Another school day, another day through hell for Y/N. They couldn't stand going to school after everything that happened. They struggled a lot since middle school and it was hard for them to get through it all, but at least they made it to their first year high school in Kamiyama High. Now, they're in their second year and Y/N is on their way there, listening to "Lost One's Weeping" by Neru featuring Kagamine Rin.
Along the way, they were lost in their thoughts until they bumped into someone with sunset hair and orange-yellow eyes.
"Sorry," Y/N muttered.
"It's fine."
The H/C-nette enters the school, doing the usual and went to their classroom, Class 2-A. They sighed and took their seat, feeling the doubting painful knife cutting into them, deepening the rift, hitting it just right for them. It couldn't take the weak burning love they had, but it grew into a weapon, only hurting them. They know it isn't fiction, but real life. There's no time for them to think about fiction.
It was already Science, followed by Math, their favorite subjects. English was the next subject after a break. Y/N wasn't exactly the best at English or fond of it, so they despise it. Even though a part of them wants a simple "right or wrong," the H/C-nette feels that everything they choose will always be false.
Today, the class was given a homework, wherein they were supposed to write about themselves, to which everyone found easy, especially that male with blonde scruffy hair and peachy tips. It was difficult for Y/N since they couldn't remember much about themselves, so they left it blank.
Coincidentally, the same male Y/N bumped into was sitting next to them as he peered at their paper.
"What?"
"You didn't write anything." He says.
"Like I would care."
The male could only pout in response. It just hurts him to see someone put 0.1% of their effort into an assignment and be half-hearted about it.
"And who are you?"
"Ah, I'm Tenma Tsukasa. You?"
"Y/N L/N."
"That's a cool/cute name." Tsukasa compliments.
"Y-Your's is fine too."
"It's not fine; it's excellent! I have been told to use the gift I've been blessed with from the heavens and put it to good use!"
"Sounds stupid."
"No, it's not stupid!" The male retorts.
Y/N cracks a smile, "you're funny."
"Eh?"
Despite that interaction with Tsukasa, Y/N still couldn't finish that task they were told to do. What did Y/N aim for when they were a kid? They don't know, but they are content with the life they will now live with their parents constantly pestering them to study. After studying so much, they couldn't remember much of themselves.
School is supposed to be the one-way ticket to achieving your goal, but the system did the exact opposite for the H/C-nette: take away dreams, oneself and their character.
"Why are we just sometimes— no, always saying how we're sad and lonely?" They wondered.
"Did you say something?"
"Nothing."
Sometimes, they wonder, can that person read the blackboard written clear as can be, read one's mind, seeing they lost fantasy or even find the one who dyed their red heart to black. Who could it be? Wish someone could tell them.
Next, they were told to solve a question with their abacus, but could they?
"Y/N, we're told to do this." Tsukasa reminds.
"Oh, my bad."
Still, they couldn't do it. Instead, they thought of that incident with a first year who hung himself with a rope. It devastated his friends to see what happened to him. He was usually a comedian of the class and he's gone. No one knows the reason behind it, but Y/N believes the pressuring system of the school was the cause of it.
A student's life depends on how well they perform in school; they expect you to do extremely well in school, and now with that pressure, dreams are forgotten and you can only face piles and piles of work that never seems to be getting smaller, no matter how hard you try to finish it. School is the only thing that matters; not yourself.
'Did we really choose it right saying we're okay this way?'
Many days have passed their prime, and again, swimming through time as if they are put in a trance. Behind the power and guard they put up, they hid. They knew some students had long died because of this thing called "school," even though it's for the sake of the future ahead of them.
"I can't believe we have so many of them doing such to their lives." The male sighs. "I understand how they feel, but they need to talk to an adult about their feelings."
"Wish I could say the same thing."
"By the way, have you managed to finish that homework?"
Until now, Y/N couldn't solve that homework about themselves. Their resolves and problems, they're not sure if they have it, yet they are still content with the life they now live. That is until a demon spoke inside one of the students, saying "let me just leave or someone just kill me."
Once again, that same routine Y/N got used to went on repeat. Once again, another accident happened in that school, but this time someone committed suicide from the bullying they recieved from having a different view than everyone else and for being themselves.
Yet, the H/C-nette still couldn't find the one who dyed their red heart to black. Just like other students, they faced depression and bullying. It hurts Tsukasa to see them feel this way; he wanted to comfort them, tell them everything will be okay, but could he?
"Y/N, I don't know if I can do it anymore. Why are they pressuring us to get high grades?"
Could they even recite the formula of area or even scream the dreams they swore would never go out? Those questions relating to Math start off with the school's expectation of a student, asking them something that they assume they should know. Get it right, then you're good. Get it wrong, then you're a failure.
Who was the one who let their hopes just curl up and die?
'Could it be... No, it's gotta be...'
It was the school who made Y/N lose sense of themselves. Not only Y/N, but the students who have passed away. Tsukasa, whose face is taped with a blank sheet of paper was sitting behind them as Y/N grabbed him by the collar with tears in their eyes as they screamed from the top of their lungs.
"When will we grow up? What the heck does it mean to be an 'adult' in the first place? Who can I ask help from?"
"It doesn't matter anymore."
Y/N wants to change, achieve their dream. Asking for help and qui dance in desperation, but deep down, they know that their actions won't make a difference.
Tsukasa felt bad for them. Just like a broken robot, he finally said those phrases stuck in his head on repeat, "Y/N, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I made you feel that way, it's all my fault this happened to you. I'm sorry I never knew how you felt I'm sorry, this is all my fault."
Thus, his thinking became an utter negative black hole. Why did this happen? Why did it have to end this way?
"Tsukasa-kun."
"It's all my fault... It's all my fault... It's all my fault... It's all my fault..."
"Tsukasa-kun, get up. We can't have our king feeling like this, so quit moping around."
Upon hearing the word 'king,' he perked up. "Right."
"Let me guess, it's about that Y/N-kun?"
"Yeah."
"I found them with the help of my tracking device." Rui reassures, "we just need to follow this here dot and we capture them."
"Really?"
"Let's go, shall we?"
Then, they followed the dot on Rui's device to an alleyway where someone with H/C hair was lying down on the cold floor. The lilacnette and Tsukasa make sure they found the right person and they did. The good news is Y/N is still alive and breathing, the bad news is they're badly injured so the Host Club King takes Y/N into his home.
Y/N's senses slowly came back to them as they opened their eyes, wondering where they are.
"Are you awake?"
"Yeah," they groaned, "where am I?"
"You're in my home.
"I guess I made you worried, huh?"
"Yeah, but don't feel bad. Even if you nearly choked me to death." Tsukasa lightly chuckled.
"Sorry."
"No, no, it's fine."
"Hey, Tenma- no, Tsukasa."
"Yes?"
"Can you help? You seem like you haven't lost yourself, so I'll have to rely on you to help me find it."
"Of course."
Since then, Y/N slowly got better and Tsukasa helped them find their true self. Though Y/N couldn't find what they want, they decided to help Wonderlands x Showtime.
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Tsukasa: How come I don't get much spotlight?! And why am I like that Doppo character that sometimes appear in Kamiyama Host Club?!
Doppo: I'm sorry! I'm actually from Hypnosis Microphone. Itou-san provided the voices for Aoyagi-san and I.
Andrea: *comforts Doppo* I added a tiny reference to Tigridia, Doppo's First Solo Rap. And I may have vented a bit at some point about school.
Mizuki: Andrea, not cool. You killed me off. 。・゜・(ノД')・゜・。
Andrea: I'm sorry, Mizookey!
Mizuki: You spelled my name wrong, meanie! (*｀へ'*)
Andrea: Okay, okay! I'll be sure not to kill you off next time.
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Requested by SansTheGlaceon
I struggled with this request and if you noticed the changes, hooray! I've decided to make this gender neutral and practicing that with Mizuki in KHSHC has helped. (Akito: Andrea is programmin' herself to write "they/them" instead of "she/her" in the oneshots with the males.) Anyway, I'll punish Akito later. Ignore what he said!
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Upcoming:
Snake-sitting (Kohane & Reader)- In progress
Friendship Bracelets (MinoHaru and ShizuAiri)- Planned
You're Incredible (Minori x Kohane)- Planned
Living in the Shadows (Mafuyu x Kanade)- Planned
I'm Paw-sitively Grateful (Cat! Rui x Nene)- Planned
ココロ・ココロキセキ (Scientist! Akito x Robot! Touya / Scientist! Rui x Robot! Tsukasa)- Partially Planned
First Published: 6/18/21
Edited: -/-/-
(Word Count: 1536)