Adaline can easily just sit and stare out the window but Clay cannot, he's antsy like a dog. Adaline watches is leg bounce and his fingers tap on the steering wheel. She notices how hard he focuses on the road as to not look around. She just keeps watching him and talking to him. If he would let her, she would drive but he's pretty set on getting them to where they're going. Plus, she technically only has a permit and he doesn't trust her.
She keeps her eyes on him since he hasn't seemed to notice her. Watching and learning. Soaking in things about him. Is this creepy? Maybe.
"You got any plans for Christmas?" Clay asks, glancing over at Adaline.
"Not really, family is visiting," Adaline shrugs it off.
"Wait, really?" Clay asks, turning to her with a confused and shocked expression.
Adaline knows she's never really brought up her family before. Not anything that could possibly give Clay anything to remember. Well, except for what she said about them not caring last night. The girl can't help but feel like she may have ruined a good thing, the mystery of her past and the safety she has from his judgment because of it. She's never overshared before, but does this really count as oversharing?
"Yeah. My brother and sister."
"You- You have siblings?" Clay asks. She has to point at the road in front of him to remind him of the fact that he is literally driving right now.
"Yeah? I thought I told you this?" Adaline says. "An older brother and an older sister. Gabriel and Aimee."
"Right! I thought you guys didn't talk anymore?" Clay glances over at her. He looks so helplessly confused that Adaline is stopping herself from laughing.
"We don't talk much. Aimee just kind of...She's just showing up. Kind of dreading it," Adaline shrugs again. She doesn't want to talk about this anymore. "You have any plans?"
She knows what she's doing is rude, changing the subject. She knows that he always gets distracted by whatever question she asks. Adaline knows it's sort of messed up in an obscure way. She doesn't really care. Well, she does. Definitely not as much as she should.
Clay's easy. He gets distracted easily, she makes him laugh easily. Is this what love is? Easy? Adaline doesn't know. Maybe she never will because she doesn't know if one sided feelings really even count as love. Maybe this friendship is love. She doesn't know, and maybe she never will. That's a hard pill to swallow for Adaline.
She does know that her view has changed and with that so has she. A year ago she wouldn't have cared if she understood what love really was or not because a year ago boys and relationships were the least of her problems. A year ago, if she was asked what love is she would answer Madi, Maira, and Dante. Saturday nights and sneaking out and Ihop after the play. Now what would she answer? Driving and minecraft and the holidays. Something new, scary. Fear that she has to embrace. Being uncomfortable and being okay with it. It's so much more now, something so different than it was a year ago. Than it was when she met Clay a few months ago.
She shifts in her seat, bringing up her knees so that they're resting on the door. She's wearing Clay's hoodie, the one that he gave her when they first met. There's a comfort in nostalgia, not in the nostalgia from highschool and her family but from him. There's guilt in it, too.
"Yeah, yeah, just hanging out with family and...Don't change the subject, Adaline!" Clay swiftly objects. Why does he care so much about her siblings? Adaline looks away, out the window. "Why wouldn't you tell me that your siblings are coming?"
"Because my family drama isn't any of your problem?" Adaline answers. "I'm not going to let you get caught up in my issues with my sister. She's too much for anyone to handle. I don't see why it's such a big deal."
She's never properly told him about her sister, not that she can remember at least.
"Because I've heard about your sister," Clay mumbles. Any confidence he had is now gone. Adaline looks over at him, thrown off guard. How did he hear about her sister? Was it Halloween? What did she say when she was drunk?
A new panic springs up in Adaline. Her family is a mess, if he knows anything about any of her family members, she's pretty much screwed. It's not her fault that the entire Brazier family has some damn curse on them or something but she is the one to pay the consequences. The consequences being that she doesn't get to just fall in love peacefully. She will never have that luxury.
There will always be worry and fear and there's no getting out of it, no escaping her fate.
"Don't get mad-" Clay starts and stops when he looks over to see Adaline half glaring and half staring at him in pure fear. "But on Halloween you kept bringing her up so after I got you in your bed your friends told me about her."
"Why didn't you tell me that you knew?"
She's making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. Just like Thanksgiving. Is this going to make her spiral again? She can't, not around Clay and not while Aimee and Gabriel are visiting. She'd rather die than do that. Aimee doesn't react well to Adaline's mental illness, never has and most likely never will. Clay just doesn't deserve to be put through another one of her episodes. He's lucky that the one he witnessed wasn't the worst of it.
"Because it looks like a sensitive subject? I don't know Ads, based on how you're reacting right now, I'm glad I didn't," Clay replies.
Adaline feels bad because she wants to be angry right now. She wants to tell him to stop the car but they are in the middle of who knows where in the midwest and it's almost seven pm and...What is outside the window? Is it raining?
"Ads look-" Clay starts but Adaline is already smiling like a child.
"Snow!" Adaline says, Clay smiles back at her, pulling the car over to the side of the road on a grassy field. She's already halfway out the car before he even finishes. "Clay look! It's snowing! Like, actual snow!"
The conversation they were having before is long forgotten. Adaline practically jumps out holding out her hands to catch the little snowflakes in her palms. It's so cold against her skin, it feels nice. And it's so pretty against the sunset.
Little white drops of happiness falling swiftly all around her, landing on her sweater, in her hair. She sticks her tongue out, catching as many as she can.
Adaline remembers being twelve and talking to Madi about what their favorite seasons were as an ice breaker. Adaline always said winter and Madi never understood why, and until this very moment in time Adaline didn't either. But the way that the snowflakes with swirl around when there's a tiny gust of wind makes her absolutely overjoyed. Something about the way it gathers on the toes of her shoes, how she can look down and see it woven into her hair already.
She looks over her shoulder to see Clay looking at her, smiling. He doesn't look away. She can feel her face heat up but maybe it's because of the cold snow falling onto her. She's never been in weather this cold before, how is she supposed to know? She does that weird sort of arm flapping-hitting motion things to pull the sweatshirt sleeves over her hands, crossing her arms. This is a different kind of cold.
"Is it all that it cracked up to be?" He asks. She wants to tell him right now. That she loves him.
"Yeah. Yes." Adaline breathes, turning around fully to look at him. He holds out his hand to her.
"Dance?"
Like a fairytale. She is literally living in a movie right now, this is something straight out of a book. Maybe it's a hallmark movie and maybe the book is written on wattpad but nonetheless, she lets him put his hand on her waist and teaches her how to slow dance in the snow with him.
They dance and they are the only two people in the world. The snow in her hair and on her skin reminds her that she has made it, that slow dancing in the snow with Clay is what she's meant to be doing right now. That it's okay. For once this isn't about school or streaming, it's not about drama with her friends or about her siblings. It is only about him, and just like the first time they danced together, she knows that she is so deeply in love with him.
He's warm. Her head is resting on his chest, her hands on his shoulders. He is the entire sun, the light. There's that sadness again, the one in the back of her head reminding her not to get her hopes up too high. She ignores it. For once she wants to let this warmth be hers, to hold her sin in her arms because in this moment it is nobody else. She is Adaline and he is Clay and that is so much more than enough. Even if he doesn't love her back.
"I love you," Clays voice murmurs. She stops.
"What?" Adaline looks up at him.
"I love you, Ads," she can see the red on his face, the way his eyes shift to the side and he laughs lowly. Nervous habit. This is real.
She sees snowflakes in his hair and his shoulders, the way he looks at her, all of it. She wonders how she didn't see it before, how she could love him and he could love her back. There's a sureness in it all, in the way she loves him with no regard for repercussions and the way she knows deep down that will end that way, too.
"Like..." Adaline struggles to grasp the proper words. She looks down, away from him. Nervous habit.
"Like, I want to kiss you," Clay keeps his eyes on her. She can feel him. "In that way. Adaline, can I kiss you?"
She looks back up at him, she nods, but he doesn't move. So she says it, she says yes, and suddenly she can taste him on her lips and it's like every planet is aligned and rooting for them right now. For just this moment she is the luckiest person ever to walk this earth. She can feel one of his hands on her waist and the other has moved to cup her face, hers are still on his shoulders. Is she doing this right? It's not like Adaline has ever kissed anyone before.
There's the fear again, that this is all a joke he's playing on her because he feels bad. Where is that even coming from? She has no reason to think that at all, no history of lying for her to base her irrational fear on. She feels guilty that she's doubting him, that she can't trust him. She can though. She thinks she can, hopes and prays she can. He pulls away but keeps his hands on her.
"Fuck, Ads," he looks down at her. It's so cold and the contrast between him and the air around is insane.
"I've had feelings for you for awhile now," she blurts. There is no hesitation, no time to think before speaking. If she thinks than she won't say anything. "Like, since Halloween, I think? Probably before that, I don't know. I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what?" Clay asks. Adaline...doesn't quite know what she's apologizing for. She can't answer so she just stares at him. "I've been feeling this way for while. Longer than Halloween. I've always had a thing for you. There is just something about you, Adaline, that just drives me fucking insane."
She doesn't say anything. What should she say? What is the appropriate thing to say?
"I'm...Sorry?" She mumbles again, to which Clay only laughs and shakes his head.
Word count: 2061
A/N: YOOOOOO twenty three chapter later and they are finally together...Or are they?? Story hasn't reach a climax yet so buckle in babay