Chapter 21: Revelations
Edward POV:
'She kissed Jacob?' I whispered, defeated, crushed, in pain. I was sure everyone in the room heard my silent mumble. Esme felt a little bit embarrassed after hearing it, as she wished this would have been a topic of conversation for Bella and I only. Emmett was slightly amused by it, as he had to chuckle after seeing how jealous I instantly reacted. Alice wanted to control the situation. I could hear her thoughts loud and clear.
Edward, contain yourself!
She then showed me a vision of what would happen if I didn't, in fact, control myself. If I fled the room to smash something, leaving Bella behind more confused than ever, it would take me way longer to gain her trust back while maintaining a friendship. Bella would not understand the extent of my emotions and it would anger her tremendously. She would rightfully tell me I did not have a vampire claim on her and that she was allowed to kiss whoever she wanted. We would fight.
I had to control this nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach, even though it felt as if it could physically hurt me. I owed it to Bella, Alice, myself and the rest of my family to be on my best behaviour from now on. I absolutely had to.
Bella was looking at me, then she turned to face Alice, before she turned around to face me again. The silent conversation between me and my sister was not something she could have missed.
For the love of all that's good and holy, play it cool! Alice's mind shouted.
I snapped out of my surprised state. 'Yes, Emmett would definitely want to see that, I guess,' I tried and failed to sound as normal as I could as I wanted the conversation to return back to the topic we all had to laugh about. Unfortunately, it didn't work. Alice's thoughs were loud and clear.
Dumb piece of... Urgh.
A slight crease had formed between Bella's brows. I wanted nothing more than to kiss that little frown away if I knew she would let me.
'What did you just say?' she instead asked me, her tone harsher than I'd anticipated.
'What do you mean?' I tried to play the innocent card with an open posture, as if I had nothing to hide and together with my large and honest eyes, it was almost impossible for a human to resist.
She closed her eyes, trying to keep her head clear. 'Don't lie to me and don't act as if I'm a child. I'll ask you once again; what did you just say?'
Christ, just tell her the truth!
'Alright, Alice,' I hissed at my sister.
I looked at Bella. 'I'm sorry Bella. I saw Jacob...,' I cringed at mentioning his name, real mature Edward! '... texting you. And Alice tried to give you your privacy, so she blocked your conversations with him, from me. And that text message made the blocking go away, so I just saw you kissing him, in Alice's mind, if that makes sense.'
Bella glanced over to Alice, a smile beginning to form on her beautiful rose lips. 'Thank you, Alice, I really appreciate it' she said with real affection. She then turned to face me with a slightly annoyed expression on her face. 'And as for you, Edward, why did you molest that couch?'
'Oh shit, oh snap,' Emmett chuckled while Esme shot him an angry glare. She mentioned they both needed to leave the room to give us some privacy.
'Can't I just watch? I promise I'll be very quiet,' Emmett almost couldn't hold his laugh anymore. I could imagine this conversation would be considered funny if watched from the sidelines. But at this moment? Not so much.
'It's alright, you can stay,' Bella mentioned in their direction, not breaking eye contact with me.
I knew I had to come clean. 'I was jealous.'
Bella was taken aback by that answer. Normally, I was very composed, always the perfect gentleman and never breaking out of that strict harness I hold for myself. She kept looking at me for a few seconds, still debating with herself how she should answer. Eventually, the right corner of her mouth involuntarily twitches upwards.
'Why?' she asked, as if she didn't know the answer to that question already.
'You know why, Bella,' I sighed.
'I still want to hear you say it,' she kept pushing.
'I'm jealous because I love you, alright.'
She closed her eyes and shook her head. 'You do not have a weird vampire claim on me, Edward, just because you claim to love me. I can kiss whoever I want. Are we clear?'
Alice's vision shot through my head. Damn you, Alice, this is exactly the same outcome! She's saying the exact same things as in the bad outcome.
'As crystal, Bella,' I confidently smiled at her.
Emmetts thoughts were nothing but admiration for Bella, applauding her for standing up for herself and putting me in my place for my jealous behaviour. I could hear Esme felt a bit humiliated for listening in on our conversation but she was happy with how Bella reacted. Bella was confident. There was no denying that she would have reacted differently a year ago. A year ago, she would not have said that to me, perhaps she would not even think about those things. She still surprised me, every day.
'Now that that's out of the way,' Emmett cleared his throat. 'Bella, could I invite you to a lovely baseball match?' He finally asked. We all turned around to look at him. What was he doing? Bella was clearly shocked.
'Emmett, I'm human,' she said, almost offended. She was referring to the baseball matches in my family. Each time it thunders, we would play baseball and use our top vampire speed and power. It made a horrible noise so we could only play with the thunder masking our sound. We had never played baseball before with Bella, at a normal and human pace. Come to think of it, that might have been a bit bitter for her, perhaps. She was always there, but always watching from the sidelines. Never a main player but always sitting on the bleachers, so to say. What a horrible metaphor for how our whole relationship had been! When I chose to leave her, I had put myself out there as a main player and Bella as a sideplayer. While of course she had to be a main player as well!
Emmett nearly choked, if that were possible, with how he laughed right now. 'Silly Bella. What I meant was; do you want to play baseball with me, just at a normal and human speed. I promise.'
His thoughts were for me only.
Trust me on this, Eddie. Might be fun.
Look at Emmett coming in and saving the day. But I was sure Bella would not want that. And just as always, she surprised me again.
'I would love to. Who's playing?
'I'll ask Rose. Then we're with six and Allie can be the pitcher. Let's do boys against girls. How's that?'
'Great idea, Em. I'm in,' Alice said, while she turned to smile at me and meanwhile kept her thoughts to herself. This was going to be the death of me, but clearly this baseball match would turn out for the best, otherwise she would not smile at me this way.
'Aren't girls with one player extra?' Bella asked.
'With your two left feet? You can barely call that an extra player.' Emmett winked at her, but she could not contradict his statement as she knew she indeed had two left feet so she laughed with him.
Emmett rose to pick up Rosalie who was partially hiding in her room and we all went outside. As we were playing at a human speed, we did not need as much space as when we were playing a vampire match, so we could luckily play just outside our home. The girls started playing offence while Emmett and I played defence.
The first one up was Esme. Alice threw the ball at her and as expected, she swung the bat gracefully and sent the ball to the other side of the field. She started to run and had to hold in to play at normal speed which was kind of hard for her. Nevertheless, she managed to run a homerun before we could record her out.
Rosalie was next. Alice threw the ball, Rosalie swung the bat and the ball landed perfectly in Emmett's mitt.
'Sorry, babe,' he called her out, but she was slightly annoyed by losing already.
Third one up was Bella. And I honestly don't know how she did it. She took the bat. Alice threw the ball at her. Bella swung her bat and she managed to hit herself with it, hard, before the ball hit her, hard. I stood next to her in an instant and held her, before she would even fall to the ground.
'Are you alright, Bella?' I hold her close to my chest, afraid she would stumble and fall if I let her go. I had wrapped my arms around her.
'I'm fine, I'm fine. I just hit my shoulder so I'm fine,' she managed to say into my chest.
'Let's put some ice on it, shall we?'
'Isn't your hand literally the same temperature?'
I chuckled. 'Ice would feel better, I suppose. At least, that's what they say in all the medical journals.'
I felt her relax in my arms and I was grateful for this little moment. In a second, the rest of my family members had also gathered around us.
'Gee Bella, if you didn't want to play, you could have just said so instead of injuring yourself,' Emmett jokingly told her.
She freed herself from my hug and faced him. 'We're going to put some ice on it for just a second, but I really want to play afterwards.'
'As if Edward would let you play injured.'
'Don't you know already that Edward has no say in it?' She gave Emmett a wink before turning around, walking straight towards the kitchen.
Bella POV
Edward put an icepack from the freezer and gave it to me. My shoulders would for sure be a bit sore tomorrow, possibly also black and blue with how hard I've hit myself. I felt almost a little bit embarrassed for how fragile I was, but that was part of being human, I guess.
'Thank you,' I said to Edward, who kept looking at me.
'You're welcome,' he returned the gesture.
I looked up at him and we kept staring at each other, and I could not help but get lost in his golden coloured eyes. I couldn't blink. I couldn't tear my eyes away from his. They were so warm and soothing that I didn't even want to look away. It felt like coming home. The resistance that I felt started to crumble and I didn't know if I should run away or run into his embrace. My brain told me the absolute opposite of what my heart wanted. And I knew with absolute certainty that I could stand here, with him, forever.
Until I saw Rosalie walking by. Wake-up call! Wake-up call!
'Hey Rosalie, can I talk to you for just a second?' I asked her. She stopped dead in her tracks, amazed that I spoke directly at her. We never had a conversation just between the two of us, and I wanted to change that. And this was the first time I saw her after their departure, so I had to strike the iron while it's still hot. She exchanged glances with Edward who was also perplexed by my sudden request. I wondered what they silently discussed.
'Sure, Bella,' Rosalie answered, so apparently Edward pushed her into talking to me.
'Edward, would you mind giving us a minute?' I asked Edward, who reassuringly smiled at me before leaving the kitchen.
'So...,' I started. 'You're probably wondering why I asked you for a minute alone with me. And the truth is, Rosalie, we've never had one. And I wondered why?'
She raised an eyebrow at me. 'Is that what you wanted to talk about? I'm sure you can fill in the gaps.'
'Look, the thing is; I know your whole standpoint about vampires dating humans. I know that. But on the other hand; Edward and I had been dating for half a year already. We had been dating for half a year already, and even then you couldn't say one nice thing to me, even on my own birthday.'
I tried to remain eye contact with her. Even though Rosalie was breathtakingly beautiful and she could keep her face in check at any minute, I couldn't. I needed her to see it had hurt me. I needed her to see I didn't like that treatment and I felt it was a conversation that needed to happen. I'm sure the other Cullens had already talked to her about her behaviour towards me, but I wanted her to see directly that it had also hurt me in the proces.
'Why do you want to talk about that now?' Rosalie dodged my question.
'I don't see why not. After all, I haven't seen you in months.'
Rosalie looked out of the window and watched her family members for a while. 'Bella, I don't particularly dislike you...,' she finally said. 'It's just that I consider you a threat. A threat to our safety.'
I had already heard something like that from Edward before, but hearing her say that directly did something to me. 'Could you elaborate on that?' I needed more answers.
'If it ends badly, and it eventually will, I don't want to think about the consequences my family will have to face.' Rosalie turned and looked at me. It was clear as crystal she would do anything to protect her family. And I wasn't part of that, to her.
'And by ending badly, you mean my death?' I needed to hear her say it. We have never talked like this and I might never get the chance again.
'Of course. If Edward had killed you the first few times he saw you, and you know he wanted to...,' Rosalie said. I shrugged, as I remembered what Edward had told me, that my blood smelled more appealing to him than anything he had ever smelled before. '... then my family would have to leave town. And if he turns you into a vampire right now, I wouldn't condone it. I would never overlook the fact that you chose this lifestyle, or that Edward let himself get close to you and made you consider choosing this lifestyle. If he had stayed away from you, you would never have fallen in love with him and you would never have chosen to become one of us. This isn't a lifestyle I would choose upon anyone, and you've seen what happened at your birthday,' Rosalie continued.
Hearing her say these things out loud made sense to me. I could understand her reasoning, as Edward had partially told me Rosalie's standpoint in our relationship. But I could not understand her whole attitude towards me. What had I done to deserve such a treatment?
'I understand, Rosalie. Believe me, I do. I understand you would want to protect your family and I understand that my interference isn't ideal. But what I do not understand is your whole attitude towards me. The fact that Edward had fallen in love with me, has nothing to do with me. And after a while, once the rest of your family started to welcome me, you still kept up the same attitude. And it slightly annoyed me, as Edward had done the same. I knew what the consequences were. I knew the risks and I knew the danger. Still, you've made no effort to get to know me. And if Edward loves me as much as he claims he does, I can only imagine the state he was in these last couple of months. So you've seen firsthand how much being away from me affected him.'
I spoke quickly, maybe a bit too quickly but I hoped she could also understand my viewpoint. In the last eight months, I had a lot of time to think things through and some aspects of the whole Cullen family did not sit right with me. Rosalie's attitude towards me was one thing. I had actually asked Jessica and Angela about it, what it would mean if your boyfriend's sister did not speak to you at all, and both were shocked at Rosalie's level of bitchiness. I did not see it as that once I was dating Edward, but now I see how wrong Rosalie's attitude was.
'I see how good you are to Edward at one hand. But at the other, I can't understand it at all,' Rosalie said. I looked at her, and I saw she tried to make sense of my side of this story.
'Then I suggest we leave it at that. Thank you for elaborating on your views. I just wanted you to know mine,' I symbolically offered her my hand and she shook it. I smiled at her, as I felt this was a conversation that needed to happen. We finally both understood the other.
'For what it's worth, I never once thought anything negative about you, Bella. I know you're wonderful,' Rosalie returned my smile.
'I was also never mad at you, Rosalie. I just simply did not understand everything, so to say. But I respect your viewpoint, so I'm happy we had this little talk.'
'Me as well. Now, let's kick some butt. I can't let Emmett win at baseball, I will never hear the end of it.'
So after Rosalie and I had our little kitchen talk, we returned to the rest of the family. I can imagine Edward hearing Rosalie's thoughts and I can imagine they would discuss our conversation after I've left. Nothing was really a secret in the Cullen family.
We managed to win, but I was sure the boys let us win. My shoulder was still sore and I was never really very good at sports, but I was still pleased with it. The air was cleared between Rosalie and I, so I hoped this new spirit made our victory a bit better.
Edward asked if he could drive me home in my car and I agreed. He could drive me and then return home by foot. I hugged everyone goodbye, even Rosalie! And then we left.
We silently drove until we were out of earshot of his family before he broke the silence. 'Congratulations on your win.'
'Which one?'
He laughed. 'You know I try to give anyone their privacy. But you're right; I did hear something between you and Rosalie. So, congratulations on both of your wins.' He turned to wink at me.
'Thank you. I understand her a bit better now and I'm glad about that.' I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. We weren't even talking about us and I was already blushing. Horrible!
'I don't alway agree with her, you know. How she behaved towards you was unacceptable,' Edward said, clenching the steering wheel, obviously displeased with Rosalie's attitude.
'That's true. But I understand why she behaved like that. She values her family and I can admire that, even if it were at my expense. I mean; we also had never talked about our future, Edward. We never seemed eye-to-eye about that. How can I ask Rosalie to understand while we never understood each other?' I kept looking at my folded hands, afraid of what I would see if I looked up and saw Edward.
'You are right, Bella. As always, you are right. You were right about my jealous behaviour today and you are right, right now. I have made so many mistakes with us. I just wish I could turn back time.'
Edward sounded so defeated, so broken. I looked up and faced him. His posture was small, afraid and turned away from me. I did not want him to feel that way. 'Don't blame yourself, Edward. I was also too afraid to open up that conversation. We were both in the wrong. And I would not want to go back in time. We never had these kinds of talks last year.'
We had arrived at my house. He faced me. 'Do you mean that?'
'Of course.'
And for the second time that day, I got lost in his eyes. But this time, I was done pulling away from the undeniable force that kept pulling me towards Edward Cullen. And even though my brain kept telling me to keep away from him, my heart was ready to rule him in. His eyes were darker, filled with lust and with a hunger in them only I could satiete. I let my eyes wander over his face, his perfect bone structure, his soft hair and finally, his full lips. With his lips slightly parted, I could almost smell his sweet vampire odor. Without me realising it, my body kept moving closer to him. I wanted to kiss him. He wanted to kiss me. Finally!
O, my God, we're going to kiss!