❗TRIGGER WARNING❗: incoming panic attack. If this bothers you, there is a summarized version at the bottom. If you want to read the entire chapter but feel uncomfortable reading the scene, just skip. Panic attack scene will begin and end when these symbols are shown
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Enjoy
Shizukana's P.O.V.
It's been few days since I last woke up without falling back to sleep immediately.
Kakashi Sensei was currently away on a mission while Naruto was training under the supervision of Master Jiraiya and Lady Shizune.
Usually, Sakura would accompany me, but she was completing her medical training. She left some books for me to pass the time but I didn't have the heart to tell her I had already read them.
Instead, I've been making origami with a bunch of paper that was left in the room. Most of them are old newspapers or magazines.
Exhaustion didn't come as often as it used to. According to Lady Tsunade, that's because my body is healing faster than when I was unconscious. But that didn't mean I could move around freely.
I sighed in frustration as I gently grabbed the lunch tray in front of me before placing it on the tray holder. I grabbed a piece of paper and folded it into an origami rose.
I folded away before being interrupted by a series of knocks on the door.
"Come in," I called out. There was no movement for a while before the door swung open.
I felt a bright smile creep into my face as I saw the familiar brown eyes. It was Shikamaru. He looked like he had just had a shower. His hair was tied up into a ponytail, but there were traces of water in them.
I observed as he wordlessly walked towards me. He stopped at the edge of the bed before continuing to stare at me."Shika?"
That's when I noticed the tears that had gathered in his eyes. I replaced the smile on my face with a frown as I felt my vision blur.
"Shizukana." He said softly. A small smile appeared on his face "You're okay." He let out an exhale in relief, but the tears in his eyes didn't stop flowing down his cheeks.
"I'm okay," I told him in a soft tone as I grabbed his hand and squeezed it. "I'm right here."
Shikamaru nodded his head as he wiped his tears. "You gave me quite a fright, troublesome woman." He scolded me lightly.
I couldn't help but crack a smile. I tried to pull my hand away from Shika, he seemed to grip it for dear life.
I slumped my shoulders before shifting my body and hugging Shika. He didn't hesitate. I felt his arms wrap around me loosely as I placed my right hand on his shoulder.
"I'm okay," I reassured him once more. I felt his body tense.
"I'm sorry. It was my fault." He whispered. I felt my eyes widened as I pulled away from the hug. "I should have protected you. I could have prevented that."
I didn't know how to respond. Why would he feel guilty? It's far from his fault. "It's not your fault. Why would you think that?" I questioned, trying to comprehend the situation.
"I could have fought harder. I could have led my team to get you and Sasuke back." Shikamaru said as he clenched his fists. "You died. I thought you were gone." He choked back a sob.
I didn't want him to cry. There was a dark voice in my head. It kept telling me I am the cause for all the pain Shika is going through. The very thought disgusted me. Shika wiped his tears, but never-ending tears replaced them. He had closed his eyes as he tried to control his emotions.
"Shika," I murmured. "Please don't blame yourself."
I looked down at Shikamaru's hands. If he squeezed them a little tighter, then he would draw blood.
I wiped my eyes before reaching down and unclenching Shika's fists. Crescent-shaped marks littered the palm. I traced them gently while trying to come up with what to say. A part of me was filled with happiness that there were people in my life who loved me to no end, but there was a part of me that felt like I didn't deserve it.
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I felt more tears gather in my eyes as the faces of the people I let down flashed through my mind. My family in my previous life. Remembering them brought back all the memories of them than dying right in front of my eyes, and I was helpless. Kaa-San and Tou-San not getting the loving daughter they deserved and to see their life end so quickly. Naruto lying on the floor with bruises and cuts. Kakashi Sensei's dishevelled and exhausted appearance from spending endless nights at the hospital. Sakura spending her nights worrying about if I would wake up.
The worst of all was watching Shika break down, thinking that what happened was his fault.
I tried to breathe, but it was as if someone was clutching my throat, stopping me from taking a full breath. But there was no one. Shika wasn't doing anything.
But Sasuke betrayed you easily. A dark voice spoke inside my head. Why wouldn't Shikamaru do the same.
Blood pounded in my ears as I fell into a pit of panic and doubt. Tears started trickling down my eyes as I gasped to get air to my lungs.
Third Persons
A light gasp caused Shikamaru to snap his eyes open. Shizukana's eyes were wide open as she retracted her hand, placed it on her chest.
"Shizukana?" Shikamaru called out to her as he reached out to place a hand on her shoulder. Shizukana flinched and backed away at the sudden touch.
Taking this as a sign, the Nara retracted his hand and backed away. Shizukana's eyes were erratic as they flitted across the room. That's when Shikamaru noticed that Shizukana's breath was short and uneven. As if she was struggling to breathe.
"Shizukana? Breathe." The Nara said pointing towards his chest and taking a deep breath in. Shizukana watched and tried to mimic his actions, but instead of a full inhale of air, it was rather a short one that made no difference. It only teased her with that little oxygen she received.
Feeling light-headed, Shizukana tried to close her eyes and instead of seeing darkness, she saw colourful shapes and designs.
While all this was happening. Iruka Sensei was getting off the elevator and headed towards Shizukana's room. After hearing the panicked voices and scuffling from behind the door, Iruka pushed the door open to find Shikamaru and Shizukana.
The white-haired Kunoichi had raised her hand in defence as Shikamaru snapped his head to face the newcomer.
"Iruka Sensei!" Shikamaru voiced. Iruka widened his eyes at the scene in front of him. He dropped the bag he was holding and rushed towards Shizukana.
"What happened?" Iruka questioned Shikamaru, who was biting his lip.
"I don't know. It happened suddenly. She just... She gasped, and she looked like she couldn't breathe." Shikamaru answered while taking a deep breath to calm himself.
Shizukana had snapped her eyes shut and her hand clutched the fabric on her chest. She let out a choked sob as she tried to inhale oxygen, but started coughing.
"Panic attack," Iruka mumbled after recognizing the signs. Many students had panic attacks at the academy. "Okay. Shikamaru, close the curtains and then get help. A doctor. A nurse would be fine, too. Hurry." Iruka instructed as he drifted to the other side of the bed.
Once the curtains were closed, the light that passes through the light green fabric illuminated the entire room. Iruka heard the door closing before he focused his entire attention on Shizukana.
Shizukana opened her eyes and scanned the room. Her erratic pants filled the room as Iruka gently whispered soothing words.
"Shizukana?" Iruka gently whispered. At this, Shizukana slowly moved her head to face Iruka. Her attention was focused on Iruka's eyes. They were staring right at Shizukana. She didn't feel uncomfortable. They were filled with kindness. Kindness that Shizukana didn't deserve.
Iruka's expression immediately softened as he saw the immense fear in Shizukana's eyes. "You're okay. There's nothing here that you need to fear. But you have to take in proper breaths."
It was at this moment that Iruka realized Shizukana was just a child. During her time at the academy, Shizukana behaved maturely. She handed in her homework on time and always answered correctly. She behaved like an adult.
But now, all Iruka could see was a child. A child who had gone through a lot. Her eyes were usually were full of intensity, but now they were filled with guilt and fear.
"Can you do that for me?" Iruka asked gently. "Take a deep breath?"
The white-haired Kunoichi shook her head as she gripped her blanket tightly. "I-I can't breathe." She choked out.
"Why not? Just follow my lead." Iruka said kindly and pointed at his chest. He opened his mouth and took in a deep breath and let it out. He nodded his head, causing Shizukana to take a deep breath.
She did so, and she kept on taking deep breaths before exhaling them. This caused Iruka to sigh in relief. Panic attacks were not to be taken lightly.
"That's good. You're doing great." Iruka said encouragingly. He didn't dare to get into her personal space in fear of triggering another attack. "Helps on the way. Where's a nurse when u need one?" Iruka joked and Shizukana let out a soft chuckle before continuing to focus on her breathing.
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Iruka smiled. At least he could help.
Shizukana flinched when the door burst open. A doctor and a nurse rushed in with Shikamaru behind them. After calming herself, Shizukana answered the questions that were being asked by the doctor.
The doctor then turned to face Iruka and Shikamaru while the nurse tended to Shizukana.
Standard questions were answered by Iruka and Shikamaru before the doctor and nurse left the room.
The entire room was filled with an awkward silence. Shizukana was fiddling with the ends of the blanket. Shikamaru had found an interest in the tiles.
Iruka kept looking around the room, desperately trying to start a conversation. His eyes lit up when he remembered his bag. Iruka picked the bag before rustling inside. This caused Shizukana to glance at Iruka.
The Chunin-level instructor chuckled light before walking towards Shizukana. He pulled out three plush toys. He placed them on the bed before smiling at Shizukana.
"I didn't know which one you would like so I picked three," Iruka said with a kind smile. His eyes kept glancing from the toys to Shizukana's face. "You keep have them all or if it's too many, you can pick one."
Shizukana felt a small smile creep to her face. She knew it would be impolite to decline the gifts, so she picked one. "I'll pick one," Shizukana said softly causing Iruka to grin. It reminded her of Naruto.
Shizukana's eyes shifted towards the toys on the bed. They were lined up. On the left side was a fluffy panda. The middle was an innocent-looking puppy and on the left was a light blue shark.
Feeling a weird attraction to the shark, Shizukana reached out and placed her hand on the shark. It was so soft that Shizukana picked it up and nuzzled it to her neck.
She felt her face heat when the two shinobi in the room let out soft chuckles. "It's soft," Shizukana said, burying her face into the shark.
Iruka Sensei stayed for around thirty minutes before he bid farewell. This left Shizukana and Shikamaru alone again.
"Shizuka-" Shikamaru was interrupted by Shizukana.
"No. Don't." Shizukana cut him off. The Nara stared at Shizukana in confusion. "No more sappy and sad topics. I'm here, you're here. That's it."
Shikamaru noticed Shizukana was clutching her shark with such intensity.
"Alright." Shikamaru voiced before bending down and opening the bottom drawer of the nightstand. He pulled out a small wooden case. It was a Shogi board.
"Of course you would have one here." Shizukana joked before helping Shikamaru to set the pieces.
They played a few games before Shizukana had fallen asleep while Shikamaru was planning his next move. He eyes Shizukana with a small frown before placing the board on the table before adjusting the blanket.
Shikamaru sat in silence while quietly analyzing their previous game.
A/N. Hey guys. Hope you enjoyed the chapter.
I know these few chapters were full of fluff and filler but I wanted to show how Shizukana's settling after a very traumatic event.
I'm deciding on a name for the Shark plush. Any ideas? Drop a comment.
Iruka's role here is a caring teacher. I was feeling giddy when writing.
There was a trigger warning. Never had to add trigger warning in previous chapters. Hope this doesn't cause any problems.
About the panic attack, I've never experienced them and with a lot of research, I think I wrote it fine. Shizukana has had one other panic attack when she found out that Danzo was the reason for her parent's death.
The authors note is getting too long. Once again, hope you enjoyed it.
Ciao...
Summary for chapter
Shizukana meets Shika for the first time since she woke up. Shikamaru blames himself for what happened. Tears are shed and hugs are shared. Shizukana realizes that she is the reason why everyone keeps suffering.
Reality hit Shizukana like a ton of bricks and it triggers a panic attack. Shikamaru doesn't know what to do but Iruka, who was visiting, entered and helped Shizukana get through it.
Once everything is settled, Iruka presents three plush toys to Shizukana. A panda, a puppy and a shark. Shizukana felt an attraction to the shark and chise the shark.
Iruka left. Shizukana and Shikamaru play a game of shoji before Shizukana fall asleep.