TW: breakup, sad, kinda depressing, mild language
❝ ALL THE THINGS I DID
JUST SO I COULD CALL YOU
MINE.
ALL THE THINGS YOU DID
WELL I HOPE I WAS YOUR
FAVORITE CRIME. ❞
∶┄︴░░░▓▓
THE BITTER WINTER AIR nipped harshly at your exposed skin. you would think the below freezing temperature quite literally pricking at your legs making it feel like a thousand knives are stabbing you would be the most painful thing of the night, but you were sorrowfully wrong.
your hand shook hastily as you held your phone, the bright screen lighting up the area around your back patio, the words and pictures blurred by the tears welling in your eyes. the constant switch between the two apps as you sat in blatant disbelief.
the same words repeated in your head like a broken record as you continuously scrolled through the same pictures over and over again.
he moved on.
he moved on.
he fucking moved on.
you hadn't even been broken up for more than two months before he'd already found another girl to replace you. another person out there is getting the same treatment you got not so long ago. the mere thought of it makes you want to throw yourself in the pile of snow stacked up in your backyard and disappear forever.
it's been weeks, and he's already moved on. he's even willingly posting pictures of her on his social media. it took him months to do that with you, and you had to almost beg him to. to be honest, there's no real explanation as to why you're even on his social media— scrolling between snapchat and instagram to look at the same two pictures of them posted barely 3 hours ago.
i think what hurts the most was that she's there with him. there to see him living and breathing right in fucking front of her. you've been dating for almost a year and you haven't even been able to see him in person. instead, relying on facetime and discord to connect the long line of long distance between two lovers. you should have known.
i mean really, how long do long distance relationships even lasts?
i should've listened to my friends.
fuck, how could i be so stupid.
were all thoughts that circled around your head as if they were taunting you. what did you really expect? he's fucking attractive as hell, there's no way he really cared for you. there's no fucking way. not the way you hoped he did.
you powered off your phone, feeling sick to your stomach all of a sudden. the revelation that he's gone slowly making an appearance in your closed off consciousness. you couldn't even stop the tears before they came, spilling over as if a dam was just broken.
as much as you wanted to, you couldn't even bring yourself to be mad at him. or her. you were mad at yourself. mad that you even let someone in so fast in the first place. mad that you were stupid enough to go into a relationship so blind and so damn fast. even more so mad at the fact that there's now someone out there that knows literally everything about you. the deepest darkest monsters that you've learned to live with, are known by someone else.
you've never experienced heartbreak before this, but you know now that it is not fun. at all. a hole so big was left empty since he left you. a hole you're almost certain could never be filled by anyone ever again. so many emotions at once, yet you feel nothing.
you almost forgot about the fact that you were outside in -5 degree weather. you secretly kinda hoped you'd get hypothermia, in the hopes that by the time someone found you, you'd be too brain dead to comprehend anything anymore. because all you were doing was thinking, and you wanted to stop it all.
not once had you expected to be one of those cliche teenagers who'd become so depressed after a breakup, but here you are sitting on you back patio at 2am in michigan. you just couldn't believe that 10 fucking months of your life had been thrown away like that. had you actually meant nothing to him?
the worst part is your entire career is revolved around him. he got you to where you were, there's no way you could ever recover without eternally hurting forever. you knew you should have gotten a regular fucking job instead of streaming.
❝ KNOW THAT I LOVED YOU
SO BAD. I LET YOU TREAT ME
LIKE THAT. ❞
❝ I WAS YOUR WILLING ACCOMPLICE,
HONEY. ❞
AMIRA SPEAKS ༄➴⌒゚
...heyy ☺️
no, this isn't like an official comeback
or anything....this isn't even like an
official chapter lol. i just...i'm feeling
rlly sad listening to olivia rodrigo at 3am
so i decided to just spill out whatever i
had in my head.
i don't know if i'm coming back, don't even
hold me if i don't. i just really haven't been
thinking off writing or mcyts or editing at
that. if this is the last chapter i write for this
book, it's been real. i love y'all sm for being
amazing as always. there's been so much
support on this and that's fucking crazy bc
i never would have expected 500k reads.
and if i DO come back...i'm a little rusty lol
much love,
ami <3