Tony Stark is a man of many talents. Inventing and being the best-goddamned tech support to exist is what he is best known for. There are however other hobbies that many do not even assume he could be remotely talented in. one such skill is crochet and knitting.
As a small child, not yet fully corrupted by his father's expectations, Tony would spend his early afternoons with the maids and Jarvis' wife. Sometimes when Howard was extremely busy and wouldn't be coming home until late, Tony's mother would join them and not worry to lookout for Howard.
The women would gather around one of the more desolate rooms and light the fireplace. There would be a basket filled with different types of yarn and needles and that time of day would be the most enjoyable for Tony.
Years later, Tony still kept up the skill. He's pretty damn good at it if he does say so himself. So good that he can crochet while watching TV.
Which is how the team finds him when they arrive at the communal living room for the scheduled team bonding session.
"What's up, guy?." He greets them when he realizes they're staring at him.
Clint throws himself into the seat that isn't currently occupied with an outrageous amount of yarn. "Hey, Stark. Whatcha doin'?
Tony takes his eyes off the screen and looks at the man next to him. "I'm making the kid a bee."
There's shuffling around the room as the rest of the team settles into the couches and the floor.
"A bee?" Natasha's voice pulled his attention away from Clint onto her.
"Yeah," Tony lifts his arms and shoes her the half crochet bee. "My kid's been telling me about how he's having trouble sleeping alone and that he's 'too old to be cuddled, Mr Stark.' He let's be, of course, but then I think about when he's with May and she doesn't have an A.I. to tell her when he can't sleep."
As he spoke he continued crocheting with no difficulties.
Sam was the next to speak. He sat on the floor near Nat and next to Bucky, who was slightly letting himself lean into Sam. "So, your solution is to make a knitted bee?"
"Crocheted." Bucky corrected.
"Same difference," Sam argues.
"No, it's not." The POW frowns.
"Barnes' is right, it's not. Anyway, yeah my solution was to make him a giant ass crocheted bee."
"My ma used to knit Buck and I stuff when we were younger." Steve contributes.
Bucky smiles, a faraway look in his eyes. "Remember when she spent three days making that large blanket."
Steve blushes. "Yeah, I remember a bit too well." He turns to the rest of the team before continuing. "She made me, and Bucky sit lay on the floor to make sure while she knitted the blanket. Wanted the blanket to be large enough that it would cover us both twice over. Since we were about 8 years old, we got a bit, uh, restless and she well..."
Bucky laughs. "She said that if we don't sit still till she's done she'll make sure that the next time the window of Mrs Harkiff's apartment breaks she will make sure the old lady knows who it was that did it." He shot Steve a glare. "Not that it was fair, Stevie was the one who broke the window."
"Oh come off it already." Steve rolls his eyes, the rede in his face not leaving. "You broke the window last time."
Bucky makes a choked sound before arguing. "Don't press the blame on me, Stevie. You broke that window three times before I did. Even then it was cause someone just had to run in front of it while we played kick the can with a damn paint can."
Steve opened his mouth to argue before Thor laughed loudly and interrupted. "Oh, the joys of childhood. Loki and I were much the same when we were young warriors in training. However, I do remember more puncture wounds involved. Not much harm done, we healed quickly and that is how we played. My brother did like weaving threads with Mother more than I did. I Never had the patience as a young lad."
Tony smiles at that. "I didn't know, Reindeer Games liked making fabrics."
Thor nods enthusiastically. "Yes, brother is most talented in making beautiful patterns. He tends to shift into a more neutral form when they decide to do it though. I think it's because then they can make clothing that fits both male and female versions of them."
Tony nods, makes enough sense to him.
Bruce tilts his head to the side from his place on the couch between the god and super-soldier. "Can, um, I mean, if it's not too much trouble, could you show me how to make one?"
Tony smiles gently at the inquiry. "You want to make a bee too? Brucie Brear, you don't have to be so nervous about asking me to teach you. You know what, I think an octopus would actually suit you better. Like the one's the have those smiley and sad faces."
"Thanks, Tony." Bruce relaxes into the couch.
Wanda, who was on the loveseat next to Vision, looks at Tony before asking him about making one too.
"Of course." He answers. "What did you want to make?"
"A uterus." She responds seriously.
He blinks, processing what was said. "Okay."
Natasha scrunches her eyebrows. "If she gets to make a uterus then I get to make boobs?"
Again, a pause before responding. "Okay..."
There's a moment of silence, Tony's hands still crocheting, before he decides to ask they all want to learn. The group of heroes all said yes.
"Okay well, we'll go to the yarn shop and pick out some yarns and needles. I'll teach you guys the basics and you can ask me for help after I get everyone started on their stuffed, um, objects? Is anyone going to make something other than their anatomy?"
A few hands went up. "Okay good. Let's get to the car and visit the store. I'm driving."
There were a few arguments about who gets to ride shotgun before Steve shoved Clint out of the way and sat in the seat. "Clint, you got it last time we went out."
Tony looked to the sky and prayed to Odin to give him patience. "If everyone isn't in the car in the next minute we are not going anywhere and I'll make Happy cook dinner."
Of course, that's what got the team to quickly get in the SUV.
The ride to the yarn store was relatively short with minimum fighting. Mostly because Clint and Sam couldn't keep poking each other but that was quickly resolved when Tony threatened to go back to the tower.
When the team got into the store they were greeted by a young woman with bright orange and black hair. "Hello, welcome to Kitty's Yarns and Fabrics. How can I help- oh Tony, how are you?"
Tony smiled back. "Hey Kitkat, just here to get some yarn and crochet needs for the kids."
Clint pouted. "We're full-grown adults, not your kids."
Vision tilted his head. "Technically, he is my father."
The young woman laughed. "Hello everyone. I'm Kitty, owner of the store. If you need any help I'm here but Tony should know just about everything about this store."
"Thanks, Kitty." He says before she leaves through a door that he would assume is her office. "Okay, first things first, we have to find the right size of crochet needles. Then the type of yarn you guys will use and how much stuffing to get will depend on how big you want your project to be."
It took a little over an hour to get everything before the team left.
Most of the team picked up crocheting quickly enough. Steve and Bucking having watched Steve's mom knit and crochet before and Thor having done something similar on Asgard with his brother and mother. Vision, well, he knows everything.
Sam and Natasha seemed to have a bit of trouble getting to the second line but figured it out after Tony helped them.
Satisfied with what he sees, Tony went back to crocheting a ridiculously large bee. Once he was happy with the size, he reached into a container that held beads and buttons and pulled out eyes that could clip onto the bee. As he stuffed half the bee, Tony paused and pulled out a little fabric heart from the container, kissed it and placed it inside the bee before continuing stuffing the bee. Tony then finished closing the bee. Maybe he made it a little too big.
"That's huge." Clint's voice interrupted the petting Tony was doing to the stuffed bee.
He laughed. "Maybe I overdid it a little."
The bee was about the size of a small dog, large enough that if he would need both his hands to carry it. Tony could try to carry it under his arm but it may slip out.
"Tony, can I have a heart?" Sam asked. His small Teddy Bear looked just about finished.
Reaching into the container he pulled out a few fabric hearts. Tony handed one to Sam, Bruce, Natasha, Steve and Bucky.
Tony sat back down and thought a moment before whispering to Sam's ear. The man went slightly red and nodded at the inventor, who quickly went back to crocheting something new.
An hour passed, pizza was delivered and the TV was playing some sort of pawn show that had Tony and Bruce arguing about the value of some items they saw.
"Here you go, Sam." Tony handed him the items he made.
"That was quick," Sam commented as he dressed the bear.
Sam had finished his bear relatively quickly. Bucky was still making what looked like a little bird. Steve was busy trying to create some sort of mushroom? Bruce, finally getting the hang of making the tentacles, was quickly finishing his octopus. Natasha made what could only be firm breasts. Wanda's uterus was coming together nicely, it even had a smile on it. Thor had made a flower and Vision had a succulent. Clint was stuffing a giant egg?
"Tony," Natasha asked.
The genius stood up and stretched before going over to the spy. "What's up?"
"Do they look stuffed enough?" She asked casually.
Tony laughed awkwardly. "I guess?"
Nat shook her head and sighed. She looked over to Wanda, who sat across from her. "Wanda?" She held up her project at Wanda and chuckled before asking. "Do my boobs look big enough?"
The girls laughed, taking pleasure at the awkwardness the men radiated. The magic-user tried to look serious before answering. "They look so perfect, I'm a bit jealous"
The two broke into laughter again.
"Can I look at some of the beads you have?" Nat asked Tony, who had gone back to his seat to try to forget what just happened.
"Uh, sure." Tony brought out the container. "Why do you need beads?"
Natasha gave him a sneaky smile. He could feel himself regret asking the question. "I want them to have pierced nipples."
He winced. "Ow."
Nat patted his head, in fake sympathy before stopping abruptly. "Why did you say 'ow'?"
Flashbacks to his college days quickly made their way through Tony's mind. He stood up quickly before announcing that he'll be dropping off the bee. "I shouldn't be more than 20 or 30 minutes so if you need help either ask Vision or wait till I come back."
Clint, who was on his third bag of stuffing, looked at Tony with suspicion. "Yeah, right. You always stay over at Pete's for like 2 hours before you come back. You just don't want to answer Nat."
Tony, who was already at the elevator waiting for it to open, replied. "Not true. Anyways It's a school night and Pete's going to bed soon. I'm just gonna drop off the bee and leave."
"10 bucks on that he got his nipples pierced," Bucky says as soon as Tony left in the elevator.
"Fine, 15 says he did it when he was in school." Bruce put his money in the pile.
After similar bets were made, all they had to do was wait.
Parker residence, Queens, NY
May Parker opened the door and let out a greeting to the genius, who had a large box with him.
"Tell me you didn't buy Peter something expensive," May asked, exasperation in her voice but a soft smile on her face.
"Nothing expensive, I promise." Tony laughed. "Is he in his room?"
"He should be." The 'or he snuck out,' was left unsaid but still understood by the two.
Tony shook his head. "He better be or the kid's going to be sitting through Cap's lecture again."
He made his way towards the teen's room before knocking. "Kid, it's me. I'm coming in so if you're doing something I shouldn't see please clean it up so that I can keep whatever illusion of innocence I gave you."
Peter opened the door, face scrunched up in disgust and wearing Thor Pjs. "Mr Stark, your so gross." The teen whined.
Tony made walked into the teen's room and sat on the desk chair. "Just saying, you're a growing boy and growing boys sometimes-"
Peter groaned and threw himself onto his bed, buried his face into a pillow and said, "God, you're so embarrassing."
The genius laughed. "It's not my fault you can't take the truth."
The teenager sat up and squinted at the older man. "Yeah, are you sure you're not talking about yourself?"
"You're a little shit, you know that?" amusement covered Tony's voice.
Peter grinned. "But Mr Stark, 'It's not my fault you can't take the truth.'"
Tony threw a sharpie from the desk at his kid. "Smartass."
The boy laughed.
Taking a deep breath and enjoying the moment, Tony grabbed the box that he put on the floor and sat next to his protégé. "Here kiddo, hope it helps you sleep."
Peter smiled at his father figure before opening the lid.
"Oh my god!" He lifted the giant bee from the box, pushing the container onto the floor before hugging the bee. The bee in the boy's arms looked even bigger than it had in Tony's. Peter was still a little shorter than the inventor. "Tony, it's a giant bee!"
Tony laughed softly, heart warmed by his kid's happiness. "Yeah, kiddo, it's a giant bee."
Peter hugged the bee one more time before carefully putting it on his bed. He turned as his paternal figure stood up and gave him a tight hug. "Thank you so much, Tony."
"Of course, Peter." He hugged the kid back. "Anything you need, I'll make sure you have it, okay?"
"okay..." The boy buried himself in Tony's arms before reluctantly letting go. "Can I go show May?"
Tony ruffled his hair. "You don't have to ask me, Pete. Let's go show May what you got."
Peter smiled, carefully picked up the bee and ran to find May. "MAY, LOOK WHAT DAD GOT ME!"
Tony who was halfway out the door, paused. The kid didn't seem to realize that he called Tony dad. The genius smiled softly and went to find the excited boy and amused aunt.
Meanwhile back at the tower
Sam found Bucky in the kitchen alone getting leftover pizza, the crocheted bird in one hand while the other lifting the lids of the boxes. "Hey, James?"
Bucky smiled at the other man. "Hello, Sam."
"Um, so, yeah, just here." Sam pushed the bear he made to the soldier.
The man let the lids to the boxes fall as he took the bear from his partner. The bear was dressed in his old uniform from the military. It had blue eyes and wore a mask. On its arm was a little red star.
"Sam," Bucky smiled at the bear. "Thank you. Um, here. I made you one too."
He passes the little red bird to the man. "James... Bucky, thank you."
The two men smile at one another and slowly lean into one another before Steve's voice was heard from the hallway. "Buck, was there any more left?"
"Yeah, Stevie, I'll be there in a sec. Sam's just grabbing some cokes,"
Doing just as Bucky said, Sam grabbed a few cans. "What movie are we watching tonight?"
"I think Tangled? Stark said to wait on Star Wars because Peter will be joining us on that. Something about Steve and I being the last one's not spoiled." He heled the door for Sam.
"Shit, yeah I forgot about that. Are we doing the Hobbit on Thursday?" Sam asked.
"Yeah. I can't wait. Stevie and I read the books when they came out." Bucky's voices came out excited as the pair stepped into the living room.
"The Hobbit?" Steve asked, equally excited.
"Yeah."
"Both of you are a bunch of nerds," Sam said.
"Who's a bunch of nerds?" Tony came out of the elevator wearing sweatpants and an old shirt.
Sam passed him a can. "These two can't wait till we watch the Hobbit."
Tony snickered. "Nerds."
"Shush, the movies starting," Wanda said as she threw popcorn at the men.
As the movie began and silence settled over the group, Bruce paused the movie. The team let out groans and complaints at the man before Bruce looked at his fellow genius and asked, "Nipples? Are they pierced or...?"
The heroes all quickly stopped complaining to look at Tony, who seemed to look back at the ceiling trying to avoid the conversation.
"Answer the question Stark," Natasha said.
Tony groaned, wondering why this was his life.