I rolled over to the sound of the alarm ringing through my ears, the clock read 6:00 am. I pulled my covers up over my head and curled into a little ball as if I somehow, got small enough I would disappear. I can't believe what I said to Sloan yesterday I may have just ruined my career so staying here in my nice safe little space seems like a better option instead of going into work and actually facing him.
I forced myself out of bed, after 5 minutes of complaining to myself, and had a quick shower. As the cleaned the bathroom mirror, I stared at my reflection noticing the bags under my eyes and my messy wet hair. I splashed my face with water hoping it would help with my appearance and then threw my hair into a ponytail so it would be out of my way for the rest of the day. I rushed into my kitchen and went to go grab a cereal bar, put coffee in my mug and contemplated whether to bring lunch. I decide not to and would buy something in the cafeteria.
As I'm changing into my scrubs in the intern's locker room, I take a glance at my watch and realise that if I don't hurry up, I'll be late for rounds. I finish up changing and run to the front desk where Meredith Grey is waiting for us, she turns towards me and the other interns who have gathered behind me.
"So, you made it to your second week. Congratulations." She said with a stale tone of voice and a bored expression on her face. "If you'll follow me we'll be going to start rounds."
We all followed her like ducklings following their mother arriving at room 3032. Patient was Scott Woods age 55 end stage liver failure, and a match for him has just arrived his transplant will be performed by Dr Bailey today at 3:00pm. Grey entered the room with us greeting the patient as if he was an old friend. After she had finished talking with the patient and his wife, she turned to us asked us to tell her about Scott. My hand shot up with confidence.
"Yes Dr. Rogers. Tell me about Mr Woods" She said matter of fact.
"Age 55 end stage liver failure and will receive a new liver today" I stated. I would say she almost looked happy. Almost.
"It's good to see you familiarized your self with the case it's a shame Dr Sloan has personally requested you stay on his service for the meantime" my jaw dropped. What?!
"Umm..Dr Grey I'm confused. I'm on plastics?" I question. Hoping it's some mix up but with my luck at the moment I was probably going to be feed to sharks later as well. Come to think of it I would rather be eaten by sharks then have to be on Sloan's service. Karma's a bitch.
"Did I stutter? Go. Now, room 3207." She said anger rising in her voice. She was not happy now. "Sloan is waiting for you there."
I walked to room 3207 trying to speed read the chart I picked up at the front desk. The door to the patient's room came around to quickly, knocking on the door before entering I took in the room. Two women and one man, the man obviously Sloan and the other two our patients.
Sloan turned towards me a scowl meeting his features halfway through scanning me as if my just being here displeased him. My face produced the same disgust look two can play this game I thought. He had personally asked for me to be on his service and if he was going to keep pulling faces at me I would keep pulling faces back.
"Doctor Rogers, I'm so glad you could finally join us." He said enthusiastically "Did you have trouble finding the room?"
"No, I just wasn't informed that I was on your service today." I told him.
"Well you'll know from now and so I expect you to be early from here on out"
"Of course"
"Have you at least read up on our patients today?"
"Yes, I have." Trying to remember what I read on the chart I say "Our patient is Michael who is here today for a gender reassignment surgery"
Michael made an action as if trying to indicate that he/she wanted in on the conversation.
"I prefer to be called Michelle" She said
"I'm sorry. I'll be sure to call you Michelle from now on" I said quickly trying to hide my embarrassment
"It's okay you didn't and your handling it a lot better than others have in the past. My own wife freaked out so much she left me. Didn't you Susan?" Michelle asked her wife. Susan quickly hide her face trying to hide the flush that was creeping into her cheeks.
"Yes I did" She said finally "But I came back after only a few weeks of realising I couldn't live without you."
Michelle just beamed and held Susan's hand as if she was her lifeline. They looked so love even after everything they've gone through to get to this point. I want something like that. Something unbreakable.
After talking to the patients (Susan and Michelle) about the procedure. Both me and Sloan discussed the problems that could arise during the surgery and the recovery period if the surgery was successful. If I don't screw up, I might be allowed back into Sloan's OR even after shouting at him.
I have concluded that either Sloan has forgiven me, which is unlikely, or he's setting me up to fail. I guess we will see.
Whilst I was signing my charts for the day I could someone approaching me. It was Sloan I could tell because only one person in this whole hospital wears that much cologne not even McDreamy wears that much aftershave.
"Hey Rogers." He called
I turned around without realising how close he really was to me, if I moved another inch our noses would touch. I tried to move away but my back met the counter. "Yes?" I replied
"Have you finished?" Sloan asked "I need you help with something"
"Ummm" I stumbled. It was as if my mouth wasn't working and all that came out was air, what was happening to me? One day I'm a spunky intern and the next I'm a babbling buffoon.
"Umm?"
"Sorry. Uh...yes I'm finished" I finally managed to say. The look of confusion and quite possibly hate crossed over Sloan's face. Well if he doesn't hate, he'll definitely think I can't form a simple sentence and that's quite possibly worse. "What do you need my help with?"
"Follow me" was all he said. So, like a little dog I obeyed and followed him into the elevator. Once in the elevator he pressed the number 3 without saying another word to me, he hadn't even met my eye since our conversation a few seconds ago.
"So, what was it you wanted help with any way?" I asked hoping he would give me some information even just where we were going would be helpful at this point. Suddenly he pressed the stop button for the elevator the whole thing shook before coming to a halt. My heart started speeding so fast I thought I was going to have heart attack. What is he doing?
Sloan then turned to face me, his face the definition of confidence.
"I just need to test this" He said quietly
"Test what? The stop button? I think it works. " I say fear creeping up my spine. I have heard stories about this elevator and what happens here. If he thinks for one second, I am doing anything with him he's sorely mistaken.
After what felt like hours, but it could have only been a few seconds, Sloan's hand cupped my cheek, feeling his fingertips brush against my skin, the other hand gripped my lower spine pulling my tense body towards his. This close I could feel his muscles through his scrubs. God he was buff. I kept trying to pull away, but my body did not want to corporate with my brain. His face lowered to mine I could now feel his breath on my cheeks and neck, another inch and our lips would touch. His tongue came and licked his lips wetting them. My heart still racing felt like it was going to bust.
"No." I whispered
"What?" He said confusion filling his voice
"No" I said sternly this time "I will not kiss an attending within my few weeks here, I am NOT that girl. And I will never be that girl."
Now, pushing him away my heart seemed to calm a little and the butterflies started to fade.
"I could change your mind." Sloan stated confidently. "I will change your mind"
"Uh..What? No. This is not some sort of challenge to see if I'll cave and be with you. This is not a movie; you're not going to tease me and make me fall in love with all so you can me in your bed it's never going to happen. Okay? I cannot and will not have sex with you at any point in my life. God knows what kind of diseases you're carrying and I'm not going to be just another girl. That's not who I am."
"First of all I am disease free.."
"That you know of" I added
"And you should never say never."
"I really should've asked for the sharks. Why didn't I just pick the sharks?" I said more to myself than to him
"What sharks?" Sloan questioned
"Never mind. Are we done now?" I asked "Because we still have our patient today who needs surgery."
"Yeah, we're done." He said
When we finally made it back to the surgical floor just in time for Michelle's surgery. Sloan who hadn't talked for the rest of the elevator ride finally said "We're done..... For now."
"For now? What do you mean for now?" Sloan started to walk away, and I just stood there in the elevator hoping that he didn't mean what I thought he meant.
"Hey! What do you mean for now?" I shouted and then added "There is no for now. Okay?!" with still no reply
I finally had some time to think over what just happened and my first thought was that I should've stayed in bed. Why didn't I stay in my nice warm bed this morning?