Chapter 14:
First love
SEUNGHEE
Rather than What Planet Are You From, I've been thinking about Yeeun. I wonder if she woke up okay this morning. Probably not. Her fight with Joon seemed a little heavy last night. It almost reminds me of that time with Hyunjin.
I shake my head. “Ahh, no! That's not the same.”
Sorn looks at me like I've gone insane. “Are you okay, eonni?” She asks, her eyeglasses dropping low on the bridge of her nose.
“No, I'm worried about my friend.”
“Aigoo, what a lucky friend. Even at work, you worry about her.”
“She's been a long time friend. By the way, how are you settling in? Are you really okay living here? That sleeping bag looks uncomfortable.”
Sorn shrugs. “I don't have a choice, eonni. I don't have enough to rent my space and I don't want to ask my parents for help. I came here to prove myself to myself but to them too.”
I take a deep breath. “I have an idea but I have to speak with some people before I tell you.”
Sorn blinks. “What idea?”
“Don't ask.”
“Aye, you told me you have an idea and then you expect me not to ask.”
“I'll tell you soon, so don't ask.”
* * *
YEEUN
I skip work the next day. No matter how I think about it, I'm just not yet ready to face the world again, so I send Sungjae a message and apologize.
Seungyeon comes home before Seunghee while I'm listening to a slow music. We haven't spoken since this morning when she told me to talk to a therapist. It's still reeling in my head among other things. As she's preparing dinner, Seunghee comes home as well. I'm just there sitting on the couch without saying anything to anyone.
“I bought drinks.” Seunghee says.
“You alcoholic.” Seungyeon responds but takes the bag of canned beers anyway. “Let's eat, Yeeun-ah.”
I sit with them on the table.
“You look like a zombie.” Seunghee tells me. “Are you okay?” She asks.
“Joon hasn't called me.” I say.
“Asshat.” Seungyeon mutters.
“It's normal within couples to fight sometimes.” Seunghee says. “You can bounce back from this.”
“Eonni,”
“Hm?”
“Have I ever told you both how I met Joon and how we started dating?”
“You said you met him at work.” Seunghee replies, filling my plate with food.
Seungyeon sits down without a word. “I really wasn't interested in dating at all, you know that. Especially, at that time. But Joon was always there. I was having a hard time but he was always there and whenever he's there, I forgot about the bad things for a while. That's why I like him. Joon is a comfort to me.” I say, feeling myself tearing up again.
Seunghee sighs, giving me a tissue. “Aigoo, don't cry. Your eyes are so swollen already.”
“Eonni, I... don't think we could bounce back from this. Not me.” I finally say.
“Are you crazy? It's just one fight. You said you really like him.” Seunghee says in disbelief. Seungyeon holds her arm and shakes her head at her silently.
So, I finally tell everything to her that I've also opened up to Seungyeon and I tell them about what happened yesterday because I feel like if I continued bottling everything up inside, I might explode. I want to take control of my feelings, of everything, of my life.
Seunghee is quiet when I was done. There's a stain of tear on her cheek and without a word, she comes over and wraps me in a hug. “You don't deserve any of this.” She says. “I've been working behind the scenes in the entertainment industry and I've seen plenty of shitty people but that CEO... woah, I can't believe it. I can't believe evil people like that really exist.”
“You should sue, Yeeun.” Seungyeon says softly.
I shake my head. “I tried. They won't believe me. Why would they believe me? Who am I compared to the CEO?”
“Don't even compare yourself to him.” Seunghee says. “He's rotten inside.”
“But... Yeeun-ah,” Seungyeon says, “You said Joon is his son. I really hate to say this but are you sure he doesn't know anything about this?”
“Would he had gone out with me if he knew?”
* * *
SEUNGHEE
Yeeun and Seungyeon have gone to their own rooms but I go to the back of the building and sit there with a beer in hand, staring at the night sky. Since we're on the ground floor, we get the luxury of a small garden although none of us ever put plants there or planted something, there's just this wooden bench that's already there when we moved in.
It's a shame that the stars can't be seen from Seoul at all due to all the lights outshining them.
I couldn't sleep thinking about Yeeun. Why were we born so powerless into this world? Why do the evil ones get to have this power over good people?
The can cracks in my hand.
I've always let sadness make home inside of me. I never once thought that life was easy. My dad passed away sooner than any of us ever expected. I've got a mom who's given up on us after that and a younger brother who's yet to know the real world and learn from it. I thought I've had it so hard; what with the career path I chose where you compete with other people that seem to just be always better than you and then there's a failed relationship I couldn't just stop writing about.
But none of these struggles seem to be as bad as what Yeeun has gone through. I know I shouldn't be comparing it this way. It's not a competition of who's had it worse, but I feel a little ridiculous about myself and I feel angry for not being able to do anything for my best friend.
Why didn't we push through Yeeun's walls in those times we knew she was going through something?
“How did your friendship become like that? It's on another level.” That's what people always asked us and to be honest, I think all of us always replied that it's just because we've known each other for so long.
But I think our friendship is built sturdier around the fact that we don't force things on each other. If any of us wanted to share something, then we listen. Sometimes we give adviceㅡbut we never force each other to talk about things we're not yet ready to talk about.
Now I'm just thinking that maybe, maybe sometimes it might be better to break those walls, step over the boundaries. Maybe in that way, you could protect someone you care about better.
* * *
YEEUN
Joon didn't text or call me. I want to know how he's doing, so I decided to go to his place the next day. Even though I barely went to his place, Joon has given me the passcode to his door. It's my first time trying to open it without him. It works.
“Joon oppa?” I call out, looking around. Is he not around? “Oppa, it's me.”
I walk to his bedroom, a mess, but he's not there. The place isn't huge so I know he's not there. I'm about to text him that I came over when I heard the door outside.
“Does Yeeun know? Yah, don't tell me you really fell her.”
I freeze. Joon is talking to someone on loudspeaker.
“Noona, I don't know where to start.” Joon says, sounding tired. Is he talking to his older sister? He told me she lives abroad.
“Aigoo, you really messed up. You said it was just to get back at dad! You said you know your plans and priorities, that there would be no feelings involved. You're looking pretty much the opposite right now.”
On my bedside table, there's a framed picture of me and Joon. I look around his room now and realize there's nothing here that would remind me of him.
“Noona, what if... what if I was wrong about her all along?”
“Yah! Kim Joon, do you really like her now?”
Before he could reply, I walk out of his room quietly. I find him putting out groceries on the counter of his kitchen. He's on a video call with his sister and his back is turned on me.
“I think I'm—”
“Aaaah! Joonie, behind you...”
Joon turns around, dropping the snack he's holding once he sees me. The color on his face draining says a lot to me. “Y-Yeeun-ah!” He exclaims, quickly hanging up the phone.
I walk towards him quietly, picking up what he dropped and handing it to him. “You didn't say you're coming.” He says.
“I was just about to text you.” I reply, looking into his eyes but he won't let me. “Joon oppa,” I call.
“Yeeun, I—”
“Do you like me?”
Joon finally looks at me but it took him a moment to reply, “Yeah.”
I nod. “Did you go out with me because you liked me?” I ask.
“Yeeun, I can explain.”
“I don't need your explanation. I need your answer right now.”
He shakes his head. “I'm so—” My hand meets his cheek. The sound of the hit seems so loud in the silence that followed after that.
My hands are shaking and my tears have come again. “You're just like your father. What did I ever do for you both to make my life a living hell?”
“What?” Joon asks in confusion.
“Do you even know what your father did to me? Do you even know what kind of person he is? When I saw his face again the other day, I was so scared. I was so scared that I had to escape from that place. I... I can't stand being in one room where he is. That's why I left. I didn't want to leave you but I had to.”
“Yeeun-”
“Joon,” I say softly because I feel so drained out of energy. “Why?” I ask him. “I really trusted you.”
“I was mistaken. Yeeun, I'm so sorry—”
“Don't touch me!” I shriek when he tried to touch my arm. “I shouldn't have let anyone new into my life.” I say, stepping away from him.
“Yeeun, please listen to me.”
There goes my first love. Nothing but a lie.
✨ ✨ ✨
AUTHOR:
J👀N !! WHY THO 👀👀
Hope everyone is doing well <3
And aren't too stressed out about things.
Personally, I've been quite outdated with Kpop because every time I go on Twitter, it brings me so much stress lol especially CLC's continuous mistreatment. So, stay away from things that bring u stress guys!!
Thank u for reading this chapter.
See u soon on the next one~