I yawn and try to turn over to my side, but my face hits something on the way. I grimace and reach my hand up from under the covers to gently rub my nose. Ouch. What was that? The fucking wall or something?
I squint my eyes open, trying to adjust them to the light of the room. Still being half asleep isn't exactly helping. I can't see shit.
When I've finally adjusted my eyes enough to actually see something I'm met by what I first believe actually is a wall, but then I realize that the 'wall' is wearing a T-shirt. Which means I'm looking at someone's torso. 'Please don't be Sapnap' I mentally groan.
Then the memories come flooding back and I suddenly realize where exactly I am. Karls bed. Of course. Wait. I'm in Karl's bed. Holy fuck. How sleepy was I last night to not think this through? If Nick walks in right now he'll go ballistic.
Then I remember another thing. Alex. I was supposed to call him last night so we could sleep call again. Fucking hell. I shut my eyes tight and slap my own forehead. How is it possible for a human being to be as dumb as I am?
I just hope he isn't angry with me. Or that he's sad. Or even worse; disappointed. I hate disappointing to the point of hiding in my room for days after the incident, saying sorry, and trying to fix my mistake a thousand times over.
A movement and a groan beside me interrupt my dark and moody thoughts. I peek up to see Karl pulling a grimace and shifting around, making small sounds as he goes.
I subconsciously smile at him and wrap my arms around his chest without even thinking about what I'm doing. I snuggle my face into his chest and relax there, him relaxing as well. I sigh and try to go back to sleep.
It's when I'm in the state of not being fully asleep, but not awake either that I feel him kiss the top of my head and starting to stroke my hair. He mumbles something I can't hear in my early state of sleep, and then I'm swept away by the land of dreams once more.
~~~
I wake up alone this time, the lack of Karls presence enfolding me like a cold blanket. I shiver under the covers, despite the heat. I groggily rub my eyes, forcing myself awake. I blink a few times, adjusting my eyes to the sunlight that slimes through the creaks between the curtain and the wall. It's probably not even that bright, but my eyes being used to the complete darkness of my eyelids, I'd say it's pretty bright.
I sit up and shift myself backward, so my back is leaned against the wall. I yawn and stretch out my arms. Then I notice the sound of water hitting the floor. Ah, so Karl's showering. That explains where he is at the very least.
I huff and swing my feet off the bed, connecting with the cold floor. I wince, but let them completely connect and put my weight on them, standing up from the warmth of Karl's bed. I yawn again and then proceed to walk to my own, temporary, room.
Once I get there I look around for my phone. I start searching my pockets but quickly realized I must've dropped it in Karl's bed at some point during the night. I groan. Is it worth it to go back just for my phone? Alex can wait, can't he? Yeah, probably...
Karl POV:
I pull the sweater over my head, taking one last look at myself through the bathroom mirror, and then walk out of my bathroom.
I look over at the bed and see that Y/n is gone. I don't know whether to be disappointed or unbothered. So I just go with the latter. I walk over to make the bed when a quiet buzz catches my attention. It came from the bed.
I know my phone is in the bathroom where I left it on the sink, so I'm guessing it's Y/n's phone. I quickly search the bed for it and find it under the covers.
I pick it up and am suddenly unsure. Do I look who it is, or is it rude to go through her private messages? I know what's the morally right thing to do, but as they say: curiosity killed the cat.
I press the screen and the phone immediately lights up, showing a shit-ton of messages from Alex and one missed call. Why has he been trying to reach her?
I try to swipe to see what it is he's written to her, but it denies access as you need FaceID to see those. Curse these damn phones. I throw the phone back on the bed in frustration, but then I feel dumb.
What's wrong with me? Why does it matter if Quackity has been messaging her or not? Why should it bother me? It's not my problem. I'm not her brother or boyfriend. I wince at the last thought.
I shake my head. But I am her best friend and I have a duty to protect her from shitty friends. But Alex isn't a shitty friend, he's one of my closest friends. He's awesome.
So why am I reacting this way?
Y/n POV:
I turn off the hairdryer, the sudden silence ringing in my ears. Gosh, why do they have to be so loud? Someone should really pursue some technology update on those things. I don't know, I'm an English major, I don't do that kind of stuff.
I shrug it off and plug the hairdryer out of the wall, putting it in a drawer. Just when I close the drawer my stomach growls very loudly. 'Right on cue' I think and smile.
I pull my hands through my hair, giving it a light shake before checking it in the mirror one last time. 'Good enough' I say to my own reflection before walking towards the door, turning the cold metal handle. The door creaks as I pull it open and I gently shut it behind me. I walk down the short hallway to the living room, walking straight past it to get to the kitchen.
I pull the handle to the fridge and am not taken aback by the many monster cans staring back at me. I just push them aside in my search for some food, finding some eggs and butter.
Looks like scrambled eggs are the only thing on the menu today. And of course, some monsters to match it with. I sigh and start preparing the kitchen to cook.
~~~
I'm in the middle of washing the pan I used for the eggs when I hear footsteps behind me, followed by a low whistle.
"That looks good, can I have some?" Karl's voice asks. I turn my head to look at him, and he's staring back at me with puppy eyes.
I sigh. "Of course, it's your eggs anyways, just save some for me and Sapnap" I nod.
"Woo!" He jumps around a bit and grabs a plate from a cabinet to my right.
"Also, you should go grocery shopping more often. The state of your fridge still worries me" I glance at him with raised brows and he pulls a face.
I just shake my head and go back to washing the pan. The sound of a monster cracking open behind me is the only evidence that Karl is still there. Moments later Sap also steps into the kitchen.
"Good morning idiots," He says and I notice his morning voice sounds really raspy. And deep. When did he grow up to be this young man standing before me? It feels like it was just yesterday he had his ninth birthday.
"Good morning Sapnap," Karl says cheerfully. His mood really rises with his Monsters. I wonder what he'd be like without them. Probably the same, just with a tad bit less energy. I'd adore him either way.
"Morning" I lift my head in an upwards nod. "You feel like eating scrambled eggs?" I ask him, cocking my head towards the bowl.
He looks shocked but recovers quickly. "Yes please," He nods eagerly and walks past Karl to find the plates.
"It's the cabinet furthest to the right" Karl chimes in, looking at my brother as he's struggling to find the one with the plates in it.
Sapnap finds it and turns around with a huff. "I knew that" He plays it off coolly and reaches for the spoon to give himself some breakfast.
"Hm," I cough with my mouth closed and my right hand formed into a fist, pressed against my lips.
Sap groans. "Okay. Thank you Karl" He adds sweetly and smiles at the said guy. I nod approvingly and dry my hands on the kitchen towel.
I open the cabinet to get a plate for myself (because no one else will get me one) and glance over at my brother as I reach for a plate.
"Hey! Save some for me, will 'ya?" I angrily say, but there's no harm behind my words, no fire rushing through my veins.
"Okay, chill" Sap rolls his eyes at me as he drops the ridiculously large spoon.
I raise my brows at him. "Excuse me, but I didn't notice when you caught an attitude" I challenge him with crossed arms.
"Ohhh" Karl whistles lowly.
"Really? I haven't even had breakfast yet" He groans and puts his hands up in surrender when I just keep staring at him with raised eyebrows. "Fine, enjoy your breakfast then"
"Thank you, I will" I smile at him and start filling up my plate with eggs. "I was gonna call Ale- Q after breakfast if anyone's wondering" I walk over to the table as soon as my plate's full.
"No ones wondering" Sapnap immediately says and the sun shines through the leaves and class and onto his face. "Any askers?" Karl says at the same time. I really made a great choice going here. Jesus.
"Fuck you guys" I bite back and put my plate down on the table. "You are losing friendship points by the minute pretty boy" I point my fork at him.
"There are points? Since when?" He looks worried and absolutely lost. He looks over at Sapnap who just rolls his eyes.
"Since always. So you better watch it." I warn him and shove a forkful of eggs into my mouth.
"Oh god," He giggles nervously. I just continue chewing on my food as he talks to my brother.
I soon get incredibly bored by their meaningless conversation, and quietly leave the room after cleaning my plate and fork.
I dial Alex as soon as my body hits the bed. Four signals go through before he picks up. "Hi."
"Hello," he greets me back without any emotion in his voice.
"I'm sorry for not calling last night I..." He cuts me off before I can even finish the first sentence.
"Don't worry about it" He says sternly and I bite my bottom lip.
"Right. I just... Karl wasn't feeling good and I had to take care of him" I explain vaguely what happened.
"It's okay. I understand," Alex sounds a bit happier but his words still send daggers through my heart. How could I forget him? I'm such an awful friend.
Memories of how he joked around back when I didn't know any of them flashes before my eyes as a comfortable silence takes over the call.
"Hey, wanna meet up when I'm back home? Texas and Mexico aren't that far away from each other anyways" I say with a smile.
"Yeah. Yeah, that sounds great" he huffs out a laugh. I yawn. "Late night?" He asks.
"Yeah" I smile as I think back to last night. It was wonderful. Well... at least until we got in the car.
"I can tell," I can sense his grin through the phone.
"Oh, fuck off" I joke and laugh. He laughs too and suddenly all memories of last night are washed away. Gone with the wind if you will. The happy atmosphere we've created makes me want to be with him right now, and Karl. And my brother. All four of us, just laughing together. Maybe Dream too. And George. Suddenly I just want to meet them all.
"Hey, why are you so quiet?" Alex asks and I suddenly realize how silent he's been.
I snap out of my thoughts to answer him. "Oh, I just... I was just thinking" I say vaguely, not really going in on the details. Because in all honesty, I'm kind of ashamed. It's embarrassing to tell him that I thought of that, it's this lingering feeling of stealing all my brother's friends. Like they aren't really my friends too.
"About what?" Of course, he's asking. Who wouldn't? After all, curiosity killed the cat.
"Uh... ice cream?" I hear the uncertainty in my own voice and facepalm. My brain works too slowly to come up with witty (or any) answers to quick questions.
"Sure, sure, I'm sure you did" He laughs and I chuckle along with him because of how contagious his laugh is. "But yeah, we should meet up. We could even see other people too!" He continues excitedly.
"Yeah. Uhh, who is it that lives in Texas... Um, Sh- Jschlatt?" I wonder aloud and squint my eyes.
"Uhh, maybe, I don't know, we can ask him," Alex says with a short laugh. I wonder how he always seems to be so happy. It's adorable and most literally makes me melt inside, getting all smiley and shit.
"Yeah" I huff. "Hey, I think I need to go if I'm gonna get these fools outside the house today, but I'll call you later" I glance at the door as if one of them would spontaneously burst through the door by me just mentioning them.
"Bye Y/n," he doesn't ask anything about it and I roll off the bed.
"Bye Alex," I smile and keep the phone against my ear for an extra second before bringing my hand into eye view and hanging up.
Then I take a deep breath and push the door open. "Hey, idiots! Time to do something fun" I call out and hope they can both hear me.
~~~
Somehow our version of fun turned into sitting in Karl's backyard and talking deep stuff. Like about the meaning of life and politics. Also about serial killers on one occasion when we were speaking about rapists and how they sometimes kill their victims. Then we came on the topic of controlling parents, friends, and acquaintances in general, and how they try to control your life and future.
"I think that people shouldn't walk the path they are expected to, but one they want to. One they've chosen themselves." I philosophy, surprising myself. Although it's something I've been thinking about for a while. But at the same time, I hate all those existence-related questions that people fuss about. Especially the ancient greek. If I could go back in time, I'd punch most of those guys in the face for all the pain I've been through because of them. All those school hours trying to memorize their exact words. Ugh. It was hell on earth.
But these words? They are my own, and they are true. Because what would you do if not what you want to do? Everything everyone else expects from you? That's not really living, you might've as well been a scripted character in a game. It's worth nothing. I'd choose death over that shit any day.
I snap out of my thoughts and look up from the slightly wet grass to stare at Karl and Nick. They look like little children that have just walked into the wrong classroom and are on a philosophy rant right now. Just like I feel during Latin and philosophy, and sometimes psychology as well. I'm beyond confused at times.
"That's.. fucking deep man" My brother looks up at me, his eyes clearer than they were just a second ago. "I mean, I became a full-time streamer and content creator, despite of society, and I don't regret it for one second, so I guess you're right" He grimaces.
"I never want to tell you you're right again, it feels wrong" He adds and I give him a death stare.
"Fuck you, Sapnap," I tell him and turn to look at Karl. "So what are we doing today?" I attempt a smile.
"Uhh" he looks between me and Sap. "I don't know. I think Jimmy said he had a video idea that included Sapnap, maybe you could come along?" There it is again. Proof that I'm not really a part of their world.
Maybe I should call Vera? Talk to her for a while, feel somewhat normal again. Have time with a friend that I've made by myself, not stolen from my little brother. Why did I even agree on coming here?
But I know why. Because of Karl. He's the sweetest person ever, and I'd do almost anything to make him happy. With an emphasis on almost. Because I wouldn't quite do 'anything'.
"Yeah, maybe" I shrug and I see out of the corner of my eye that Sapnap is nodding.
"Great, let me call him," Karl says excitedly and takes out his phone. My eyes widen and I panic. I was not ready for that to happen so fast.
"Okay, I'll go... change my clothes or something" A shit excuse, but I can't listen to this bullshit, it makes me uncomfortable having friends ask others for favors in my name. Like, have them do things for me.
My brother furrows his brows and stares up at me from his seat. "But you look good?" He quizzes.
"Yeah, no, bye" I give him a tight smile before power-walking away from my problems. Literally. I rush to my room and collapse on the floor. I sit cross crosses and just stare down at the ground. Would I be visible in the video? Would everyone know who I am? But at the same time, don't they already? Although, somehow, this feels more official. Legit.
I pick up my phones with shaky hands, my fingers just won't stop quivering and it's adding to my stress. 'Who the fuck do I call?' I panicked scroll up and down my contact list, trying to decide if I should call Alex or Vera or someone entirely else.
"Hello? Y/n?"
"Hi. Do you have a minute?"
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