Jag såg en stjärna falla,
det var inatt när alla sov.
Jag tror jag önskade
att du var nära.
För en minut sen brann den
för en sekund sen försvann den,
var det bara jag som såg?
. . .
I saw a star fall,
it was tonight when every body slept.
I think I wished;
that you where close.
For a minute then it burned,
for a second then it disappeared,
was it only me that saw it?
"Tänd et ljus" ("Lighten a candle"), Triad
Harry didn't know how long they sat there, but after a while he noticed that it was no longer dark around them. Instead the torches burned again like they should and his Patronus was gone. Yet Malfoy was still trembling in his arms.
"Malfoy," he mumbled softly, "I think it's okay now." Malfoy's head flew up from where it had been resting, and he looked into Harry's eyes with a gaze that was unreadable.
"Right" he said and pulled away. Harry regretfully let him go, not quite understanding why he didn't want to. Malfoy was on his feet in the matter of seconds, and after some thought he held out his hand to help Harry up. Harry took it, and he was pulled up with such force that his and Malfoy's chests were slammed together when he stumbled forward. For a moment their eyes met, before Malfoy stepped away.
"I want to get going." Malfoy's façade back in place, his voice stern.
"Of course" Harry answered.
They walked in silence, Harry gazing at Malfoy from time to time, just to make sure that he was okay of course. His face was blank, unreadable every time Harry looked, and he gazed steadfastly straight ahead. Harry was itching to ask what exactly had happened, but it was clear that Malfoy was uncomfortable with the whole thing, so he didn't. And yet, he couldn't help but feel somewhat hurt when Malfoy had stepped away, even though it was the natural thing to do. It was probably his own guilt, he decided. Because he somehow hoped that Malfoy wouldn't hate him for letting this happen. Even though, Harry thought, he already hated him, so what did it matter?
Harry opened the door to the choir room and Malfoy pushed past him to get in first, even though Harry was going to let him anyway. The whole room turned towards them as they entered and for a second, Harry hesitated.
"Sorry we're late, Professor, but we got, ah, distracted."
"Oh, I understand. I trust everything is well?" Flitwick asked and Harry was taken aback that there was no detention or punishment for such a late arrival. But then again, he thought, it was probably because they were Lucia and Staffan, and the two of them coming late to class was taken as a sign that something had happened.
"Fantastic." Malfoy snapped and stalked across the room to stand beside his friends, leaving Harry awkwardly in the doorway. But he also walked to stand beside his friends, deciding that it was for the best.
"What happened?" Ron and Hermione both whispered.
"Later." he promised, but in reality he didn't know if he wanted to tell them about the whole thing. The way Malfoy had seemed so scared and helpless, the way he had felt in Harry's arms, how he hadn't wanted to let him go. It seemed like a dream, far away from the choir room that was filled with other people and where it wasn't acceptable for Harry to even touch Malfoy.
Not that he was exactly hugging him before per se. No, it was more like he was holding him together and comforting him. Making him feel safe.
"Now, when we're all set and ready, let's begin with the usual song." Flitwick woke Harry up from his thoughts and he pulled out his scroll because he, everybody else, didn't know any of the songs by heart.
"Professor," he heard Malfoy's voice say, and he snapped his head around to look at the blond who had his eyes on their professor. "Could we sing another song to begin with instead? I - " he broke off as if his reason for the request was foolish. "I need it." he finally said.
Beside Harry, Ron looked like he was about to break out in laughter so Harry stamped on his foot, hard. He didn't want Ron to laugh at Malfoy, not now after what he had just been through, and Ron hissed in pain.
"What the fuck, Harry?" he whispered.
Harry gave him a dark look before turning to Flitwick, to see what he was going to say.
"Of course, Mr Malfoy, what song?" the professor said and Harry let out a breath that he hadn't realized that he had been holding. Malfoy looked shocked that Flitwick had agreed without argument, but he snapped out of it a second later and looked through his scroll.
"Seventh song."
"But we haven't sung that song yet!" Hermione interrupted, scowling at her parchment, and several heads around the room nodded in agreement.
"Then don't sing." Malfoy suggested with a sneer, and with an approving nod from Flitwick, Malfoy began to sing.
Det strålar en stjärna förunderligt blid,
i öster på himlen hon står.
Hon lyst över världen i oro och strid
i nära två tusende år.
Och när dagen blir mörk, och när snön faller vit,
då strider hon närmre, då kommer hon hit.
Och där ljuset är, där är det jul.
Harry faintly wondered if Malfoy had sung this before and at least knew the words, or if he had just picked it upand opened his mouth like he did the first time Harry had ever heard him sing.
Suddenly he found himself, and everyone around him, humming with Malfoy's voice, following his melody like he was showing everyone the way and they were all following without questioning it.
By the end of the song, people were looking down at their scrolls trying to pronounce the words. Everybody was singing along, and everybody was looking at the words expect Harry. Harry was staring at Malfoy. He was watching the way Draco kept his gaze focused on the distance, how he held his head high, how sure of himself he looked and how Harry had the urgent desire to touch him.
Är ljus! Allas ögon de strålar som bäst,
och stjärnorna tindrar som mest,
och där ljuset är, där är jul, där är jul.
It was only Flitwick's applause that made Harry realize they had all stopped singing and he looked quickly away from Malfoy.
"Magnificent, absolutely magnificent!" Flitwick praised. "You were all outstanding!" At that, most students blushed as if they had actually sang alone. "An absolutely fantastic proposition on your, Mr Malfoy. Just see how he was able to lead you all into singing, even if you didn't know the song or without even realizing that you were singing! If we continue like this, we have the ceremony in the bag." Flitwick was truly delighted, and Harry guessed that he was planning on making Malfoy a permanent member of his choir after this was all over.
The rest of the session came and went, and Harry found himself constantly looking at Malfoy, trying to get him to meet his gaze.
Dinner had been awful. Ginny had been mad at Harry for running away from her like that. And Ron and Hermione - who he still hadn't told about what happened - wanted to know why he had left Ginny as well, and it took him quite some time to get them to realize that it was related to him and Malfoy being late to choir practice.
Then they had immediately changed the subject, furiously feeding Ginny's suspicion.
So it was quite a relief when Malfoy decided to have a quick dinner, and Harry flew up from the bench with a quick excuse. Ron and Hermione decided to stay and just Neville, bless him, accompanied Harry to the Tower.
"So what did happen?" he asked when they had settled down by the fire. Harry sighed. Apparently Neville wanted to know just as much as the rest of them and with a quick look at Malfoy, who was sitting at the table where he had been sitting with Hermione the day before, he looked back at Neville and told him everything.
Harry didn't exactly know why, but he told Neville everything. Even the parts that he was going to censor, like how he remembered what Malfoy's breath tasted like.
"Harry," Neville said uncertainly, "it kind of sounds like you're, don't take this the wrong way, but attracted to Malfoy."
"There's a right way to get that?" Harry exclaimed indignantly.
"I'm sorry! But I saw the way you were staring at Malfoy the whole time before, especially when he sang. And it's like the way Ron stared at Hermione before they got together."
"I have a girlfriend, Neville!"
"I know! Look Harry, I'm not trying to offend you or fuck with your mind. I just pointed out that you're acting like someone that's attracted to someone, but denies it." Neville blushed and ran his hand through his hair, looking extremely awkward.
Harry groaned and let his head fall to his hands that were resting on his knees.
"But I do love Ginny." Harry defended weakly.
"I'm not saying you don't, but you have to be honest with yourself."
"Yeah."
"Potter?" Harry looked up at the call, to find Parkinson standing uncertainly in front of him. "Can I talk to you?"
"Er, sure" Harry sat up and looked at her.
"In private," she said sternly.
"Oh, I just remembered that I have a book in my dorm that I need to get, if you would excuse me." Neville stood up and walked away and Parkinson looked at him, with an almost smile but certainly thankful look before she slowly sat down in the armchair where Neville had been sitting.
"I - " she began, looking down at her hands in her lap, "I wanted to apologize for that thing I said last term, I -" she broke off.
"It's okay, I forgive you." At that, her head flew up and she glared at him.
"How could you say that so easily?" she protested. "It was horrible, and yet you just say 'it's okay' just like that?"
"Do you want me to be angry at you?"
"No!" she exclaimed, looking terrified that he actually would be.
"Let's just say that I've been through worse than you saying that the student body should hand me over. And at the time I had a lot to think about, you can imagine, so afterwards I kind of forgot about it."
Parkinson groaned loudly, something Harry couldn't imagine her doing, and let her face fall into her hands, sitting like Harry had done just moments ago. "And here I've been frightened for my life that you were coming to get me for half a year," she whined.
"I'm not the kind of person that goes out to 'get people', like you put it."
"I realize that, Draco told me several times. Theo also for that matter, but I guess that if the whole school was mad at me for what I did, I reckoned that you where too."
"I'm sorry about that, by the way. For what Ron and the others did to you." Parkinson slowly looked up at him, eyeing him suspiciously. "I mean, Malfoy was right, and I'm sorry that I let it go on for so long."
"You're a very odd person, Harry Potter. I try to hand you over to your arch-enemy and you apologize that your followers are mad at me for what I did and are seeking revenge."
"Ah, yes well - "
"But thank you," she cut him off, "for forgiving me."
"It was nothing."
"Maybe not to you." And Harry saw a hesitant little smile on her lips, a kind of smile that made the ugliest person look flawless, and she stood up and walked to sit next to Malfoy. Harry watched them, how Malfoy looked up at her, how a smile broke out across his face and how he hugged her, and Harry felt a stab of something in his guts. Something that he didn't even want to name. Because he was afraid that it was what he thought it was.
Translation of the song Draco sang:
A star is shining remarkably gentle,
in the east of the sky she stands.
She shine over the world in concern and struggle
in two thousand years.
And when the day becomes dark, and when the snow fall so white,
then she comes closer, then she comes here.
And where the light is, there is Christmas.
(...)
Is light! Everyone's eyes are gleaming so bright,
and the stars and twinkling the most,
and where the light is, there is Christmas, there is Christmas.
Original song: "Det strålar en stjärna" ("A star is shining") by Jeanna Oterdahl and Ruben Liljefors.