I've finally felt so much better. I needed that pep talk with Tyler and that açaí bowl. I've been living off of that since it's the only thing that stays in my stomach.
I forgot Tyler was once a famous country singer that won thousands of dollars each concert. He told me that the reason why he hit rock bottom was because someone had hacked into his bank account and stolen all his money.
But he explained that he had a separate account. One we had saved when we just got married the first time. I honestly don't remember but now he understands why he didn't touch that account. He claims that God was saving that money for this moment. I just shrugged.
Luckily, Tyler had that whole week off from chemo to give his body a rest. So the hospital does not charge his rest weeks.
I also reconciled with Anna. She's been avoiding me this whole week and the only moment I could talk to her was when she brought in my açaí bowl. She quietly nodded at me and tried to leave.
"Oh wait! Anna!"
She stopped and shyly smiled. I cleared my throat and said, "I'm really sorry about last time. I didn't mean to...throw all that on you. It wasn't my best week."
"I get it," she quickly said. "We all go through those moments. Plus. You're pregnant."
I smiled at her and shook my head. "It's no excuse to be rude. Especially to a friend."
I then saw a sad shine in her eyes. I furrowed my brows at this but she quickly hid it with a smile. "Thank you, Tess. You're too kind."
She started out but I knew I couldn't let her go. There was something there and I had to fix it. "Anna? Is everything alright?"
"Mhm!" she lied. "I'm fine."
And I thought I was a bad liar. Her eyes held back tears and it was so clear. She wanted to run from me and I didn't understand why. So I went to close the door behind her and gestured for her to sit.
She rejected. "I'm sorry, Tess. I have to go. I left a call on hold."
"No, you didn't. I don't think you'd be that stupid to leave a call on hold for thirty minutes. Only insurance companies and the DMV do that."
Anna did a small smile at my joke and her eyes had guilt. I started to get worried. I'm scared she did do something stupid here.
But she then whispered, "I'm sterile."
I was left in shock. I mean what can I say? I understood why she was avoiding me. I tried saying something to her, but she quickly waved her words away and walked out.
It's been pretty awkward ever since.
I tried telling Tyler that story but I've been knocking out the moment my head hits the pillow. Making a child takes all the leftover energy I have.
Yet, I was able to tell him one evening that I took a quick nap. A certain smell coming from the kitchen awakened me. My stomach growled furiously and I quickly went into the kitchen.
"What is that delicious smell?" I abruptly said and Tyler jumped from the stovetop.
"Oh my god! You scared me. I thought you were—"
I didn't listen as I took a fork and quickly bit into the piece of chicken he was frying. I let my eyes close from such satisfaction.
Tyler's eyes grew wide and said, "You're eating chicken! I gotta take a picture of this!"
"No!" I said with a smile. I took another bite and said, "I need to keep my reputation."
Tyler shrugged and took me by the waist, but I quickly stopped him from giving me a kiss. "Wait. I'm starving. I want this chicken and scrambled eggs and ketchup."
Tyler gave me his warm smile as he helped me make a plate for myself. I've never been so happy to taste meat before.
My appetite is back but Tyler is back in chemo, too. So I've decided to go with Tyler today. He seems a bit nervous. Right now, I have a mixture of nerves and excitement as I observe the smallest bump on my abdomen. I smile widely as my hand runs down it. I put down my blouse and it disappears.
I then feel his warm hands land on my hips. Despite his soothing breath on my neck, I can still feel those nerves in him. So I put a hand on his cheek and lovingly lay a kiss on his lips.
"You look so beautiful, Tess..." His lips run down my shoulder and his hands run from my hips to my waist; outlining my curves.
"Maybe because I'm finally eating like a real human being," I say. "And talking about that, maybe I should take a few snacks."
Tyler watches me walk towards the kitchen to look for a small trail mix bag. He's quiet until he softly says, "I don't want to go."
I look back and see fear in his brown eyes. He runs a nervous hand through his light brown hair and avoids my eyes. I pop a strawberry in my mouth and put my arms around his neck. His eyes find mine again and he does his half smile.
"Why are you nervous?"
Tyler shrugs. "I feel like every week is worse."
"What is? The symptoms?" He does a sad nod and I let my eyes sweetly burn through his. "We're in this together, remember?" He quietly listens to me as I say, "No matter what happens, we'll be here."
"We?"
"Of course. Don't forget there's a little someone at your corner, cowboy."
I run a hand down the teeny tiny bump under my blouse and he does a warm chuckle. His hand lands on my abdomen and his eyes grow wide.
"Hey! Is it a bump or are you eating too many donuts?"
I laugh at this and say, "That's our baby. Already getting its spotlight just like Daddy."
Tyler's eyes shine and his muscles relax at last as his lips taste mine. I deepen the kiss and make my heart dance with his.
It doesn't last long as we enter the clinic. He runs his clammy hands on his jeans and lets out a breath. I take a hold of his hand and intertwine my fingers with his.
Then we're called in. I guess today Tyler is going to have a room of his own. He often has to sit among other people taking chemo. He's told me some crazy stories from them.
They do blood work and make sure he is doing alright before he starts his new session of chemo. Then they set him in bed and get the IV ready. Tyler's eyes roam on the roof and I run my fingers through his hair to comfort him.
A new nurse comes in. This time Tyler knows him as he gives him a wide smile.
"How you doing, Tyler?" the nurse says as he starts connecting his IV to the liquid bag he's brought in.
"Doing well. This is my wife, Tessa."
The nurse smiles at me and his hazel eyes shine as he takes out a hand for me to shake. "Hi, Tessa. I'm Wolf."
"Wolf?" I say with a chuckle. "What a peculiar name."
"I know. But I think it's cool." He does a small shrug and we share a chuckle with him.
But the heavy silence hangs in the room as Wolf leaves and I watch clear liquid run down Tyler's IV. He lets out a tired sigh and I give his forehead a kiss.
"What do you do now?" I say as I find a seat next to him.
Tyler shrugs and sadly says, "Wait for it to finish."
"What do you often do with your friends here?"
"We play card games."
"Oh. Next time, I'll bring card games."
"No." His eyes find mine and soften as he says, "I'd rather hear your voice. What have you done this week? You haven't had an event, huh?"
"No. But I will have one soon."
"What is this one for?"
"Baby shower." His eyes sparkle playfully and his smile starts at his lips. I return it and say, "Yes. It's going to be a boy."
"You're organizing this?"
"Anna and I."
"It's gonna get even more awkward for her, unfortunately."
I nod at this. "Yes. I don't know how to fix that awkwardness."
"Sometimes you have to let those awkward moments pass. You have nothing to do with it. It's not your fault you're pregnant."
I laugh at this. "Is it?"
He smiles at my teasing smile and takes my hand. "Ours is going to be a pink baby shower."
"What if it's blue?"
"No matter what it is, we have to have horses." We share a chuckle at this and sit on his bed to give him a sweet kiss.
My stomach suddenly starts to growl and Tyler pulls away to say, "She's asking for food again."
"I'm craving a tuna sandwich. Like a huge one." My stomach responds in agreement to this and Tyler gestures at the door.
"Maybe there's some at the cafeteria."
"I'll stay with you a bit longer."
"No no. I won't die if I wait thirty minutes."
Tyler does his half smile and he looks away. He lets out a shaky breath and I furrow my brows at this.
"Tyler?"
He slowly sits up and says, "I...I'm feeling sick." His face turns pale and he holds his stomach as he threatens to puke on the sheets.
I quickly get up to get the container in the sink and I arrive just in time to catch his puke. His body shakes as he takes it all out.
And my heart breaks. He weakly lays back down and closes his eyes. All glimpse of my cowboy from a few minutes ago disappears.
I decide to stay a bit longer to hold him. To comfort him. But I know it won't work. Our hearts still shiver with each other.
Stay strong for him. For now...