I miss you a little too much, a little too often
and a little more every day
"I'm going on the mission," I tell Chase.
"Should I remind you you're still on lockdown," Chase replies, scrolling through his phone.
"I don't care. If you don't invite me I'll just go hangout with Colin or Walker," I threaten. Chase looks up from his phone at me.
"You aren't going. And don't bring that shit up," he growls, before looking back at his phone.
"I am going. Or I could just hangout with Colin again. I had a lot of fun," I tease. I know I'm pissing Chase off but I'll continue to do so until I get to go on the mission.
"I'll just get someone to watch you," Chase mutters.
"Like last time. You don't think I have tricks up my sleeve," I walk over to Chase and sit down on the coffee table in front of him. His eyes slowly trail up from his phone to me. He throws his phone to the other side of the couch he's sitting on and sits up straight. He leans closer.
"You aren't going and you aren't hanging out with Colin either," he makes clear in a low raspy voice.
"Why not. Colin is fun," I exclaim.
"He's bad news," Chase says. But something gleams in his eyes. Jealousy?
"At least he doesn't cheat on me," I blurt out before I can stop myself. Chase's entire mood shifts to anger.
"Charm are you fucking serious right now," he asks, standing up. Well I can't back down now.
"Yup," I stand up on the coffee table so I'm taller than him.
"K firstly," he lifts me up from under my arms and places me on the ground. "That's glass and your fat ass is going to break it," he states walking to the other end of the couch. He picks up his phone.
"Second, I thought we were over this," he says softly.
"Over this? Since when?" I ask.
"Since- I don't fucking know. Since, since," he fumes. He runs his hands through his hair, something he does when he's frustrated.
"Wait, why are you mad," I ask confused. Shouldn't I be the one mad.
"Because you keep bringing up past shit," he argues.
"Past shit? It hasn't even been half a year," I yell starting to get angry.
"I apologized a million fucking times. Hell Charm I sent you 50 million letters! You didn't reply to any which is fine but still!" Chase shouts.
"Letters?" I question.
"Don't act like you don't know," he throws his arms in the air.
"No because I really don't know. I didn't get anything." I try to think back to this summer. I didn't get anything.
"Are you serious," Chase asks and I nod. "I'm going to fucking kill someone," he growls grabbing his keys and leaving the house. He slams the door on his way out making me flinch at the loud sound.
Letters?
If he really sent them why didn't I get any?
•••
"Ah shit," I curse, slipping on the last step. I grab the railing to catch me before I fall over. Dumb stairs. I make my way over to the kitchen.
I start the coffee machine and head to the fridge. I take out strawberries, whip cream before grabbing a bunch of things to make crepes. I start making crepes right away. I put them on a plate and wrap strawberries with whip crepe in them. I pour myself a glass of orange juice and walk over to the dining room table.
Where I spot one red rose with an envelope attached. My name is written in a gold cursive on the front of the envelope. I sit down and open it up while I eat.
Hey love,
I miss you. I miss us. I know I fucked up so bad. But if I had the chance to redo that night. I would! I will regret and hate myself for hurting you. For the rest of my life. I hate myself for making you cry, putting a frown on your face, watching your heart break. It hurt me seeing my Angel hurt.
I know I don't deserve a second chance. But how about a second chance as friends. At least. Even frenemies. Remember when we first met we "hated" each other. Even if everything was a competition or out of spite, we still had fun. Like at the beach, when we had a paint fight, clubbing, house arrests, the mission to find your sister even! You brought that boring ass camp to life.
I know you don't want to get married to me but I can't deny I'm a little happy we are. Maybe we can repair this structure I broke.
Just come back to me.
It's funny to think I hated you at first and now I'm begging for you back. But I don't think I really hated you. I was scared. Of this weird unfamiliar sentiment you left me feeling.
When I lost you. I lost mind. I lost feeling. I lost myself.
I ruined everything and I want you back.
Even if it's selfish.
If I did anything right in my life. It was giving my heart to you. And you still have it. Whether you know it or not.
I love you Charmainley Easton Knight. I loved you before, I love you now and I'll continue to love you.
Forever
Chase Valentino Armani De-Niro Huxley Accetta
Okay so I may or may not have shed a tear or two okay. I finish my food and place my dishes in the sink. Chase isn't coming back till later tonight. I took the note and rose before heading upstairs. I make it to my room and close the door.
I take the red stuffed bear he bought me the other day and unzip the back of it. I installed a small storage unit in the back of the bear. I place the note there. So it's safe.
I head to my desk wondering if I should right back a note. No, I'll just tell him. One question still lingers in my mind...
Why didn't I get the letters he sent?
•••
Today has been the most boring day ever. I wish I could at least go for a walk. I've been watching tv all day. And sleeping. Now I'm looking for a movie to watch as I sit on the couch. I've been home alone all day. The boys are all busy. Training I think.
"I brought pizza!" I hear Chase yell as he enters the house.
"Yay!" I yell running over to him. I'm so hungry, I didn't eat dinner and it's almost nine. I grab the pizza from him and head back to the couch. When Chase comes to the living room he's holding drinks. I thank him as I take one from his hands.
"Okay so I read your letter," I tell him. I turn facing him as he looks at me.
"Oh gosh. I'm really shit at words and writing and speaking feelings in general. Here maybe you can read my eyes," Chase brings his head closer to mine staring in my eyes.
"Do I look like a fucking ophthalmologist," I laugh. Chase chuckles pulling away.
"So," he says, taking out a slice of pizza.
"Frenemies," I hold one of my arms out for him to shake.
"Frenemies," he confirms, shaking my hand. "Also I have bad news," he says. I furrow my eyebrows confused.
"Leo, Antonio and Logan aren't able to make it to the mission. My father needs Leo. Antonio got hurt during practice. Logan decided on staying back to control tech instead," he sighs.
"Sounds like good news to me," I mutter. Chase sends me a look and I smile. He chuckles lowly.
"Alright so we need three other contenders to go on the mission with us. I'm thinking we will check out some people at training tomorrow. See which ones are good enough," Chase says.
"Well stop thinking because I have three liable people who will be joining us," I say.
"You do? Don't tell me it's Carmen, Walker an-"
"Ew no. None of them. You'll see," I smirk. "They're way better than them. One has crazy gun control. Never missed a shot. One is an amazing fighter and the other one. Hand him a sniper and let him do the job," I explain.
Can you guess who's who?
"Alright fine. Have them here Sunday night. I'll email you mission details so you can send it to them. Make sure they train," Chase reminds me and I roll my eyes.
"Trust me Chase. These guys are fucking amazing. They came on every mission with me this summer," I explain.
"I do trust you. Do you trust me," he asks.
"Eheh," I utter. "I- um, er, yeah," I smile hoping he'll change the subject.
"You don't trust me," Chase whispers, staring at the wall ahead of us.
"Well I mean in which way. Mission wise or like-"
"In every way Luck. I need to know if you trust me or not," he says.
"Little by little I trust you a bit more everyday. That's all I can say not 100% but not 0% deal," I hold out my hand to him. His eyes slowly trail up from my hand, up my arm and to my face.
"Deal," he shakes my hand before eating his pizza and we decide on a movie.
"I should probably tell you I won't be here tomorrow at all. I'll be at the office from 6am to 12, maybe 1 doing work. Same with the boys," Chase informs me.
"That's fine," I sigh.
"You can order food or make anything," he takes out his credit card and places it on the coffee table. "Can I trust you not to leave," he asks.
"Why wouldn't you- oh yeah. Aheh," I laugh awkwardly remembering how I drugged Antonio.
"I can get someone t-"
"No. Chase you can trust me. 100% this time I won't set foot outside of the house. Promise, if you let me back on the team," I lift my eyebrows up and down.
"You were never off the team," he whispers. A huge smile grows on my face.
"Promise I won't kill any more people who you don't want me to kill. 100% you have my word," I assure.
"You know if you told me who Santiago was I would've sent you to kill him a long time ago," Chase says.
"I know you would've," I smile. "Oooh we should get matching uniforms. You know instead of just wearing random crap," I suggest. Chase snorts at my suggestion.
"I'm serious," I slap his chest lightly. "What about t-shirts? Ones that say Team Accetta on the front and our name spread across the back. Pleaseee," I beg.
"I'll think about it," Chase chuckles.
"Okay good. Now shush, I want to watch the movie," I grab a blanket pulling it over my legs and torso. Halfway throughout the movie I fell asleep on the couch.
•••
When I wake up I'm in my bed. How did I get here? Chase must've carried me. I grab my phone and text my friends. I make one call to Tristan knowing he's with the boys right now.
"Yellow!" Tristan answers his phone. I roll my eyes at his dumb greeting.
"Red!" I exclaim back matching his energy.
"Ayy! At least someone appreciates my greetings," Tristan switches the audio call to a video call and I answer. Zach and Dylan are on the game.
"BOYS!" I shout and they turn around. They turn off their game and give me their full attention. "Calling Daddy Killer, Shadow and Psycho!" I announce.
I watch as the boys move around trying to get a better position to see me. They know when I call them by their mafia names I have mafia-related news. Whether it's missions or tasks. What? Chase's team isn't the only one allowed to have nicknames. They've had theirs since they've joined. The only person who doesn't have a nickname is Carmen and I. My dad thinks they're stupid. Or that they're CK.
"What's up," Dylan asks. He's Daddy Killer. Look I'm not the one who decides on the nicknames. Well at least not the final decision. I chose Zach's and everyone liked it. But Dylan's an expert in every gun. He's never missed a shot. Even if it's five on one.
"Are you guys down for a mission the day after tomorrow," I ask.
"Yeah, what's it about," Zach asks. He's Psycho. Him and AJ have incredible fighting skills. Zach is better than me but usually always goes easy on me.
"I'm sending you an email right now," I mutter as I open up my computer. Chase let me have my laptop and phone. His dad is the one that decided on no electronics but Chase doesn't care. "Hey do you guys just want to come over tonight?"
"Aren't you on lockdown," Tristan asks. If you haven't figured it out. He's Shadow. Give him a sniper and he won't ever miss a shot. He's our best sniper in the mafia.
"The rules are me, not allowed to leave. Nothing in the guidelines said I couldn't have friends over. Plus Chase isn't even going to be here tonight," I mention.
"Loopholes, I like it. See you soon C," Dylan says.
"Bye!" I hang up the phone and get out of bed. What should I eat for breakfast?