"I can't do this!"
"Harry, we have to-"
"No. I don't know what I was thinking, he'll hurt me! He will!"
"P'fessor, could I talk teh 'Arry fer a mo'?" Hagrid asks. "Privately?"
Dumbledore nods, so he and everyone besides Hagrid and me leave.
"'Arry, if yeh really don' want teh go, I ain't goin' teh let them make yeh," he says. "But I want yeh teh know, I ain't gonna let anythin' happen to yeh. Yeh got that? I'm a ten-foot tall wizard an a 'alf-giant, so... well, I ain't' gonna let nobody 'urt yeh. They'll hafta kill me, first, and I doubt that any Muggle like the Dursley's could take me down."
I really don't think I can do this. Not even with Hagrid there.
"I... I want to, but..."
"I'll be with yeh the entire time, 'Arry. Yeh can sit right next to me the whole time. If yeh don' want the be there, or yeh want teh leave, yeh can take a break whenever yeh want, got that?" He gestures for me to walk over to him. I do. He towers over me, even when he's standing, but it's never scary. Not like Uncle. Hagrid would never hurt me. "Do yeh think yeh can try, 'Arry?"
"I... I really want to..." I look down at my feet. "I think so."
"D'yeh want a hug, 'Arry?"
I can't help but nod.
This is bloody terrifying.
"Ready teh go?"
"Mmm-hmm."
"Righto. Come on, then."
We go out into the stairwell where they're all waiting. Well, I do. Hagrid can't fit until we all get out.
"I'm ready to go," I mutter.
We take the Floo to the Ministry. I'm surprised Hagrid could fit through the fireplace. After we get there, we go to a lift, which is horrible, and I almost vomit.
This is a bloody great start, now isn't it?
So. The Ministry gets to call people to talk, and they question them? And then Aunt and Uncle's lawyer does the same?
Fine.
They call Mrs. Figg first. They ask her about my Uncle and Aunt. How they treated me, versus how they treated Dudley. She's honest. I always did like Mrs. Figg, even if she has twenty cats and her house smells like kitty litter. She was nice, and that's what mattered.
After her, they call me.
Right away, huh?
And they go right into it all.
Him, her, Dudley, abuse, everything.
When the Ministry lady asks me questions, it... isn't so bad... I don't like it, but it isn't... horrible.
When their lawyer starts...
It's like torture.
It's all my fault. It's all my fault. It's all my fault.
Me. Me. Me.
My fault.
"It's all my fault..."
"So you agree, Mr. Potter?"
I look up. He's grinning.
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.
"No. No, I didn't-"
"You agree that it was your fault, and not your relatives?"
"No!"
"Are you sure? A few seconds ago you clearly said it was your fault."
What the hell do I say?
"Mr. Potter, answer the question!"
"I DON'T KNOW!"
I cover my ears with my hands, squeezing until everything is so muffled I can barely make out what they're saying. I look down at the floor so I don't have to watch them stare.
I want to go home.
I feel someone grab my hands. They pull them away from my ears.
"'Arry."
"Hagrid?"
"'S me. Ev'ryone else 's gone. 'Re you alright?"
"I wanna go home."
"The Wizengamot left. That lawyers in a real heap o' trouble. 'E kept askin' yeh ov'r an' ov'r again, even though 'e got told teh stop. He don' get teh ask yeh anymo' questions." I look up. "Come on. We're goin' back teh Hogwarts."
"Now? Right now?"
"Yeah."
"Okay."
My legs are shaky when I stand. We walk out of the room. Everyone's waiting outside, except for Madame Pomfrey.
"Let's go, Harry," Dumbledore says softly. "I apologize that that happened, my boy."
"It's... It's okay-"
"No, it isn't. He should not have done that," Severus cuts in. "What happened to you wasn't your fault. He should not have tried to make it seem that way."
We take the Floo back to Hogwarts. It makes me want to vomit, even though I'm used to the feeling by now.
I feel like hell.
"Harry-"
"I need air."
Dumbledore tries to get me to stay, but I leave his office anyway. All of them were staring at me waiting to hear what I was going to say, if I was going to cry or not, what I would do.
Well, I do feel like crying, so there is that. All my life I've been told it's my fault, and now it's happening again. It's all my fault, according to what feels like most people.
When I finally look up, I'm standing on the Quidditch Pitch. I guess I'm flying today. It'll be a good distraction-
"Hey... Mind if I fly, too?" I turn around, and behind me is Ron Weasley. "I didn't follow you here, I just put my stuff in a locker in the changing rooms and here you are..."
"Um... Yeah. Yeah, that's alright."
We both go to the broom shack and take one of the school's brooms. Ron grabs a Quaffle.
"Wanna play catch?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I get back to the common room at nine. An hour before curfew.
But the strange thing is, no one else is in the common room except for Severus.
"My office. Now."
"Um... okay..."
We sit down. It's weird. He's quiet for a while.
"Where have you been?"
"I was flying on the Pitch-"
"Where is your coat?"
"I... My Quidditch robes were in my locker. I wore those." I forgot for the first ten minutes, but he doesn't have to know that. "THey were the winter ones, I was okay."
"You are aware students aren't allowed on the Pitch alone without permission, correct?"
"No, I didn't... I didn't know that."
He groans. "Hagrid and Dumbledore were worried about you."
"I said I needed air." This is annoying me more than it should already. "And I got it."
"You were gone for four hours."
"I was having fun after almost crying in front of a room of strangers and my... relatives. I felt like shit and now I don't. I'm sorry if you think that's a bad thing-"
"Do not take that tone with me. We were worried about you. You do not just get to slam a door and run off to be by yourself in the freezing cold just because you want to."
"I wasn't by myself, sir, I was with Ron."
"Weasley?"
"No, some other Ron that I magically am now friends with," I reply. "Yes, Weasley."
This time instead of a groan it's a sigh. "I understand this is a hard time, but don't do that again. It's dangerous."
"Great. Maybe someone will take me out of my misery," I mutter.
"What did you say?"
"Nothing. It isn't dangerous."
"You're going to wake up tomorrow with a fever, I'm telling you."
"Great. For once I'll be able to rest instead. I'm going to bed. 'Night."
"Goodnight."
I race out of his office and up the stairs to our dorm. Everyone's already asleep (no surprise) except Draco.
Okay. One, why did I say that? and two, why is he mad at me for not feeling shitty?
"Hey. How'd it go?"
"It was stupid and I hate it and I'm never going back there ever," I mumble. I climb on my bed and pull the curtains closed so I can change. "It was too hard."
"Sorry, Hare. Why are you back so late? Was it really that long?"
"No. We got back around five."
"So you were only there for three hours? Where've you been?"
"I was flying. Wanted to get my mind off of it."
Why did I go flying that long? I'm freezing now!
I throw the curtains open and go over to Draco's bed instead. It's... weird, but I don't want to feel alone tonight.
"Are you sleeping here tonight?" he asks. I just nod with a shrug. "Alright." He closes the curtains around his bed. "I hope you don't have to go back. Otherwise, I'll just sneak with so you aren't alone. I know you have Hagrid... and Dumbledore..."
"...but they aren't the same," I finish. I pull the covers over me and lie on my side so I'm facing him. "Dray... have you ever..."
Felt like not existing?
I don't say it. It's dumb. I don't want to die, I know that.
But I also know they aren't the same.
"Ever what?"
"Never mind."
I itch at my wrist.
I wasn't just flying.