HAPPY 1K TO 'ANOTHER LEVEL'!!
THANK YOU FOR READING MY FANFIC AND LOVING CLC!!!!! IM NOT SCREAMING IM JUST EMPHASIZING.
* * * *
“the flowers in my heart have
bloomed again, but they are
not for you anymore”
—mansi
Chapter 23
Hearts do heal
SEUNGHEE
“She asked me if I like you.”
“Oh,” I said, taking a huge sip from my glass of beer. “So, what did you tell her?” I asked glancing at him with a chuckle that I hope didn't sound too awkward.
Haneul smiled, taking his own glass. “That I don't date a co-worker anymore. I've learned enough not to mix work and personal life. I wish I wouldn't.”
“Did that answer the question?”
“No, so she asked me another question.” He said after drinking. “She asked if I still want to see you once this project is over.”
I was listening to the steady beat of my heart slowly getting louder. I didn't ask anything this time.
Haneul chuckled. “You're not asking my response this time.”
“Why is Sohee asking such things?” I asked, feeling my cheeks heat up so I drank again.
“I told her yes.” Haneul said. I wasn't able to look at him. “I told her I'd still want to see you even after this project.”
I would too but I'm not sure whether that's because it's normal for people who worked together in good terms or it's something else. All I knew was that my heart beat has started going crazy.
“Still... I wonder if she got the answer she wants.” I said, eating the grilled meat even though I was mostly full from Minjoon's birthday food.
“I don't think so.” Haneul said. “But I think she understood.”
* * *
“You're crazy. You're crazy. Stop thinking about it!” I said, lightly slapping my cheek a few times.
“Eonni, don't. Writers are naturally a little crazy.” Sorn said.
I sighed. “Sorn,”
“Eonni,”
“Do you like someone?”
“No, I don't have the luxury of time to like someone.” She replies quickly. “Why? Do you like someone right now?”
My eyes widen, somehow feeling defensive. “No! It's... a character research.”
Sorn snorts. “I'm sure you know how it's like to like someone, eonni. You're doing pretty well right now. I'm updated with your current draft, you know. Ah, this budding romance between our main character and her boss is really my cup of tea. I live vicariously through your characters, eonni, so please give them a happy ending.”
I sigh, looking up at the ceiling. I really did that. I'm writing a romance between one of my main characters and her boss. I'm crazy. I'm insane.
When I meet up with Haneul that afternoon and he reads my updated drafts, I watch his expression as his eyes scan the words I've written, the way his lips curve into this small but genuine closed mouth smile, the way his brows would almost knit together. And again, I'm thinking I'm crazy. I've really gone insane.
Cha Hyunjin taps my shoulder and I almost jump. My heart is beating fast as if I've gotten caught doing something I shouldn't be. “Seunghee-ya, do you have a minute?” He asks.
I look at Haneul and his eyes go to mine from the draft. “Yeah, why?” I ask Hyunjin, following him to his desk.
This time though, he talked about work and as long as we don't open up the past, Hyunjin and I are a great team.
* * *
SEUNGYEON
“What if somebody took a picture of Hwiyoung and I?” I ask Yujin worriedly the next day. “I'm crazy. I shouldn't have gone there. I'm ashamed. I mean, I don't want to drag his name down with my chaos. I won't really be able to face his mom next time.”
Yujin stares at me. “Woah, I haven't seen you this bothered about Hwiyoung in so long.”
“It's not like that. It's just that—”
Yeeun comes out of her room and says, “Woah! Eonni, you met Hwiyoung again?”
“Were you eavesdropping?”
“No, I was opening my door when I heard you. Since when were you meeting with Hwiyoung again?” She asks, sitting next to me and grabbing snacks from the table.
I sigh. “Don't you read articles?”
“I've been too occupied with real life and I don't care what other people say about you that much since I know you.”
That's actually kinda sweet. “I went to at Hwiyoung's mom's restaurant yesterday.”
Yeeun's eyes widen. “Are you crazy, eonni? Do you still like him after all this time?”
“NO!” I reply quickly. “Not really! Why do you guys keep assuming that? Anyway, that's not the problem. He turned out to be there and he sat with me and asked everyone else to leave the restaurant. Can he even do that? I swear to God, he's always been kinda reckless with his image.”
Yeeun stares at me. “But eonni, you're still worried about him.”
“That's what I'm saying.” Yujin says.
I sigh, looking at them both. “Ah, seriously, you two don't see the point. I'm leaving.” I say, getting up.
“Are you meeting up with him?” Yeeun asks.
I grab a pillow from the couch and throw it towards her. She giggles. “I'm going to work!”
“Why are you leaving me?” Yujin asks, following me.
“You're fired.”
“WHAT?”
“Just kidding.”
* * *
SEUNGHEE
“Let's go to noraebang.” Seungyeon tells me on the phone. I'm in the studio and I haven't looked up from my computer for hours. I can tell it's sunset by the colors of the skies outside the window.
“Okay, what about Yeeun?”
“She said she wants to stay home.”
I straighten up. “Are you sure we shouldn't drag her to noraebang?”
“Let's give her some space. She looks like she's been working hard the past days. Let's give her a break.”
“Okay, bring Yujin.”
“Okay.”
I look at Sorn yawning across the table. “Sorn, wanna go to noraebang?” I ask.
Her eyes widen. “Of course.” She replies quickly.
I chuckle and turn to my phone. “I'll bring Sorn.”
“Okay, see you later.”
After hanging up, I get a text from Eunbin. Eonni, should I set you up on a blind date?
I shake my head and ignore her text.
* * *
Yujin and Sorn are already acquainted. The latter has actually moved in yesterday. They say she didn't need much time since she doesn't have much things with her. Sorn is fitting in just fine. She keeps singing Ariana Grande songs and her voice is incredible. Yujin is cheering and kind of swooning, to be honest, as she sings. Looks like Sorn has earned a fan.
When it's my turn, I sing <I'm In Love With Someone Else> by Suzy and I score 98 from it. I dance around and get one of the bottled water and drink. I'm just opening it when Seungyeon asks, “Seunghee eonni, are you seeing someone?”
I stop. “What?”
“I asked if you're seeing someone.”
“What makes you think that?”
Yujin leans in and stares at me. “Right. You do give like a slightly different vibe.”
“What are you guys talking about?”
“Oh! Is that why you asked me if I like someone?” Sorn asks and I almost want to throw my bottle at her.
“Really?” Seungyeon asks.
“Do you like Sorn?” Yujin asks wide eyed.
“No, seriously, who is it? Who's the miraculous man who finally snatched your heart from Cha Hyunjin? Oh, wait— I'm getting a call.” Seungyeon says and I don't why I'm so relieved when I see her take out her phone. I finally drink my water. Suddenly, my throat feels so dry. “Oh, it's Kang Haneul!”
I almost died.
No, really, I spit some of my water and begin to cough but nobody's paying attention right now because God loves me.
“Kang Haneul, PD-nim?” Yujin asks.
“I only know Kang Haneul PD-nim.” Sorn says.
Seungyeon gets up. “I should take it.”
* * *
SEUNGYEON
“PD-nim, I'm sorry I missed your first call. I'm out with my friends.”
“Oh, no, it's okay. I know it's unexpected.”
“What's the matter?”
“It's about the casting. When do you have time to meet up? I would like to talk to you about it.”
“The casting? Seunghee told me about it. It's okay. I understand.”
“No, it's not about that. I mean, it's about casting but... can we meet up? It would be better to explain in person.”
“Oh, alright. Do you want to meet up now?”
“Is now okay?”
“Yes, I'll tell my friends. Text me the location.”
“Alright, thank you, Seungyeon-ssi.”
I walk back to our noraebang to find Yujin singing and dancing to a girl group song. She stops when she sees me. “What was it about?” She asks immediately.
“Kang Haneul is asking to meet up right now. He said he has something to tell me.” I say looking at Seunghee.
She shrugs. “I have no idea.”
“Then, I'll get going first. Enjoy the rest of the night.” I say, taking my bag.
“Do you want me to come with you?” Yujin asks.
“No, it's fine. I'll trust Kang Haneul since Seunghee trusts him.”
Seunghee clears her throat. “When did I say I trust him?”
“You obviously do.” I tell her with a meaningful smile and then I turn to Sorn. “Sorn-ssi, let's meet again next time. I have to go.”
“It's fine. It's so nice to meet you!”
After bidding good byes, I finally meet up with Kang Haneul in a cafe. He waves a hand at me and gestures me over. “I'm sorry for calling you over all of a sudden.” He says.
“No, it's okay. I was just with Seunghee. We live together anyway, so it doesn't matter.” I tell him.
He smiles. “You seem just as fond of Seunghee as she is to you.” He says
I raise an eyebrow, smiling. “Well, we're long time best friends.”
He clears his throat and straightens up. “Ah, I apologize that I didn't personally give you the news about your audition. Seunghee said she wants to be the one who tells you.”
“Stop apologizing, Kang Haneul-ssi.”
“Then, I'll get to the point. If I called all the shots, I'd give you the role. In my opinion, you're the best actress for it.”
“Thank you. I understand. It's risky.”
Haneul nods. “The higher ups have a lot to say about it but they called me recently for a meeting about the casting. They want to know if you would like to audition for another role.” He says, sliding the papers on the table towards me.
I read the summary of the role and the storyline that revolves around the character. “Oh,” I say.
It's similar to my current situation. A famous actress getting caught in a frenzy of scandals. Of course, Seunghee wrote this one based on me. It is me, just a little modified.
“I would understand if you don't take up the role, but I'm still on my stance that I wish to work with you in a drama that I'm directing, Chang Seungyeon-ssi.”
I take a deep breath. “When is the audition?”
“The audition is over, but the higher ups are willing to give you a private one before the month ends since filming starts next month. You have until then to decide.”
I smile at Haneul. “The higher ups really know their marketing.” I tell him.
Because if I play a role that's close to what happened to me in real life, it's going to be noisy and people would be curious.
I look at him. “I don't need that long to decide. I'll audition. I want to be part of my best friend's script coming to life.”
* * *
I'm lying in bed that night thinking about the upcoming audition and... Hwiyoung. When we broke up two years ago, I was a wreck tooㅡjust like everyone else who truly loved someone and lost them. Hwiyoung is a lot simpler than people think he is and I guess that's what I loved and hated the most about him at the same time.
There's a lot of truth in it when celebrities say that they broke up “due to busy schedules” but there's also a lot of other things that led to that. It's just the easiest explanation to a bunch of faceless people interested in your personal life.
Hwiyoung was too busy to fight for our relationship and like I said, he's a simple man. When something isn't working anymore, he tries one more time but never thrice. And I'm the kind of woman who doesn't settle for less. When I feel like I don't deserve something, I leave. That's what I love and hate about myself too.
Sometimes the line between giving up and leaving to find something you think you deserve better gets blurry.
So, Hwiyoung and I broke up. It didn't work anymore, but it didn't mean I wasn't hurt or heart broken. I loved him. I hated him. And years later, I almost forgot about him. I didn't feel anything for him.
I thought feeling nothing at all for someone you used to care about so much means you've healed from those wounds but I think, in a way, I was wrong. I now think that feeling okay about knowing that somehow, deep down, you'll always care about them no matter what kind of history you've had is the real meaning of hearts being healed.
It's when you're okay that things didn't turn out the way you wanted them to. It's letting go of the things that make your heart heavy just because you're tired and you push yourself to move on to better things. I think that's when someone gets healedㅡwhen they start being nicer to themselves.
I think I'm in that process of healing.
* * *
SEUNGHEE
I've just brushed my teeth and I'm getting ready to go to bed when my phone rings. I pick it up from my desk, grab my laptop and sit on my bed.
KANG HANEUL PD
I stare at it for a while, letting it ring four times before I finally respond. “Hello?”
“Hello,” Haneul's voice sounds somehow deeper on the phone.
I look at the clock. It's eleven-fifteen.
“Are you sleeping?” He asks.
“I'm a writer. I don't sleep in the PM.”
I hear him chuckle a little. I smile. “I'm sorry for calling so late. I've just had dinner with Soojung sunbae and Sehyeon sunbae.” He says and as if on cue, I hear the sounds of the streets and the faint voices of Sehyeon and Soojung.
“It's fine, but what's the matter?” I finally ask.
“Oh,” There's a long stretch of pause before Haneul speaks again, “I wanted to ask if you're coming to the camping this weekend!”
“Who's that? Sohee? Yah, you two are making late night phone calls like this again?” I hear Sehyeon ask.
Haneul sighs. “No, I'm talking to Seunghee.”
“Oh, my favorite. Seunghee-ya, come with us tomorrow. Sohee and Hyunjinnie are ditching us.” Soojung sunbae says.
“They're kinda drunk.” Haneul says.
I lay down my bed and smile a little. “Tell them I'm coming.”
“Really? I mean, ok. I'll let them know.”
“Okay... good night, PD-nim.”
“Good night, Writer-nim.”
The smile on my face gets bigger. I hang up first and stare at the ceiling, realizing how I'm still smiling and then slapping my cheek lightly to get back to my senses.
author's note:
thank you for reading this chapter!
may i just say that if you like this story (hopefully, you do) and you also like watching k-dramas, i recommend ‘Work Later, Drink Now’ because the concept is a liiiittle bit similar in a way that the main characters are 3 women just navigating life :) i began watching it recently and i love it so much. im so into stories like that and it's why i wrote Another Level <3