I was on cloud 9. In my state of unconsciousness there was an area of relaxation. I could breathe in this place; truly take a deep breath without the consequence of feeling any pain. I felt nothing, which in return felt fucking incredible.
I danced around in the never-ending flood of happiness until I spun around and came upon a door. I was confused, as to what the door was doing there in the empty space, but I felt the need to open it, wondering where it led too.
I open up the door and walk into my home. I had just gotten back from school, and my mother was in the kitchen, making macaroni and cheese. Even though it was the boxed ones, it was my favorite thing to eat at my young age and a bright smile lit up on my face. What I had thought happened on this day was my mother got too drunk to remember to say happy birthday. But here, in this place; she was sober and a great mother.
"Hey! There's the birthday girl!" My mother cheers from the kitchen and I blush slightly.
"Hey kiddo!" My dad chimes excitedly, pulling me into a big, warm hug.
"Go up to your room baby. Daddy and I left you a few surprises." She smiles and winks. I nod and break free from my dads loving hug and happily skip up to my room and open my bedroom door. There were boxes upon boxes of gifts on top of my bed. I laugh excitedly as I run over to my bed and begin ripping through the presents, my smile getting bigger after every CD, Barbie doll, nail polish, and toy that came from the boxes. I hear a knock on my bedroom door and know I need to thank my mother for all these presents that any newly 14 year old would die for. I get up and skip over to the door, opening it up.
"Hey, you ready to go, babe?" Dylan says after I open up the door. His hair gelled up nicely and beautiful smile on his face.
"Yup, let me just put on some lipstick." I smile and walk back into my house which now was bigger, much bigger, and was all my own. I find the nearest mirror and stand in front of it, my 23 year old self, looking stunning as my long, dark hair was curled perfectly, and what I had expected to be a lifeless face looking back, was a bright and happy one instead.
I grab the red lipstick from my purse and glide it along my lips, closing it and dropping the small tube back into the bag when I had finished. "Okay, I'm ready." I chuckle and walk back to the door, locking it, and closing it behind me as I took Dylan's hand, my boyfriend of now 8 years, today.
It being out anniversary, he was taking me out to a fancy dinner at one of the best restaurants in the city. Later on after the dinner we went to a nearby park, fingers intertwined, with our hands swinging back and fourth as we walked. It was a beautiful day, and we weren't in Washington anymore. We were somewhere warm, somewhere beautiful. The silent walk in the empty park was lovey. Just me and him, enjoying our little life together.
"Riley?" Dylan speaks and stops walking, turing to face me as he grabbed my other hand and looked into my eyes.
"Yes?" I respond and smile brightly, looking back at the person who meant the entire world to me.
"I love you so much.. So, so much, Riley..." He says, and I begin to get worried, wondering if he was going to break off this relationship that had been going on since high school.
I nod, "I love you too, more than anything." I say back, meaning every word.
He smiles, brushing his thumb on the back of my hand as he bit his lip. He seemed a bit nervous, which I didn't quite understand why he would be. "First off, happy 8 years.." He says and chuckles and I join him. "I love you." He says again and pecks my lips. "I should've prepared a speech or something, I know; I'm a horrible boyfriend." He adds and smiles, shaking his head as he chuckled once more. "But I promise you, I'm going to be the best fiancé..." He says softly and looks back into my eyes. I furrow my brows,
"Fian-..?" I begin to say but my eyes widen as Dylan gets down on one knee, and pulls a small black box from his pocket, opening it up to reveal a beautiful diamond ring.
"Baby, I love you so much.. Everyday I tell you how happy you make me, how much you light up my world, and how much you've changed me. I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and I hope you feel the same way too. Will you do me the extraordinary honor of being my wife, Riley Harper?" He asks me.
My eyes immediately fill with tears of joy as my hands covered my mouth in shock. I nod quickly, "Yes, yes of course." I say and smile bright as I pulled Dylan into a hug and cried happily in his arms, pressing my lips to his afterwards, kissing him deeply.
"Why don't we get that ring on, yeah?" He chuckles and I nod, giggling softly. I hold out my hand and he takes it, grabbing the ring and slipping it onto my ring finger where it fit perfectly and shined bright.
"How about we celebrate at home?" He suggests with a playful smile and I nod, smiling big as I kissed him once more, grabbing his hand and running back with him to his car.
He drives back to my house and opens the car door for me. The sun had now gone down on the drive back home and there were stars filling the night sky. I immediately press my lips to his once I get out of the car. He grabs onto my hips and lifts me up as he backed towards my door. I straddled him and kept my lips to his as his back hits my front door and I reach my arm behind him to open it up as he backs us into the house.
I close the door and turn around, walking back over to Luke who was sat on his bed with his back against the headboard, guitar in hand. "Was your toilet break eventful?" He asks and smirked with that stupid smile that I hated to admit my love for.
"Yes, it was wonderful, thank you for asking." I answer sarcastically and roll my eyes but end up smiling as I walked back over to him and sat down across from him on the bed, crossing my legs in pretzel form. "What was it that you wanted to show me?" I ask as he tuned the strings on his guitar slightly.
"I wanted to ask you what you think sounded better.." He says. "Just give me your honest opinion." He adds and I nod. He begins to play a short pattern of cords which sounded pretty good, like it usually did. "Okay, and than there's this one..." He says, playing a slightly different sequence of notes which also sounded good.
"I like them both, but the first one is a bit better." I say and he nods. "What's this for?" I ask.
"Your birthday present.." He smiles softly, writing something in a little notebook, either cords or song lyrics like he normally did.
"I told you not to do anything for me.." I mumble.
"It's your 18th birthday next week, Riley.. It's kind of a big deal." He smiles. "And there's no way I'm not doing something for my girlfriend on her 18th birthday." He adds and I sigh.
"Fine, if you must." I say and scoot over so I was sitting next to him. I rest my head on his shoulder as he began playing again. "So you're writing a song for me?" I ask, raising a brow as I found that unbelievably sweet of him.
"Yeah, I thought it would be creative. I've never written a song specifically for somebody before, never mind for someone I love..." He says and my heart warms.
"That's sweet, babe. I'm sure it'll be great." I smile softly and lean over, pecking his cheek gently before resting my head back on his shoulder.
He turns his head to the side, allowing himself to press a kiss to my forehead. "I love you." He says softly and pecks me again, before looking back at his guitar.
"I love you too." I say and smile softly, the words so easy to say.
"You can't hear the rest of the song until your birthday, though... Sorry babe." He says and chuckles.
"Fine.." I pout and cross my arms. "Can you at least play me something else?" I ask. "I love hearing your voice... I say softly.
He nods, "Of course.." He smiles gently and begins strumming.
"Breathe deep, breathe clear, know that I'm here, know that I'm here, waitin'..." He sings and I begin to hear a faint beeping sound, not sure where it was coming from. I try to block out the sound and focus in on Luke's voice.
"...Stay strong, stay gold. You don't have to fear..." He continued but there beeping only got louder.
"...You don't have to fear, waitin', I'll see you soon, I'll see you soon..." The beeping was loud now, as loud as Luke's voice. I look up and over at Luke to see if this sound was bothering him, but his face seemed to fade, slowly blurring as everything else in the room did so as well.
"How could a heart like yours, ever love a heart like mine? How could I live before? How could I have been so blind?" I continued to hear his voice, but there was nobody here anymore. Nothing but black, and Luke's bedroom door. I walk towards the door and grab onto the handle opening it up slowly and stepping inside, following Luke's voice and the loud beeping which came within it.
"You opened up my eyes...you opened up my eyes..."
I slowly open my eyes, blinking a few times since my vision was blurry. The first thing I see in front of me is Luke sitting right beside me, guitar in hand, strumming away and singing softly.
I look around, not moving my head since it didn't feel too great right now. I was laying down in a hospital bed, needles poked in my arm and the fucking ECG beeping on its highest volume.
Luke must have realized I was awake and immediately stopped playing. "Riley? Holy shit, are you awake?" He asks and frantically puts his guitar down and grabs my hand, scooting closer. "Can you hear me?" He asks gently, looking deeply into my eyes, hopeful to see somebody looking back.
I look back at him, my whole body hurting as I tried to make sense of all of this. I barely manage a tiny nod for him to know I heard him. I remember being in my bathroom. I remember going to Nash... and getting a bunch of pills. Had I been dreaming? Were all the amazing visions that I just had all fiction? They felt so real... I thought I had been given a second chance to live a good life.
"Riley, fuck.. Don't out ever scare me like that again." He says and shakes his head as he looks down. "I thought I lost you..." He mumbles but stops speaking when he gets choked up.
"I'm sorry.." I manage to say in a barely audible voice. I was sorry that I came back. Why couldn't I have just stayed in that void of happiness forever? Luke would be able to move on, continue with his music. My mom would continue to go to AA and get better; to the point where she falls in love with someone new and is happy again. I'm sorry that I ever got in the way of everyone else's lives. I'm sorry that I'm still here.
"Shh, love." He says softly. "Don't apologize.. I-I'm so sorry for not hearing you out.. I treated you like shit.. You made a mistake, it's not a big deal." He says and rubs his thumbs gently on the back of my hand to sooth me.
I think back a little more and remember that I had told Luke that I kissed Nash. I didn't take it lightly when he admitted he no longer loved me. But, I didn't intentionally try and kill myself. Not for him; not for anybody. I took the pills to feel better, and I did, until now when I face the consequences.
"Don't flatter yourself, Luke.." I mumble. "We're not Romeo and Juliet... I didn't try and kill myself for you.." I say gently, cracking the slightly little smile in this glum situation.
He smiles ever so slightly but it is soon replaced with a small frown. "Why did you do it?" He asks gently.
"I was tired of feeling worthless. I've lost too many people, and I've felt like shit for too long. I just wanted that feeling to go away... I didn't think I would overdose.." I sigh softly.
He takes a deep breath and stands up, stepping closer to me. He presses a kiss to my forehead, "I love you, Riley." He whispers against my skin.
"I love you too." I whisper gently. "Could you.. continue singing?" I ask gently, hoping he would.
"You like that song?" He asks.
I nod, "It's very pretty." I say.
"Michaels girlfriend forced him to watch the movie that it's from... Then Michael gave me the DVD and I sort of loved it.. so I don't know, considering our situation, I didn't know what else to do..." He rambles on.
"Just shut up and sing, please.." I interrupt his rant but smile softly at him.
He chuckles softly and picks his guitar back up, sitting down in the chair right beside me again. "Anything for the birthday girl."
(Hello Everyone! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I loved this one so much and writing it came so easily. I did take quite a bit of insperation from the movie/ book "If I Stay" because its such a beautiful love story. The song for this chapter is Heart Like Yours by Willamette Stone, the fictional band in the movie. The song seriously helped me when writing this chapter that I decided to have Luke sing it in the end like Adam does in the movie :3 I hope its not too similar to the movie, I realized at the end that it was a lot more similar than I had thought it would be, but I hope you all dont mind! Anyways, this A/N is getting too long, haha. Thank you all so much for reading! There is only ONE CHAPTER LEFT!!!! Ily all so much! Thanks for reading and sticking with this story for so long <3 xx)