Amanda's POV
It's been a month when I cut the connection between Rabiya and I. Am I being too selfish for not giving her the chance to explain? I am hurt and I think if I let her explain everything that night my mind will not believe in what she's going to say. It's so hard for me to cut the connection between us, to block her is the hardest decision that I made and makes me guilty everytime. I shouldn't be guilty but why do I feel this way? Should I give Rabiya a chance to explain?
The way I screamed at NJ yesterday is what my heart wants to say for a long time, I hide the pain for almost a month because I feel like no one will understand me. I just feel like I am now liberated and free. I hid this from my family but they always try to reach out but ignorance comes first. I became the worst version of myself after the break-up, I drunk, go clubbing, isolate myself from my friends and family, and worst of all I became rude and cold to everyone I meet. It feels like no one can stop it. Rabiya is the reason why I became like this. I loved her so damn much. I gave everything to her but I didn't realize that I already lose myself and forgot to love myself first. Kaisee also died that day and I just felt that the world turned away from me.
I am now here at our house, sitting in the middle of the afternoon in our little balcony, sipping the lemon smoothie that my mom made me, looking at the skies, thinking and trying to calm myself from everything that stresses me. I am really sorry for what I did yesterday because I didn't expect that I'm going to scream at my manager, yeah, I know I'm became obnoxious but NJ tried to understand in what I'd been going through.
"What are you thinking Lisa?" I heard my mom raspy voice
I instantly turned my gaze at her, she's now staring at me and smiling.
I smiled back and slowly shake my head.
She went closer and sat beside me.
"I miss her ma." I whispered and sighed heavily.
I am not going to deny but I do really miss Rabiya. I realize that I'm still thinking about her and the beautiful memories we had.
"Lisa, I really don't know what happened about between you and Rabiya, but NJ told me that you stopped talking to her."
My heart wrenched in pain.
It's not easy for me to let go.
Not this way.
Amanda what is happening to you?!
"You're right ma, I cut the connections between us. Am I already a bad person because I didn't gave her the chance to explain?"
She sighed and smiled.
"Dear, you are not a bad person okay? Maybe you are just hurt that's why you act differently. But as your mom, I know deep inside--"
My mom pointed her index finger at my heart.
"You are still the kindest and sweetest Chalisa that was loved by many, and getting rid of someone because you are hurt is totally fine and acceptable. But do you know what's bothering you here dear---?
It's because you are forcing yourself to unlove someone, someone who tries to reach out to you and wants to fix the relationship. Chalisa, believe me, Rabiya is truly and deeply in love with you. Now that a month has passed, maybe you will give her the chance to explain her side. Do you think Kaisee will be happy seeing you in that state trying to get rid of her? I think he's not." She added.
How did my mom knew about this? Is she talking to Rabiya?
Kaisee will be mad at me and she's right.
I am now totally speechless.
What if?
What if she's going to cheat on me again?
"Ma, but what if---?"
"No what if's dear! Try to talk to her as soon as possible and hear her out once, lose your pride or are you going to lose her forever?"
Dang! Not now mom!
Why I am now stuck at the middle?!
Is it right to give Rabiya a chance for the last time?
If there's a sign coming right now. I would definitely try to hear Rabiya's side and fix this relationship!
Mom I don't know what to do!
"Go and reconnect dear, we will support you."
I am not really sure about this but my campaign 'Have You Listened' made me realize that I am here to listen, and maybe it is the right time to listen to Rabiya's side. It's been a month though, but my mom is right, maybe I was just forcing myself to unlove her.
Mom you're making me think twice!
Darn it!
Fine!
Ugh!
Okay, okay!
But how would I?
My phone rings....
Why is Mai calling me?!
"Mom wait, I need to answer this call."
"Okay dear."
I said and walk away from her.
I answered Mai's call.
[Hello? Chalisa? We need you here today.] He seems very excited.
[Why?]
I curiously asked.
[NJ wants to see you now for an urgent meeting!]
[Huh I thought tomorrow is the rehearsals?]
I thought so, tomorrow is the rehearsals NJ said yesterday.
[She's coming.]
I was startled, who's coming?!
Author's Note: Filler lang 'to guys, mapanakit na ata ako noong mga nagdaang araw. Mapapatawad niyo ba ako mga babe? :(( Ito na talaga.