"Lilac." Roman said gently, and I looked back towards him. He was watching me, and due to his concerned expression, I had no doubt he was able to see the tears that I was trying to hide.
I only looked at him, waiting for what he was going to say.
"Tell me what's going on." He said, taking another step towards me.
"I already told you." I said quietly, suddenly feeling the embarrassment of my actions creep through me.
I had come here and yelled at Roman, after all, assuming he was trying to play mind games with me. It turned out, he had just noticed that I wasn't the girl I used to be.
I knew that I wasn't, of course. I've known for a long time that I've left that outgoing, kind and gentle girl behind, but it was bitter to know that someone else had known too. Being told you've changed for the worst was like being told you've made a mistake using a permanent marker. You've already made the mistake, praying no one noticed, but there's not much you can do about it now.
"No, you haven't." Roman said. He took another step towards me, he reached out and laid his hand on my arm, looking down at the marks that I prayed he forgot about. "What happened? Who did this?"
"What? No one." I lied, trying to strengthen my voice which had been coming out so quiet.
"Don't lie." Roman said in a low voice, looking up and catching my gaze. The same look he had in his eyes last night, right before he knocked his opponent out, was showing now.
"It was an accident." I lied again, looking away from him.
"What kind of an accident?" Roman asked me, narrowing his eyes like he didn't believe me.
I felt the blood rush from my face as I tried to search for a lie to spin into a believable story. I wasn't as good at lying when I had to think on my feet, it was much easier when a lie has been already prepared for you. When you knew exactly what you had to say, and how you had to say it. When you've covered those holes, those gaps in your words like a wall with paint, so no one could see them.
"I was about to fall down the stairs," I said finally, all of the words were in a single breath. "And, Jesse had to grab my arm so I didn't fall down. I almost went down, so he had to pull me back up. He didn't mean to do it so hard."
I didn't look at Roman's face, even though I wanted to. I wanted to see if he bought my lie, but I looked down at my feet instead. I counted each of my breaths until he spoke, and he didn't until I reached the number four.
"Okay." Roman said finally, and I snapped my head up to look at him. I had expected to him to push father, to ask questions. I hadn't expected him to accept my lie so quickly.
I couldn't read his face. His mouth said one thing, but his eyes were saying something else entirely.
"It's the truth." I added, forcing myself to look him in the eyes.
"If that's what you want me to think the truth is, then okay." Roman told me, letting me know that I wasn't completely home safe.
We stood there awkwardly, both of us staring at each other. There was only an inch between us, our bodies were almost touching. Roman still had that dangerous look in his eye, and for a minute I wondered if I should be scared of him. It was a thought that went nowhere, like a dead-end street, because there wasn't a single fibre in my being that was scared of Roman. Physically, anyway.
There were some parts of Roman that scared me, simply because I had the feeling that he could see the cracks in my painted mask of lies, he saw the distressed paint when no one else was able to.
"I should go." I mumbled after a moment, and I felt like I should step away from him, but I didn't.
"Should you?" Roman asked me, rendering me speechless for just a second.
"Yes. I did what I came here to do, which was to get answers. I got those answers, so I'm leaving." I explained, shrugging my shoulders.
"I don't think that's why you came here, Lilac."Roman said, his voice was so confident like he didn't have any doubts of what he was saying.
I narrowed my eyes towards him, annoyed at the way he thought he could read me. Maybe the reason it annoyed me, was because it was true. But, that's the problem, I didn't want anyone to read me.
"I think you came here because you didn't have anywhere else to go." He continued, raising his eyebrows like he was daring me to deny it.
A scoff escaped my mouth at the ridiculousness of his words. "I have plenty of places to go."
"Do you?" Roman asked, his voice soaked in amusement.
"I came here to find out about the mural." I insisted, and my stomach did a back-flip because Roman stepped even closer to me, eliminating the already minuscule distance between us.
"And I gave you those answers." Roman whispered out, and he raised his hand, and placed his bent fingers on the right side of my face. "So why aren't you leaving?"
My breath caught in my throat, prohibiting any words from leaving my mouth as his fingers dragged down my face, until his index finger gently touched against my bottom lip.
"I can be here for you, Lilac," he said, and I hoped he couldn't hear the way my heart was hammering in my chest. "Just tell me what you need."
"I don't know what I need." I managed to say, and although I wished I could give Roman the answer he wanted, I could only give him the truth. I didn't know what I needed, and maybe I never have known what I've needed. Maybe I never would.
Roman looked stunned at my words, as if they were the opposite of what he was expecting. Until his eyes softened, finally melting away the fire that had been so clear in them, and he stepped away from me.
"I know you don't." He said, shaking his head at the ground, and I wondered if the look that flashed across his face was disappointment.
I didn't answer him, because I was too focused on my own disappointment, which was much clearer to read. It felt like when you're on the brink of a risky decision, and you're not sure whether it's the right choice to make, so you don't. Then, when the nerves clear and you look back, you realize that the reward was greater than the risk, and you should have swallowed down those nerves and made the decision you were too scared to make.
"Well, I know what you need." Roman said, looking me up and down. "You need some clothes, you're still wearing your dress from last night, and honestly I'm not sure how you can even breathe in that thing."
I looked down at the tight dress I was wearing, suddenly realizing how much of a mess that I looked like. As if on instinct, my panicked hands flew up to the mess of hair on my head, and then down to my makeup-stained face.
"Don't worry, you look beautiful." Roman told me, as though he knew instantly what I was thinking. "You could never look anything less, I'm sure of it."
I stared at him as he said the words, he looked nothing but sincere as he said them. There was a feeling erupting in my stomach, it reminded me of when you hold a lighter to a sparkler. When the sudden sparks begin to fly and it creeps down the length of the metallic stick, until eventually the whole thing is on fire.
"You can shower, if you want to. When you're done I'll make you something to eat, or you can sleep. You must have a hell of a hangover after drinking that rum last night." Roman continued, and he was saying it as if he was writing a to-do list of things he needed to accomplish.
He looked over to me, obviously waiting for either my refusal or acceptance of his plans. I didn't answer him, however, because I was too busy running over his words in my mind. Roman wanted to do all of those things for me, and I didn't understand why.
"Or I can drive you home." Roman offered instead, his eyes narrowing once again at my lack of words. "Whatever you want, Lilac. Whatever you want to do, just tell me and I'll do it for you."
"Why?" I asked him, desperately wanting to know his answer. I had dated Jesse for three years, and he had never spoken to me like this.
Jesse had never gone out of his way to make me comfortable, to do something for me. Even when things were good between us, in the beginning, he's never said anything comparable to me. Yet, Roman did, and with seemingly nothing to gain.
"What do you mean, why?" Roman asked me, and he was looking at me in the same way he does when I'm not making sense to him. "Why am I offering to drive you home?"
"Why are you offering to make me food, and let me sleep here?" I asked him, my voice made it clear I was searching for his ulterior motive.
"I asked you what you needed." Roman explained, "you said you didn't know. You look like you need something to eat, and you look tired."
I was the one who broke the distance between us this time. I didn't wait even a second after his words left his mouth before I walked over to him, and I walked with a purpose because I had a purpose. His words had convinced me, they had shown me.
"I changed my mind." I said quickly, "I know what I need."