Jaime took the passageways of the Red Keep at full sprint, a single figure with a singular purpose. Anyone who might have viewed him as he darted across the vast courtyard would have thought him mad. It was true, he very nearly was out of his mind. His love for Brienne had caused a crazed urgency within him. He was desperate to reach her. After Tyrion had challenged him to finally declare his explanation to Brienne once and for all, Jaime had left his brother cheering him on by the side of a worn footpath and had race back to the fortress that held his lady love.
Simply traversing the distance between himself and the Lord Commander's chambers had been the extent of Jaime's plan. He knew not what he would say once he was at last in Brienne's presence. He cared not if he seemed a lunatic, or absurd. It did not trouble Jaime if he descended into blithering foolishness when he saw her. Everything he had to say to Brienne, and the determination that this time he would not be stopped were the only things of which he was aware. With no memory of his trail, he stood before her door and pounded on the thick oak, shouting her name.
"Brienne!" Jaime's shriek echoed off the walls of the corridor. "Brienne!" He repeated at the top of his lungs. He felt as though he could beat his way through the barricade that kept them apart. "Brienne!" He howled even louder.
It seemed an eternity before the panel moved. "Brie..." Jaime began as the force of his hammering strike propelled him through the threshold of Brienne's quarters, nearly knocking her down as he entered uninvited.
"Jaime!" Brienne cried out in shock, as his body pressed against hers, both attempting to remain standing. "What in the name of the Gods are you doing?" She questioned, her tone loud and shocked, her eyes wide and confused.
"I must to speak with you." Jaime declared breathlessly. He did not move from the unintentional embrace in which he had landed.
"Now?" She asked, annoyed. "It's the middle of night." She reminded him angrily. "You nearly woke Galladon. It took me forever to get him down." She told him, disturbed by his intrusion.
"Forgive me." Jaime said, his urgent expression unchanging. In the back of his mind, just beyond his current insistence, for a moment, Jaime wondered if perhaps the difficulty Brienne had experienced in getting their son to sleep was because the babe had spent the day missing him. He did not know that Brienne had speculated the same as their son fussed in her arms when she tried to appease him.
"There is so much I need to tell you." Jaime continued, edging even closer to Brienne, his face only a hair's breadth from hers.
"I am sure it can wait until the morning." Brienne huffed, and tried to squirmed away from his grasp.
Jaime did not move, but only held tighter to Brienne. "I've waited long enough." He said forcefully.
Brienne stopped writhing and pulled back from him, studying Jaime judgementally. She smelled the remnants of the spilled wine with which Bronn had accidentally soaked Jaime's garment while they had talked in the tavern. "You're drunk." She asserted, the corners of her mouth turning down in disgust.
With a wistful sigh, Jaime looked deep into Brienne's eyes. "I have never been more sober in my life." He professed earnestly.
She reacted with a sarcastic laugh. "I can smell it on you." She scoffed.
Jaime shook his head vigorously, denying her claim. "No. Bronn spilled wine on me as we sat in the tavern earlier." He recounted.
"Bronn?" Brienne rolled her eyes. "So, after an evening of carousing, you think it appropriate to come pounding on my door in your stupor?" She glared at Jaime. "Just what is it you think you will get here?" Her anger was equaled only by the disappointment and hurt of what she assumed he thought of her. "I am not the whore you left at Winterfell." Brienne faced him, conviction and determination burning hot in her eyes. She would never be used and thrown away again.
Jaime shook his head, his expression softening to regret, his voice a whisper. "I never..." He began, his heart breaking at the impression Brienne imagined he held of her as he stammered. "I would never think of you as such." Jaime backed away from her. He berated himself at the result of what he had done to her. She was still in as much pain as he. "You are no whore." Jaime declared to her seriously. "I would slay any man in these kingdoms who would dare say otherwise." He vowed.
Brienne stood before him, her jaw set defiantly, remembering all she had suffered in his absence. "You certainly missed plenty of opportunities in the North, when I grew large with your child, unmarried, and alone." She challenged, misinterpreting his empassioned protectiveness as boasting and bravado. "Many had a good jest at my expense, behind my back." Brienne raised her chin defiantly.
Her words cut Jaime deeper than the blade that had taken his sword hand. What had now been lost to him was far more dear. He understood that he had only himself to blame for her ire. He prayed that the motives he planned to voice would calm her fury, and begin to heal the injuries she had suffered. His mind filled with images of the revenge he longed to visit upon all those who had reviled her character. He grew silent for a long moment, watching her precious face in the dim light. Even enraged, she was angelic to him.
"I would have made them all pay with their lives." He swore to her solemnly, knowing that if he had stayed with Brienne, no one would have dared to cast doubt upon her reputation.
The sigh with which Brienne met his oath was somewhere between disbelief and exasperation. "Now I know you are drunk." She shook her head, and eyed him suspiciously.
Without a thought, Jaime reached out his hand and softly touched Brienne's cheek. "Please believe me." He beseeched her. "The only thing upon which I am inebriated is my love for you." Jaime said to Brienne, his tone begging for her trust.
Brienne stood staring at Jaime, her heartbeat growing more rapid at his touch. Everything within her wanted to remain there forever with his fingers against her skin. She forced herself to turn from him. "I think you'd better go." She demanded, angrily.
As he saw his chance to explain himself to Brienne slipping away, Jaime felt his own anger growing. He had kept a distance from her as she had asked. He had not mentioned a word of their past to Brienne. He had cared for their son, and watched over her, as if there had been no history between them at all. It was a chasm Jaime could no longer bear. He had sworn to himself that he would confess his motives to Brienne this night. He would not be deterred, not even by the pain in her eyes.
"I am not going anywhere." Jaime affirmed, his stance set in equal defiance to hers.
Brienne gave an exhausted sigh, her weary brain showing her the only other purpose for which she could believe he had appeared at her door. "It is far too late for you to say your goodbyes." She informed him, swallowing hard against the lump in her throat. "You can spend your last moments with Galladon on the morrow." She told him, trying her best to hide the sadness that tinged her words.
Jaime looked at her, bewildered. "Goodbyes?" His eyes searched Brienne's trying to discern her meaning. "Galladon?" He stammered. "I...I don't understand?" Fear clutched his heart, hoping she did not intend to banish him from their lives. Jaime stared at Brienne, unable to force another word from his lips.
Brienne regarded him cooly, a look of resigned indignation forming on her face. She had feared this time would come. "It is probably for the best." She asserted, trying to make herself believe it. "Before he forms a stronger attachment to you." She tried to appear brave, all the while her heart was breaking at the thought of losing Jaime from her life once again.
"For the best?" Jaime repeated. "Attachment?" He shook his head, and stared at her, desperate for understanding.
She straightened, trying to give herself an air of indifference. Yet, Brienne could not look Jaime in the eye, afraid of what she might find there. "You cared for my son admirably." She told him. "I am truly grateful." Brienne admitted. "Of course with the responsibilities of your new position, be assured that nothing more of you is expected." She confirmed, giving Jaime the out for which she was certain he wished.
Jaime answered Brienne with a horrified look. "Galladon is my son." He implored, unable to imagine his life without either of them. "I will never give him up. I will never be distanced from him, or you." He declared.
Brienne held up her hand to stop him. "There is no need to continue in our pretenses." She breathed slowly, trying to keep anger and jealousy at bay. "I know your sister carried the babe that you desired." Brienne could barely get the words to pass her tongue. Suddenly, she glared threateningly at Jaime. "Galladon is no one's second choice." She swore protectively and ferociously.
Jaime could only shake his head numbly as the full weight of Brienne's threat crashed down upon him. She had not believed he truly wished to spend the precious moments he had enjoyed with their child. The hurt he had inflicted upon her had shadowed her perception of all that existed between them. The love they shared had created the sweet beautiful babe who was the light of both their worlds. Jaime would give his life eagerly for even the smile upon his son's face. Brienne's belief that he was somehow regretful to have fathered their child, shattered him.
When, at last Jaime could speak again, the pain inflicted upon him by her assertions could not be masked. "Never have I wanted any child, other than Galladon." He said, remembering how he had dreamed of the family they might create when they shared their nights together at Winterfell. How bitterly he had grieved for even the wish of them as he recovered from the injuries of trying to rid the world of the monster who would have harmed them. He attempted to grasp for Brienne's hand, to declare his joy at being the father of her child, to profess the adoration he held for Galladon. "I lov..." Was all he could get out.
"Don't!" Brienne interrupted him, infuriated. Her chest heaved with angry gasps so strong that she had to step away from Jaime. She left him standing near the door, and fought herself not to stumble, somehow making her way to the hearth in the parlor. She stared into the flames. They burned as hot and bright as the love she still felt for him. The smoldering log turning to ash reminded her of the hurt and anger that had done its best to destroy those feeling. Brienne did not think those emotions could ever be truly healed around the scars he had left. She heard Jaime's footsteps, trodding toward her from behind. From the weighty sound of his gate, she imagined his knees were buckling just as hers could barely hold her upright. It was Brienne who spoke first.
Her voice was hoarse as it climbed over the knot in her throat. "How could you expect me to believe Galladon is the babe that fills you with fatherly pride." Brienne questioned dryly. "When you did not want his mother?" She accused, her voice failing her.
He pivoted around her and brought his face to hers. All he wished was to wrap her in his arms, instead he forced the issue. "Gods Dammit, Brienne!" Jaime spat through gritted teeth. "I have done all you ask." He shook from the intensity of his emotions. "I have waited, and hoped, until I can abide no more." Jaime stood unmoving before her. "You will listen to me, this time, for I will surely explode or expire if I do not voice what I have come here say." His tone grew louder and more vehement than he meant for it to be.
He strained against his own anxious energy to present a calmer demeanor, not wishing to agitate her any more than he already had. Although inwardly his emotions raged. "A few moments, that is all I ask." Jaime begged in whisper, hopefully. "So that I might explain myself." He told her, and waited, afraid even to breath.
Brienne stared at him blankly. She had tried so desperately to bury the feelings she harbored for him. She did not know if she could bear having them rooted up and exposed like a raw nerve once more. "There is no need to explain yourself." She assured him. "I was the fool, gullible enough to believe what you said to me at Winterfell, what you made seem so real." Brienne dug her nails into her palms, trying to overcome the pain she felt welling up within her, threatening to give him the pleasure of her sobs. 'Don't let them see your tears.' She heard Renly's voice encourage from long ago. She would do him proud.
Jaime's will drove him onward. "These impressions you have of my motives, are all false." He charged. Yet he recalled how desperately he had tried to create that very rift between them when he left her that cold night many moons prior. He had prayed that her anger and disillusionment would keep her from following him to her own death by dragon fire. "Much is of my making." Jaime lamented. "But my purpose was pure, I assure you." He would not be stopped. "I shall not move from your chambers until I have told you the true reasons for all I have done." He vowed, his voice filled with desperate determination.
Brienne met Jaime's forceful plea, with a painful energy of her own. "I know your reasons, Jaime." She answered, her chin quivering against the weeping she was trying valiantly to hold back. He stepped back in shock. After all this time, was it true? Did she know that he had meant to keep her safe by ensuring the death of his sister?
"You know?" Jaime's brow furrowed in disbelief.
With an accusatory glare, Brienne continued. "The most beautiful woman in Westeros waited for you in Kings Landing." Brienne stared blankly ahead. Her face an unreadable mask, the result of a practiced lifetime of guarding herself against the cruelty of others. "You realized that you no longer wished to spend another moment in my company." She conjectured. "With she whom you once swore unable to recognize as woman or man." Brienne sneered sarcastically. "Of course you would want to return to your beautiful Queen, the one you loved." She told him painfully.
Jaime could no longer contain the swirling tempest within him which threatened to rip apart his very skin and wash both he and Brienne into the ocean of his pain and regret. He would not allow her to believe any longer that it was anyone other than she who completely possessed him. "You are the woman I love!" He avowed loudly, forcefully, pressing against her. His face hovered close to hers, his eyes wild with longing.
"I beg you." He pleaded. "Do not throw the words of a stupid fool, back into his face." Jaime pleaded, unknowingly forcing Brienne backward with the intensity of his argument. "Words spoken an eternity ago to the goddess he did not yet know, but only a short time before she stole his heart away." Jaime continued. So passionate was his appeal that he was not aware of the shock which appeared upon Brienne's face as she attempted to retreat from him.
Brienne had only seen such a torrid look in Jaime's eyes once before. It had been in that split second their frightened stares met when he hurled himself into the pit at Harrenhal. She stood losing her battle with the ferocious, blood-hungry bear. He gave not a second thought in joining her ordeal. He had been as terrified as she, yet it was Jaime who took charge. He who got her out of that muddy trench where she was surely meant to die. His own safety had been nothing to him. He had returned for her. Refusing to lose her, he would rather have died than see her harmed. He would sacrifice himself for her life. This was the man with which she had fallen in love. Brienne did not know how willingly he had faced death again for her life, ensuring Cersei would die.
Jaime continued his urgent barrage as he backed Brienne across the floor. It was not the animosity or hostility that he used against Cersei when they had tried their best to hurt each other to the core. The fury with which he spoke to Brienne was not directed at her. Jaime was angry with himself, and at the circumstances which had kept him from Brienne long enough.
"I will not let you go on another moment thinking that any of this was your fault." Jaime declared as Brienne stumbled back against the chair she kept beside the hearth, and fell upon the seat. "I cannot bear that you believe I left you because I did not love you with all of my heart." His voice shook with sadness as he tried to catch his breath. "You must believe, nothing could be further from the truth." Jaime's eyes were filled with tears as he fell to the floor before Brienne, and knelt at her knees.
Jaime's pledged slammed against Braime harder than any champion that had tried to overpower her. He loved her? Jaime had never said it before. Even in the strongest depths of their passions, when feeling their bare skin next to the other was not nearly close enough, he had not sworn his heart to her, not with his words. Before Brienne could realize Jaime's meaning, more truths poured from somewhere within his soul. A place which screamed as loudly as that inside of her.
Jaime trembled as he stared deeply into her eyes. "Brienne of Tarth, with my heart laid in shattered pieces at your feet, I confess the words I should have been brave enough to declare long ago." He told her, watching Brienne's astonishing eyes peer back at him in wonder. "I love you." Jaime bowed. "I love you with all of my heart, all of my soul, and all of my body." He swore. "All that I am." As he spoke he could no longer keep at bay the tears which spilled down his cheeks.
Finding a whisper, Brienne answered him. Confusion fought her against trusting his admission. "But, you left me for Cersei." Brienne stated blankly, until contempt took control of her. "I suppose now that she's gone, I am your next best option." She speculated harshly. "You loved her?" Brienne challenged half-heartedly, wanting so desperately to believe that he truly loved her, but too afraid to give him a chance.
"Cersei." He hissed, hanging his head. Would his life always be marred by her evil? Jaime's expression turned to repulsion at the mention of his sister's name. "That was not love." He nearly spat the words upon the floor. "That was manipulation and control." There had been plenty of time for Jaime to ponder his true relationship with Cersei, to reflect upon what had kept him under her domination for so long. "My body had reacted to her advances when we were young, and I was foolish enough to believe her when she said it meant we were destined to be together in love." Jaime conceded his guilt to Brienne. "She filled my head with talk of us as soulmates, simply as a consequence of us having been born twins." He shook his head at the gullible boy, who dreamed of knights and lovely ladies, and had believed the vision his own sister had spun in his brain of them. The mere child who had given in to her carnal lust.
Jaime's shame shadowed his features as he continued. "There was much expected of me, Brienne, too much sacrifice." He lamented. "She was the easy path." He said bitterly. "I thought her a way to have all that was denied me." He lamented. "What I had with her was never really love. Not even the kind siblings should know." He said, a thoughtful smile finding his lips. "Not the kind you knew with your dear brother, for whom you named our son." He sighed, and then his eyes clouded again. "I was witless enough to let Cersei lead me around by the cock to do her bidding." Jaime shook his head remorsefully, and caught the breath that was fast leaving him.
Jaime raised his eyes once more to behold Brienne. "You are who my heart chose." He told her earnestly. "My heart is yours." Jaime swore. "It always has been. It always will be." A soft understanding passed between them remembering the first time he spoke those words to her, when gracing her with the protection of Oathkeeper was all he could give her.
Brienne regarded Jaime uncertainly. For a moment, he thought he saw a look of empathy find her eyes, only to watch it pass as quickly as it appeared. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words would come. She drew a ragged, almost painful breath. "You say that you love me?" She asked rhetorically, her voice a rasp, her eyes so filled with pain that Jaime could not bear their idictment. "Then why did you leave me?" She posed the question Jaime had feared.
After a heavy silent moment Jaime spoke, his head lowered in shame. "Riding away from you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do." He confided. "Worse even than killing my own king." He said earnestly.
"Had to do?" Brienne's voice quivered. Her hands lay limpy upon the arms of the chair in which she sat, her posture rigid and guarded. Jaime longed to take her fingers carefully within his own as he explained, although touching her was a privilege for which he did not yet dare hope.
Jaime nodded, his tongue felt heavy and loose in his mouth as he continued. He relived the sorrow which had coursed through him as he rode away from Winterfell, when he had left Brienne alone in a the freezing darkness. "It was a dead man who stood before you that night, who could not look into the sapphire depths in which he wanted only to drown." Jaime confided.
"Yes." He regarded Brienne sadly. "I had to leave you that night." It was only now that he could truly look at her, as he recounted the moment of his greatest pain.
Brienne nodded in solemn acceptance. "Because of the babe. Her babe." She closed her eyelids hard against the image she could not contemplate when it was she who had carried his child. She was certain the other, who had never lived, had also taken him from her, from their son. How could she feel such resentment toward an innocent babe? Brienne was now the one who could not bring her eyes to him.
Again, shame weighted Jaime's gaze to the floor. He shook his head, and then forced himself to look directly into the depths of Brienne's eyes. "There was no babe." He told her bitterly. The remorse that clawed at his throat was not at the thought of a child who never existed. The sorrow with which he had lived was because it had been his quest to be an honorable father that had dragged him from Brienne's side, not knowing that the child he wanted grew within her belly, not Cersei's.
Begrudgingly, Jaime continued. He feared his trembling voice would fail him and render him unable to go on. "Before the Battle, when I rode North I was ready to forsake the child she told me she carried, another babe I could not claim." Brienne watched the resentful hatred in his gaze when he spoke of his dead children. "I would have left it with her." He declared. "A little thing to remember me by. If it was even mine." His tone was almost vicious. Jaime looked up mournfully at Brienne. Did he see sympathy in her eyes?
Jaime dared not stop. "Later, I realized that I could not leave an innocent child with such a demon." It had been the moment that Bronn had informed Jaime that he had come north on Cersei's orders to kill him, that he realized he needed to take responsibility for the life he had created, even if meant forsaking that which he wanted so desperately. "In the end, it was partly my concern for the child that drove me from your side." He told her. " When I left you, I thought there was some kind of honor in accepting that role, as father, as protector." He told her. "I could not let another child be poisoned by Cersei's evil." Jaime recounted, his eyes distant remembering the most painful moment of his life, that when he had rode from Brienne and could not look back for he was falling apart. Now, her silence incriminated him.
"I was prepared to live the rest of my life as a charade, making some semblance of a loveless life with her, all the while dreaming of you." Jaime said, watching Brienne breathlessly. It was then he realized how much he had given up. "I knew the moment I saw her that there had never been a child. Her body was as flat and thin as the day I left Kings Landing." Jaime said, his tone curiously void of any feeling at all.
Brienne's voice, however, was filled with animosity. "That must have been bitterly disappointing for you." She blamed, a single tear winning the battle against her control and sliding down her cheek.
Jaime shook his head. "No." He declared. "It was not. I felt only relief." He admitted. "Relief, and desperate sorrow that I had forsaken you for a lie." He said softly, longing to touch her face, and kiss away the track left by the evidence of her sadness.
Brienne's gaze froze upon some distant unseen point beyond Jaime's shoulder. "And yet, you chose to...to die with her." She choked, her limbs numb.
"I had no choice." Jaime relented.
"I see." Brienne accusatory stare cut through him worse than any blade ever had.
"No." Jaime's anguish grew deeper. "It was not like that." His eyes pleaded with Brienne to listen. "I chose to ensure that she would die, even if it meant giving my own life to see it done." He revealed.
Brienne stared at him in shock. She could barely breath as he inched closer to her. Jaime grasped her hand and held it to his heart. He found strength in the fact that she allowed it. "Listen to me." He began, holding fast to her. Brienne could feel the racing of his heart through the gambeson he wore. "I thought you safe in the North." He told her. "I thought we were both safe, far from Cersei's reach." His face saddened at how wrong he was.
Against her will, Brienne could feel her guard falling at his testament. "She could not have touched us there." She said softly. Surely he knew that.
Jaime almost smiled at the memory. "That is what I thought as well, what I had hoped." He affirmed. "But I was wrong." His heart crashed to the pit of his stomach, just as it had that night he watched her sleep and knew that he could not stay with her. "Do you remember when Tyrion and I went to the tavern in the Winter Town?" He asked.
Brienne nodded sadly, her expression turning cold. "It was just before the night you left me." She recalled. The thought stung Jaime like a thousand lashes.
He forced himself to continue. "We ran into...an old friend there." Jaime reported.
"An old friend?" She questioned. "Who?" Brienne could not imagine anyone that might have been waiting for Jaime and Tyrion within a pit of a tavern in a make-shift town in the North.
"It was Bronn." Jaime recounted.
"Bronn?" Brienne countered in disbelief. "Ser Bronn, of the Blackwater?" She frowned. "Of Highgarden?" She sputtered.
"The Master of Coin." Jaime affirmed.
"Let me guess, late for the battle?" Brienne almost chuckled sarcastically.
Jaime allowed himself to appreciate her incredulous humor, and then became deadly serious once more. "No." He raised his eyebrows. "Ser Bronn had a mission of his own." The look on Jaime's face sent a chill up Brienne's spine.
"A mission?" Brienne repeated, her eyes searching Jaime's in confusion. "What are you talking about?" She asked.
Jaime breathed deeply, and held it for a moment, the pressure held in his lungs settled and centered him, so that he might continue. He exhaled as if the weight of the world were upon his shoulders. "Bronn was sent North to kill Tyrion." Jaime began. Brienne's eyes grew wide. "He was also sent to kill me." Jaime told her, watching her reaction.
Brienne's blood ran cold. She knew immediately who was behind the threat. "Cersei?" She questioned, holding her breath, searching his face. Jaime answered with a silent nod of his head.
A sadness settled over Brienne's heart. She had killed many times as a consequence of her duty. She had never found pleasure in the taking of a life. Even killing Stannis Baratheon to avenge Renly had brought her no satisfaction. There was always an emptiness in that kind of victory. She could not fathom ordering the death of someone she loved. This was the hatred amidst which Jaime had grown. Even disguised as love, his interactions with his own family had been vicious and destructive. She allowed her heart to break for him. "Your own sister?" She asked rhetorically. "Your...?" She could not finish the description of Cersei as his lover. Jaime understood the course of Brienne's thoughts. She watched his entire body go limp with shame.
Her anger began to boil within her. "Why is he here?" She demanded, thinking not only of the safety of Jaime and Galladon, but also of King Bran.
Jaime shook his head, and his lack of urgency gave her a moment of calm. "He poses no threat." Jaime assured her.
"How can you be so certain?" Brienne asked urgently, ready to bolt from her seat and throw Ser Bronn into a dungeon cell herself.
"Because I am here. I am alive." Jaime gave her the tiniest of a bashful smile. "It turns out that Ser Bronn is a much better opportunist than he is an assassin." He laughed. "He was also loyal to us. He gave us the chance to better her offer. Highgarden is his because we let him have it, Tyrion and me, in exchange for our lives." He explained. "Bronn is no fool." Jaime gave the man half-hearted praise. "He was shrewd enough to know that the only payment Cersei would have provided him would have been the tip of a blade." Jaime described.
The reality that Jaime detailed descended over Brienne like a heavy dark cloud. It pressed the breath from her lungs, and left her staring at him as if she did not even know him. "Yet, even after you knew she wanted you dead, you returned to her?" She accused, horrified and hurt.
Brienne wriggled her fingers and tried to slip from Jaime's grasp. He only tightened his hold upon her, his eyes imploring her to believe him. "I did not leave you." He swore, as the line between Brienne's eyes deepened with her scowl. "I left to protect you." Jaime confessed, hoping she could at least consider his decision a logical one.
She eyed Jaime, bewilderment and suspicion deepened her mistrust of him. "I was perfectly safe." She asserted. "We both were." Brienne regarded him coldly.
Jaime found a renewed urgency at her insistence. "That is what I thought, as well." He answered sadly, lowering her hand to rest upon her lap, yet still not removing his. "I was not even aware, until a short time ago, just how grave the danger you were in." A painful regret filled him with the same mournful bitterness as if Bronn had completed his intended assignment. Jaime swallowed the rancid taste from his tongue as he spoke. "It was not only Tyrion and me that Bronn was sent to kill." He told Brienne dismally.
Brienne's eyes widened. She was barely aware of her own voice as she spoke. "Who?" She begged, nearly certain she already knew the answer. Brienne did not realize she was shaking. She was barely aware of Jaime's fingers finding her cheek at last. She had never seen such a pained and miserable look in his eyes as he contemplated the knowledge of the the third person that Cersei had sent Bronn to assassinate. He looked at her as though the terrible plan had been seen to its bitter end.
Jaime's chest hurt as he spoke. He caressed her jaw timidly. "You, My Love." He reported remorsefully.
Brienne twisted her face from Jaime's touch and sat back, her blame-filled stare never leaving him. She could not reconcile that he had returned to the woman who not only ordered his death, but hers as well. Her thoughts went to the babe sleeping so peacefully only paces from them in the next room. If Cersei had succeeded in her directive, if she had chosen someone other than Bronn to do her bidding, Galladon would never have tasted life. His existence would never have been known. Brienne could not contemplate a world without her darling child. For her own life, she cared little. She had certainly bartered with it enough times. However, the precious being she had born made the world a better place. His life was worth any sacrifice, even Jaime. So contemptuous were Brienne's notions that she could not bear to regard her son's father, the man who had not been there to welcome Galladon into the world. Her gaze dropped sorrowfully to her lap.
Jaime was desperate to take away the heavy weight which seemed to have descended upon Brienne. He needed her to understand why it was that he had left her. "Please, look at me." Jaime begged Brienne, he gently pulled her chin around to him. Again, she did not shy from his touch. She could not look away from the earnest concern with which he regarded her. "Even before I discovered just today, that you were also one of Bronn's targets, I knew that I could not remain with you." Jaime told her ruefully. The unspoken questions in Brienne's silence forced him onward.
"That day in the tavern, when we learned of Cersei's intent, I realized the pressing danger in which I had put you." Jaime confessed. "I was living a dream with you, too sweet to last." He recalled somberly. "I can only revile myself for my stupidity, and the risk I had taken with your safety." He closed his eyes at the possibility he had allowed with his carelessness.
"The chance you had taken?" Brienne questioned. "You did not know until just a short time ago." She reminded him.
Jaime could see Brienne's confusion deepening. He shook his head, his anger turning inward. "I should have known." He accused himself. "Cersei's spies were crawling all over Westeros." His brow furrowed at the thought that he and Brienne had surely been watched by some ill-intended conspirators. "She knew exactly where we were, and precisely what we were doing." Jaime realized. "Bronn found me and my brother. He knew we were in that tavern." Jaime rambled, his eyes distant before focussing upon Brienne's troubled face. "Cersei would have found you." He declared with certainty, taking her hand again. "She would have found you, and she would have slaughtered you." He choked, his tears returning. "I knew, the moment Bronn confessed, that I could not allow that to happen." He told her gravely. "The same now as it was then, I would die before I would see you harmed." Jaime vowed to Brienne.
She studied him, skeptically. "How could it have been so?" Brienne asked. "Cersei did not know about me, about us." She declared.
Jaime marveled at Brienne's innocence. Even now, after she had seen so much, after so much had happened between them, still something deep within her could not imagine the levels of depravity which could exist in the hearts of others. She was truly the purest, and most decent person he had ever known. As it had since nearly the moment they had set out together toward Kings Landing, his heart burst with love for her. The thought made his assertions all the more dire. "Oh my darling." He sighed pitifully. "But she did." Jaime said dreadfully to Brienne.
"I had not wanted to admit it, then." Jaime confessed. "Surely you were aware of the way Cersei regarded you at Joffrey's wedding." He charged. "I saw the suspicion on her face when she spoke to you, even from across the crowd." Jaime reported.
"Suspicion of what?" Brienne squinted in denial. "Nothing had occurred between us then." She reminded him.
Jaime almost smiled in his recollection. "Had it not?" He asked her. "Can you say you did not love me, even then?" His voice was tender at the memory. "I cannot make that claim." He peered deeply into Brienne's eyes. She blushed, knowing he was right.
"She sensed the change in me." Jaime told Brienne with clarity, his gaze wide with adoration as he looked at her. "Cersei knew that my heart no longer belonged to her." Jaime said, his expression almost a smile. "You had to have known, that by the time I gave you Oathkeeper, by the time you left to find Sansa Stark, my heart was yours." He pledged, longing for her kiss upon his lips.
"That was one reason I sent you on that quest." Jaime confessed.
Brienne straightened. "You mislead me?" She stared at him in shock.
Jaime shook his head. "No." He corrected. "I prayed you would find Lady Sansa, and return her to the Starks. As a Lannister, I owed her nothing less for what my family had done to hers." Jaime confirmed. "That was no falsehood." He avowed. "The opportunity simply came at a fortunate time." He continued, hoping she would understand. "I had to get you out of Kings Landing, away from Cersei, before she was certain." He shuttered.
Brienne's stare grew soft, and remained transfixed upon his. Every word he spoke was the truth. Their loved had burned between them long before they had declared it after the battle at Winterfell. Her mind spun at the tale he wove. Could it have been that he had loved her all along? How she wished to kiss away his fear. She reached for his fingertips, her touch lingering there, yet still she could not overcome her weariness. She had been far too injured to forgive him so easily.
Jaime could sense Brienne's resolve wavering, and then he saw her walls rise once more. Hopefully, he continued. "When finally we saw each other again at the Dragon Pit, I was terrified that she would perceive the joy of being so near to you painted upon my face. I thought you far from her grasp, in the North with Lady Sansa. It was my greatest fear, even beyond the dead thing and the dragon, that she would know it was you of whom my heart dreamed." Jaime said wistfully. "My eyes beheld the glorious sight of you standing so proud and strong the instant I strode into that arena, Lannister steel strapped to your side, and my heart nearly stopped." He admitted. "There could have been no greater beacon to signal to Cersei that it was you I loved." His face reflected the pain he had felt that day. "That was the reason I was forced to keep you at arm's length there, to be even hateful to you when all I wanted was to take you in my arms and shout from that dragon's back that my heart would be yours for eternity." His voice wavered, remembering having to leave her there and go with Cersei that day. "It was then I realized that I could no longer live with such distance between us." He stared longingly at Brienne.
Her heart overwhelmed with love and compassion for him, Brienne reached her hand toward his face, wanting desperately to comfort him. "Jai..." She began in a whisper.
He moved to avoid her soothing fingers, feeling as though he deserved none of her sweet comfort. "Then I left for the North, and I did not return." Jaime described. "And I led her straight to you." He could not bear that his selfish yearning had put Brienne in such danger.
Brienne was no longer fighting the tears she had vowed she would not shed. Her love for Jaime made it impossible for her to watch him in so much pain. She longed to relieve the troubles that churned in his mind. "You cannot blame yourself." She tried to encourage him. "You wanted to be free, to the man you always hoped to be." Brienne regarded him, almost proudly. "You wanted a life of your own." The whisper of a smile crossed her face.
Jaime nodded, bringing his fingers once more to her face. "A life with you." He affirmed, and his grasp slid gently over her jaw to her chin. "That was what I wanted." He told her, his lips turning upward as well at the dreams he held for them. "Yet, even more, I wanted to keep you safe." He said, a silent vow in his gaze.
This time it was Brienne who clutched his hand. "We could have protected each other, kept each other safe." She protested, slipping to the edge of her seat and closer to him. Brienne placed her own hand along his jaw. "We had done so before." She affirmed. Together they saw themselves again, side by side at Winterfell, battling valiantly against an entire army bent upon destroying them.
Jaime was dreadfully silent for a moment, contemplating the future he had wished for with Brienne, and all that he still wanted with her at his side. "When Lady Sansa told us that Cersei had ambushed Daenarys's fleet, I knew that I could not stay with you." He grieved. "If Cersei were to win, you would never be safe." Jaime attested, sadly.
Brienne's eyes grew distant, a melancholy smile settled upon her face as she looked at Jaime. "That night..." She recalled, imagining the passion they had shared in their final moments together. "The way you held me. They way you kissed me." She whispered sweetly, holding his face as she had when she begged him to stay. "I thought we would be together forever." Brienne realized she was trembling, giving away far too much of the torrent of emotions that warred with in, but what did that matter now?
At the memory of what they had shared, Jaime's expression became a loving smile. "I wanted that too." He told her solemnly.
Her expression turned to hurt once more. "And then I awoke, and you were not beside me." Brienne accused with a vacant, and devastated stare. Her hand dropped lifelessly from Jaime's grip.
Jaime was aware that he had earned every bit of her acrimony. "All I could hope for was one last night with you, to live on for the rest of my life, however short that was to be." He acknowledged. "I lay in our bed watching you sleeping, and had to force myself from your side." He relived, painfully. "Surely, I must have sat at the foot of our bed for an hour working up the courage to leave you, the resolve to know it was for the best." He told her through the mist of his tears. "Had you awakened then, I would have been powerless to protest your pleas." He said sadly.
Brienne did not need him to retell the events of that night. She had lived them over and over each day and night since, trying to find some meaning in his leaving. It seemed her perception was far different from his. Which was correct she could not tell, however the version Jaime wove made her want to hold onto him and never let go this time. Her own resolution was failing her. She prayed that what he described was true. Sensing Brienne's sorrow, Jaime fell silent.
She choked back her tears. "I found you in the courtyard, readying to leave, and no matter how much I pleaded, I could not make you stay." Brienne sobbed, finally giving free reign to her grieving. "You left, and went back to her." She glared at Jaime, needing more from his explanation.
"Leaving you was worse than any death I could have ever imagined." Jaime vowed to her. "A blade to my throat would certainly have been less painful." He proclaimed. "I would have welcomed it, compared to the hopelessness in your eyes that night." He cast his own shamefully downward. "I tried not to look too deeply." Jaime gave a pitiful sigh. "If I had, I would not have been capable of another step to ensure your protection." He felt as though he had never truly emerged from the Hell of leaving his beloved behind him. He stared remorsefully at Brienne. "You are under the mistaken impression that it was easy for me to abandon you, to forsake the woman I loved for another I could no longer abide." He charged softly. "All I wanted in the world, I left behind me." Jaime lamented. "I could not look back for one more precious look at you. I would have turned my horse around and fallen at your feet." He swore. "While you would have been still in peril." It was a chance he would not take. "You did not see the face of a man who was breaking into a million piece." Jaime told Brienne, his face twisted with painful memory.
Still kneeling before her, Jaime leaned urgently toward Brienne. "I did not leave you because I did not love you." He gripped the arm of the chair in which she sat, his muscles straining with the intensity of his plea. "I left to protect you." He swore.
Brienne wore the same look of dire dread she had when she found him that night in the courtyard. "Could you not have protected me better at Winterfell?" She questioned, her voice drained of emotion.
"After Bronn revealed himself, I knew the risk was too great." Jaime confided. "I was the only one who could get close enough to Cersei to provide you safety. The only person whom she would trust." He spoke, his voice devoid of any pride. "At first I thought to spirit her so far away, that she would never hear mention of you again. I thought her burning jealousy would cool." He asserted. "When I saw there was no babe, I knew the sun would not set upon that day with Cersei alive. The risk to you was far too great." Jaime declared. "So I told her whatever lie she needed to believe and led her down the path which I had just climbed, to where I knew the foundations would not withstand the dragon fire from above." He recounted to Brienne.
Still Brienne found little comfort in Jaime's telling. "Why did you not just kill her, run her through with your blade, and return to me?" She accused, her voice again heavy with defeat. It seemed each time, she found herself wavering in Jaime's favor a new quandary would steal her faith once more.
The breath left Jaime's lungs at the bitter disappointment of believing he would never be able to travel back to Brienne. "Euron Greyjoy made that impossible." Jaime replied ruefully. He rocked back onto his heels, never taking his eyes from her, his face deathly serious. Jaime slowly unbuttoned his gambeson and pulled the tunic he wore from were it was tucked into his britches. Before Brienne's eyes, the fabric rose to reveal a long jagged scar along the right side of Jamie's abdomen, the skin still reddened with fresh healing.
Brienne gasped a tortured breath and softly traced the raised welt with her gentle fingers. "Oh, Jaime." She whispered, with empathy.
"The Commander of the Iron Fleet ambushed me, and delt me one last mortal blow." Jaime might have scoffed, if not for what it had cost him, his chance to return to Brienne. "I thought I was done for. I was certain I would never make it back to you." His trembling fingers ran a path through Brienne's hair, his thumb drawing a promise over her quivering lips. "With every step I could feel my life draining from me, each drop of my blood screaming for you." He whispered to Brienne gravely. "I swore I would take no chance that Cersei might live to exact her twisted revenge upon you." He smiled at the act of love he meant to be his last. "I vowed she would die, and I would see her to the Hells myself." The timid and hopeful smile which played upon his lips was in sharp contrast to the severity of his words. "I led Cersei down to the very bottoms of the Keep, and held her there while the world came crashing down around us." Jaime said weakly. "For you, My Love." He declared boldly. "I died with your name on my lips." He peered at her wistfully. Then his eyes turned stone cold and pierced into Brienne's soul. "I know she heard me call your name in my last breath." He smiled victoriously, overjoyed that Cersei had died knowing his heart no longer belonged to her.
"You died." Brienne echoed his own dire description of how close he had come to protecting her with his life. Her hand trailed up his chest, and fluttered against his throat, coming to rest once more upon his cheek. The firelight glistening through her tears, made him seem almost a ghost before her.
Jaime rested his own hand upon her knee. "That is why it took so long for me to reappear in your life." He whispered. "My injuries from Greyjoy's blade, and the falling bricks threatened to complete their purposes." He told her. "I lay unconscious in a forgotten billet not far from your own chambers for moons." Jaime disclosed, his pain at being separated from Brienne for so long was clearly written upon his face.
"Here, in the Red Keep?" Brienne asked, shocked.
Jaime nodded. "Tyrion found me, barely clinging to life in the rubble." Jaime acknowledged. "It was as far he could drag me." He said, gratefully. "My brother cared for me and kept my presences secret the entire time that I recovered." He explained.
Her expression troubled once again, Brienne's brow furrowed with confusion. "The whole time? Why did Lord Tyrion not reveal your presence to me?" She questioned, her voice tinged with hurt.
"He feared that I might be arrested for returning to Kings Landing under the appearance of aiding Cersei in an escape." Jaime said, protective of his brother. With a weak exhale, He lowered his eyes. "Tyrion was also not certain that I would actually live. He did not wish for your heart to break over me all over again." A distant and appreciative look appeared over Jaime's features as he thought of all Tyrion had done to see him returned to life. "Do not blame him. His motives were pure." He bid Brienne lovingly.
She gestured her understanding, and soothed Jaime's worry with her touch. "I am glad you had a protector." Brienne admitted through her tears. Jaime held her in his gaze so intently and so adoringly that they could both feel the unspoken charge of passion between them.
Brienne could not find breath in her lungs. She knew it was the truth that he spoke. He would not be there if it were not, would not be telling her these things. There would be no tears in his eyes, no warmth in his touch. Everything in his presence told Brienne that his was overflowed with passion for her. He loved her. It was she to whom his heart had been true. Jaime loved her. Brienne believed that he did, that he had, always. She felt the anguish in which she had lived lifting from her heart. It felt light and inviting. He had very nearly given his life for her, willingly. She had been wrong, he had not tricked her, nor had he mocked her. His only wish was for her life.
Her fingers moved to his cheek, and rested there. "You should have told me what you planned." Brienne choked.
Jaime let his forehead fall against hers, closing his eyes, immersed in her. "What would have done If I had?" He shook his head.
Brienne allowed her lids to drop closed, losing herself in the feeling of him. "I would have followed you." She swore, confirming what Jaime had feared most.
"Then you would have died." Jaime shuttered, his expression just as dire as if she had tried to go after him.
"You sacrificed yourself, for me." Brienne stared almost in disbelief.
"I would do so a thousand times to see you safe, Dearest." Jaime held Brienne's hand to his jaw. He blinked away the drops that were beginning to obscure her from his view. As he did so Jaime noticed, sitting at the ready beside Brienne's chair, the woven basket where Galladon napped. "It seems I saved two lives that day." He beamed happily at her.
As if sensing the mention of his name, Galladon's loud wailing cry split the silence as the babe awoke in the next room, searching frantically for his mother. Brienne gulped a shallow breath, and pulled away from Jaime. She angled herself around him as she rose to see to her child, nearly sending the babe's father sprawling on the floor. "I must go to him." She said, preoccupied. Brienne nearly bolted from the intensity of their discussion, leaving Jaime overcome from the emotions revealed in his confession, and his love for her.
Jaime sat for a long while, catching his breath. It felt good to have finally laid his heart bare to Brienne. There could be no question that his heart was sworn to her and her alone, and that all he done was meant to protect her. Surely, they could both accept what could not now be changed, and move on from it to rebuild their love, and their life together. His mind began to weave for him visions of all he dreamed from the life he longed to build with the woman he loved. Eventually, his body began to react to his thoughts of Brienne. Perhaps, they could begin that journey this very night. He breathed deep, laying his head back to revel in the hope of finally feeling her in his arms, at last making love to her again. Happily, he hopped to his feet, and followed Brienne's path to her bed chamber.
Within moments Jaime found himself standing in the doorway, watching Brienne as she tended to their son. Her back to him, she held Galladon as she lingered at her bedside. His smile widened at the sight of her curves outlined beneath the fabric of the bedrobe she wore. His body yearned for her, and he longed for what the night might bring. Ardently, Jaime took a step toward Brienne, and at once the promise of the glorious evening for which he hoped crashed to the floor. She was weeping. He watched Brienne's shoulder shaking with her sobs.
Apprehensively, he crossed the distance between them. With a trembling hand, he reached for her. His fingers rested tenderly upon her shoulder. "Don't cry, Brienne, please." He begged.
He did not startle her. Perhaps, she too had hoped he would follow her, as he had before, like the first time. Although, Brienne tried to quickly sniff away the evidence of her emotions, she could not halt her heartbroken tears. "You have no idea what it was like." She stared blankly ahead, remembering. "Carrying the child of a dead man." Her gaze fell to the babe they shared, nursing drowsily at her breast. Jaime stepped to her side, and turned to face her. This time, Brienne made no attempt to cover herself. "He was all there was left of you in this world." She regarded Jaime with forlorn affection. "I wanted him so desperately." She felt Jaime handless arm cradle her shoulders as she spoke. "I wanted you." He pulled her closer to him. "I wanted you there, with me, when he was born." She leaned her head against his, the images flooded her mind of all she had endured to bring their child safely into the world. "I needed you." She grieved.
Jaime held Brienne close, almost afraid that any space between them would be filled with the sorrow he had left there. The urgent need to reassure her that she would never be without him again filled him, and drove his pleading. "That life that was ours for the taking, all we desired together..." He reminded her, as he stroked Galladon's soft head and peered proudly down at his son. "We can still have that." He promised, taking Brienne's shoulders, his intensity imploring her to believe him.
Brienne studied Jaime as she clung to him, her face a mixture of compassion, disappointment, and regret. Her eyes searched his as she she shook her head. "What a wonderful dream that would be." She admitted sadly.
It was now Jaime who surrendered belief in what his ears were telling him. Vehemently he swayed his own head from one side to the other. "It is more than a dream, I swear it." He vowed. "It is ours now. All we need do is reach out and grab it." He took her hand and clutched it tightly.
Brienne met his gaze unflinchingly. "I believe that you love me." She conceded eagerly. "I think that I can understand your reasons, and why you left." Her words gave Jaime hope, yet the doubt that still shone upon her face held for him no cause for celebration. "You were not there." She cradle her babe tighter and pulled from Jaime as she tightened in upon herself. The distance was tiny, but it was more than he could tolerate. "You missed everything." She charged, the judgement in her voice incriminating him. She sighed heavily, the sorrow of her ordeal and Jaime's actions settling between them. "You were not there when I..., when we needed you the most." She blamed through her tears. "For that I do not know if I can ever forgive you." Brienne told Jaime mournfully. There was nothing he could offer in reply.