends smile, too may occasions to make the worry lines on his mother's forehead go away.
He ran a hand through his tangled hair, fingering the corner of the coffee packet with his finger. "You're right about that."
"Eh oui," slid in Annaëlle a shaking her head as she turned it up towards the darkening sky. "Historia is very knowing. Just like -"
"Quick thing," whispered Historia with an amused face, "she switches topics just like she switches in between different YouTube videos. That is to say in the middle of everything. You have no idea how funny it is, although I don't always understand everything she says."
Historia was good at French, and since she had spent her summer holidays in France, Eren was losing hope of understanding most of the words Annaëlle was saying.
"- and the bikes crashed and Philippe fall, so Alain win à la place (instead)," continued Annaëlle with a thick French accent, highlighting what Historia had said about changing topics. "It's amazing, yes Eren ?"
"Oui oui, incredible" he replied, lost.
Laughter bubbled from the auburn girl's lips. "No, no, it's very sad, as I said. You didn't understand what I say n'est-ce pas ? (isn't that right)"
"Sorry," he apologized, pink sprinkling his unusually pallid cheeks. "I'm not very good at French to be honest."
"It's very ok," she beamed, stepping forwards, then hopping backwards at the end of her sentence, almost always moving.
"Anyways, we should go home for dinner, the pizzas should be there soon." Annaëlle's stomach rumbling punctuated the sentence during the short silence. "See you tomorrow Eren," she smiled, pulling him into a hug, Annaëlle giving him a wave.
The two girls backtracked to the nearest intersection, and disappeared around the corner, and Eren began his journey back.
When he had stepped into the living room, it turned out Grisha was actually going back to the hospital when he had left. Something less to worry about for now.
Eren made sure to try and smile whenever his mother looked at him, trying to ease her worries, as Historia's words floated in mind.
That night was full of nightmares and long periods of time staring up at the ceiling, then eyes fluttering shut, but no sleep coming to keep them closed.
The next day, he decided to attempt hiding the bags under his eyes, so he stole his mother's concealer, although the shade didn't quite match his tanned skin. He was almost certain Mikasa noticed the difference in color under his eyes, judging by her concerned looks she slid towards him.
During lunch, they talked about the plans for Saturday, to which everyone at the table would come, including the exchange students. Levi took a lot of convincing from Hanji, but he finally gave in when they offered him an unbeatable bargain : He would go to the party, and Hanji would keep their mouth shut for a whole day after that.
In their French class, Mr. Pixis told them a trip would be organised to the Grand Canyon, where they would stay for a couple days. It was to take place in October, as it wouldn't be too hot.
Armin nudged Eren. "Isn't it great ? We are getting to do so many more things now that the exchange students are here. I'd say the school is trying to make a good impression on them. In any case, I won't complain !"
"Yeah, great," agreed Eren halfheartedly. He hadn't noticed anything that different in how the school worked since the French students arrival, only certain changes in the first few days, some which wouldn't last any further than the end of September. Amongst those, were the differences in seating, which were supposed to be each pair beside each other. However, it wasn't quite respected, as groups formed, although some of the French teenagers kept to themselves, and stayed in their own groups. But most of the foreigners merged their circles with those of the Americans, creating a friendly atmosphere.
Of course, the exchange students were exempt of all tests, or homework to give in (they still got some from their own teacher), but they attended each class, lessons slowed by the teachers for them, and explanations lengthened and repeated. Which suited Eren just fine, since he was paying less and less attention in class.
His head dropped lower and lower, until he was practically sleeping on the table. The teacher's voice blurred into a continual murmur, black slowly descending into his view, time fading away ...
"Eren, let's get our swimsuits. Daddy put them into the blue bag in my room."
Eren jumped off the couch, racing after his brother, slipping and sliding on the white tiles, skidding around the corners in his white socks.
"Eren ! Stop sliding on the floor, you'll fall and get hurt ! Besides, that's how your socks get holes in them all the time," scolded Carla, blending the butter and sugar together in her favorite peach colored bowl. She couldn't help the smile that crept onto her face when she heard the wide smile in Eren's cheerful response, his green shirt waving as he flipped around to answer.
"Yes Mom !"
The young boy caught up to his brother on the landing, having run up the stairs as noisily as an elephant. His eyes sparkled in anticipation of their trip to the beach. He ran up behind his brother and stole his black swimming trunks, giggling all the way back downstairs. His sibling chased him, shouting at the top of his lungs for Eren to give them back to him.
Grisha smiled as the two boys ran after each other, giving them an unheard "sush" as they went by.
Eren turned back and pulled his pink lips outwards with his fingers, sticking out his tongue at his brother, cheeks rosy from running and excitement.
"Eren, come back here !"
"Eren !"
"Eren !"
"EREN."
Eren realized someone was calling his name in front of him, his head snapping upwards to see Mikasa, standing beside Armin, and Levi talking to the teacher in the background.
"What ?"
"You were daydreaming, it -" began Mikasa.
"Sleeping in class Mr. Yeager, that's what," said Mr. Dalvon sternly, approaching the three students, Levi following him. Eren glanced around the classroom, noticing the absence of the other students.
Did I just sleep through most of the class ?
"I'm really sorry sir, it won't happen again."
"I don't know whether I should call your parents or not. You're no longer a child, but this behaviour simply isn't like you. And I'm not pleased about it. Is there something you wish to tell me Eren ?"
"Nothing. I was tired, that's all."
"You do know that's not an excuse to sleep in class ?"
"Of course -"
"I kept him awake last night. I didn't understand something, and I got Eren to explain it all to me. If anything it's my fault," cut in Levi.
"Mr. Ackerman, I am happy to hear Eren was able to help you out, but please refrain from keeping him up at night. You can see how his body is reacting to the lack of sleep, it's not a good idea," explained Mr. Dalvon.
"Yes sir," nodded the short raven.
"We'll be on our way out now," added Armin, gently taking Eren's arm to lead him out the door, the two others on his heels.
"No, I'm fine Mikasa," denied Eren, seeing her mouth open, knowing what she wanted to ask.
"Eren ..." she pleaded.
He shook his head, a gaining headache hammering nails into his skull. "Don't waste your breath Mika, I told you, it's fine."
As he passed by, he thought he heard her whisper "please stop lying", and his heart dropped like a stone in a lake. His nose was tingling, announcing the threat of oncoming tears. He veered towards the male bathrooms, a cowardly and classic move he thought, but an effective one nonetheless.
A hand grabbed his backpack as he was about to enter a stall, stopping him.
"The hell ?" a low voice asked.
"Just go Levi."
"Fine."
"Wait," added Eren, holding him back. "Why do you keep throwing yourself under the bus for me ?"
"You won't answer my questions. It's only fair I don't answer yours," defied Levi, his steely eyes boring through Eren.
"You ... have a point. Okay, you can go."
Levi's mouth dropped open as Eren shut himself in a stall. "Well that wasn't intended ..."
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
Classes finally came to an end, and Eren speed walked home, this time not with Mikasa or Armin, because they were going to help Historia plan out Friday night further. Part of him was thinking they just wanted to talk about him, and his weird attitude. But that made him feel like he was selfish, thinking everything was about him. Wrongly so.
He groaned, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, accentuating the lines under his eyes. He would be alone that afternoon and evening, because his mother was going to a concert with friends, and his father ... Well he was at the hospital, where else ?
Rushing up to his room, he locked the door, completely forgetting about Levi, and sank onto the floor, tears flooding his eyes, spilling onto his cheeks.
"What the fuck is wrong with me, why can't I let it go ?"
He tugged on his hair, pulled off the fragile, healing skin on his thumb, slowly rocking back and forth, searching for something to do, think of, focus on. Anything. A pen, a book, a poster, a picture a bed a chair a desk a mattress a bag a cupboard -
Eren's eyes looked wildly around the room, unable to halt and focus on something.
A knock resonated on the door to his room, and a fresh wave of panic flooded over him, accelerating his heartbeat, desperate for a way to avoid opening the door. The rational side of him knew he had no choice but to open the door. He forced his body to take deep, slower and slower breaths, teeth clenched as he pushed himself to calm down.
Pushing onto the wall, he pulled himself up, blinking hard. He delicately dabbed his reddened eyes to not render them any more puffy and dried off his tears, pulling a random book off a shelf over his desk, opening it four chapters into the story. He unlocked the door, keeping his eyes glued to the the fine black print so that Levi wouldn't see his eyes. He sat down on his revolving chair and bent over "One of Us Is Lying" taking in Nate's character, who owned a lizard named Stan. How interesting.
"Is your book fascinating enough you have to keep your nose an inch away from the fucking page ? Are you scared you'll lose a word of it ?"
Eren half closed his eyes, truly not in the mood for Levi's sarcastic comments - that he was now starting to make again for some reason. Was it because Eren had purposely ignored, avoided him, and pushed him away everyday, pretty much all day long ?
Probably.
"Yeah it's wonderful."
"Is it now ?" The sarcasm was practically pouring off his words.
"Yes."
"What's going on ?" sighed Levi heavily, settling onto Eren's white covers.
"Nothing, all's good."
"Seriously, you're acting weird. I'm trying to be nice here."
"Really ? Sorry I'm concentrating on the book. It's a great book. Love it."
"Oh fuck it Eren you and I - no matter how insensitive I am - both know you're feeling like shit so why don't you just open the fuck up instead of acting like me and bottling it all the fuck up ?" burst out Levi, frustration tracing his features as he let it out in one breath.
"I'm fine Levi, really, just tired since I didn't sleep well last night."
"I can recognize my own behavior, you're obviously hiding some shit. Just not only emotions."
"Really Levi, I'm not," denied Eren, adamantly refusing to look at Levi.
"How long are you going to pretend you're fine ? I know I'm an asshole and I've done absolutely nothing to give you a reason to talk to me or anything like that, but this has to have something to do with that night. I'm no good at reassuring people, or pretending everything will be okay - because that's bullshit and you know it - but talk to someone. Anyone, I don't care who."
"Why do you want to help me again, all I've done is ignore you all day long for the past few days", mumbled Eren, twisting his chair around to face Levi.
"Because I -" A torn and emotional expression flitted across his features, before his unsettling calm composure returned. "Because I can't have you moping around and being depressed for six months while I live with you."
Eren didn't bother answering, too hurt by Levi's selfish motivations.
Hello there ^ ^
So I wanted to give a quick bit of info. This is the first actual story I've written/published on here (as you can see haha), and that I plan on finishing. So I'm kind of obsessed with writing something halfway decent (which it isn't really - is it good enough rn? Probably not lol) and so Idk what I'm doing tbh -
Ah and also, I'm a person who doesn't know how to speak to someone irl, so finding conversation topics between characters is a little hard, so please excuse the terrible dialogue.
I really hope you guys like it so far, and thanks for reading !
- Val