"Aera, please talk to me." Jungkook pleaded.
His hands were cupping my face as he eagerly tried to brush the tears away with his thumbs, that were continuously streaming down my cheeks. I was ashamed of myself that I was letting my guard down again and cried in front of him as if my panic attack in the elevator hadn't been enough.
No words came out as I wanted to tell him what was wrong and then I began to shiver because they cool night breeze grazed my bare legs and shoulders and I couldn't handle how he held my face ever so gently.
"We should go back inside. You're shivering." He noticed and began to rub my shoulders, an attempt to keep me warm.
"N-no, I don't want to go back." I stuttered slightly.
He searched for something in my eyes and then began to slowly nod his head.
"Okay, come on. Text Yeona that you didn't feel well and that I'm taking you home."
He helped me to stand up, never letting go of me and guided me to his car, that was parked in the back with his hand on my upper back. I knew that I could no longer run from him and from my feelings. Jungkook opened the car door for me and even put the seatbelt on to secure me before he got in the Mercedes himself. A single last tear fell down into my lap before they were all dried up.
"We can't go to my apartment. The paparazzi found out were I live. They are probably there right now." I told him quietly, as he backed out of the parking spot.
He chewed on his bottom lip, as he looked at me and thought about it for a second.
"We could go to my place. It's the safest." he suggested, "Is that okay?"
"Yes."
I nodded my head, agreeing and he smiled for a split second before his expression went blank again and he concentrated on driving. The whole drive I looked out of the window and tried to calm myself down while he harshly gripped the steering wheel and was also lost in his own thoughts. From time to time he would glance at me as if he couldn't believe that I was sitting next to him in his car.
I texted Yeona where I was and asked her to take care of my purse, that I had left behind and to look after the guests. Abandoning my own birthday party made me feel awful but I just couldn't help it. Jungkook and I needed to talk and I didn't want to do that while all the other people were around. Hopefully they could understand that.
I grew confused as he drove to another part of the city, opposite from where their apartment complex was located.
"Where are we going?" I asked him.
"To my apartment." He answered but I shook my head.
"But this is the wrong side of the city."
A grin appeared on his face as he realized what I was talking about.
"That's the BigHit Apartment complex you're talking about not our own apartments. We only sleep there during the week, because it's easier for work." He explained and I remembered that someone had already told me that a while ago.
"So you're bringing me to your own apartment?"
I looked at him and suddenly grew nervous, because this felt way more intimate.
"Yes."
He took a turn left and we drove into an underground parking area. I was fidgeting with my fingers and chewing my bottom lip, as he stopped the car and turned the engine off. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. I shouldn't have left with him. What was I even thinking?
We both got out of the car and took the elevator upstairs. When we reached the top I forgot how to breath as the elevator doors opened and his apartment was revealed to me. It had huge windows that allowed me to gaze over the beautiful night skyline of Seoul and the interior was completely dark themed, which was so Jungkook-like. It felt as if he granted me a view to his own world by showing me his apartment.
Everything fitted his aesthetic so perfectly, especially the black leather sectional on which he sat down. He motioned for me to do the same and I did, but I left some space between us, careful not to let him be too close.
"Now tell me what upset you earlier. Tell me why you kept avoiding me this week and," he ran a hand through his black hair, "tell me why this delivery idiot was there tonight."
He didn't even try to hide his jealousy anymore, showing me that he still cared for me and didn't want anybody else to be with me.
"Chul is my friend. One of my closest friends actually. He had every right to attend my birthday party." I defended him, trying to avoid the other questions.
I didn't like the way Jungkook spoke of Chul with such an arrogant tone. He didn't even know him.
"He sure doesn't act like he's just a friend." Jungkook grumbled and I sighed.
"I didn't agree to come here to argue with you. We already do that too much."
He clenched his jaw, closed his eyes and when he opened them hurt was flashing through them. His whole body was tense, flexing his muscles, distracting me.
"You're right. I'm sorry."
This was the first time he apologized to me without putting up a major fight before doing it and I didn't have to force him to say it either. My heart was bleeding as he looked so broken and exhausted. I knew that it was me, who caused him to be in pain and I couldn't bear it. To make matters worse, he inched closer towards me, put a blanket over my legs and took my hand in his, giving me no chance to escape.
"Why were you crying earlier?" He asked again, not letting it go.
I knew that he had been dying to find that out, since I he had found me kneeling outside in the garden of the restaurant.
"I was overwhelmed with emotions." I said, desperately trying to keep a steady voice.
"But why?" he looked into my eyes, searching for an answer, "Why did you run away from me?"
His voice was merely a whisper at this point. He seemed to be afraid of my answer. I stared at my hands, that were sitting in my lap, fidgeting with each other. His finger touched my chin and then he lifted it up so that I was forced to look at him. I bit the inside of my cheek.
"Tell me." he whispered and I gulped.
He was too close. I stood up from the couch and the blanket fell to the floor in one swift motion. My heart was pounding against my chest and I could no longer think straight. Everything in this apartment smelled like him. It intoxicated my senses.
"I can't do this. I'm sorry. I need to leave." I choked out, my voice was shaking.
I ran a hand through my hair and walked over to the elevator doors, frantically trying to get away from him.
"So you're just going to leave me like you always seem to do?" He asked.
His hands were clenched into fists as he stood there in front of me, eyes glaring with anger, brows furrowed, lips pulled into a thin line and his jaw twitched.
"Don't pretend like you're the only one hurting." I fired back.
"Well you're obviously the one who's causing all the pain here not me."
He crossed his arms over his chest. His tattoos were peeking out underneath the short sleeve of his shirt. I always wanted to ask him what they meant to him.
"Because I choose to keep my job?" I asked, slightly beginning to raise my voice.
"Yes," he ran a hand through his hair, "you didn't even give me a chance before you decided to rip my heart out." He said with a cool voice, that sent daggers through my own heart.
I gasped.
"What did you want me to do about it? Let myself get fired so I could date you?"
My blood was boiling.
"No, but we could've figured something out. We could've tried together." he said with a much softer tone now.
"Everybody saw the picture. There was no way. It wouldn't have worked."
"So it's better to suppress your feelings and avoid me?"
I didn't answer.
"You locked your heart into a cage and thought that would fix all your problems?" He asked.
I avoided to meet his eyes, not able to look at him while he was raging with anger, because I was angry myself.
"You can't even look at me or be in the same room as me. You cried because I sang a song for you and ran away because you couldn't handle the emotions that bottled up inside of you." He yelled at me and his voice cracked at the end.
"Don't."
Tears were forming in my eyes again as I wrapped my arms around myself, trying to protect my heart from Jungkook's cruel words, because every word cut right through my heart, because it was the truth and it hurt so much.
"Why not, Aera? Because you're scared? Or because you don't want to be with me?" He took a step closer to me, "Or maybe because everything else is more important to you, than I am?"
"That's unfair. You know that I care a lot for you."
"No, I don't."
"That's not true and you know that. Don't act like this when I should be the one angry at you and not the other way around, because you treated me like shit after I almost lost my job. You weren't the only one who had a hard time after that picture got leaked. I was struggling and hurt too." I yelled at him, "And you weren't even there to comfort me."
My voice was hoarse from all the crying.
"Yeah, because you pushed me away. Don't try to blame everything on me now. It was entirely your decision." He shot back.
"I had no other choice! I lied to them because I didn't want to loose everything."
He stepped even closer and towered over me now.
"They only let you stay in the first place, because Namjoon and I talked to them. We convinced them to give you another chance."
I gasped. It felt as if all the air had been sucked out of my lungs.
"Because I wanted to be in a relationship with you. I wanted it so bad."
My bottom lip trembled as I tasted a salty tear on my tongue. I knew that I had hurt him but I only now realized how much pain I must've caused him. He was right. I had pushed him away, when all he wanted was to hold on to me.
His eyes were soft as his hand reached for my cheek and palmed it gently. I closed my eyes and let him touch me. I allowed him to touch my heart, because I couldn't escape from the feelings that I had for him any longer but I also knew that there was no way for us to be together, because of the stupid contract. He caressed my cheek with his thumb as I opened my eyes and sighed.
"Jungkook. I-I can't do this." I stumbled.
His finger brushed over my bottom lip and I saw a tear glistening in his eyes. His brows were furrowed.
"Shh. All I'm asking is for you to give me a chance. Give us a chance. We can date in secret or at least we could try and if it doesn't work out you can still continue to run from me and oppress your feelings for me."
He put his other hand on my cheek too.
"Just give me one chance. That's all I'm asking for." He begged.
Desperation was evident in his voice. I became dizzy while he stared at my as if I was his only hope in this damned world. He leaned his forehead against mine, waiting for my me to say something. Jungkook closed his eyes as a tear spilled from them and I gave him his answer.
I kissed him. I kissed him as if I had been deprived of human touch since birth and this was the first time my lips met someone else's.
His tears mixed with mine as he smiled against my mouth and continued to kiss me with so much hunger and desire. And I thought my whole body was on fire, as his hand slid down to my waist and pressed me closer against his body, making me feel his fast heartbeat against my chest, that matched mine. My body had ached for his touch for so long, that it craved for more and more.
He pulled away before I had the chance to deepen the kiss or put my hand in his hair. We both gasped for air, cheeks flushed, lips swollen. My body protested, because of the loss of contact.
"Is this really happening? Are you giving me a chance?" He asked to make sure.
Jungkook needed me to show him and tell him, so that he could believe me, which was sad, because it proved that I had broken his trust in the past.
I nodded my head and a smile tugged on the corners of his mouth. It reached up to his eyes.
"Yes." I said and he immediately pressed his lips against mine again.
We both smiled into the kiss this time.
• • •
A/N:
Yay, it finally happened. 😃
So in the next chapter I wanted to try to write some SMUT 🔥. If you don't like that, just don't read the next chapter and skip to the 35th chapter. You won't miss out on the storyline if you skip the 34th chapter.
Hope you liked this one and give it a vote, comment and share it with other people. 🙂
Love u,
L
💜