[💊]
"I'm dying."
"Hush, don't say that, Gyu!"
"I'm seeing light."
"Ah, you're so dramatic."
"No, Caroline. I swear."
"It's just a fever, come on."
"I can't get up."
"Mhm?"
"My body is slowly deteriorating."
"Beomgyu."
"Tell my family I love them."
WHACK!
I almost spat out my drink. Caroline had just hit him on the arm with a rolled magazine. Beomgyu pouted and whined like a baby, hiding underneath his thick blankets, and bearing a cold compress on his forehead. His nose was red, eyes puffy and watery. He has been flaming for a week max. I phoned Caroline about the matter, hoping she could help. She studied medicine after all.
"I did tell him to get in when it was raining," I swore. "He didn't listen."
"You're lucky you're well, Y/N." Caroline flipped the compress. "Beomgyu right here is a stubborn guy."
He grunted. "I was just trying to enjoy my shitty life!"
"Get a grip," she dampened a towel. "You should've listened to Y/N. You know you can admire the city rain from the window, dummy."
Beomgyu turned to me with pleading eyes, asking me to defend him. I simply shrugged, sipping from my mug. As much as I enjoyed the little waltz, I had to admit that Caroline was right. I should have pulled him in when I had the chance. The bliss took the best of us.
"Lift your arm, buddy." Caroline requested.
"Why?"
"I need to wipe you. It'll cool down your body temperature."
He scoffed. "I can do it myself."
"Really?" She handed him the towel. "Here you go."
Beomgyu let the fabric plop to his stomach. He stared at it blankly, blinking. His mouth contorted into a frown, nose flaring up in annoyance. The truth was he couldn't do it. He had been complaining to me about how he couldn't move a muscle for days. I tried to bargain, having to wipe him as well, but he would decline out of shame.
"Well?" Caroline raised a brow. "The towel's not gonna move all by itself, boy."
"Why can't I just sleep yet?" He winced. "I'm tired."
"Because," she checked her watch. "You're supposed to eat and take your meds in five minutes. Y/N, can you do me a favor?"
I looked up. "Hmm?"
"There's a bowl of macaroni soup I slid into the fridge. Can you please reheat it and bring Gyu's prescriptions too?"
"Sure."
I sprung up from my seat, grateful that I finally had something to do other than watch Beomgyu cry and complain. I knew catching fever sucks big time, but taking care of your sickness instead of getting rid of it was a no-no; sadly, it was what he's been doing. I remembered my mom's advice; to battle sickness, you must pretend that you didn't have one. Your mind would eventually trick your body into healing. I didn't know how it was possible, but it worked.
I trodded to the kitchen, humming silently to myself. I opened the fridge, scanned the compartments, and found a bowl. That must be it. I jogged up to pick the radio, tuning it on before I proceeded my task.
"We broke up a month ago. Your friends aren't mine, you know, I know."
"You've moved on, found someone new. One more girl who brings out the better in you."
"And I thought my heart was attached for all the sunlight of our past. But she's so sweet, she's so pretty. Does she mean you forgot about me?"
Caroline's face flashed into my mind. I realized, she had dyed her hair blonde. She looked dazzling. My brows stitched together in confusion. My heart did a slight tug. I tried to ignore it, shoving the soup into the microwave. A beep rang as I set the timer. Leaning against the counter, I closed my eyes.
"Oh, I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go."
"So find someone great but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier."
I suddenly thought of Beomgyu. We danced in the rain and now, he's sick. I felt guilty. Caroline was back in his room, probably talking to him, letting him rest, or God knows what. My lips twitched into a frown. I shouldn't be concerned about the idea of them being together in a room. I shouldn't be.
"And do you tell her she's the most beautiful girl you've ever seen? An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean."
"Remember when I believed you meant it when you said it first to me? And now I'm pickin' her apart like cuttin' her down make you miss my wretched heart."
"But she's beautiful, she looks kind, she probably gives you butterflies."
My eyelids fluttered open, coincidentally making me look at my wrist. My chest weighed in as soon as I read the red numbers. 26 days. Almost there. A week after I realized I wasn't leaving him, and now I had to battle time ticking by. I've never felt so unfair. Just when it felt so right, you suddenly had to go.
"I hope you're happy, but not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, I can't let you go."
"So find someone great but don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, I wish you all the best, really."
Will he be alright? Will Beomgyu be fine if I disappear one day? How long will it take for him to recover? Will it take a huge toll on him? I prayed not. I hoped that someone could hold him before he sinks again. Caroline. He said he's friends with her for so long. Would it be enough? Can she at least lift him up for me?
I jolted as the microwave let out a beep. I hastily pulled the bowl out with caution. I placed it on a tray with a spoon, darting back to the fridge to fetch Beomgyu's set of medicine. I felt a lump on my throat. I wanted to tear up again. But I couldn't just go back there with a tear-stained face. I gotta hold it.
"Say you love her, baby, just not like you loved me. And think of me fondly when your hands are on her. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier."
"Hey, Beomgyu. Here's y..." I paused.
Beomgyu was resting, eyes closed. Caroline was embracing him. Their hands were intertwined, his thumb caressing the back of her palm. He looked comforted and calm. I felt weak. I almost lost grip of the tray.
I took a step back, bumping into the open door. The two of them heard the noise I made, so they broke apart. Caroline looked up at me in concern.
"Y/N!" She gasped. "Oh, goodness. Are you alright?"
"I am.." I walked in to place the tray on the bedside. "There you go.."
"Thank you so much, darling." She beamed. "Gyu, sit up. It's time to eat."
I watched him comply, flashing her a grateful smile. I fiddled with my shirt, eyes welling. I needed to get out. I couldn't bottle it any longer.
"I'll be in my room if you need me.."
"I hope you're happy, just not like how you were with me. I'm selfish, I know, can't let you go."
"So find someone great, don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier."
I hurried next door, locking myself shut. I immediately collapsed, back sliding against the wall. I broke down. I was frustrated and disappointed with myself. I wasn't supposed to act like this!
I wasn't supposed to feel jealous!
"Get it together!" I pounded my head. "For God's sake, Y/N!"
I should've done something from the beginning. I shouldn't have let myself rely to his presence. I shouldn't have been attached. I wouldn't have been feeling this way if I weren't so naive.
Yes, I was jealous.
I should be grateful that Caroline's there for Beomgyu. It sounded so perfect; her catching him in case he falls back after I depart. Silly, silly me. She could be the answer to my problem. She could totally ease his pain. Yet, here I am, catching the hurt to myself.
I wanted to take care of him too. That was my duty right? I didn't want to give it to somebody else.
I stared at my wrist once more. My vision was blurry. 26 days. I wasn't even looking forward to my verdict anymore. I just wanted to stay.
"So find someone great, don't find no one better. I hope you're happy, but don't be happier."
But, oh well. Who was I to decide?
She met him first. Surely, she can do better than me. She'll take good care of him.
"Be grateful, Y/N." I shakily breathed. "Please, be grateful."