buckle up this is a huge ass chapter!
to make up for not posting on sunday hehe
i hope you enjoy it, it's one of my favorites.
please comment and let me know your thoughts as always <3
☽
The pain on my chest began in my late twenties, alongside the unshakable feeling of not belonging anywhere, to anyone. I don't like thinking about it, but I know exactly when I started to feel like this — after Jungkook left, and Jimin left, I was suddenly on my own for a long time. My rock bottom was pathetic, as I wouldn't admit to myself how much I needed them. I didn't want to need anyone. So I shut myself inside my own bubble, not letting anyone enter, not seeking anyone for help. As you feel alone, being around people becomes something that you crave and scorn at the same time.
Inside my bubble, I struggled to get over Jungkook. Most days I wasn't sure if I was even trying. I was waiting it out, patiently looking forward to the day that I didn't miss him anymore, while still fantasizing about the next time I got to see him, or secretly wishing he would contact me and get on his knees again. When Jimin called me unexpectedly, after so long without talking to me, our first conversation back was like a slap in the face.
"I'm not saying this as someone who loves you, but as your friend", his tone was serious and stern, hands folded over the coffee table. "I know how hard it is to love someone and have to forget them. You're a lot stronger than you think, so pull your chin up."
Although I now walked with my chin up, I don't think I was ever strong. I was relieved when Jimin was back in my life, but I still had to wait it out. I sought medical help for my chest pains, but there was physically nothing wrong with me. There was no remedy for the sickness in my soul.
The day eventually came when I didn't think about Jungkook: when I could lay with someone and not have him haunt my thoughts, when I no longer dreamed about him, when I could walk around campus and not think of him. That's when I knew he was no longer an issue I had to deal with, but what he left behind was unspeakable.
For that reason, I made it perfectly clear to myself that this wasn't a date, and that I would go to Incheon with Jungkook to try and change my fate. To see what would happen if I tried to belong somewhere, with people that are just like me. He seemed good and happy with himself, in his community, there's no denying it — and I envied him for being happy without me.
On Saturday night, I was dressed in a maroon turtleneck and white button-up shirt on top, not quite believing what I was doing to myself. Coming completely out of my comfort zone, putting my entire life and reputation at risk going to a place like that, hanging out with the one person that irreversibly broke my heart seemed like not the move — and yet it seemed like the only move there was.
I styled my overgrown hair, bangs just beneath my eyes swept both ways to the side in an attempt to hide the fact that it's been three months since I've seen a hairdresser. Jungkook was supposed to have picked me up at eight o'clock, arguing that there was no need for two cars and it's less risky if we go together, so I caved in and bit my nails for the twenty minutes he was late. Rude kid.
My phone rang with Jungkook's name shining on the screen. After six years without a phone call from him, his husky voice told me he had arrived. I slipped my feet into a black moccasin, hung my brown messenger bag on my shoulder, and pointlessly waved goodbye to my cat.
I recognized Jungkook inside the dark gray Audi parked on my street and before I could have second thoughts about everything, I opened the door and entered without looking at him. I was immediately taken aback by the strong smell of leather and his fresh cologne, the electric guitar on the radio in its lowest volume set the whole environment. Jungkook said hello, apologized for being late, and when I looked at him, it didn't look like we were going to the same place.
I feared I wasn't appropriately dressed for the occasion.
Jungkook had the shiny tip of his round nose pointed at me, calmly gazing at my leg restlessly twitching. He was dressed in all black with a loose button-up shirt, almost sheer but not enough to make sense of his tattoos, tucked into a tight pair of pants. Around his neck lay a thin piece of fabric knotted on his chest, covering the skin that would otherwise be on display with the few undone buttons. It was very much him, but not quite. He looked feminine even with his muscular body, silver earrings dangling with his every movement.
"You look gay", I commented.
He chuckled, taking my acid comment as a joke. "That's the point", he comfortably said, to my surprise. Jungkook's dark irises analyzed me with the one corner of his mouth slightly up as he fought back a smile. "You look... Like a teacher."
"I am a teacher", I mumbled, quietly unbuttoning my white shirt to change my look. "You're so fucking late and you invited me."
The car smoothly took off with a subtle roar from the motor, I looked with the corner of my eye as Jungkook's tattooed hands handled the wheels of his expensive machine, intently paying attention to the road and quietly vibing to the song on the radio. I took the liberty to turn the volume up until I could clearly listen to the electric guitar and melodic vocals in English.
It was decent. It was pleasant. I had forgotten about Jungkook's good taste in music.
"Who's this?" I asked out of curiosity, trying to make easy conversation with him, while also being completely aware of how dangerous our reconnection could be.
"It's a band called Mötley Crüe", his glistening pink lips pouted as he answered my question. Jungkook's face looked incredibly smooth and shiny, and he definitely had lipstick on. "This one's called Glitter."
Our heads moved to accompany the rhythm of the synthesizer that surprisingly matched the heavy metal tune, very different from what I was used to. "Didn't know you like metal. S'good, I've never heard of them."
"They're from the United States, I brought their CD from San Francisco", Jungkook pointed to the glove compartment, indicating that it was okay for me to open and take a look. Inside the compartment, there were many useless things such as paper bags, but also two bottles of medication whose name I couldn't read without taking my time.
"Stop reading my antidepressants", he scolded.
"Sorry", I put the bottle down and curiously rummaged again. I was completely taken by surprise by the cover of the album.
"I like them already", I smiled at the pigs in suits with the USA flag behind them. Generation Swine, it read.
Jungkook briefly looked at my reaction and smiled at the road. The next song started and it had a bigger, heavier tone to it. My feet that were once twitching in nervousness were now following the rhythm as I discovered a new band.
"I heard San Francisco is the gay capital of the world."
"S'why I went there, and as it turns out... It is", he looked at me suggestively at the stop sign, with a chuckle. "After we broke up, it was difficult to handle myself. I didn't even realize how much confidence you gave me until... Well, San Francisco was the best thing I could have done, it was good for me. But after a few years, I started really missing my homeland. And do you know what? I missed you, too."
My leg began to twitch again after that, thinking of all the ways this gay escapade could possibly go wrong. I was silent, not eager to say anything back to that, not sure if there even was anything positive to respond.
Jungkook parked his car in a seemingly deserted street in Incheon city, in a residential street that lacked the livelihood we had in Itaewon bars. Before we got out of the car, I completely removed the white shirt I had on and opted to wear only the maroon turtleneck. I was on edge with the possibility of getting caught and nervous for the approval of strangers, Jungkook noticed the palpable tension in me.
"I have a suggestion", he began, making an effort to not sound imposive. "It's quite hot in there, so it would be wiser to lose the turtleneck instead."
I impatiently exhaled, and as I touched the hem of my shirt, Jungkook politely looked away. I undressed and took the suggestion, as he knew the place better than me, and buttoned my white shirt back.
We got out of the car and marched down the street, Jungkook fixing his shirt tucked on his pants that perfectly revealed his round buttcheeks and muscular thighs. I looked away before he looked back at me and noticed where my eyes were.
"It's here", he announced and stopped in front of a black door. He rang the buzzer and waited until a man picked it up and asked for a name. "Dante", Jungkook replied, lips shining under the yellow street light. No music could be heard from the outside, the club was completely imperceptible, the only indication that we were in the right place being a small plaque written 'Cicero' over the buzzer.
After a few moments, the door was automatically opened, and Jungkook entered with no hesitation. I, on the other hand, had second thoughts.
The younger one offered me his tattooed hand as a sign of complicity, standing inside the property and holding the gate for me. My stomach twisted, for some reason it made me think of the first time we kissed.
"It's okay. If you don't want to come, we can go back", he reassured.
Jungkook stood there patiently as I debated, an internal war going on inside of me similar to the very first time I kissed a man. There he was again, kicking me out of my comfort zone. I hated and appreciated it at the same time, although I barely made it out alive the first time he invaded my life.
"Fuck it", I entered the place without touching his hand.
We were met with a flight of stairs that went only downward, blackness covering the walls and the dangerous steps down. On the lowest level, I could see colorful lights flashing and finally, a muffled upbeat song that made everything seem more real.
There was a security guard waiting for us to come in, standing by a small window.
"You can give her a name in case you want to come back", Jungkook explained. "So you won't need me to enter."
"Names?" Ahjumma had a pen in her wrinkled hands with sunspots on her skin and uninterestedly spoke to us, keeping her eyes down to the piece of paper under her palm. Perhaps it was safer for her to not know the faces that came in here.
"Dante here."
"Uh- Strawberry", I said.
"Very original", her rough smoker voice spoke to me. "We have a Strawberry already."
"Okay-", I quickly gave it a thought. "I'm V."
"Alright enjoy your night, wear a condom and respect your colleagues, otherwise you will be banned permanently from Cicero", she mechanically delivered all those words. Jungkook gave her his tattooed hand and she marked his skin with a stamp. "Do not masturbate yourself or each other in this facility."
I gave her my hand and she marked my tanned skin as well. The security guard informed us that we were free to enjoy our night. I stared at the back of my hand as I climbed down the stairs, it was written Cicero in bold red letters.
"V?" Jungkook looked back at me with a grin, teasing me for my poor choice.
"Shut up."
It was a Saturday night, and it seemed as though the entire LGBT population of Gyeonggi province had this one place in common. A refuge from the gray world outside, the place was underground and entirely decorated with purple and pink neon lights, K-Pop music in a decent volume ㅡ enough so people outside wouldn't hear, enough so we could speak to each other comfortably. It was big and it was indeed, very hot. There were mostly young women and men dancing together, and the older crowd was sitting at tables and at the bar, and a DJ booth with a few drunk gays vibing to the electronic beat and enjoying their moment of dancing in the spotlight.
"There are women here", I said into Jungkook's ear.
"Women are gay too", he said with a humorous laugh, I responded by rolling my eyes, building up my walls as high as I possibly could around him. "Relax. Let's get this grumpy man a drink."
"Careful there, I'm still older than you", I threw a close, deadly stare that didn't seem to affect him in any way.
He walked towards the bar, and I followed behind him as closely as possible, for I wouldn't know how to survive without him in this wilderness. We were in the jungle and it was clear by the looks in these people's eyes who the prey was.
Jungkook earned a few head turns, as he naturally did everywhere he went. Two or three people said hello to him and mentioned they hadn't seen him in a while, appearing acquainted with the maknae. I exchanged looks with them and a few others that seemed to have interest in me, but carried on our mission of getting me a drink.
"Dante-ssi", a man stopped Jungkook on our way. His big hand touched Jungkook's waist flirtatiously while saying hello, his high-pitched voice making every word seem like it was sung out of his mouth. Jungkook smiled at the big man approaching him, being friendly and welcoming ㅡ he seemed like a popular person there. Both of them did. "Are you married tonight?" The man asked Jungkook after noticing my presence right behind him, hiding and observing.
"No, he's just a friend. This is V", Jungkook officially introduced me. "V, this is Hulk."
"Okay", I fought back a chuckle.
"Pretty boy, you", he complimented me in the same way my aunts would after not seeing me since last Chuseok.
"Thanks", I said as the thirty-year-old man being called a pretty boy.
"I'm getting this pretty boy a drink, excuse me", Jungkook swiftly navigated us out of that situation after noticing my annoyance.
We reached the bar and I ordered myself a whiskey on the rocks, as I needed something strong to kickstart the night. The warm temperature alongside the strong liquor quickly made me feel hot and I prayed there wasn't a pool of sweat building on my back. I exchanged another few flirtatious looks with attractive men passing by, and fondly observed the women having fun together.
"Hey", Jungkook inched closer, his skin shining bright under the purple and pink light. I looked down at his pointy cupid's bow so dangerously close to me, making my heart hesitate. I had to remind myself of the promise I made, and that he has a girlfriend.
There were silver rings on his long fingers, using them to play with the straw of the virgin piña colada he was drinking. We were standing by the bar, observing the people, feeling the place. I was surprisingly comfortable there.
"What?"
"Are you seeing anyone?" He casually asked the simplest of questions that carried a lot of confidence and meaning to it.
"I'm not seeing anyone", I answered, trying to take my eyes off of him, drinking the liquor and expecting it to have an effect soon. "But I know you are", I added as a reminder, implying that my lips were off-limits for the promised man before me.
Jungkook's upper lip curled in disdain and he looked away, softening the knot on the fabric around his neck and exposing more skin. I looked at his muscular chest, the newly exposed skin showing black ink peeking out, but I couldn't make out what it was.
"Why did that guy ask if you're married?" I asked, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence that followed.
"If you're married it means that you're with someone for the night", he patiently explained as he brought his attention back to me.
"What?" I furrowed my eyebrows and fixed my bangs.
"Some people come here alone, and they hook up with someone, and they like each other so much that they enjoy the rest of the night together without kissing anyone else. Some people come accompanied from the beginning", he inched closer so I could hear him better, but his hot breath was grazing against my neck, making me bite my lip uncomfortably. "That guy was asking me if I was only kissing you tonight."
While my head was saying no, my stomach betrayed me by reacting like a schoolgirl with the maknae's words that shamelessly uttered them with his eyes trapped on my lips. "Oh", I nonchalantly reacted, ignoring the flirtatious cue he had left in the air and bringing my attention back to the people on the dance floor.
Being overflowed with the heat, I undid one of my buttons, while most of the people out there barely had their tops on. It seemed as though everyone wore buttoned shirts just to undo them throughout the night, and I didn't judge them ㅡ those young bodies moving together, skin on skin, lips on lips, looked beautiful.
They had a strong sense of community, everywhere we looked people were saying hello to each other, comfortably enjoying the one place they could be themselves freely, so it was only natural that they built a belonging. Everyone who was within these underground walls trusted these people with their lives, made friends with them, fell in love with them, belonged to them.
I ordered another drink with my feet shyly moving to Park Ji-Yoon's beat in an attempt to dance as the liquor stripped me away from my restraints. I ordered soju for myself, puckered my lips and tasted the strong artificial strawberry flavor straight from the bottle.
I could see myself coming back in the future.
"Do you like it here?" Jungkook sipped on his drink, feet also following the beat.
"I do", I shiver with the sensation of the hard drink hitting my stomach.
"Someone's looking at you", Jungkook said into my ear. "He's gorgeous, have fun."
My eyes wandered through the club until they found the person looking back at me. "Oh!" I exclaimed after recognizing those pairs of eyes curiously staring. When he noticed he had been caught, he shyly approached us to say hello with a drink in his hand.
"Strawberry?" I was surprised to see a familiar face.
"Cyborg", he cordially greeted me with a neutral expression, not letting me know if he was mad at me or not.
"Cyborg?" Jungkook snorted, I gave him a deadly stare telling him to shut up.
"Uh- Strawberry, this is..."
"Dante", Jungkook completed. "Pleasure", he offered his palm without letting his gaze escape from the new addition to our party.
Strawberry's cheeks turned red as he took Dante's hand. "Pleasure is all mine."
My eyes rolled as I watched those two flirt in front of me, I could bury myself alive to avoid the scene. My interest in that conversation was lost.
"You are breathtaking, but I'm sure people tell you that all the time", his eyelids seemed heavier while he showed envious confidence, muscular chest complimenting his sweet words perfectly.
"Oh, please", Strawberry looked down at the drink in his hand, his shyness not allowing him to maintain eye contact with Jungkook and surrender to his magnetic field. "At first I thought you were married, you two. But it doesn't take a genius to see that you're new here", his long finger pointed at me, a sassy drunken smile on his plump dark lips. Through Jungkook's praises over his looks, he suddenly got my attention again. As a kid that doesn't care about an old toy until another one picks it up, my interest in the angel face was suddenly sparked.
"I am, yeah. You could have shown me this place before, though", I playfully made conversation as I sipped on my drink and automatically inched closer to hear him better. Strawberry's skin was gleaming purple, flawless from up close.
He showed me his pearly teeth as Jungkook quietly watched us interact. "Well, you're not much of a talker, are you Cyborg?" His lips puckered, body so close to me that my hand was compelled to touch his waist. It was ironic that I came all this way to flirt with him out of all people, but just like the night I met him, he resembled an angelic beauty. So pure that I could never defile it, but my profane mind would sure as Hell try.
"What's the fun in talking when we could be doing something better?" I smiled wickedly as I was reminded of the nights we shared together, our beautiful bodies pleasuring each other for many hours. Completely aware of my surroundings, I couldn't deny the satisfaction it brought me to have Jungkook's attentive eyes glued to us, watching as I trailed my hand down to Strawberry's lower back.
"Then why are we talking?"
His bold words escaped his reserved manners completely, it took me by surprise but I loved it. We were standing so close that it didn't take much for our lips to meet, a simple movement from our heads and we had found each other again. His plumpness massaged mine with desire, the taste of his sour liquor taking over my mouth as my tongue serpentined into his mouth and explored that well-known paradise. Strawberry's velvety tongue massaged mine in quick strokes and I could feel his muscular chest against mine, rubbing against my nipples through our shirts, our bodies automatically swaying with the music, legs tangling somewhere in between. As his big hands held me by the back of my neck, I locked his bottom lip with my teeth and slowly pulled away, catching his lustful gaze.
The hot place had definitely become hotter with the show I was putting on for anyone who wanted to see, and loved the attention I was given. I had never kissed another man so freely in my life, and that experience made me feel alive for the first time in a while. So I gave him the best loving I could give. I was in the moment like never before, eager to pleasure the body in front of me without worrying about my own, for his sweet heavy breathing in between our wet kisses were enough for me. The filthy blood on my veins had trailed down to my pelvis, making it hot and thirsty for attention. I placed sinful kisses down his neck and made him pant under my touch, arm around his waist touching and pulling him closer.
"What are you doing over there?" Strawberry said, but it was clearly not directed to me. I stopped what I was doing to see who he was talking to, and it was Jungkook. "C'mere."
Jungkook's sober eyes met with my drunken ones, his impeccable posture and back muscles showing through the thin fabric of his shirt, turned to the side as one politely looks away when faced with the scene he just witnessed. Judging by the way he uncomfortably stood, shifting his body weight from one leg to another, he did not look away for long. My eyes shamelessly trailed down his back and landed at the place where his tight-fitting pants fit him best: his perfectly round peach-shaped arse. He stood there seemingly unaware of how breathtaking he is, while at the same time using that obliviousness to his advantage as one of his many charms.
I must have been eating him alive with my eyes in those brief seconds, for he took Strawberry's invitation as though we weren't exes and he wasn't inching closer to the person I wasn't done kissing. Something about what I did told him that it was okay for him to do this, or he was just clueless. Although I was enjoying the attention, the possibility of him joining us was inconceivable, and yet there he was, taking two steps forward and holding the nape of Strawberry's neck before claiming his beautiful lips as his own. They moved fast, an internal battle between their tongues of which I could only sneak a peak, but could not deny how erotic it was to see their lips dance. Strawberry's hand was still keeping me close, but now with Jungkook dangerously close to us, devouring that man's lips, I wasn't sure what was my place in there. Even though their exposed necks would taste heavenly, and just seeing them together had my girth hardening against my underwear, I bit my lip and held myself back; I couldn't forget that it was Jungkook's neck and not any other.
However, it was Dante who held Strawberry in place through his throat, his tattoos making an appearance alongside the red stamp on his skin, and bit his lower lip without the tenderness I had shown before. His style was visibly different from mine, Strawberry hissed with the pain he had provoked, the sheer sound making it hard for me to hide how my pants were not fitting me anymore.
Strawberry stopped kissing Dante and brought his lips to my neck instead. His wet kisses under my ear made my hairs bristle and the tip of my penis pulsate against my jeans, but my lips were free. Jungkook's lips were also free, big eyes perfectly leveled with mine.
I cursed myself, drunken with hard liquor and desire, for I had no chance of resisting in case he tried anything. If I believed that he was Dante for a second, perhaps this would be less painful.
He had his thin eyebrows in a frown that I could not read, standing still. Jungkook was waiting for me to make the move.
"Should we take this somewhere else?" Strawberry's drunken voice echoed, but the intense gaze I shared with Jungkook never ceased.
What happened inside his little head? I wondered if he knew the pieces he had turned me into, all of which I was still trying to pick up. I couldn't fathom the pain that the woman he called his girlfriend will go through when she finds out the truth ㅡ and believe me, the truth always finds its way to creep into our lives. No matter how much the flesh that covered my insides ached for him at that moment, I could never be an accomplice to such cruelty.
"What's up?" Strawberry noticed the strangeness in our looks.
Jungkook knew exactly what I was thinking. He knows it, I have made it perfectly clear and he was respecting me. I stomped on my pride and self-esteem when I just wished he wouldn't ㅡ I wished he took my throat too, made me kiss him by force because then I would be at no fault.
It took everything in me to rationalize what we were doing and step aside. "I want to go home. I'm sorry, Strawberry."
"I'll take you home", the ghost that haunted my past, and had now possessed the present, offered with that resentful look on his face.
I said a quick goodbye to the confused Strawberry and began swimming in the ocean of young gays dancing and kissing and everything else in that hunting ground. I knew the way out, so I did not check to see if Jungkook was following or not, and like many times before, I expected nothing from him.
The cold breeze of a late October night hit my face with the sudden change in temperatures, my eyes struggling to get used to the normal street lights. My boner had thankfully died down and I walked down the street without looking back, with Jungkook's hurried steps behind me, not a word shared on the way to his car.
We rode together for fifteen minutes in a deadly silence that was filled by Mötley Crüe, however, it didn't have the same effect on me as before. My leg twitched out of anxiety, the palpable tension bothering me, although I knew that it was better than filling it with pointless words.
"Should I not have done that?" Jungkook's deep voice showed remorse, but I knew it was probably for the wrong reasons.
"I am not your mother, your twisted morals are none of my business", I looked out the window to avoid him.
He took a loud deep breath, I could sense he was nervous too, getting clumsy with his next words. "There's a lot going on right now, this is something that I need to do in order to get by right now."
"You don't owe me an explanation."
"I don't want you thinking ill of me, getting the wrong idea about this. This isn't the same situation as six years ago", there he was talking about the past like it's nothing.
"Same story, different words", I mumbled and folded my hands in between my thighs, too uncomfortable with the mention of the past to add anything to that conversation, or to point the finger at him and say fuck you as I wished.
"A lot has happened to me, you barely gave me a chance to show who I am now", his voice gradually became more distressed as I revealed to be less and less inclined to entertain him with this fruitless conversation. "With everything that went on between us... You don't know how much you killed me back then."
I turned to look at him for the first time since we entered that car, feeling obliged to remind him that I owed him nothing. "I don't know what you think is going on, but this isn't me giving you a second chance, Jungkook."
"I don't want a second chance, I just want to be understood. I spent three hours in front of the mirror before going out with you, it took so much from me to do what I did-"
"I've seen enough."
The long-haired one frowned and breathed heavily again, shutting himself out completely. Whatever he was feeling was not good, but I didn't want to get involved in this mess.
Never for a second did I let myself think that he was back in my life. When I ran into him, when I hung out with him in the brazilian barbecue place or at this very moment, I considered him a passing stranger in my life.
"Thanks for the ride", my drunken body left his car with a frown that matched his.
I stumbled in the elevator, swearing to God that if he showed up at my doorstep in twenty minutes I would punch him in the face and let him know how much he killed me just the same. The smiles my lips showed were bluer because of the person driving away, thinking he could barge into my life with that attitude and the past would be undone.
I played with my keys and as I walked to my apartment, I noticed a limp body sitting on the floor in front of my door. He was skinny and his hazelnut hair shone through the bright lights of my building. He made me think of abeoji, drunk and hiccuping at my front door.
Jimin didn't notice when I stopped next to him. He was probably having a nap.
"Get up", I said sternly, lacking the sobriety to help him up. "I really don't fucking need this right now, I swear to God you'll freeze to death."
Jimin's chin pointed up with lazy eyes, proving my guess right, a silly smile on his lips. "Hi."
"Fuck."
My stomach turned ambivalently reacting to his presence.
He prompted himself up and I could finally type my password and open the door, to which he followed me quietly inside. We kicked our shoes out, as my cat yelled at me to feed her, Jimin tried to calm her down by clumsy patting her back and failing ㅡ he only knew how to pet dogs.
"I just want to tell ya", he started with a bright white smile. "I'm sorry", he sang out, humorously holding his hands in front of his body like a child purposefully.
I exhaled sharply, not believing his apology. I felt rage building up inside me, one I had been bottling up since earlier this night, or maybe my entire life, and his beautiful smile in front of me thinking that he could play with my emotions like that pushed me to my limit.
"Is this a joke to you?"
Jimin's sluggish words made it clear how much he wasn't sorry at all. "Do you think you can demand something from me after all you've done to me?" The cynical man in front of me chuckled humorlessly.
"I want to beat that smile off your face, Jimin", I verbalized what I fantasized doing.
His smile grew wider. "It's about time you start keeping your promises."
Jimin's wicked response blinded me with rage.
This is long overdue.
My fingers curled up into a fist and swung into Jimin's face, his drunken body wavered. I hissed with the pain in my knuckles, but it felt good. His sharp eyes slowly trailed back at me, hand covering the side of his face that had been hit. I had succeeded for a few seconds, but it did not last long, the corners of his mouth were soon lifting up again, almost out of satisfaction that he had broken me to this point.
"I fucking hate you", I concluded, disappointed in myself.
His body jutted forward and scared me, small hands wrapping tightly against my thick neck. I immediately and inevitably thought of Jungkook, as though my desire had come true in a distorted way. Jimin's eyes were close to mine, perfect skin corrupted and glistening red with the recent trauma I had caused on his cheekbone. He didn't say a word, he just squeezed me tight, showing me how much he hated me back. What's wrong with you? I wanted to ask, but my voice would fail.
What's wrong with me for liking it?
My pulse pounded against his smooth fingers strongly involving my neck like a venomous viper. Feeling lightheaded and persuaded by his plump lips and dangerous eyes, I inched closer to him without care, clashing our lips together and feeling what the taste of him could do to my body in mere seconds. I impatiently penetrated his mouth with my tongue, inhaling his sweet smell and grabbing his waist, the alcohol in his system being clear through the movements of his tongue; hungry for me, clumsy, needy as always. Jimin licked my lips and savored me as his favorite lollipop, the memory of what those lips could do making my core burn in randiness.
Amidst our heavy breathing, I grabbed the back of his thighs and opened his legs, pulling him up to my waist. With his skinny legs wrapped around me, I walked up the steps to my room and laid him on the cold queen-sized bed that waited for me every night. I undid his belt buckle with urgency, feeling the desire I had built up in me take over my movements and turn me into an unrecognizable, insatiable animal. I yanked the pants right out of his body and passionately kissed him again, throwing away the thought that perhaps we shouldn't be doing this.
Jimin undid the white button-up I was wearing and pinched my dark, hard nipples. He licked one of them with the tip of his velvety tongue, going up and down on the nib, sucking, biting, making my penis leak for him.
"Do you like it when I hate you?"
"Took you ten years to realize that?" He smiled devilishly.
I hesitated. "Do you want me to beat you again?" I sensually wrapped my hand around his neck, just the one being enough to cover the throat that was a lot slimmer than mine. I applied light pressure, his response was to tilt his head back and hold his hand over mine, squeezing it tighter.
The corners of Jimin's lips curled up. "Make it hurt this time."
"You little shit."
I threw him on the bed through his throat, making his back hit the mattress. His hands reached out to remove my pants and I roughly grabbed his wrist, pushing them away and doing it myself, looking at his opened legs waiting for me. My penis bounced out of my underwear when I removed my clothes, throbbing and glistening, burning purple and aching for the attention it hadn't received the whole night.
I reached out for the drawer beside the bed and grabbed the condoms and lube while Jimin's impatient hand pumped me, making sudden waves of pleasure take over my core. I wouldn't last long with him, it would be embarrassing. I got his stubborn hand away again, watched him watch my naked body with pure lust blinding him, possessed by the longing that had my name in it. How good it felt to be wanted like this, especially tonight.
The image of Jungkook's tattooed hand wrapped around Starberry's neck invaded my head again like a virus. His chest, exposed by the purple neon light, the tattoo peeking from under the soft fabric that held his figure and showed his muscles perfectly. Jungkook's body moving through the dance floor, kissing another man so proudly, so confidently himself, penetrated my throughs against my will.
Jimin's hand flew towards my cheek, the loud sound of his palm against my skin being nothing compared to the pungent pain he had caused me.
"What the fuck?" A dark expression took over my aching face.
"Don't you dare think of someone else right now."
"Don't fucking do that again", I gave him a deadly stare as I mercilessly nipped his dark nipples.
He closed his eyes and tried to hold back a moan, but it was evidently something he enjoyed a lot. I was pleased by the way he bit his lip and squirmed with my teasing, so I continued by hovering his body, nails sinking into his pure white skin, drawing the sinful curves of his body with my own. His beauty marks, his muscles, his skin, they were all mine for the night.
My long fingers played on his entrance as I swallowed his penis as my favorite plaything, smearing him with my saliva and his own pre-cum, preparing him for what is coming next. His heavy breathing was sensual, it motivated me, and when they turned into soft moans and his hips began twirling asking for more, I knew he was ready. I grabbed his waist and turned him around, eager to see him bare for me. I spread his asscheeks open, touched his entrance with the tip of my penis and applied pressure until he swallowed me and pulsated against my girth. I couldn't hold back a moan, a loud and gruesome one on the back of his neck, and thrust, biting onto his skin to shut myself up.
"Fuck", Jimin cried loud, touching himself, filling the walls of my apartment as I filled his own. "Come on, Tae."
He encouraged me, so my hand reached out to his throat and played with his air entrance, raising his body until we were both on our knees. His arse, perking up asking for more and neglected, was soon taken care of by my free hand that slapped it as loud as I could, instantly feeling the pain of my actions reverberate. Jimin's throat vibrated under my palm, his desperate moans now being palpable. "Taehyung-ah", he groaned. I felt my core burn with his low voice. "I'm close, Taehyung-ah. Don't stop", he begged to my surprise.
His beautiful thighs twitched, I let go of his throat and hit him another time as I obeyed his command and didn't stop thrusting, watching his flesh bounce with my actions. "Shit", it escaped from my lips. "You nasty little whore, you like that?"
His cries of pleasure became more desperate with my words, encouraging me to go on. "You cunt, moan for me", I slapped his arse again, and with his body writhing for a few seconds and then relaxing under mine, I could sense that he had reached his climax. I removed myself from him so I wouldn't hurt him, yanked the condom filled with precum out of my penis and let Jimin savor it as much as he wanted, wrapping his plump hungry lips around me and swallowing me as much as he could.
With Jimin's puffy eyes locked on mine, my stomach tightened. "Fuck", I cursed, moaned, grabbed his head and thrust into it as though he was mine. I twitched as I hit my climax inside of his warm mouth, velvety tongue licking me dry until there was nothing left, beautiful eyes intently watching my face squirm in pleasure.
I breathed heavily, immediately removing the dirty items from the bed. I lied on it, my body exhausted from the intense physical and psychological experience I just had. I laid Jimin next to me without a word, he responded by nestling his naked body next to mine. The warmth of his back settling into the warmth of my chest.
☽
i got into making bts compilations so if you're interested in laughing pls check out my butter promo compilation on my profile lol
I feel like my chapter covers got 10000 worse with time tho.... let's pretend it's tacky on purpose bc the 2000s were tacky
thank you for reading this far!!! see you next time <3333