Sinb's POV
I shut the door after pulling Yeji inside. This girl was with me for years but I still didn't know her. When Ryujin cried for the first time in front of me, telling that thing about this girl; when she accidentally uploaded that video where this girl was talking— I felt as if I wasn't watching someone I've watched for almost 4 years. It was different girl who plead to me, years ago.
I put my phone back in my bag when I heard some sniffs here at the back of the bar.
"Who's there?" I tried calling out, hoping for someone to answer but there's none.
When I took another step, that's when I saw someone behind the trash bin. A girl crying while laying on the dirty ground, her light brown hair was too messy and the side of her face that I could see from here was dirty.
"H-Hi? What are you doing there?" I approached. She stopped sniffing the moment she heard me, before I could even step my feet back, the latter hugged my knees.
She cries way harder. I guess something bad happened last night to this poor girl.
"T-They like d-dumping...someone w-when it has no u-used at all...I j-just want to escape my life..." she mumbled with her grip, loosening.
I touched her hair, watching some strands of her hair going between my thumb and point finger. "Shh...it'll be fine. Be sure to trust the right person next." I said. She looked up to me— and far from my expectation earlier, I'm seeing a girl with desperate look on her face right now, far from the innocence she had in her voice earlier. And far from the sniffs I heard— there was no tears on her eyes.
So that was the girl before Yeji came. Before that eyes turned brave and desperate.
"Hi," someone approached me here in the corner of the bar. I answered her with a hum with my eyes glued on my phone.
"I'm the girl you helped yesterday. You said you're working here— I want to work here too."
I lick the bottom of my lip as I put down my phone. When my eyes laid on her, that's when I recognized that girl who I saw at the back of the bar.
"You don't know what you're talking about. We do dirty stuffs here." I said.
"I can be a stripper. I have nice body and you can't deny that I got pretty face too. I'll do everything you want."
Before I could even speak, she knelt in front of me. Her expression was so desperate. There's nothing I could see, a total empty eyes.
"I can do the dirty work. I need it. I can do it. I can prove myself to you." she said without changing her expression.
"You need it? It means you don't want it. You're doing to the thing you're not used to because you need it?" I asked while staring on the wine as it rotates around the glass I'm holding.
"I need it to erase who I was before "
I stood up. "Why? Who were you before?" I asked while looking at her.
"Fragile as a glass of wine whom they easily ruined." she stated.
I put my hand on top of her head, rubbing my hand on her now, smooth hair. "Do everything for me. Do everything to be my golden child in this field."
That's when my golden child appeared. The kid who's willing to do everything for her master. The kid who has a cold aura but a person who doesn't forget someone who helped her.
But when I saw the video...
"T-They like d-dumping...someone w-when it has no u-used at all...I j-just want to escape my life..."
That perfectly resembles that girl on the video. I wonder if I my words turned her into one desperate woman.
"Have you seen the video?" I asked after coming back to my senses. Yeji's smoking on the corner while facing the window.
"What video? I don't have porn videos, Sinb-ah." she said with a chuckle.
"Your video, Ryujin posted it on her account accidentally because she was drunk—" I haven't even finish my sentence when Yeji tossed the lighter on the wall.
"Damnit! You know I'm not active in any social media platforms, Sinb-ah! Have you taken an action already? Sinb, I'm telling you, you need to take down that video whatever video it is." Yeji madly said. She stood up and walks toward my direction to probably go out of this room.
"Yeji-yah, Sinb is talking to you." I mumbled, making her stop before she could even pass by me.
"Im sorry...but please— if you ever know about that past, please? Please let's put that out of my life." Yeji stated but my jaw clenches from gnashing my teeth too hard. I'm not mad or pissed. I'm upset of myself because I know, I know I'd be sorry after this.
"Y'know I'm protecting everyone who's under me. We can't just say that you were Ryujin's ex girlfriend, that you cheated, that the video was uploaded accidentally— it doesn't work like that." I stated that's why Yeji's eyebrows arched.
"And what do you want me to do? It's your artist's fault and not mine. Do you think Ryujin won't be ruined if someone recognizes me as a stripper?" Yeji got a point but it doesn't always work like that.
"No one, Yeji. Now, I want to beg for you—" Yeji's hand gestured me to stop speaking. She closed her eyes in seconds and I could see her visible tensing jaw.
"I don't wanna hear whatever you're gonna beg for." she said that's why I releases a heavy breath.
"Please pretend as Ryujin's girlfriend. It won't last long, I can promise you. Just until people forgot about your existence— just join her vlogs for the meanwhile and then run out of her life afterwards." I said, I held her hand just so I could assure that she won't walk out. "I'll double the money. Just please?"
I'm not doing this just because of Ryujin's mistake. I'm doing this because I saw a girl that was way different from this desperate woman in front of me. I wonder...what is she really out of the filthy surrounding?
I'm eager to see that girl...
Yeji's POV
Why is this happening? I want myself out of those evils. But now I can't do anything about that because how can I resist Sinb? She helped me a lot and she's going to double my monthly salary which is good for Lucy's medication and everyday needs.
I can bear it. I can do this. I'm not Hwang Yeji for nothing.
"So you're really dating that girl Shin Ryu? I knew it...she was that girl on the frame, right?" Gahyeon uttered while looking on the ceiling, laying flat on my bed. "You don't have to lie to me tho. I won't go around, telling people that you're dating a famous youtuber." she stated.
"You said you're not gonna go around telling gossips to people huh?" I rolled to her side before lifting my pinky finger on the air.
Gahyeon locked her pinky finger on mine, "of course, I won't. I respect everyone."
"We're not dating." I said that's why I earned a laugh from her. "Why?" I curiously asked with my eyes stuck on her.
"What's the purpose of intertwining our pinky fingers when you're still gonna lie?" she grabbed one pillow before hugging it.
"You remember that one ex I told you last time? Ryujin was that ex and will remain as my ex. She's a total x in my life now. She accidentally uploaded that old video of mine for the reason that she was drunk and now, I'm forced to act as if we're still dating." I stated. Gahyeon went silent.
I put my hands on my eyes, shutting my eyes slowly.
There's something in the corner of my head. What if they recognize me as the Yeji who hooked up with two senior boys in college. What if they recognize me as the Yeji who stopped studying, the Yeji who was a bitch.
I thought I'm fine with it but my worries...my nightmares...they're appearing again.
"Are you fine with it?"
"I'm not. I'm upset. I'm pissed off. I built myself for those people who stepped on me and now I'll end up pretending that I'm all fine with the person I hated the most." I said.
"I suddenly want to know every pages of your story..." Gahyeon almost whispered.
"It's funny how you feel that way while I don't even think of reading your prologue." I've never been interested to someone's story ever since I've had a whole book of a person who was afraid to face a book.
"Y'know you're mean...but did you know that you're soft too?" Gahyeon mumbled that's why a smile escaped from my lips, "you keep saying you don't want me around but I always find myself in your room. You keep shutting me out but the second time I enters your room, you won't say a thing. Those little things..." I suddenly felt her finger touching my cheeks. "Those little things is what makes you seem soft." before I could remove my hands that was covering my eyes, a soft lips landed on my cheek.
"I never saw you crying...you're probably so weak." Gahyeon said that turned my eyes into gloomy balls of sight. She's about to get up but I quickly pulled her back, causing her to land on top of me.
My gaze locked on her eyes. "Do you think, I'm weak?" I asked. I can't believe that someone still thinks that I'm weak.
"You're too weak because instead of letting your tears fell, you keep them..." Gahyeon said without breaking her stares, "it feels like I'm staring at an empty galaxy. Your eyes holds the emptiest galaxy that NASA hasn't found yet." with that, she smiled.
"I can't cry because I have a rare condition called congenital analgesia." I said before slowly putting her to the side.
"W-What? But I was with you...and sometimes you react whenever you're physically hurt." she said while unbelievably looking at me, "you're unbelievable, you just don't wanna be called weak."
"Humans reacts when they're physically hurt. I developed a habit of faking my reaction to feel normal. It's funny, right? But it's fun...it's fun not feeling anything at all."
Yeah it is. It's fun not to feel physical pain. It's fun when your nape was bleeding too much but you can't still the pain. It's fun when you're still a virgin and you were touch by not just one but a lot of filthy dickheads but still, you couldn't feel that so called hymen being torn apart. It's fun being dragged outside a bar, being stepped on the head while they were molesting you yet you can't feel anything. It's fun putting barcode on your wrist and you feel nothing. It's fun hitting your head on the wall over and over again, trying to make yourself cry because you thought it would lessen the heavy feeling inside your heart— it's fun having an intense bleeding on your head yet you can't feel anything.
Everything is so fun.
Not until you realize that you just can't feel the physical pain but mentally, you're breaking because of too much pain. That you almost think of stabbing your own self since you wouldn't feel the knife slitting on your neck anyway. But then...your mini you came.
—👄—
saw this story and it awakened my delulu heart. look how long ryujin and yeji kept that, their hair colors were from not shy era? idk if not shy actually but it's been too long. i wonder how many pictures they've taken that they never posted