alexa, play wish you'd make me cry by upsahl
DAY 20
Flashback of Last Night
James admired Amelia in his post-sex stupor as she struggled to calm her ragged breathing with her petite fingers laying on her sweaty chest. She looked angelic, exposed this way for him across his sheets, wearing only her disheveled, lavender panties. Her raven, curly hair had fallen out of her loose bun, now sprawled out around her head and down her shoulders, clinging to her damp skin. He could observe her in this state all night.
"It was my sister."
Amelia's tired, amber eyes found his with curiosity.
"My dream," James reminded her quietly. "It was about Rebecca."
She suddenly perked up, turning to prop herself up on her elbow as she realized that he remembered. "You remember her name?"
Amelia watched as his blue eyes fell slightly at her words. As exciting as this progress was, she needed to keep in mind that it undoubtedly wouldn't be as exciting on his end. Hesitantly, she reached up with her weak fingers to touch his cheek, comforting him. "What was the dream about?"
James remained quiet for a while, before saying, "If I tell you, you won't look at me the same."
"James," she cooed softly, her brows furrowing together. "I would never judge you. I'm not here to judge you."
He allowed himself to bask in Amelia's reassuring touch and safe, hazel eyes for a few moments, sucking in a sharp breath as he tried to find the courage to tell her what he was about to say.
"I remember my family ... and that I killed them."
Amelia should have felt shocked, disturbed even, but somehow all she could focus on was how sad James appeared to be as he said it. Examining the way the pain flooded his orbs and features as he confessed this to her made her feel uneasy. No one should have to feel as much torment as James did, all the time.
"That wasn't you, you have to know that," she whispered, rubbing his cheek now. "You would have never done that, The Winter Soldier would."
The way Amelia was consoling him made James feel warm inside again.
"It was me," he said almost inaudibly, nervous to make eye contact with her as he spoke. "It was my hands."
It was like James was sending his pain through Amelia, the way her eyes dropped at every word. She wanted more than anything to take that pain away, reminding her how important all of this was. That was the end goal, not only fixing him, but helping him heal, too.
"I don't even like touching you with my hands."
"Why?" Amelia squeaked glumly.
"Because they shouldn't be allowed to touch something as beautiful, as pure as you."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Present
Progress Report
Patient: James Buchanan Barnes
DOB: March 10, 1917
First Therapy Session Behavior Ratings
(Based on low, medium, high levels)
1. Seemed Interest In Session - medium, the patient was anxious to have the first session over with which is normal in a first time patient.
2. Initiated Positive Interactions - low, the patient's nerves weren't helping.
3. Shared Emotions - medium/high, the patient seemed very willing to talk about how they were feeling the entire time
4. Disclosed Personal Information - high, the patient was not hesitant at all.
5. Seemed To Benefit From Session - medium/high, the patient took the initiative to try out the treatment plans discussed at the end of the session.
6. Treatment Consideration Addressed - high, will go into further detail in person.
Notes During Session:
Remembers a specific sister
Remembers that his parents are dead
Steve seemed to be a huge factor during James' childhood
Feels like his life isn't his own - went over steps to help conquer that feeling
Amelia had trouble concealing her urge to smile as she thought about her conversation with James last night as Rogers, Stark, and Fury read over her progress report. She felt at ease for the first time since she had arrived here. This was the most open that James had ever been during her three weeks at the Avengers Headquarters, and that was something to be exceptionally excited about.
"Well, it seems as though you're making more progress with Barnes," Tony concluded pleasantly, pulling Amelia from her train of thought, as he set the progress report back down on the table. "I have to tell you, I am thoroughly impressed."
"Thank you," she said calmly, shooting him a friendly half-smile. "I'm glad that I could be of assistance."
"These levels," Steve mentioned, his arms crossed in front of his burly chest as his eyes observed her. "They're higher than I had expected. He's really been doing this well?"
Amelia's smile grew wider as she coolly bobbed her head up and down in confirmation. "Very well. He was pretty nervous to sit down with me, but most first time patients usually are. Other than his nerves, he was very willing to be open with me the entire session."
Steve's shoulders finally relaxed from their tense position as he let out the anxious breath that he had been holding in. "And he remembers one of his sisters?"
"Rebecca," Amelia acknowledged as she placed her hands behind her back, entangling her fingers together. "He couldn't remember her name at first, but after his most recent nightmare, he remembered her name. It seemed as though this nightmare refreshed his memory on a lot of things, actually."
"He knows that he murdered his family." It wasn't a question.
"He knows," she told Rogers casually.
"And Bucky Barnes didn't lose his shit?" Nick asked incredulously, placing his hands on the table that separated them. "What happened to your hand, then?"
Amelia unhooked her fingers to bring her bandaged hand in front of her for the three of them to observe more closely. "This happened when he had his nightmare. I heard his yelling and I went in to check on him, I tried waking him up and he woke up in a somewhat frantic state," she explained, keeping her voice leveled. "I accidentally knocked his lamp over when I stumbled backwards, and the glass cut open my hand."
"And that happened ... on your own?" Steve challenged slightly, his eyes narrowing just a smidge. "He didn't do that to you?"
"Yes, Rogers," Amelia pressed sternly. "On my own."
"Do you need someone to take a look at that?" Tony interceded with a firm look at Steve before glancing back at Amelia, his frown lines deep now.
She shook her head confidently, forcing another smile on her lips. "No, I'm okay, but thank you."
Amelia had made the decision to leave out a multitude of parts on her progress report - she didn't think it was ... necessary to include any information on what happened between her and James. A sexual relationship with a patient wasn't exactly going to be accepted as normal.
"Of course," Stark responded swiftly, bringing his hand up to scratch the back of his neck as he continued. "And I would assume that you're taking Barnes outside again tomorrow?"
"Yes," Amelia answered as she picked up her coffee cup and took a sip. "Steve, are you accompanying us tomorrow?"
Rogers brought his blue eyes back up to hers in faint surprise. He hadn't expected to be allowed back on any trips outside, not after questioning Amelia's ability to do her job - more than once. "If you want me to, Rose."
"I think it would be best," she said, the genuine smile forming on her lips once more as she gave him a reassuring look. "James would benefit from speaking to you more. You meant a lot to him during his childhood, and you mean a lot to him now."
The flash of a familiar, warm grin played along Steve's lips as he peered up at her through his eyelashes. "Then I will be accompanying you."
Amelia straightened her shoulders in satisfaction as she gathered her things from the table. With a small nod at the three men, she spun on her heel to exit the conference room, hesitating briefly as she turned to face Steve, who was still watching her.
"Steve?"
He looked at her expectantly, waiting on her to continue.
"Treat him like a human being."