AN: Heads up, things get a little hot. In two ways. Enjoy and thank you all.
She woke up alone.
Empty bed. No warmth, no Chloe, no Rachel.
So she took a minute to think, to wake up, to stretch-and ask herself what the fuck was going on.
After last night, her destiny just wasn't so clear..like it ever was. It had been three days with no sign of the storm, as far as she knew. Her eye was getting better, headaches weren't as intense even if they still took her out sometimes. Chloe was still living, loving, causing trouble. Rachel was alive. Rachel knew about them.
Ugh.
Not like you tried to deny it.
Her feet hit the floor, and she made her way to the window, which was already open. A steady breeze passed through, hitting her skin. Dare she say it was cold outside?
I take it back. I need to catch up on the news.
She took a seat at Chloe's desk, and decided to stare out into the open, even if for a moment. Seeing the town come alive was something she had never appreciated. Arcadia was pretty, in its own shoreline small town way. Not much was happening now though, and that sunk in the most. The relief of nothing crazy or life threatening going on. A car every now and then, a bird, a ship in the bay. So simple.
But the house was quiet, empty, so. Where were they?
They wouldn't go to Two Whales without me..
Right?
And just then, as the thought passed, Chloe's truck came roaring into the driveway, and only she got out. Legs eating up the sidewalk as she fiddled with her keys.
Ohhhhhh, Rachel must have had class today!
She assumed, relaxing back into the chair. Then she froze, realizing. She couldn't even see Chloe anymore, and she heard the door open.
She is coming in here rather fast-
Then it slammed and boots started thundering up the stairs, probably two at a time.
Is she running??
The door opened, revealing a disheveled girl, silent and staring. They had locked eyes, and Max dared to smile at her. She didn't return it. Instead she strode across the room and picked Max up from the chair, pulling her by her hands. She stumbled, assuming it's what Chloe wanted because there still weren't any words between them. It wasn't gentle, it was fast, threw her off balance. She was pulled tightly to the other girls body, feeling rough denim and leather across her arms and the top of her legs.
Chloe was warm. Always had been warm.
The look was back.
"H-hey-" she tried, and then it happened. Chloe crashed her lips into hers. Over and over again, and then she was walking Max back towards the bed, until she had no choice but to lay back down. Now, with Chloe on top of her, hands on her hips and face. Searching, soothing, pulling her back into her over and over again. A steady crashing, like the waves on the shore. She tried her best to keep up. It wasn't hard.
That's what that look was for. She'd been waiting since yesterday afternoon, then it wasn't possible. Chloe was an opportunist, clearly. All alone, a day to themselves-
I'm nervous... not because of her but- ugh.
Be a grown up. Have fun, Max.
It was hard for her sometimes.
Chloe started kissing down to her neck, blue hair tickling her skin. She groaned as teeth latched onto her pulse point, digging her hands into Chloe's back further. That leather jacket needed to move.
"Jesus, Chloe-"
"Just Chloe calling." She hissed, voice husky with sleep and something else."Chloe is fine, no Jesus. I love sinning."
"Yeah?"
"Oh fucking yeah-" A lick, from her neck to her jaw, back to her lips, more kisses that she dare say were making her feel so hot she might blow up.
"Are we sinning right now?" She asked, and Chloe laughed, low and throaty against her lips, warm breath brushing across her own.
"Only of you're up for it." Chloe's hand creeped up her tank top, scratching the skin of her abdomen bluntly. She flushed, all the way to her chest because jeez Chloe was bold. Blunt, but bold.
"Hmmmm maybe?" She admitted, and Chloe looked up at her with surprise."I dunno." She then wrapped her legs around Chloe's hips, using her heels to pull her so close you couldn't tell where one started and ended. The pressure made them both groan, breath a little harder. Chloe was already moving slowly against her, hips shaking with restraint.
She's that pent up? That's adorable-
"I was just teasing- but if you really-"
"Just mess with me ok?" She pleaded. Chloe nodded, swallowing hard, continuing to move against her."For a little while." Chloe nodded again, autopilot with one focus.
She's everything to me. Look at that face.
The playing field was not level here at all.
Max in her shorts and Chloe in her jeans. Rough denim fucking jeans against weak cotton shorts. Who was she to make fun of Chloe at all?
So to put it bluntly-
Every press and pull and grind felt ten times better than it should, with Chloe trapping her leg with her thighs and at the same time, rocking up into Max. Kissing her wherever she could see, growling in Max's ears.
Just one day. One day and they were all over each other. Shouldn't that be embarrassing?
"Can I touch you?" She asked and she nodded, giving her own little push. Off guard, Chloe moaned, something she wasn't very used to hearing. It was a gift every time she did. Her hand traveled further up her shirt, not stopping until it could latch down-hold, press, roll. Rhythm, calming sweet rhythm.
She groaned, rolling her body harder, chasing a feeling-friction, trying not to give too much into it. Just to make this moment last.
With a glance, Chloe leaned up and tossed her shirt to the floor, snatching hers next.
And they never did much, never crossed that line.
But this was enough.
Chloe on top of her, both shirtless, hands scalding her with heat and desperation. Skin touching skin. That constant reassurance they both needed.
Marking, and it was a little bit deeper than anything they'd ever done. Silent communication, Chloe backing off when needed to just kiss her, let her drown in those lips and blue eyes, wasting minutes and hours. Who cared?
Slow whispers, it was all about give and take, but they both knew there was too much on there minds for anything else. Too many roadblocks, too many questions. A small part of Max's mind chided her, after all they'd only been together a handful of months.
So they just fooled around like the teens they were, until they finally both pulled away, lips swollen and both panting.
"Good morning I guess."
"Hella good. I missed you. I missed your mouth-" Another kiss, where Chloe pulled her bottom lip down with her teeth, and she moaned. She broke the kiss and shook her head."Among other things, sounds, feelings-"
"You're terrible."
"Yeah yeah, like you didn't. Bet I'll have to throw those shorts away."
She hit her, just enough to jostle her as she laughed.
She knew that Chloe knew she wasn't ready, she was just kidding, but she wasn't wrong. She knew she wasn't wrong, cheeky bitch.
"You'd probably keep them, asshat."
"Maybe? I dunno. Can I see those shorts-?"
"Jesus-" She laughed, and then Chloe dug her chin into where her neck met her shoulder and she writhed, laughing as she pushed harder, encircling her body with one stronger than hers. There was no way out, just struggle to breath and listen to Chloe laugh at her while she laughed, suffering.
"Uncle!!"
"Huh? Can't hear you -"
"Uncle?! Hello!- uncle!" She cried, thinking of other times in this room, maybe five years ago. Young, no worries, endless time. Love.
A different love had taken its place, but she still loved Chloe on that same level, she had just moved into the next one. She loved Chloe so much it made her stupid, flushed hot and wanting on any day. Days full of smoke, timber and seaside. Wide smiles and the color blue, Chloe was her world, her love, her feeling.
She is enough for me. Always had been.
Her heart had always been in this room, waiting for her. Replacing her, succumbing to the pain of distance and loss. She should've been there. What was she thinking?
She wasn't thinking now, just feeling, grasping for hope.
She used to be scared of that love, but now she embraced it with open arms.
"Promise me something?"
Chloe gazed at her in response, eyes hooded and deep, holding stories of late nights and realized feelings. She was remembering, she was giving into it too.
"Promise me I'll always have you."
"I promise."
**************
Rachel was trying.
Trying to march around Blackwell like she owned it, as per usual.
But her stride was off. Her whole mind was off.
She had to turn it off. It had been off since last night.
She had a suspicion. A hunch.
And she was always right.
So, she slammed her locker, swallowing the tears that threatened to leak. Rachel Amber didn't cry. Not at school. She owned this fucking place. It was her playground.
But she was angry and dare she say, hurt, the Chloe hadn't come clean. Hadn't told her anything at all. She just had to see them all over each other instead. Yeah, it had been half a year since Chloe was hers but.. she only cut it off because it was getting too intense.
She still loved Chloe. She loves Chloe Price.
How stupid can you be???
The bell rang.
Fuck class, she was going to her fucking dorm. Maybe she still had something to drink. She wanted to feel anything but this.
She didn't like being confused. Or wrong. Chloe always called her out on either when she was going through it. Chloe was real. Sturdy, broken but also a tower or strength. Why hadn't she realized-?
"Amber! How's Max?"
Nathan?
"Nate?" She smiled, masking anything and everything. Nathan Prescott was her friend but also.. competition. They were the children of two notorious big families in Arcadia Bay, and had always been put up against each other. She even thought about dating him, one time.
With his pristine jacket and swooped back hair, this kid had always thought he was the shit. Or so she had thought. The truth was always ugly. The medications and drugs on his dresser were ugly. Are. They'd rather dope him up than help him.
Then Chloe happened. She was just as troubled, with the same problem. No help. But they differed in the fact that one had so many friends they could pick one for the day, Chloe had no one.
Chloe was empty. She didn't care. She had envied that, and still did to this day.
And so pretty.
Nathan was... dangerous to say the least. Scary to sum it up simply. Too much. Too lost, too fed up. Overwhelmed.
She didn't pity him, but damn. Fuck his family, fuck his life. His shaking hands made her want to weep. His tantrums, now after knowing everything, always gave her a glimpse of that ugly truth.
"Yeah it's me, the one and only. Is she good? Did she die? I know you have this huge crush on her but damn, I didn't see you all day yesterday." He shook his head, playing up such a simple conversation. All interrogation learned from his father."It's weird to see you up a hipsters ass all the time."
Shut up. I'm not. She's important to Chloe so she's important to me.
That would be to transparent to say, Rachel Amber didn't say things like that. She didn't care.
"Nah, to both. She's fine. Chloe's fine." She replied, short. She wanted to leave.
"Yeah well, didn't ask about that punk ass." He snarled.
Nate and Chloe were also quite the enemies, over her mostly. Chloe would bite whatever he threw her way, and it usually led to a good few blows on either of them. Black eyes or bloody lips in the parking lot. Over drugs, or love, over sex. Anything at all.
Again, Chloe never cared. Ever. She won those fights nine times out of ten. Pain was her life, she was never scared, and that to Rachel was scary. Intriguing. She just had to find out, so she did. She got what she wanted. A three year life changing journey with the girl with no dad, no help, no reason for living. She wanted to be that reason. She was, she knew that. Chloe never let her forget.
But.
She just wasn't sure anymore.
"Right. Maybe you have a crush on her."
"She's yours, Rach. Not into that."
"I'm aware. It was a joke. Chill." She sighed, folding her arms."Look, we can hang later ok? I gotta go. I'll text you later Nate."
"Aight, see ya." He trotted off, ducking though the double doors, already on his phone."Tell dumbass to stop being such a freak!"
She let out a breath, feeling cold without Chloe's warmth between her arms. Always cold, especially before they had met. The mention of Max unnerved her. Nate had been noticing Max a lot lately it seemed, more than anything she was what he talked about. What was the deal with that?
What is with them? Either of them? What kind of amazing childhood did they have that led to this? This inseparable shit? The moon eyes and small moments Rachel would never understand and she could read people ok? Not them. Not them and they were her girls.
Where did she fit now?
Then she hadn't any need to worry.
But.
Chloe was different then. Different now, but the matter was that Chloe had changed with her then, three years ago. Up until now. Chloe was going somewhere Rachel couldn't follow. That was their thing, following and protecting each other, calming one another, loving each other. Chloe knew her better than anyone she'd ever met so the fact that Max came back and she just turned, got pulled right back into the girl she used to weep over. Write to, bitch about, make fun of.
She knew it was an act then, there had been no doubt even then.
She just didn't think it would happen three months in their friendship.
Dare she even say she thought she had replaced Max.
She could be mad at Max about this but, she couldn't deny the charm. The looks, the quiet storm in her whole being. Max was a different story, and even if she didn't notice, she was untouchable.
She just wanted someone to blame.
To an extent, She wasn't at fault for this. When Chloe jumped in, anytime, it was head over fucking heels. This time would be no different but...
From what she had seen it was even more than that.
Max looked at Chloe like she was her reason for living.
Chloe did the same, looking proud and indecent at the same time. Jumping with that crazy energy that could take on the world, and leave it broken.
She knew those hooded eyes, the playing, the pushing.
It had been her once. Six fucking months ago.
It had been Chloe bowling her over and loving her so hard it had scared her. She couldn't handle it.
little Max can handle it? And you can't? Are you kidding me?
She missed it.
She regretted so much.
So who was she trying to blame?
She slammed the door, locked it and let the tears drip. Not many, but enough. She was alone so what did it matter?
Is this how Chloe felt when I was with Frank?
She dug through her freezer, finding a small but decent amount of vodka.
If so, I deserve this pain.
And the drink.
So, she took a swig, turned on her stereo and sat on her bed, mulling over her life without Chloe's love.
What were you looking for? What did you need so bad?
Not everyone loves you Rachel. One person was enough, why couldn't you see that?
It wasn't worth living.
She gave you everything she ever had.
But she was the one who ruined it.
You gave her nothing.
Another swig, fuck class. Fuck everything.
So why??
She hurt Chloe.
She knew how it would hurt Chloe.
She cut Chloe off.
While she still loved her just as bad.
She knew that, so why did she do it?
Why?
*************
She'd called three times, no answer.
That being said, she didn't ask if Rachel was staying or coming back. That's what she was trying to do right now but no connection. No voice, no proof that she was okay.
She wouldn't panic. She would absolutely not do that right here right now. So she went to the bathroom, ran the tap and drenched her face in water, shocking her brain into shutting up.
Max poked her head in a moment later, offering her a towel.
She took it, scrubbing her face and then decided to lean against the counter. She caught sight of the hickeys she had left, and that made her look away quicker. She knew what it was, that funny feeling.
Worrying about another girl when you had just been fucking around with another.
It's something she never had done or wanted to do.
But in this timeline, they hadn't been together in six months, but she didn't remember what it was like. That was the problem. She was imagining it and she didn't want to. She wanted Max, she had her. After everything.
So why?
"You ok?"
"Yeah just sleepy and she's not answering still."
Max gave her that look, that concerned I can see through you shit that drove her up the wall. She was transparent to both of them.
"Hey Chloe.."
She turned, seeing Max fidget with the sweater she had put on after-
"She knows."
Her blood stopped pumping. It had too, it felt so cold.
******************
They found her on her bed. Legs hanging off, hands over her head, hands clutched around a minuscule glass of vodka. Chloe knew. She knew immediately that she didn't take it well. Rachel drank at parties, or when she was hating herself. Her life.
Max tiptoed in the door, behind Chloe's louder steps. She sat on the bed while Max took the couch.
She shook her, hard, until she shot up and laid right back down with a groan of pain. Chloe swallowed, hard. Rachel looked at her for a moment, then looked at Max, and then closed her eyes again. Blocking it out. Everything out. She could read it in her body language.
"Rachel." She called, cutting though the thick silence."We need to talk girl."
"Do we?"
Max startled at that, meeting Chloe's gaze. Like a deer in headlights. Chloe motioned across the hall, and the brunette nodded.
"I'll just- go water Lisa. If she's not dead."
"Okay." Chloe said, relived. As soon as the door closes Rachel sat back up, pinning Chloe with a glare that could kill a grown man.
"Look, I know, I didn't tell you-"
Lips swallowed her words, and hands dug into her shoulder blades, until one yanked her jacket off of her shoulder. Rachel pulled away, glancing at her skin, and then let go.
"You're already fucking huh?"
Chloe sat speechless, but then, anger bloomed. She remembered this at least, Rachel's jealousy. Her claims. Her desperate reaching, but also how she would forget about you until she found you interesting again.
They were deeper than that, but not by much.
"Why would you care? Or want to know?"
That made her stop, made her lip quiver, and then Chloe knew. She had known already, Rachel wasn't over it. There hadn't been a way for her to be. No time, for either of them.
"I'm sorry Chloe..I fucked up with you, and I miss you."
"You're drunk at ten in the morning. I believe you but.." She shook her head. She was not giving in. So she stood back up, fixed her jacket and headed for the door. Rachel was safe. Mission accomplished.
"Tell me when you're sober."
"Don't leave!"
She stilled, hand on the doorknob.
"Why?" She rasped, reliving a situation she could plait out word for word." I'm not babysitting you anymore. We're too old for that. I told you I couldn't. I can't." Words were pouring from her, surprising her at her own blatant bashing." I can't kiss and make up anymore, Rachel you broke up with me."
She was silent, shivering. Crying.
"And I still love you too but you told me to move on. I tried, I did. I want to say I did. I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I knew. We knew it would cause this."
"Just don't go, Chloe."
The junkyard. She was sixteen years old in a junkyard, begging, but now she had been replaced. She was the one leaving.
"I love you Rachel. I'm here for you, but not like that. That's not fair, after everything."
She sighed, hand shaky. Rachel nodded in something like understanding, but her eyes were red and swollen.
"I'll be in Max's room, and if you want to join us, you can. We're always here for you."
"Ok." She ground out, sniffling.
That was enough for her, but there was still that edge of a flame. She couldn't shake it.
And how many times had she been silent?
"And we're not fucking. She's been through too much for me to even touch her like that. Don't discount my feelings or hers, ever. If you're jealous, that's something you have to deal with, ok?" She opens the door, and it felt so final. This line she had drawn between the three of them, but it wasn't that serious, or so she thought."You have no idea what she's been through."
Max was hers to protect, and she'd told Rachel off before. She had just never actually listened.
"Don't shit on Max." She said, thinking that was the end of this conversation, when Rachel huffed out a bitter laugh.
"Like you used to? I always thought you hated her."
"You know that's different. You always did. I never hated her, I just never understood."
"What could you understand in three months that made all of that just disappear?!" She said, desperate edge peeking through. The why not me road again.
Chloe couldn't truthfully answer. That was the big problem. She didn't know if she ever could because she'd had Max back with her for almost half a year.
"You wouldn't understand. Not yet anyway. I don't even know how to tell you."
"I'm not stupid, you can talk to me."
"Can I?" She countered, and Rachel changed the subject.
"So I can never talk shit with you, about precious Max, ever again-?"
"Not about her, no." She was loosing her patience."That's what I said."
"You shit on whoever I was with-" slurred, drunken as she pops back open the vial."-I didn't care-"
One, you'd didn't love them.
That thought pierced her, and she wouldn't dare say it out loud. It implied a lot, opened up a lot of roads and harsh words.
Wrong time.
Chloe groaned in annoyance instead.
"-because they were all ten years older than you and used you for sex! I fucked you because I loved you. You didn't return the favor. Scratch that, you did that one time, and then you got scared and ran."
She was crying, halfway in the hall. The push to leave, it was here. She was sick of being in here already. Why was she still standing here?
Nothing. Silence.
So she shut the door and flung open Max's door, letting out the harsh sobs as soon as it shut behind her.
"Fuck her! Fucking why?" She slid a hand though her hair, shrugged off her jacket, it was too hot in here. She was suffocating. Max looked at her with wide eyes.
"You fought?"
"Yes we fought!" Chloe yelled, feeling so defeated even though Rachel had only said a handful of words. She could still taste her on her lips."She's so fucking mean, who does she even think she is-digging at me like she even can-"
"Chloe, calm down-"
"I can't!" She exclaimed, falling down on Max's bed and laying her head in her hands.
Fucking defeated, even though she said what she wanted to because she was guilty.
Guilty of wanting another kiss.
Wanting Rachel.
But not really.
She wanted Max.
She knew.
Knew way too much, way to overloaded, to confused.
All she knew is Max's thumbs were wiping her tears to the outside of her cheeks, pushing them away from lips and eyes and calming her. Holding her down but up at the same time. She didn't have any words for her, yet, she didn't know anything about her relationship with Rachel. Complete opposites.
Two people. One, she herself had ruined. The other had ruined her.
She still loved them equally with the same amount of guilt.
******
Chloe crying was not new.
Chloe crying in her dorm room with Rachel Amber across the hall, wasted, was very very new.
Chloe was showered in gold from the lights on her walls, sniffling and shaking every now and then. An expression of pain, looking haunted and pissed and just everything at once.
She didn't know how to comfort her this time. She couldn't comfort her about Rachel being alive, Rachel being a bitch, she'd only comforted Chloe about her being dead.
What the fuck kind of world was this? Why would it be easier to speak then than now?
"It's fine Max. She'll either get over it or...or.."
She'll leave.
She still couldn't speak.
"It'll be fine. She's just jealous, always more when she's wasted." Chloe turned to her."But I'm not hers, and she was never mine. I'm remembering things from this timeline, especially after that talk. Our relationship was pretty similar but it got bad. Until we broke up. Still, it's not that different from..."
"Timeline A?" She suggested."I think we're in timeline B."
"Yeah." Chloe sighed."It's a lot. I didn't think she would take it that hard..."
Of course it is. Humans aren't meant to handle this much shit.
You do it. Pretty fine.
It's different.
So you're admitting you aren't human?
That gave her pause. So she just sat there, feeling Chloe scoop her up and hold her close.
"She kissed me. I didn't want her too."
Now that was a turn of feelings.
Hot, angry waves that made her tense up so hard Chloe immediately started explaining all the rest.
She wanted to kill something. Or go back over there and chew her out herself. Her day would come if Rachel kept it up. No shit.
Maybe I'm not. Thinking like this.
Nah, we'll never die. And it's ok, to be mad. Part of me is pissed to that she's already loosing it.
She is?
Yeah. I can feel it. What is it about punk ass? Why is she so special?
Well you know why she is to me. Don't know about Rachel though.
Her reason is pretty similar, actually. Annoying. Just make it a three way.
Fuck no.
She's mine.
No response, and by this point Chloe's words were a blur but she managed to catch the end of it.
"I'm not mad at you, Chloe. Even if you enjoyed...it... I kind of understand. It's all still a bit fucked up right now."
"How could you not be mad? That's bullshit."
"Is not."
"You're biting your cheek. And you sound mad."
"Ok I am! Happy?" She threw her hands up."You're mine. I'm sorry, but you are."
Chloe gave pause at that, then smiled softly. Finding amusement in the situation.
"I don't care if anyone knows, ok? But if anyone has a problem with it, then I will deal with it." She said, final. Chloe nodded, kissing her cheek and nuzzling into her shoulder.
"I'm yours. I already promised. Dealt with it. Because I feel the same way."
"Thank you." She sighed, finally relaxing in her arms."Now can you help me pack up?"
"Of course."