{{{A/N : guys this chapter is gonna be hell leangthy ... bear with me....and ....happy reading...}}}
my zhan ge.....
he was my GUARDIAN.... he still is...
when ever i was so in hell - mood off - coz of trivial's - like gossips and badmouthing from our surrounding's , saying " im not a lucky boy. and those gossipers blamed me and my bad luck for being abundant by my parents that i had to stay with my nanna now alone , and they insisted their children's to stop mingle or play along me " all that hurt me like hell , i was still growing and was just a little kid back then , yet those harsh words had no mercy over this poor soul , they just needed a specimen to experiment all their devilish gossips on... only god know what else they were spiting out with those venomous lips , even without knowing the real truth or the situation happening around - their lips still spread gossips which lack veins within ,
but my zhan ge made it crystal clear to me... gossips have no values in our life....the only thing he repeatedly says is " we know our yibo ... and ...thats enough..."
but , when first my zhan ge come to know about it, he definitely fought with them saying " your tongues are all spineless to spit out such venom non stoppingly and have no rights to talk about his lil'devil. "
well nana's would also march along with zhan ge to split those venomous tongues into two parts, but zhan ge being zhan ge ... he know what is the limit...
he knows it clearly
- if we respond to a barking dog with same vigor , we are no different than those stray dogs... -
so ge always stops nanna from turning into a dog...well they will be much more deadly ferocious than any dog at such situation coz those ill words were splashed over their precious grand sons heart ... and it hurt him...
...............
trivia's are never ending sagas....
after dealing with those gigantic devils , zhan ge would come back running to his lil' devil - .
...to ME......
he would do anything and everything to make me alright , he would sneak me out the home at mid night to have a
sky watch....
and
star count...
i would be non stoppingly counting those endless stars over us... out loud.... " 1... 2... 3... 4...50...600...7,000...80,000...9,00,000....1,00,00,000...... (well on and on and on ) " and my zhan ge would listen to me without any intrusion ( well i didnt know at that age , i can never count them all ever... i was busy playing the impossible game just like any kid at such age...)
it was peaceful ...
zhan ge would ask me to wish for something looking at the never ending sky - each and every time , and i does it immediately " praying to those never ending infinite stars above us , to let me to be by my zhan ge's side for ever and ever and good health for nanna's and specially for my zhan ge , and he be - only and only - happy all his life long and all his sorrow will turn back to me..." i wish this each and every single time...
but
zhan ge never counts - stars , when i ask him - why ? , he would say " when i have my only lonely star all for my self , what else do i need more of "
i jut smile....
cos i know i am his only lonely star....
..............
after a starry sky watch , zhan ge would buy me ice cream from near by 24/7 supermarket ....we eat our ice creams with rain drops accompanying us till we reach our home...
it was so...unique and cloyingly delightfully
an rainy - night - sky - watch with candied ice cream...is the best of the best
well we had two marshal awaiting at home to sprank us hard in our ass's to bulge...
but few scolding for endless caring is just perfect isinit...
coz
we will definitely fall sick the next morning from our - heavenly rainy ice cream...outing
heheeee....
😂😂😂😂😂
he was my BENEVOLENT... well he still is....
..........
well that wasn't the end of our cookery calsses...
coz my zhan ge would cook my favorite dishes ( like one or 2 simple easy made dishes or designed fruit cut dishes on a weekday ) and also pack my lunch box with care and love...
he always places a sunny sided egg for me within my tiffan ...which always bring me a happy sunshine smile all over my face ....
which definitely made my remaining day - the most peacefully beautiful -
and
at weekends when nanna doesn't wish to cook or when we are about to make BBQ.... he would always end up making me to wipe out my entire plate with no left overs ...
he really loves watching me eat...
zhan ge always repeats it " to never waste food - ever..." its like he has already imprinted those golden words in within my mind - body -& - soul to never slip out my senses
at that time only ONE THOUGHT WOULD CONSTANTLY BANG MY HEAD HARD " IM DEFINITLY TURNING INTO A big FAT PIGGY AT THIS RATE..." ( with all his non-stop feeding) < nodding hard>
when ever i completely wipeout my plate...zhan ge would smile his 1000mega wats sparkling smile with his bunny teeths scene ... totally blind folding me...
though it was a pure nagging but i loved it... and wanted it even more...
😪😛😛😛😪
he was nothing but my nagging - MOMMY back then....well he is still ....
.............
childhood...uniform ...lunches .... schools
schools isinit...even my school days were filled with my zhan ge only... starting from day 1...
zhan ge was the one who dressed me up to the new school after a thumbs up from my grannies... ge was a big boy then so he insisted , he will take me to school...
my zhan ge rode me to my new school with me on his back over his cute bicycle...
and he waited all day long until my school were over out side my campus gates . he was practically awaiting me for full day long in a hot summer day , and finally i got to see his smiling face only when i hugged him back as soon as the school gates opened... and i crashed with in his embraced hug...
and he rode me back home with me holding a umbrella for both of us...well it was so damn sunny then...
just like every single kid i loved getting back home running after school hours... but the reason was my zhan ge and nanna's too followed by
😎😎😁😁😁😎😎
a FATHER... he was such a one to me totally CARING....he still is...
................
even though nanaa's was afraid for me from getting hurt , but zhan ge encouraged me to explore this world all by my own self ,
well he never left me alone to get hurt anyways and with him by my side i was never alone
he practically made me to forgot the truth that - i was once a unlucky lonely kid
..............
he made me to join dance group... well he knew i just loved dancing soooooo much....
and now i can also skate ...
where gege ride his bycycle and i skate along him....
to buy groceries for all of us...
he even convinced me to tag along with my classmates and get few new friends of my own...
even though i made few good friends - yet... my zhan ge is still my top most priority ...no matter what...
well zhan ge was never less than me ...
he always introduce me to all his friends with his delicate smile....
only god know how the hell he has so many friends and they were all good too... but once i just couldn't stand some of his friends when zhan ge brought me to meet them at bar , even without me saying he understood me...and that was the first and last time i saw them together when i was with my zhan ge... even without verbal truncations he understands me well... and i also know I AM his first priority too..
😊😊😊well im just simply happy😊😊😊
...............
at times ...my zhan ge was also my teacher who guides me... who corrects me .... who leads me...
yes....
he was my MENTOR...he still is one...
coz of my childhood trauma , i was never a good grader within my class... but mostly a topper from bottom , but it was never a big deal until that day.
like always nanna couldn't make it to my PT meeting .... so zhan ge just came in her place like always...
but that one drastic thing happed that day... which changed my lifestyle so much.... that made a naïve boy to change his entire self from....being a powerless lil boy to some one who was quite powerful to take care of someone...
my zhan ge got scolded for me...they were blaming my zhan ge , also got yelled before everyone before my class , saying " how can a kid come to a PT meeting , IS THERE NO ELDERS IN YOUR HOUSE.... this boy is so unruly "
that incident really stripped all my fear away...
and made me to realize i need to be powerful enough to take care of my precious
i was a naïve , gullible, soft , vulnerable , powerless little boy then ... who was always and only taken care by his gege... who had no right to save anyone , not even his own self and the more he cannot keep his loved and cherished one in safe zone...
that transferred me into someone who is strong mentally physically and emotionally who can face any situation with heads up and accept any failure with no hatred and protect my cherished ones safely .
coz
i couldn't watch my zha ge getting yelled by any one ... which really turned me into a book worm for no reason... i was studying like hell...
my zhan ge could have definitely talked back or pacified the situation but he didn't . he didn't wanted to make any difficulties for me , to only end up hearing all those gibberish words with his ever polite face , pleading hands with few sentences repeating again and again " he is still lil boy , please take care of him, please teach him... i will take care of him." repeatedly politely.
and i insisted that my zhan ge should attend the next PT MEETING no matter what , he came late ....but he indeed came ... still panting hard from all his running...
guess what zhan ge didn't wanted to not coz he might get scolded but coz he didn't wanted to make any trouble for me , but the situation was upside down there...
my zhan ge got greeted with due respect coz i was the topper of that semester... i bashed all the former topper and scored the top mark...
each and everyone was stunned and shocked as hell...what else can they do...apart from being stunned scolding blaming and cursing other...
unlike my zhan ge...
i acknowledged before each and every single person present there.. " that he is the one who thought me ,and he is the only reason for me being no.1 here..."
( yes , without my zhan ge i wouldn't have been able to achieve this.. no matter what...
he was the one who supported me , trusted me, guided me , mentored me...
even when nanna was scolding me for such low grades , zhan ge affirmed her he will help me to boost up marks, and he indeed did it..
he didnt push me and never forced me..
he just accompanied me along the path... he just stayed by my side all along...
like invisible sugo chora...
it was never necessary for him to sit along me all night until i complete studying , be it mid night or early morning...he was always ready to clear my doughs.. even when my zhan ge was sick and resting at his bed , he still springed up and sit straight still coughing before me to clarify my doughts ... explaining thing untill i understand it...he repeatedly explained the difficult topics to me - be it 10 times or 100 times... be the topic - small or not so improtant at all - he would still do it.. even when he has his exams going on and he still did it... not monitoring me but...
mentoring me...
was this not enough to put my entire self to score few marks for my zhan ge....i will and i did it...)
and i will receive my reward... now
not the momento im waiting for... but ....its my zhan ges's ......
its my zhan ge 's proud face and his genuinely gratitude'd smile ... enchanting everyone
my mentor....
😎😎😎😎😎😎
.............
even though he was my mentor , he never once stopped being a good friend...
my dear good friend...
he was one... well he still is the one
my zhan ge is filled in all my cherishes and happy memories, he never misses one... even though zhna ge had many friends , he still make time for me no matter what...
he always accompany me
....
Not only good memories...even at my most dark memories he still stuck beside me.... as the saying goes time awaits for none.... I to grew up. And was no more a lil' kid ,to end up with fever and shivers at very night when my parents visit me but the trauma still kicked it effects... Though I showed my strongest side before them by facing them directly answering then looking at their face .
but
still my hands never stopped shivering within my pant pockets.... And those chocking fear of tears are ready to burst out...but no I can never show them my weak side ever and never cry my shiver's before them... I endured it....as long as possible...
But fate indeed plays its games once or twice .
When I was about to lose it ....and burst out... My Zhan ges hands will shield me by clenching it so tight to make me forget all my fear and tears...
Well our teary story doesn't end there coz I still had my bundled up untamed tears to flood out. And my zhan ge knows me well.. so he always drag me to gege's all time favorite spicy chongching hotpot shop....
Have to accept it even though I'm here in chongching for so long , but still her hotpot never fails to break my taste buds always..it will be too spicy for me. and I'll Always end up shedding few tears of spiceness...
Ge know me .so always take's me there to shed my feared tear's in the name of spicyness.... And I indeed did it...
But....all my spiced tears turned into my sweetest happiness when I see my ge ge smiling smiling at me...
he would try all kind of funny jokes to make me laugh...well nothing works on me...but when he ended up smiling from his own jokes...that rocks me...I indeed end up smiling just looking at my zhan ge' s smilling face
that will definitely make me to forget everything....and everything...for once and for all...
..........
even though ge taunts me make fun of me be he always favour me , he never fails to give in if i really like it ...he did it for me then and he still does it now...
............
only god knows for how many times...i fall asleep over his shoulder at our garden bench at night ...when i keep on ranting my stories to him...and finally fall asleep over his shoulder...
he would neither wake me up nor disturb my sleep , he will just stay the same until i wake up be it full night out door or next early morning , he still holds me within his shoulder never letting me to fall down..
my friend...my dear friend...
🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩
...........
not only that....
he even protected me from getting ill treated... at my school days once ...
only at that moment i realized even my zhan ge can get angry......
for the first time since ever - i saw him angered ..that to for me... he hit the boy to crash over walls with his still dripping blood from his tarted lips for hitting me ....
well he deserved it... and the shocking truth is he never showed up ever again in my school ...i never knew what the hell happened to him...
............
he always stood there to hold me when i was about to fall down...
always shielding me
he was my KNIGHT... and he still is...
🐰🛡🛡🛡🛡🛡🛡🛡🐰
.............
as far as i remember ... he did everything for us...for both me and my nanna's ... he was the only one brain cell within our family...also he was the only one who uses brain than his fists among us...he was just our guardian angel guarding us... my dear sugo chora , my deadly sinigami with his earthreal charm...
when both our nanna's were getting old , he was the one took care of everything including this naughty grown up kid ( referring himself yibo )
and he was the only decision maker of our family...and his judgements were never wrong
even when he told us , he want to move on to Beijing for his higher studies as he wanted to become a doctor...
even without any explanations every one already knows , that - i still have my internal bleeding thing yet to be sorted out...
when he left us saying he will stay there for a month OVER THE BIG CITY after my birthday , i thought he wouldn't be able to make IT up to it...
yet he came back on his birthday ....exactly right before the day was over...and with his everlasting enchanting smile he demanded it very strongly...
zhan " bobo wish me..." still panting hard " ther is still time , our day is not over yet , wish me..."
i just saw the watch over my wrist there was still few seconds left for the day to be over...
for my zhan ge's birthday to be over...
and he asked me again..
zhan " boboooooo sooon wish me happy birthday...."
with his everlasting sparkling eyes
what else can this gege boy do...with tears , i just crashed my entire self over him and from the bottom of my hearts i wished him...
and wished before this entire universe to grand me a wish ( i shall never be separated from this person , who is right befero me ...please grand me a wish of everlasting love even after death...) and i wished him...
bobo " gege.... happy birthday...." ( zhan ge , didi ai ni...)
and he took us along with him , to where he is to where we should be...< with him , by his side...>
we relocated to Beijing near my new high school...
........
yet he promised me " we will go birthday trecking like always... "
he always take me to trekking on our birthdays... to talk to me , to hear me , to console me , to advice me , to be there for me always...
he was my protective elder brother....
.........
" he did that all for me...that's what i felt... "
" was it wrong"
............
" how is it , not possible for me to - not like him... "
" actually i like him..."
" no i liked him even more... "
" just more than any brother would like his brother as "
" to be precise ...I loved him"
" more than just a brother..."
" can i not "
" and i have this feeling of he too likes me ....no...he too loves me more than just a brother "
" but "
" is that the real truth is - or - am i just making thing up... "
............
" i couldn't justify it until my 18th birthday..."
" that "
" I LOVE MY ZHAN GE..."
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