I'm so scared my mother might show up out of nowhere. But it's got me to think what I'd say to her. What would she say to me?
Whatever the matter, I distract those scary thoughts with one of the busiest weeks of my career.
Thanksgiving is an event in itself. Big families require big space and a large party. Like every year, we each get a family to work with. We even have to put a limited amount of families on the board so we can take Thanksgiving Day off.
My family has been the hardest one yet. I can't seem to decide what to do and Anna keeps furrowing her brows when they change their minds last minute in the store. I just wave my hand so she can relax, and give her some of the small snacks I ate at the moment.
Tyler is also back in chemo for only a few days until Thanksgiving. Once again, despite the pain, he still smiles and it makes my days much better. Or maybe we are just excited because next week we get to know the gender of our baby.
But I've been feeling weird bubbles in my abdomen lately. Dry fruit does that since I snack a lot, but I know these are different bubbles.
I decide to ask Gail one day during work but she was so packed, I was afraid of stepping in.
But the day before getting our Thanksgiving day off, something wonderful happened.
I was stretching out my leg at a store when a painful cramp started to bug me. Anna was with our clients as I went for a quick bathroom break. Then I suddenly hear a familiar squeal.
I thought to myself, "What did Anna do this time?"
But I saw Anna run up to me with the phone in hand and a happy smile. No. I've never seen this kind of happiness on her sweet face as she gave me a tight hug.
"Woah!" I said with a scoff. "Where are our clients? Did they ditch us again?"
Anna's eyes now carried tears as she said, "You were right! Your faith was so powerful, Tessa! I can feel it! God heard my prayers!"
I scoffed. "Okay. What's going on?"
"I'm pregnant."
I was in shock. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I watched her jump with joy and give me another tight hug. My shocked mind just made me say, "Congratulations, Anna."
That night as I lay in bed with exhaustion, I told Tyler about it. He was reading his Bible and his eyes shined at my story.
"There is a story in the Bible like Anna's. In fact, her name was Anna, too."
"Really?"
I've never been as intrigued as I was at that moment to listen to a story from the Bible. So I scoot closer to him under the blankets to lay my head on his chest as I usually do. His hand tenderly found my belly and it warmly stayed there as he read aloud.
That time, I did not fall asleep in the middle of the story and I was left wondering more of this god that answered both Annas. The same god that gave Tyler his sickness. But the same god that put our little person in me.
I was left confused and I still thought of it as I did our small Thanksgiving dinner. We left several messages to Mr. Blue, but he did not respond. So I'm making enough for him just in case.
But the thought of God slowly subsided at the delicious smells of turkey being made. I've never been as excited to eat turkey in my life.
I follow the sound of soft guitar playing in the study room. I smile at the sight of Tyler sitting at my desk with bare back on me.
"Hey there," I playfully say as I lean on the doorframe. "I see that you're shirtless."
Tyler turns in his chair and his eyes shine playfully as he says, "And I see that you're braless."
I look down at my shirt and chuckle. "Is it that noticeable?"
"I'm not complaining here."
I laugh and say, "So we're not gonna dress up fancy tonight?"
"If you don't want to."
"I don't care."
"Do you want me to be shirtless for dinner?" he teasingly says.
"I'm not complaining here."
This time he laughs and puts his guitar on the side to come up to me. His warm eyes sweetly shine at me as his hands gently hold my belly.
"Let's just wear pajamas. I think you two deserve a break from this long week."
"Tell me about it," I say with a sigh. My eyes then look at his hands on my belly. They don't cover all of it like they used to but most of it. I smile at this and wonder if the baby feels his warmth. I hope it does.
My stomach does a small growl and Tyler does a small chuckle. "I think that's the alarm that the food's ready."
My stomach does a louder growl and I give him a kiss before walking to our room. "I'll be right out. Can you help set the table?"
"Where are you going? I thought we weren't dressing up."
"I'm just gonna put on a bra."
"What?! Awh man!"
"Ha! Are you crazy?! What if your dad does end up coming? At least I'll wear a bra to greet him."
"You're right," Tyler says as he walks into the room. As I still look for a bra, his hands take my hips and turn me around. I giggle as he kisses my neck and my jaw. His hand softly goes up my body until they linger on my chest.
"Alright," I gently say. "Let me get ready before the turkey burns."
Tyler winks at me as he starts out of the room walking backwards. "You look gorgeous no matter what you do or don't wear." I shake my head with a laugh.
We finally sit at the table in our pajamas. We quietly giggle with each other at our new way of celebrating Thanksgiving. Tyler fills up his cup with wine while I fill mine with grape juice in the middle of the meal. He lifts up his cup and says, "It's time for the grateful hour."
"The grateful hour?" I say as I put a spoonful of mashed potatoes in my mouth.
"Yup. A moment where we will appreciate what we have. I'll start because I am the man of the house."
I giggle at this and watch him clear his throat. He has his warm smile on and his eyes turn soft. I fall in love all over again as he says, "I'm grateful for being alive. I know this year has been...a roller coaster for us but...we are still here. I'm grateful that God came into my life. I'm grateful for my family."
His tender smile makes me melt. "I'm grateful for our new family member coming soon. I can't wait to see it. Hold it. I'm grateful because I know that our child is a silver lining among...all my pain."
His eyes start to water and mine do, too, as he softly says, "I certainly wasn't expecting to be sick but...I trust God. And...I'm thankful for you. I'm thankful for my second chance. And I know that we will have many more thanksgivings. With one or more kids, who knows?"
I laugh at this and wipe my tears. "That was beautiful." Tyler clinks his cup with mine and we take a quick sip.
My heart gets ready to spill out all my feelings tonight as I take a breath. The moment I open my mouth to speak, the doorbell rings. Tyler and I exchange furrowed brows, but he still smiles and says, "I'll get it."
As I await for him to bring in whomever it is, I go into the kitchen to check on the dessert I made. That's when I start to hear a low voice going into the dining room.
Mr. Blue.
I walk out with a smile. "Mr. Blue! I didn't think you would come!" Thank God I made enough for three.
Mr. Blue gives me a sad smile and Tyler's muscles start to tense. But the tension arises when his eyes land on my belly. His expression immediately softens as he says, "You're expecting." He looks back at Tyler and says, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"You never answer my calls." Sadness goes along with his voice as he says this.
But I still smile and nod. "We've been blessed with a baby."
"Your mother would have loved to see this," Mr. Blue sadly says. His eyes look back at me and gives me a sad smile. "Congratulations, Tessa."
"Thank you. It's one of the things I'm grateful for this year. Why don't you sit down, Mr. Blue, and I'll get your plate."
"Thank you."
Tyler quickly comes to me and says, "I'll help you!" I furrow my brows at this but I let him follow me into the kitchen. He lets out a long sigh and whispers, "I didn't think he would come."
"You should be happy. It's a big step for you two."
"You can't tell him about my disease, okay?"
I furrow my brows at Tyler. "You haven't told him?"
He shakes his head with guilt.
"He deserves to know. He's your father."
"I don't want that to be the reason why he forgives me. I don't want his pity."
I don't think it's a great idea. I would hate if my child hid something that serious from me, but Tyler's eyes shine with a begging gesture. So I nod and go back into the dining room while hiding my worry.
The rest of the evening is a bit quiet. That tension is so heavy among us that I want to run away. But I try my best to start a conversation and lighten up the mood. The only thing that works are subjects about our baby.
"How many months?" Mr. Blue gently asks.
"Well, in two weeks I'll have my appointment to check on the gender. So I'm at nineteen weeks."
Mr. Blue nods with a small smile. "I'm happy to hear that." His eyes then fall on Tyler who has been quiet for a while now. Mr. Blue does a scoff and firmly says, "This is why you invited me? So you can make it even more awkward for your wife?"
"Maybe if you would've responded back to my message, then I would be prepared for this moment," Tyler mumbles with a clenched jaw.
Mr. Blue laughs. "Since when do you have to prepare for your father to arrive?!"
"Since you decided to hate me!" Tyler bangs his fist on the table and it makes me jump. My heart shrinks and my hand instinctively holds my belly.
Mr. Blue sees this and his eyes grow angry at Tyler. "What is wrong with you? Your wife is in no condition for your childish attitude."
Tyler's eyes land on me. I clear my throat as my muscles slowly relax at his sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Tessa. I didn't mean to—"
"I'll get the dessert." I quickly leave the table and let out a breath in the kitchen. My hand finds my round belly once again and I give it a smile. "I'm sorry," I whisper to it. "They'll be okay soon. I promise."
My heart suddenly starts to relax and I prepare the dessert as if nothing ever happened. I can still hear them angrily whisper to each other, but I give them a big smile when I enter and they fall silent.
"I made this myself. I learned it at one of the restaurants I was a waitress in for a long time."
Mr. Blue takes a bite and says, "It's divine, Tess."
"It's delicious, honey," Tyler says. I smile at both of them and dig into my plate. They were right. I outdid myself this time.
I happily enjoy my dessert until Mr. Blue firmly says, "Are you still doing your carpenter work? You have a child now. Don't you think you should get a better job?"
Tyler's jaw clenches and firmly says, "I can't."
I'm getting a little annoyed by this quarrel. I can't enjoy my delicious dessert because of them. But I stay quiet and hope Tyler can say it already.
Mr. Blue laughs and says, "You can't? What kind of man says he can't get a good job for his family?"
C'mon, Tyler. Tell him already.
But Tyler stays quiet and does not look at his father. Mr. Blue grows angry and forgets that I'm here as he says, "First you quit your stupid career, and now this? Your mother would be very disappointed—"
"Mom would understand!"
"No! Your mother would be as disappointed as she was when she would watch you on TV!"
Tyler is taken aback at this and tears hang on his eyes at these words. But he swallows them down and softly says, "I can't. I wish I can, but we...I...can't."
Sadness now shines on his expression and my heart shrinks for him. A hint of anger runs through my veins when I hear Mr. Blue mumble, "What kind of father are you?"
If only he knew...
But soon after their tense silence, Mr. Blue excuses himself and starts to leave. I stand up and quickly say, "Mr. Blue! You don't have a place—"
"I'm staying at a hotel. I'll be leaving early in the morning." His eyes land on Tyler that does not dare to look back at him. He then looks back at me and gives me a nod before walking out.
I've never been so tensed as my muscles relax. Tyler carries sadness as he says, "I'm going to play for a bit. Will you be okay?"
I nod without a word and watch him go into the study room. Soon, as I pick up the table, I hear sad strums surrounding our house. He can finally sing a bit and his voice is quiet as he mumbles lyrics.
Why didn't he just tell him?