"Gulf ,can you take chase to school today ?" Mom asked . Half awake , I snuggled tighter in a ball beneath the comforters ." I have an appointment two towns away and they are one of our most valuable clients ", I muttered incoherent words , that I couldn't even comprehend. It was probably something along the lines of "fine " , "whatever" and " go away".
"Greet ! I'm heading out . Smooches!"
Seconds later ,I was smacking with my alarm off when it buzzed ,falling back to sleep comfortably. Then chase ran in ,vexing me when he jumped on my bed ." Make me pancakes!" He demanded pressing his weight on me.
I turned over to pushed him off tiredly and he accidentally jammed his elbow on my stomach. The muscles in my jaw tightened and a sour liquid coated my tongue like a red carpet for the vomit arising .
"Pan - whoa !"
Like a rocket , I shot out of bed and raced to the bathroom, tossing my guts out into the toilet and feeling my insides churn so much that I could hardly move . On the floor , all I wanted to do was scrunched up in a ball and pass out . I hardly had the strength to sit up ,hurling profusely.
"Gulf ", Chase called worriedly.
It taste like asphalt .
During Mild's visit ,I ended up eating about three until I have to give up before I hurled . I knew those cookies would come back to haunt me . And it hurt like hell like my insides were turning inside out .
"Gulf !" Chase called again frantically.
After throwing my guts up, I fell to the tile floor , all my endurance withering away . I wrapped my arms around myself, the pain subsiding for a while.
Unable to kept my eyes open , I kept falling in and out of my consciousness
hearing Chase say a few words a distance away .
"Hello ?"... His small voice uttered frightened. Rarely would Chase be afraid of anything. The kid use to collect poisonous spiders and the shed skin of snakes for fun .
"Chase ... Sister's ... Dying ... Floor ... Bye... Everything's going ah..." What ?
I shot up to poke one last time before falling to the ground again ,closing my eyes for a nice nap . I hadn't vomited this much since the beginning of middle school when Mew shove a live worm into my mouth and made me eat it . To think only weeks ago, I thought of him as evil as evil could be.
Now he was my boyfriend, the man I loved ,the man who loved me since before I acknowledged his existence.
I awoke to something cool on my forehead. A sweet ,husky voice murmuring my name in my ear . " Gulf ... Gulf "...
Eyes fluttering opened ,I found myself
smiling wearily at Mew who was arched over me ,pushing a strand of hair Away from my face . The sight of him was like drinking coffee with every passing second, granting me energy ,waking me . I pressed my face against his palm, heating and cooling me simultaneously. "Mew ? What are you doing here ?"
"When I called you , your brother answered saying you were dying and I rushed over ", he answered positioning the cold cloth on my forehead when I tossed about on the bed . The thin sheet was cocooning me
tightly to where I could somewhat move but not entirely . " You are one sadistic alarm clock !"
I scoffed . " Blame Mild ,he made me cookies !"
"And you ate them ?" He said it like I was a moron, shaking his head in shame .
"What else was I supposed to do? Tell her no , he can't cook to save his life ? No, he put love in it ."
He raised a thick eyebrow. " Are you sure it wasn't poisoned?"
If I wasn't so bundled up. I'd nudge him off my bed . I settled on giving him a dirty look ,he only smirked at. "It wasn't ,jerk ".
"Gulf !" Chase hollered . He was standing outside my bedroom anxiously. The curls of his hair bouncing as he hopped on one foot to the other , which was a habit of his. Slowly creeping in ,he asked ," Are you alright?"
Pushing the cover off myself, I sat up and gestured for him to come closer ,
Mew moving over to make room for Chase on the bed . Meekly ,he sat down at my side .I was comforting to him when I wanted to be , sometimes babying him Although I knew he didn't like it at twelve, almost thirteen. I didn't care though, occasionally picking at him .
"I'm fine ", I reconciled .
" I just ate some bad cookies ".
Biting his bottom lip , he nodded . "Okay".
"Now let's get you to school-"
"I don't want to go to school ", he pouted." You might upchuck and pass out again ." The anguish in his eyes told me my scene freaked out . And I knew if I made him go ,he'd blab to mom who'd freak out ten folds worse than him .
Too tired to fight with him about this,
I held my head ,feeling a headache emerging ." Fine . Stay home but no video games . I'll call the school and tell them we're sick ". He startled me by giving me a peck on the cheek leaving me frozen in shock . He hasn't kissed me on the cheek since he was about six or seven . Before I could react ,he was already out the door ,his heavy footsteps banging down the hall and stairs .
Once completely out of ears way ,Mew caught my attention, caressing my temple until our eyes locked . "Bad cookies ?" He repeated suspiciously.
Staring at him in perplexity, the gears in my mind wondered what he was getting at . He was using that 'there's an underlying to this ' tone . I crossed my legs in bed ,sitting back , nausea gone at this point beside the asphalt taste lingering ." Yes ,bad cookies . Why do you asked ?"
He leaned closer , taking my small hand into his large palm ,rough and warm . There was a glint in his eye that told me something was bothering him, something about me ." Birth control is only ninety -nine percent effective".
"I know that ." He couldn't be thinking
what I hope he wasn't all because I was throwing up ?
"I know you know that. And I also know your top notch on these things but there might be a chance ..."
I knew what he was talking about . To think I was ...pregnant was out of the question. The signs of pregnancy were nausea, fatigue, missing per ... damn. I felt my whole body grow cold and hard, my eyes glazing over with absence. "I just got an acceptance letter
from Washington state and will be applying for the art program . I'm going to graduate high school, go to college, graduate, get a job ... Marry"-
My gaze settled on him before turning away .- " ... Then kids . Nowhere did I say I'm expecting a child now ".
Past my glazed eyes , I could see Mew
clench his jaw , his hand inching away from me to ball in a fist . " Gulf , you can't be serious. We talked about this-"
"Me clarifying that I wasn't pregnant isn't talking about it ".
He crossed his arms ,solemness emitting off him with the dominant gaze that would always indicate punishment arriving. Except for this time ,it didn't have the sultry vibe to it, replaced with something undetectable... Something that didn't please me in the slightest ." Well , let's talk about it now ."
Leaning against my headboard, I mimicked his posture with a glare , slipping the cold cloth off my forehead when it was toppling . It was the cookies . I took the freaking pill every freaking day whether we were having sex or not . Sometimes ,if I was too paranoid ,I'd take the morning after pill as well . There's no way I could be pregnant. No freaking way !
"Fine . I'm not pregnant". Pregnant came out harsh , the word itself making me want to hurl again as I spat in his face ,watching his expression darken . I don't know why but I felt like I'd forever feel inadequate if I ended up pregnant when I took every precaution to prevent this . Like , I had no control over my body - which I did ." I take birth control, the morning after pill,
sometimes I push you away when your about to cum, how could I be pregnant !?"
He took a deep breath, obviously getting frustrated with me ,but I didn't care. "Gulf , calm down ". His hand reach out for me but I smacked it away ,this conversation was making me explode with anger. To imagine myself was unfathomable. I've done so much to avoid it ." All we need is pregnancy t- where are you going ?" Jumping out of bed ,I headed down the hall and downstairs, needing some fresh air outside my room . It became suffocating when he said that P word and I could hardly breathe ,a churning in my stomach making my fears escalate more. " I'm not ! It was the cookies !" I shouted up the stairs. Although it was directed at him , it sounded more like I was reminding myself that . Needing something to clear my mind . I grab the house phone to call Chase's school just as Mew race downstairs after me .
"Gulf !" Mew stormed . Now enrage that I walked out ." We need -"
"Ssh!" Someone picked up the phone. "Hello! I'd like to inform the school that Chase won't be able to attend school . Yep ... Oh , it's just the small stomach thing ... He'll be back tomorrow ...okay , thanks ,bye ".
Mew was leaning against the wall of the staircase by the time I hung up ,his eyes peircing through me with the same anger . He spoke rationally to me despite looking like he wanted to scream at me .
"Gulf ,we both know this is a likely possibility".
"I don't want to know !" I screamed, ready to tear my hair out . It was like looking into a mirror that was slowly shattering, my future, my dreams , turning into pieces and it petrified me." If I do - if I am - then I'm a total failure ,I failed in protecting myself! I can't live with that burden! I just -"
"Gulf !" His hands were holding me by the shoulder tightly ,trying to keep me together before I had a heart attack...
I think ." There's no ' I ' or ' me ' in this! We did it together so it's our thing to deal with ! But we need to know for sure , now calm the fuck down before you freak me out even more !" Upon that command , I took deep breaths , feeling my heart racing at the sudden tantrum . See , I was still childish ,how can I raise a child when I was practically one myself!?" Now I'm going to the store and while I'm gone don't have a panic attack... I don't want to go through that again ."
Staring him , I saw for the first time how much I was scaring him ,how much this situation scaring him too.
He looked distraught to the core ,jaw trembling until his body gradually followed suit .
"What's wrong Gulf ?" Chase asked , startling us when we walked out . Chase's eyes fixed unto Mew , a dirty glare materializing when he saw how he was holding me . Mew inched away, dropping his hands from my shoulders." I heard yelling ".
Taking a gulp of breath ,I answered, shelding away my anxiety ." Nothing Chase . Just a small disagreement but we fixed it ". I pursed my lips ,the best attempt at smiling since the last thing I wanted to do was wear a smile .
He didn't look convinced, staring between the both of us with the same
glare ." Are you sure ?" He dragged 'sure ' for a while , obviously somewhat discouraged about Mew . He met him a few times when we were younger ,but it was rare that they spoke ,so he knew nothing besides he used to bully me (if he remembered the name ).
"Yes ,I was sad so Mew was comforting me . But he's about to leave ,so ..."
While speaking Mew was already moving to the door , thoughts of the P
Test superior to trying to get on good terms with my little brother. He swerved his head to me ,the anger I, expected no longer radiating , he looked calmer with the goal at hand
"I'll be back ". It sounded a threatening if you hadn't heard the entire conversation, so Chase was balling his fists at his side thinking it was a threat . We both noticed the redness growing in his porcelain cheeks ,and Mew took the initiative to leave before he exploded.
"I don't like him", Chase huffed when the door closed behind Mew." Break up with him ".
I rolled my eyes ,the headache settling into my skull so much I had to take a seat on the couch ,no effort left to walk up the stairs." Good thing I don't need your approval about me dating him , Rugrat ".
He scrunched up his nose ,hating that nickname ." Don't call me that ." He sat beside me on the couch where I was already taking up space by laying down ,with good reason ." I'm serious. He was fighting with you and shook you when he knows you're sick ".
"He wasn't shaking me ,Chase ,he just held me by the shoulders, that's all".
He scoffed, grabbing the remote." My friend Ethan said that's how it all starts ".
"How what starts ?" I plopped my legs across his legs ,not budging when he tried to push me off .
After the third time of my legs bouncing back to him ,he sighed in defeat and answered. "The abuse . Ethan said his sister's boyfriend was always nice when people were around and acted as if he cared about her . Then, when no one was around , he'd hit her and shake her and beat her up". He stared straight at the television without taking a glimpse at me .
"Chase , Mew would never do that to me- to anyone ." Why was he thinking these things ?" And weren't you the one who called him".
"He called your phone . I thought it was Kao ."
"Don't you read the I'd ?"
He rolled his eyes with a scoff. " Only you would know who nightmare is. And I really didn't care who it was when my big brother is puking his guts and passing out ".
I guess I scared him too . Recalling his frightened face when and after I hurled,my heart stung that I allowed him to witness that of me . He's always been very independent and acted older than his age so when I saw him like that , looking so child like and innocent ,a strange shamefulness engulfed me .
"I'm sorry you saw me like that , Chase, I'm sorry I scared you ".
He opened his mouth to say something but only air came out before he closed it again , his eyes darting to me than the television. Awkwardness drifted between us as well . Why wouldn't it ? It's not like he saw me in that state every day . And he didn't know what was going on with me .
" You can't control your body". He said nonchalantly. I flinched at his words , feeling them unconsciously directed to an early situation. It reminded me of my earlier thoughts. I had no power over myself when I tried my best to protect myself, protect my future.
Not wanting to go down that train of thought, I brought of the main conversation we were having ." Chase
Mew is a good guy - a great guy - he just expresses it with difficulty. You need to give him a chance before you
go judging him after just meeting him.
Will you give him a chance ?"
He hesitated a long minute while I stared at him ,my feet playfully nudging him in the stomach. A smile quivered on his lips , trying hard to hide it without success , eventually giving up ." Fine . I'll give him a chance".
Find spare energy I sat up and hugged him to his disgust , giving him a wet kiss on the cheek he quickly wiped off with sick expression. " Thank you , Rugrat".
"You're gross ". He pouted ,wiping off
the kiss with his sleeve like I had cooties .
A few minutes later ,Mew had returned with a bag and we headed upstairs while Chase looked content watching TV on his own . I closed my bedroom door behind me , anticipation rushing through me as he plopped on the bed ,taking out the package .
"I got a pack of three to be sure ", he informed me ,tossing me one . I was steady enough to catch it . The box like poison in my hands as I stared at the devious words : pregnancy test .
I felt like I was going to hurl again . "So, you want to take it now ?" I nodded just wanted to get this over with . I hated that we were going through this , that our lives will forever be changed with this one test.
A part of me wanted to hold out on this, to have a few more hours , days ,weeks ,even months to be normal, to be ignorant ,blissfully. However, the other part of me ,the rational part I had created while lying on the couch in thought while Mew was gone ,told me sooner was better .
Walking out of my room , I headed to the bathroom and used the bathroom, reading the instructions three times before opening it . I didn't want to make any mistakes ... That sounded weird considering the predicament. Once , I was done , I head back to the room to wait patiently with Mew . He looked calmer than I was, fidgeting on the bed ,having to get up occasionally
to pace the room .
"Gulf , whatever happens , I love you and I'll stuck to your side like super glue ." He stated ,freezing me with his words
I paused my pacing.
"What ?"
"You heard me . If you are pregnant , there's no way I'm leaving you to suffer the consequences of our actions. I've been in love with you for years ,why would I leave you because of this obstacle, when I ventured through so many to reach you already?"
My body seemed to relax at the words . Don't get me wrong, I was still freaking the freak out on the inside but to hear him say that helped me with my anxiety. Stepping towards him to where I stood between his open legs ,a tranquil grin touched my lips,wrapping my arms around his shoulders when he pulled me closer by the waist .
"Mew ... You ... I love you ". It's all I could say ,feeling a dozen of emotions pile up within me . My eyes burned with tears materializing and my feet bounced in place ,feeling happy at his words ,but still , anger ,sadness , panic, and a million other things coursed through me . There was chaos inside me ,I know , but he seemed to be my clarity through all that .
"I love you too ". He grabbed the back of my head and pulled me down for a hungering kiss I welcomed . His lips were hot and passionate ,his tongue lavishing mine when I deepened it . Now sitting on his lap , I wrapped my arms around him ,all thoughts of how we came to be like this out of my mind. All I knew was that he was calming me down ,like a drug in the system .
Then the chiming on my cell went off.
I set it for five minutes to tell us when the pregnancy test was done . The moment our lips stop touching ,the panicky feeling prickled all over my body like needles ,sharp and cold . I didn't want to know .
Seeing my reluctance, he stood up, grabbing my hand when I almost slipped to the floor at his abruptness. "Come on , let's check it together".
Inhaling , I nodded , squeezing his hand . He waited for me to stop shaking before we headed to the bathroom to check . Approaching it slowly,like it was the venomous python ready to bite , we looked at it over with caution .
A minus sign .
A minus sign indicating negative.
I wasn't pregnant.
Relief couldn't hit me fast enough, feeling my body grow weak with it . Mew smiled like it was Christmas morning ,hugging me tightly as he kissed the top of my head ." See , I told you it was the cookies ." I teased .
He laughed." You're not allowed to eat Mild's food until he gets some proper cooking lessons " ,he joked . Holding me tighter . I wrapped my arms around his waist ,taking in the faintness in cologne . It made my stomach gurgle and wiggle but I ignored it . Knowing it was food poisoning. He kissed my forehead again ," I love you and if you were pregnant,I would have loved that child the same ."
"I know you would".
***
Kao rushed into my house like a tornado, having banged on my door like he was the police . Mew open the door for him and Chase ran out in the kitchen in a panic , thinking we were in trouble.
" They knew I skipped school", he pouted before the door was open.
However, all joke was pushed aside when Kao entered ,his eyes bloodshot
and tired . He looked like a complete mess with his hair disheveled and I look at the clock to see it was only noon. Why was he here ?
"Kao what's wrong ?" I asked , getting a sinking feeling in my heart . I've never seen him like this before . He didn't answer before leaping into the couch to grab the remote ,flipping through the channels. I sat down cautiously near him, wondering what in the world had gotten into him . Mew looked as skeptical as I was .
He stopped on a channel and I was surprised to see it was the news .
"... This just in ,the body of Julie Carter
Has been found this morning in black
Water lake ," the newscaster informed us . All the breath inside me escaped , my heart stopping at the sight of the camera focusing in on Julie's bloated grey body being dragged out of the lake ."it's be declared that she was dead before being thrown into the lake
Her body marred with bruises and a slit throat "...
"Julie "... Kao cried , tears streaming down his face . I've never seen him in so much pain before . I knew nothing of their love but it hurt to know that
his heart was broken ,looking so defeated and lost . Without thinking, I wrapped my arms around him ,feeling him go numb as he sunk
further into me , sobbing .
"... Her family ,who are mourning , wants Julie's killer caught immediately.
They are willing to give away one - thousand dollars to whoever has information to capture this villain ".
They showed more of the gruesome scenes of Julie's corpse ,it hardly looks like her . Her dirty blonde hair look as pale as her skin, deformed and alien.
When they showed the wounds ,I couldn't hold it in anymore .
I selfishly left Kao's side and raced to the bathroom to throw up .
***