"Why didn't you say anything when ma was talking on the table?" Radha asked in dejection as she sat on one corner of the bed, facing the wall.
"I didn't have to, maybe now they are understanding my miseries. The faults in our kundlis" Abhi laughed as he picked up his laptop from the table.
"Faults-I-why, why-why can't you tell her that it isn't my kundali who is at fault! It is her own son who wants nothing to do with his wife! I can't make a child on my own!" Radha screamed in frustration.
"Oh darling, why don't you tell that to mom? Oh wait you can't, cuz that would mean our marriage is a sham, and that would lead to divorce and then you would be kicked out of the house, and without the status of a Kapoor bahu and your failed start up, where will you go? Don't think your parents care for you enough to take you back, or maybe you don't care for them enough to go back to them, who knows?" Abhi continued taunting her.
"Stop it Abhimanyu! Day in and day out, do you have nothing else to offer?" Radha snapped
"In this relationship only a child could have been offered, but you disgust me Radha, to give you a child would be an insult to my lineage!" Abhimanyu spat out.
Radha bit the insides of her mouth to stop her from screaming and stiffened her face to stop any tears. They wouldn't pour out though, she was accustomed to this for a long time and she was too exhausted to refute his allegations.
She had to stay in this marriage, she had sworn to her parents she would, she had sworn to her dearest papa- her father-in-law, that she'd be by his side no matter what. That she'd be by his son's side no matter what. Separation wasn't an option, it didn't have to be when there was an invisible wall dividing them anyway. And how did it matter, she had Dev with her always, yes now there will be another person in their life, Dev's legitimate partner, but how did it matter, she had a legitimate partner and that didn't stop her, so it shouldn't stop Dev. But would that mean another girl would be robbed off a happy marriage.
Meera shrugged away those thoughts, she had been robbed off a happy marriage, she deserved to be happy, that girl would find her ways too.
She carried her magazines and left the room to sit in the hall. If she stayed there any longer, her husband wouldn't stop taunting her and blaming her for everything.
She wanted kids, little kids where she could undo her parent's mistakes, she would let them do whatever, let them be whoever, never force them in a marriage, far from that, she'd teach them of love! Was there a possibility for it?
-
"They are great people, we have known the kapoor for a long time! Sunita and Sameer have been close friends and Sameer has always treated you as a daughter! You should have no reason to say no!" her mother had coaxed her.
"You have to get married one day and mind you I will not tolerate anyone from out of our circles! And there is no one better than this proposal! You have known Abhimanyu since you were a child!" her father reasoned. He was adamant.
"What is wrong with you all! I have just completed college! I want more from my life than just marriage! And I've know Abhi only when I was a child! After that he left for boarding school, college, masters, I don't know! I don't know him at all!" Radha reasoned and refuted her parent's offer.
"Don't be silly Radha! When you know someone as a child, you don't need to know anymore of them! people turn into their childhood selves when there is a problem! and you already know him as a child!" Her mother gave an incredulous explanation.
"Mom what is wrong with it! This is so stupid and dumb! I don't want to be married, not now and definitely not to abhi!" Radha said as she stomped her feet to the room
"You listen to me young lady, you will only be married to him! That's it, end of the nonsense! if you don't say yes, I will force you!" her father announced as Radha walked quicker to her room and locked it.
" Dev, they're forcing me, i don't want this, do something, we have to do somethin!" Radha said as she paced in the room with her phone on the ear.
"Radha we can't run away! Don't be silly! We have nothing! what will we do!? Where will we go!?" Dev had replied "Stall them for some more time! I'll complete my MBA in a year and then get a job and we'll be good to start a life together!"
"Radha your father's had a heart attack! You must marry abhi now, for your father, please! he wont be able to survive if you say no!"
"Radha, you are like my daughter, you always have been, there is no one better than you for Abhi, promise me you will always stand with him, always, stand by me." Sameer's voice echoed.
"Swear on me that you will stay in this marriage always! there is no place for you out of this marriage! That is your home now, the minute you leave that marriage, think that your mother has died!" her mother's voice echoed.
"I can't stay with you Dev, anymore, no matter what the circumstances, i can't ruin the sanctity of a marriage, i don't know Abhi, doesn't matter, i will learn, I will learn to love him and be a good wife"
A young Radha wearing vermillion, bangles and mangalsurta held papers in her hands as she screamed to her father "You sold me didn't you! Sameer uncle invested in your company! That's why all this drama happened, you were so adamant to get me married"
"I planned all this for your birthday Abhi, where were you! the lights, the cake, the party!" Radha had said
"How many times do I tell you that i am not interested! Stop being my wife! You've ruined my life enough by marrying me!" Abhi had replied, screaming at the top of his voice and then shattering all the cutlery present there
Abhi appeared suddenly kissing another girl as Radha broke her bangles and cried.
"Hey Radha? long time no see, how've you been!" Dev suddenly spoke in the halls of a lustrous 5 star hotel.
"Dev, I love you, very much" she had said when he continued nibbling on her naked body and they had made love that night.
The picture of the photo frame from Dev's bedside suddenly appeared.
Radha woke up panting, she wiped sweat from her forehead as she tried to control her accelerated breathing.
"Bhabhi, are you alright?" Aman said as he held a glass of water towards her. Radha placed a hand on her chest to calm her rapid breathing, before she took the glass of water in her hand. She gulped it in a go and turned to look at the clock. She smiled at Aman and whispered a thank you before changing into her jogging attire and leaving home for a run.
-
"Have you been crying?" Dev asked as he put his arm around Radha's waste and let her snuggle with him. She had come over in the middle of the week, very unusual since the both of them very particular about when they would meet each other, secrets could survive only if they conformed to certain rules. But Radha had sounded desperate on call and obviously Dev couldn't say anything. He knew that the news of his engagement had astounded her. He also knew how much in pain Radha would live in at her in-laws house, her mother-in-laws constant nagging and her husbands taunts. Radha hadn't spoken too much about it but Dev knew the outline of what went in her life. But they had promised to leave the baggage of their lives away when they were together. Today however Radha was specifically low. Dev slowly kissed her in the nape of her neck and tried to turn her towards himself.
"Radha, what's wrong?" he whispered. "Should I dance on chikni chameli to make you laugh?" he added. Radha turned and hugged him tightly. The last three days had been very depressing for her. She couldn't put away the thought that Dev would belong to someone else and that if she continued her rendezvous with him, she'd be depriving another girl of her happiness, just like she had been. She had been thinking of the past events very much and how she had been humiliated in her relationship with her husband, constantly, even when she had tried to love him. Her fears of never becoming a mother became more and more serious. She had tried to talk Abhimanyu into an IVF where they didn't have to indulge in sex with each other but it had no avail. She was angrier on her parents, annoyed by her mother in law's subtle jibes and the only thing keeping her alive was her father in law's affection towards her.
"Radha-"
"Shh" Radha placed her fingers on Dev's mouth. "No talking today Dev. Just hold me today, that's it. I only want you to hold me and make me feel like I am needed, I am wanted, I am worth something"
Dev held her tightly as Radha napped like a baby, going to her happy place, in a cottage in the hills where Dev and her could hold hands and sip wine.
-
The Kapoors were well known politicians, Sameer kapoor had started as a businessman but was now actively involved in politics, with a very reputable post in the state's majority party. He had passed down the business to Abhimanyu Kapoor and Aman Kapoor was still in training. Sameer kapoor had met Anand Mehra when he was in college, they grew together as Anand built up a large empire which however didn't reign for very long. Abhimanyu and Radha grew up together till they were little children, soon Abhimanyu was sent off to boarding school and lost touch with Radha. However Sameer always had a soft corner for Radha, he lacked any daughters, and a compassionate Radha filled in that place in his heart very easily. Sameer had decided very early on that Radha would be his son's wife and to secure that place he had Abhimanyu take an oath of marrying the girl of Sameer's choice.
Sameer however always knew that Anand was a sly man, he was an opportunist and would use his daughter to get access to the most high profile contacts. He knew that Anand would never agree to a marriage where no profit was involved. As soon as Anand declared his debts, Sameer took this as an opportunity to attain Radha as his daughter in law. She had always been a daughter to him. Radha too had a different connect with Sameer, she always saw him as a father to her and enjoyed the qualities and relationship that she didn't have with her own father.
Sunita was cordial to the Mehras but she had never seen Radha fit for her handsome abroad return son. Radha was dark skinned, ambitious, sometimes outspoken, impulsive and audacious for girls her age. Sunita wanted someone more subdued, who wouldn't retaliate much, who would look good to flaunt in all her kitty parties. Radha however lacked the culture of the well mannered girls of the elite group. Sunita never had any daughterly affection for Radha, maybe cuz her nieces filled that void for her. So while sunita was forced to accept Radha as her daughter in law, she sometimes used her coercion to say hurtful phrases to Radha.
Radha meanwhile was completely different, not bothered about wealth, or the elite culture, she would live in the moment. She met Dev in high school and they were inseparable in college. Falling in love was inevitable. Dev remembered every little detail about her and Dev's pain wasn't tolerable by her. Once a group of boys had threatened to beat Dev up when Radha had gone and kicked their groins. It hadn't been fun when her parents were called to the college for this instance, but it didn't matter to her. Somewhere she had no idea what her father's mind was up to, for her. She imagined of a simple future where she could live with dev and she'd have a tiny cottage and a small family, where she could bake and write and Dev could do what he pleased. But the thing about future is that it may pan out anyway possible, but never the way you want it to.
Radha was only 21 when her father enacted the entire heart attack drama, Sameer had held her hands and promised her off the best for her and her family if she chose to marry Abhimanyu. Crushed under the pressure of a 'dying' father, a 'crying melodramatic mother', a boyfriend who wasn't ready to commit and wasn't ideal to her family, a man who had been a father figure to her and a boy who she saw in the facade of a childhood friend, she agreed to get married, with in a week. She hadn't met Abhimanyu but she had sworn to her parents that she would love him, she would be a good wife, and she was confident that even if she couldn't stop loving Dev, she would make the marriage work. And eventually she would fall in love with Abhimanyu too, how hard could it be, that had been childhood friends. Besides by then she knew what extent her father could go till for his own profits, Dev would never be accepted and for all she knew she would be put under house arrest and forced to marry another stranger. At least she had her Sameer uncle and Sunita aunty here who she had known since a child.
A week after her marriage, after a wedding night where Abhimanyu had been away on the pretext of a work commitment, he had flung across papers citing the investment Sameer had made in the Mehra company. He had called her an opportunist. He wasn't wrong, there was evidence before him. Radha had cried before her now absolutely healthy father who had declared to her that she had no choice no, she had to stay in the marriage, her parent's home wasn't open to her anymore. Sameer had consoled her, saying that this was her home now, cajoled her saying that she was his daughter and assuring her that she'd soon get busy in being a wife, and it would all work out. A 21 year old Meera had nothing to hold on to, her core belief system was shattered and she took it upon her to become a good wife to the 25 year old Abhimanyu.
Abhimanyu however wasn't interested, it was as if he held something against Radha, he never stopped himself from dumping all his miseries upon her. He just couldn't see her as his wife. The more she tried the more it filled him with contempt towards her. He considered her an opportunist and held a grudge he had built from his childhood towards her. Radha didn't know what was wrong. She tried every possible way. She tried to interfere less and give him space while caring for him. She waited every night for him to have dinner with while he chose to come at the latest hour in the night just to avoid her. She'd decorate the place for his special occasions, try to initiate conversations, try to dress up her best for him. She took his reticence as reluctance to indulge with a stranger, so she tried to know him and let him know about her but he never noticed. It didn't deter Radha, she had detached herself from her parents and this had become the only purpose in her life, trying to be the good wife to Abhimanyu who would retaliate by calling her names, dumping his frustrations on her and constantly pointing out her flaws.
Radha first suspected a third person in her life when she found a lipstick mark and a strand of hair on Abhimanyu's coats. Her suspicion was strengthened beyond doubt when she say Abhimanyu kissing another woman in a bar. And then she had noticed him whisking a girl to a hotel room once. She was heart broken, confused and heartbroken. When she confronted Abhimanyu about it, he said that he just didn't feel that way for her. He called her unfit for himself and threatened to cut off all investment to her father's company if she let this out. Radha wouldn't let it out anyway, it would shatter Sameer and she would never want that. So she complied but she stopped trying. She began putting in effort to build a start up around menstrual hygiene, trying to manufacture sanitary napkins at a lower cost and supplying them to rural areas. Clearly not the most profitable business, much to the dismay of her mother in law who saw this as downtrodden and her father who would astounded at it's non lucrative worth. Her husband wasn't bothered and her genial father-in-law chose to encourage her, unaware of what his son was doing going around the town.
Radha had met Dev again when she ran into him at a restaurant where she was having lunch with her friends. She couldn't believe her eyes, it's like all her worries were non existent in that one moment. She was reluctant to initiate any conversation with him but Dev had been her best friend. They met for coffee and she laughed more than she had in the past few months. The second time they met, she had cried more than she had in the past few months. What seemed to be a meeting for closure became extended to rendezvous that she lived for. In what seemed like a moment of weakness, they initiated a relationship thriving on sheer love and respect for each other. Radha was guilty but only of doing this to her father in law, she wasn't guilty because of Abhimanyu, because Abhimanyu was outsourcing his affections too. Besides in her bleak life, this gave her a reason to survive and that's what she focused on. What was to happen with her and Abhimanyu, she would never find out, but the one thing she had learnt in the last few months was that things weren't in control of an Indian woman, they just weren't, the only thing in control was her own happiness and no one was going to secure that for her, she had to figure out on her own.
-
I think you will realize that Radha is quite different from my usual female protagonists, she doesn't have this rebel streak which very much comes from footing again, Meera from Can't help falling in love had security - her career, her large family and Arjun's welcoming family, Diya from Just Roommates also had a certain footing because she had grown through life experiences and had a certain sense of security with her career and her family, however dysfunctional it maybe. Radha was married at a rather tender age - 21, compared to the other two ladies with no serious footing to hold on to except her papa however how hard can you hold onto a man whose son is your husband and making your life miserable.
In terms of male protagonists also, there is a space for conversations between the male and female protagonists in my previous story but over here you'll find it hard to find, at least in the initial pages, because there are so many mixed feelings involved and there is a childhood angle involved and there is a constant questioning between who is right and who is wrong.
Let me know how you think it's going.