When I ran to the restroom once again at the smell of that sauce on my plate, I realized that maybe what that woman said could be true.
I quietly think of these past few weeks. I thought it was the nerves. I've been nervous before and it's messed up my function. I've even missed a whole month of my period when I would have midterms!
But now that I make the calculations, it'll be almost three months and I still haven't had my period.
I look at my separate agenda where I keep track of my menstruation cycles. I hear Tyler walk up to me and he buries his face in my neck as his arms wrap around my waist.
"Hey," he softly whispers. "What are you doing? You look so concentrated."
"Do you remember when was the wedding I organized?"
"Ours?" he playfully says but I don't chuckle. I wait for him to say, "About...three weeks ago. Why?"
"Nothing," I mumble as I realize that I was already pregnant on that night. I close my book and make my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Mixed emotions run through my heart as I look out the window.
Tyler playfully takes his guitar and starts to play a melody. He hums as he slowly approaches me, but I don't pay attention to him as my mind starts to worry again.
"City girl? What's got you so quiet?"
"Nothing," I say as I turn around and decide to make myself some tea.
"Nothing? Was it the church? You didn't like it?"
Tyler still strums away as I say, "No. I liked the church. They were very welcoming."
"So you will continue coming with me?" A glint of hope runs through his brown eyes when I turn. I just give him a small smile and walk back to my desk.
"Is that a yes?"
"That's a take it easy," I say from my desk.
"Awh man. Someday, I have faith that you'll come with me every Sunday."
I stay quiet. His soft voice silences my worried thoughts and excitement slowly appears. I could be caring his child. Our small seed of the love we did not give up on. A smile starts on my lips at this thought, and I have an urge to jump out of my chair and tell him.
What do I lose telling him now than later?
When I turn around with an excited smile, I suddenly see rashes all over his neck and arms. They weren't there a second ago.
My smile disappears as I approach him. He notices my wide eyes and his brows furrow. "What's wrong?"
"Tyler. Your skin!"
He quickly looks down and gasps at the large rashes on his skin. "What's this?"
"Did you have this the last time you went to the hospital? When did you go to the hospital?"
"This morning. There was none a minute ago!"
Panic threatens to pass through his expression and this time, I put soft hands on his arms. "Okay, baby. It's probably just a reaction to the medicine or even the food we ate yesterday."
"Yeah because you threw up, right? It must've been the food."
My heart shrinks at the fear starting to creep on him so I stay silent for now. I give him a small nod and smile. "Right. It was the food. I'm going to the pharmacy right now to look for something to relieve those rashes."
"I'll come with you."
"No no. Stay here. I'll be right back." The reason why is that I'll just buy a pregnancy test while I'm there.
"Okay." His eyes still shine with fear and I give him a sweet kiss; hoping to make him feel better.
"I'll be right back." With one last nod, I drive to the nearest pharmacy.
I go straight to where I know there are pregnancy tests. I've had a scare once. I know all too well where it's at. But this time, I get it without fear and then look through the medical aisle. There are about five different creams for rashes so I decide to read each detail carefully.
With the cream I thought best, I quickly pay and make my way back home. I take out the test along the way and leave it on the passenger seat. I'll just do it tomorrow morning at work.
Now my mind doesn't worry as I walk back in ready to rub this cream all over his arms. But I stop at the sound of coughing. I run to where he's at and see him on the couch.
He holds his abdomen and weakly says, "It's the food. My stomach hurts." He lets out a groan and I wonder if it really is that food. I hope it is. If it isn't then it's those symptoms again.
I don't shake. Not anymore as I sit by him and put a kiss on his temple. He lets out a cough but I don't feel any fever.
"Do you want me to go back so I can look for something on your stomach pain?"
Beads of sweat start falling down his face and he moves with pain. He can't even answer and I remember the box of medicine in my bathroom. So I quickly look through it and fight back tears at the sounds of his groans.
I find Ibuprofen and I quickly get a glass of water for him to swallow it down. He does this and falls back on the pillow. He closes his eyes and he weakly says, "I feel dizzy."
I have the urge to scream for help as he turns in pain. But I stay strong. I need to at least fake it as I rub the cream on him and gently tell him to give the pill time for it to do its job.
The moment a soft cry starts at his lips, my heart breaks and I quickly lay with him to comfort him. Quiet tears fall out along with him as I wrap my arms around him and tenderly run my hand through his hair. He holds me tight; as if my warmth will help him forget the pain and I let him. I don't care about the shot of pain in my chest as he lies on it. I let him fall asleep on my chest and I pray to the god that's always so quiet with me.
I know He won't listen but I still tell Him to help me.
I can't do this alone.
The medicine did much better with his stomach pain, but now it was his back killing him. So I gave him dinner in bed.
The next morning, he's like new. He's the first one up and smiling. "Good morning, love." His kisses run down my neck and up my cheek.
I groan and try to fall back asleep but my stomach growls loudly. So I get up and start with breakfast. I may be feeding a child now, so I can't ignore these tummy rumbles.
I observe Tyler as he happily sits at the table with his guitar and notebook. "Are you feeling alright to go to work? You can stay if you'd like. I'll even make lunch for you."
"No need. I'm good as new!" He plays his guitar as he walks up to me and playfully kisses my shoulder.
"Are you sure?" I say with a giggle. "Don't push yourself. Remember that you are taking strong medicine and—"
"Don't worry!" He turns me around from the stovetop and starts to dance with me. "About a thing...Cause every little thing is gonna be alright!" His fingers start playing this tune and I laugh at his silly dances.
It looks like God heard my prayer this time.
So I have a new smile on as I get ready for work until nausea shoots at me once I get in my car. I let out a breath as I command my stomach to stay still. My eyes find the pregnancy test on the passenger seat and nerves once again welcome my morning.
So the first person I go to for help is Gail.
"Gail. I need your advice."
"25 cents per word," she playfully says without looking up from her agenda.
I laugh at this but she looks up with a firm look. My smile disappears. "Oh! You're serious?! Are you busy—"
"Oh god," Gail says with a laugh now. "You kids are always so serious. What is it, hun? I'm just looking over some of my past events and see what I can improve."
"Oh," I say as I look over at her sketchbook. "This is a beautiful ball. Is this a design from where you come from?"
Gail starts to answer but her eyes narrow and she looks right through me. "You're stalling. This must be serious."
I let out a sigh and look through my purse for the test. She immediately recognizes it once I take it out and gasps.
"Tessa!"
"I know. I just...I thought about it and I realized that maybe...maybe I could be pregnant." Now that I say it out loud, I let out a scoff, and a smile starts on my lips despite the nerves. "This would be our kid, Gail. Tyler's baby. I...I don't know...I'm so—"
"Happy! Oh my god!" Gail jumps out of her seat and gives me a tight hug. I laugh at her embrace and hear her say, "You have to take that test! Now! Do it now!"
"But I'm—"
"Who cares if you're scared! Who cares about anything! You're having a baby! Go go! I'm gonna call Anna!"
I've never seen Gail this happy before and it rubs off on me as I make my way to the restroom. I go back to her, but I stop in my steps when I hear my phone ring. I take it out of my back pocket and see an unknown number.
Nothing really matters now but the test is in my hand. So I hang up and go into Gail's office with a smile.
"Okay!" she says. "I just saw Anna was busy with a client so we'll call her later. Now you have to wait a minute or two!"
I let out a breath as nerves start to come at me again. "Gail...this is wonderful but what am I going to do? My husband is sick. What if our baby is sick? What if—"
"Honey." Gail tenderly takes my cheek as she crouches down to look deep into my eyes. Her smile is one like a mother...one I'll have someday when she says, "Love wins it all. It's much stronger than the past and suffering. Now it'll be strong enough to defeat any kind of sickness. Trust me. This part in your life will be unforgettable..."
My eyes start to tear up at her beautiful words but my phone interrupts this moment. With the test still in hand, I answer my phone when I see Tyler's number.
"Hey, honey—"
"Mrs. Blue?"
My heart stops when I hear another man's voice. "This is she? Who is this?"
Gail's brows furrow as well as I hear him say, "I'm a friend of your husband here at work. Ma'am. The ambulance just took Tyler to the hospital. His chest was tightening and he couldn't—"
And just like that, I drop the test and run to get my purse. Without thinking twice, I hang up and Gail stops me.
"Tess—"
"It's Tyler. He's at the hospital. I have to go!"
"Okay okay," she gently says. "Go. I'll let Marissa know. Go."
With this, I run out to my car. The whole way there, my mind races with dangerous thoughts. Tears flood my vision but I keep going. For him. For us all.