For the first time in our marriage life, I asked her for dinner. Nakita ko ang kinang ng mga mata niya nung pumasok siya sa VIP room na kinuha ko para sa aming dalawa. I hate myself for washing that glitters off her eyes.
"I want a divorce." nakita ko kung paano siya natigilan sa sinabi ko. I'm watching her every reaction and it was like a knife, stabbing me deep and hard. I was praying silently that she'll not grant it. Who fucking wants divorce? I want to protect her from Ardelle but I also want to keep her. Hindi ko ata kakayaning mawala sa akin si Ynessa.
God knows how much I love her. She was like my answered prayer. She happened unexpectedly and I can't just stop myself from falling hard day by day. Pero hindi ko rin kakayaning masaktan siya ni Ardelle. Ayokong siya ang isunod nito sa pamilya ko. Sobrang labag sa loob ko lahat ng mga salitang pinapakawalan ko. Sobrang sakit sa dibdib sa tuwing nabibigo ang mga mata niya pero kailangan kong mag-isip at huwag masyadong pairalin ang puso ko.
I had to pushed her away. To hurt her emotionally. At hindi nakakatulong sa pagpoprotekta ko sakanya ang pagiging matapang niya.
Sa bawat sakit na ibinibigay niya kay Ardelle ay siyang mas nagpapagigigil ditong saktan din siya. Kinailangan kong amuhin si Ardelle para hindi niya masaktan ang asawa ko. I had to follow everything she asked me to do just for her to stay away from Ynessa.
Kaya nagulat ako nung makita ko si Ynessa sa Catanduanes. Hindi na dapat siya sumunod! Dammit! She's so stubborn! Baby... Fuck it! Alam ko na nagsampa siya ng kaso sa Ina ni Ardelle. I want to fucking hurt that old hag! How dare her fucking touch my wife!
"Tell your fucking Mother to leave Ynessa alone, Ardelle! Sa oras na masaktan pa ang asawa ko, hindi ko alam ang magagawa ko sayo at sa pamilya mo." mariin kong hawak ang braso niya habang sinasabi ko 'yon. Kita ko ang sakit na bumalandra sa mukha niya pero may hinigpitan ko lamang ang hawak ko.
I had to keep my ears and eyes open whenever I'm with Ardelle. I need to know where she's hiding my family. Hindi ko na macomtact ang pamilya ko o kahit si Talia man lang. But Ardelle's keeping her eyes on me too. I had to fucking say a lot of painful words toward Ynessa whenever she's looking.
Nung gabing magmakaawa siya sa akin, nakatingin noon si Ardelle. And earlier that night, I found out that it's not Ardelle who's keeping my family, it's the Del Prado's Organization. Kaya mas lalo kong tinulak si Ynessa palayo sa akin.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit nasali ang organisasyon pero alam kong hindi basta-basta ang kapit ni Ardelle. The organization are known in black market and to the underground because of it's illegal businesses. Our Grand father was the one who build that stupid organization and passed it to the eldest son, Martino Del Prado. Papa chose not to engage himself in the darkness and managed the legal business. Kami lang sa pamilya ang hindi sumali. Naniniwala si Papa na puro lamang iyon kasamaan at pagkauhaw sa kapangyarihan.
I studied Ardelle's possible plan to get me. At hindi nga ako nagkamali nung tuluyan nang makisali si Martino. He doesn't care if I am his blood, all he cares is the power. I heard that Arjentes offered their money in return of helping Ardelle in her plan. Plan to get me using my family. This bitch doesn't understand anything!
At si Ynessa ang nakikitang hadlang ni Ardelle para tuluyan akong makuha. I was there when she tried to drown my wife. I'm watching them. Alam kong matapang ang asawa ko at lalaban siya at hindi nga ako nagkamali. I wanted to cheer her and let her drown that bitch but I stopped her. Without Ardelle, I can't have my family. I have to tell her hurtful words again. Unti-unti na akong dinudurog ng mga mata niya. Sakabila ng matatalim na titig niya ay hindi maitatago nun ang sakit na nararamdaman niya.
Evander came into the picture. Hindi na siya masyadong nagpaparamdam simula nang maikasal kami ni Ynessa at iba ang nararamdaman ko sa pagbabalik niya. Mukhang nakarating na sakanya ang balita. When he punched me, I let him. I somehow deserve the punch for all the painful words I've said to my wife. But the second time around, I fought back.
"You dumbass! Sinabi ko na sayong 'wag mo ng pakasalan diba! Gago ka, lolokohin mo lang pala!" hindi ko alam kung saan nanggagaling ang galit niya.
"Mind your own business, De Luna!"
"Ynessa's my business! Fuck you! Just fucking stop hurting her!" I received another punch from him. Hindi na ako nakalaban pa dahil tinalikuran niya na ako. With all the frustration stored in my chest, punched the coconut tree besides me. Dammit!
I'm so damn jealous whenever I see her with De Luna. Evander's obviously taking advantage of the situation! I don't know what's bothering Ardelle because she looks trouble. I never gave her a damn. I took that as my advantage and get closer to my wife.
Hindi man lang ako nabigyan ng pagkakataong makapagpaalam kay Ynessa dahil sa pagmamadali ni Ardelle na bumalik ng Manila.
For the nth time, she threatened me again. May pinakita siya sa aking video kung saan binubugbog si Papa. She asked me to leave the company and go to theirs instead. I fucking obliged in return for my father's life. He's almost lifeless with all the punch he'd gotten. Hindi siya nakuntentong kompanya lang ang iwan ko, maging sa bahay ay pinag-alsa balutan niya ako. She's holding me on my neck and I fucking hate it! At wala akong magawa.
"I can't see my future with you, Ynessa. I never seen my life with you."
"I was never been excited waking up beside you. It's not comfortable sleeping with you. Foods are tasteless when I'm eating with you. Marriage isn't happy when it's you." who the hell I am kidding? Fuck! She's all that I need.
"Maybe if you're not Ynessa, I would be happy. It would be a happy marriage for 5 years. I could have loved you. Sadly, you are." if you are not Ynessa, I wouldn't experience happiness. I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't fall in love. Gladly, you are. That's what I want to say.
I cried remembering her face. Fuck, Del Prado! Paano mo nagagawang saktan ang babaeng mahal mo?
I live in a condo unit. I never permit Ardelle to live with me. Hell no! Kung may gusto man akong makasama ay si Ynessa 'yon. Kulang nalang ay pagbawalan ko rin si Ardelle sa pagbisita sa akin. But she would use her cards on me and that's my family. Dammit!
I fucking missed my wife. I even used my friend's phone just to call her. Dammit. My heart was filled with happiness when I saw her that night. She's still wearing his usual office attire. She's so beautiful. Kahit patay sindi ang ilaw ay kitang-kita ko ang kagandahan niya. Her usual sharp eyes made my heart flutter. Damn! I'm smitten. Gusto kong sulitin lahat ng oras ko kapag kasama siya dahil alam kung ano mang oras ay babawiin na sakin ang pagkakataong makasama siya.
I made her tattoo. Doon din ako nagpatattoo ng pangalan niya. Ynessa is beautifully marked on my chest. I had it after I tattooed her. Bumabalik ako shop para ipamarka ang pangalan ng asawa ko.
"I'm pregnant. I'm 3 weeks pregnant, Tage." nabato ako sa sinabi niya. My wife's pregnant! Fuck! Gusto ko siyang hilahin at yakapin but Ardelle's just beside me. Baka kung ano pang gawin niya kay Ynessa at sa anak ko. Ardelle's also pregnant and who knows about the father. I never touched her. She always kiss me but I never touched her.
"Sinugod ko sa hospital ang asawa mo! Walanghiya ka, Tage! Ano ba talagang plano mo?" it was Helius who called me.
Susugod na sana ako ng hospital nang may sumuntok sa akin. Nasa tatlong lalaki ang nagtulungan para gulpihin ako. I coughed blood at had a blurry vision. Kailangan ako ng mag-ina ko. Damn! Hindi ko maikilos ng maayos ang katawan ko.
Kay Ardelle ko nalaman na patay na si Evander at Manang Lisa. Si Ynessa agad ang naisip ko. How is she? Kaya nang tuluyan akong gumaling ay hindi na ako napigilan pa ni Ardelle. Agad akong pumunta sa hospital at doon ko nga napatunayang wala na ang kaibigan ko at ang taong tumayong Nanay ni Ynessa. Helius was fuming and punched me. Masakit pa ang buong katawan ko dahil sa pambubugbog ng tauhan ni Martino kaya nasaktan ako ng sobra sa suntok ni Helius at Joaquin. Sinalo ko 'yon lahat dahil alam kong may kasalanan ako.
I blamed myself for everything. Kung hindi ko sana pinagsalitaan ng masasama si Ynessa at tinanggap ang pinagbubuntis niya ay hindi sana siya duduguin. Hindi sana pupunta sa hospital sina Evander at hindi sana sila maaaksidente.
Akala ko masakit na ang mga suntok nina Helius sa akin pero nagkamali ako. May mas masakit pa doon.
"Maghiwalay na tayo." parang hiniwa ang dibdib ko sa mga sinabi niya. I watched her painfully as she take her steps away from me. Tumulo ang mga luha ko. Desidido na siya sa desisyon niya dahil agad na pinoroseso ang divorce namin.
Sa libing ay muli siyang dinugo. She didn't lose our child the first time she was bled. Helius took her to the hospital and there, she lost our child.
Ilang beses kong nasuntok ang pader ng hospital nang ibalita 'yon sa akin.
She proceeds with the divorce. We attended hearing but I can't come near her because of the damn restraining order she filed against me. I badly want to talk to her but whenever I tried, she'll go. Hanggang sa nawalan na nga ng bisa ang kasal. I can no longer call her mine, my family, my wife. Dammit!
My lawyer saw all of your tears. Fuck! Pero inisip kong mabuti na rin na nagkahiwalay na kami dahil hindi na siya magagamit pa laban sa akin ni Ardelle. I had to think it that way to at least ease some pain. Our divorce is her protection.
Martino heard about my divorce with Ynessa.
"Marry Ardelle and I'll free your family. Marami na ring natamong sugat ang pamilya mo. Be easy on them." his smirk, I want to fucking brush it off. How dare him smirk at me. Sarili niyang kapatid ay kinakaya niyang saktan.
"Be part of the organization and deal with my Father." Marcus said. I've been asking his help since I happen to know that the organization have my family but he can't help me. He told me that he can't interfere with his father's business. Ayoko sana pero dahil si Marcus na ang nagsabi ay sumunod ako.
"Great! What can you offer me?" bakas ang galak sa mukha ni Martino.
"If I close the deal with Tuan and Chan, you'll free my family." tumaas ang sulok ng labi niya at tumango na para bang nasisiyahan siya sa mga nangyayare.
"Alright." natakot pa ako dahil baka hindi siya tumupad sa usapan pero si Marcus na ang nagsabing tumutupad ito sa usapan. Tuan is running his illegal firearm business while Chan is drugs. Si Marcus ang nagsabi sa akin ng mga dapat at hindi ko dapat gawin habang nakikipagdeal sa ganung mga tao. Hindi ko na mabilang kung ilang sipa at suntok ang nakuha ko mula sa mga tauhan ng mga negosyante bago tuluyang naclose ang deal.
Martino freed my family. Kung sino ang may pakinabang ay doon siya kumakampi at nagkataong mas napakinabangan ako. Humingi siya sa akin ng isa pang kahilingan ko at hiningi ko ang kaparusahan ng mga Arjente. I was there when they whipped them. Hindi nakaligtas si Ardelle sa kamay ng mga tauhan ni Martino.
Wala na akong narinig sakanila pagkatapos nun.
Sinimulan kong hanapin si Ynessa pero wala akong lead na nakuha. Dammit! Marcus used his connections but failed to see her. I had to talk to her doctor to asked if she happens to know her whereabouts.
"Kritikal ang pagbubuntis niya kaya sinabi kong iwasan niya ang stress." umawang ang mga labi ko sa narinig.
"She's pregnant?" naninigurong tanong ko. Mukhang saka niya lang natantong hindi niya pala dapat sinabi 'yon.
Mas lalo kong pinag-igihan ang paghahanap. Our child is alive. Dammit.
We had a clue but she wasn't there. Ilang beses akong nakakuha ng lead na mali ang itinuturo. What makes me keep going is Ynessa and our child.
After eight fucking years, I received a call from Marcus telling me that Ynessa's in Greece. Nasundan iyon ng tawag galing kay Anselmo na nakita niya raw si Ynessa at may kasamang bata. Agad akong nagbook ng ticket. At doon ko nalaman kung bakit hindi namin siya mahanap-hanap dahil ang taong nagpoprotekta sakanya ay kasapi rin ng organisasyon at may mga koneksiyon. Fuck!
Palagi ko siyang hindi naabutan. I get frustrated everytime. Kaya nung nakita ko siyang papasok ng restaurant ay agad akong nagpark sobrang lapit sa kotse niya. I made sure that she'll bump my car so I'll have my reason to see her.
I smirked with the thought.
Mr. Crisostomo opened his office. Nakasunod ako sakanya at nakasunod naman sa akin si Helius at Joaquin. The old man stopped on his track.
"Ms. Lambert forgot about her son." he said. Agad akong nakaramdam ng kakaibang kaba at excitement. Pumasok kami at nakita ko ang nasa pitong taong gulang na bata. Looking exactly like the woman I love. Fuck! He looks so bored with his lips protruding, just like her Mom whenever she's bored. I stopped myself from crying. This is my son.
North Isaiah. That's his name. Dammit! He's a carbon copy of his mother... my Ynessa.
Her sweet moans filled my ears. Now that she's underneath me, I couldn't contain the happiness in me. The pains are all worth it. She can cry for as long as she want towards Gabian as long as she's mine. I thrust deeper making her moan. I kissed her again. Her lips are intoxicating.
"I need an answer, baby." kapos ang hiningang sabi ko.
"Marriage proposals aren't done in the middle of fucking ,T-Tage." mas binaon ko ang sarili ko sakanya. I just need a your yes, baby.
"Remember our deal. You can't talk or see North without marrying me." paalala ko sakanya at muling gumalaw sa ibabaw niya. Her heavy breathing is making my shaft harder.