Dear Ben.
Tonight, and morning was one of the best nights/ mornings of my life. I want you to know that I have no regrets about anything that we shared and experienced together. After years of not being loved right, sexed right and taken for granted, you came along and showed me everything I was missing in one night. You are an amazing man and I wished to God that we had met under different circumstances and not like this. I know you are probably going to hate me and is never going to speak to me again because I would do the same thing after I read this. Ben I am regretfully married. It pains me writing this knowing that you are probably going to think the worse of me and feel like I used you. I am in a loveless marriage and if it makes you feel any better me and him haven't been intimate in over 3 years. He was cheating on me and I am dumb enough to stick around. Trying to put Band-aids on a glass house that has already shattered. This is one of the hardest decisions I ever faced in my life; choosing whether to walk away or try harder. I wanted to tell you so many times, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was selfish and heartless of me to keep that from you. But being with you made me feel alive again, you ignited something in me that has never been lit before. I just wish that things were different because I definitely would have taken you up on breakfast, lunch, brunch, dinner and anything else we can think of. You are a great catch and would be awesome for any woman you meet. Again, I'm sorry and please forgive me
Miranda
If you ever want to talk about this and us. Here is my number.
Miranda finished writing and she put it on the pillow where she was sleeping. She grabbed her shoes off the floor, and she tip toed to the door. When Miranda looked out the window and saw the rain, she grabbed his jacket off the couch, and she put it on. She hoped he wouldn't mind that she took it. She needed it for the rain, and I guess something to think of him and the night they spent together.
Miranda drove home and she thought the whole ride. She was so consumed with her thoughts, to the point that she was on audio pilot and she didn't even realize she was home. She got out and she walked to her apartment and she unlocked the door. When Miranda walked to her bedroom. She took out some clothes from the drawer and laid them on the Bed.
" I hope he was good." Tucker said.
Miranda turned around and looked at Tucker leaned against the door. " What are you talking about. Look I don't have time for this I'm tired." Miranda said snappy.
" I said, I hope he was good. Since you stayed out all night and you have bed hair and I'm assuming that's his jacket on you. So, yeah like I said I hope he was Good and worth it.
Miranda rolled her eyes " actually he was Good, really good and it was worth it because he was the best I ever had." Miranda smirked and looked him in his eyes. She could see the hurt and anger in them. " And on that note, I'm going to go take a shower. "
Miranda walked to the bathroom and she shut the door. She turned on the shower and waited for it to heat up. She peeled her clothes off, and she stepped in. She let the water cascade down her body, and she thought back to Ben. She felt horrible for doing this to him. She shook her head and then she proceeded to wash up.
After her shower Miranda locked her room door so Tucker wouldn't barge in. They no longer shared a bed. He slept across the hall. Miranda fell into bed. She didn't bother putting on the clothes she had laid out. She pulled the covers up to her neck and she drifted off to sleep.
Miranda woke up to her phone ringing. She reached over and rummage through her purse. " Hello." She said groggy.
"So I see you had a long night." Callie said chuckling.
"A long night that lasted until 7:30 am." Miranda responded wiping her eyes
" Oh, you stayed with the guy. I was calling to make sure you were alive. I told you goodbye 7 times last night and you never responded nor took your eyes off of him." Callie said making Miranda blush.
" I stayed with him until I did the walk of shame and tiptoed out of his condo, but Yeah he was amazing, and he took care of me. " Miranda said smiling thinking back to their love making.
" Bailey! you slept with him, oooh was he good and how did he feel when you told him about Tucker." Callie asked excited
"Was he good? That's not even a question. He gave me two orgasm using his hands and his mouth. Followed by another two using that gifted piece between his legs. When I was with Tucker, I could barely count on one. And Callie I messed up so bad. I slept with him and didn't tell him I was married. So, I wrote him a letter before leaving letting him know why he couldn't take me out to dinner." Miranda said feeling a pain in her chest.
"Aww Bailey. Dam he probably would have understood if you would have told him upfront. Now he might think you used him but he when he looked at you last night. It was like you all saw love at first sight. So, I'm confident he will forgive you." Callie said trying to be positive
" I sure do hope so. I left my number, so I hope he calls. " Miranda said as she huffed.
" And if he calls then what. Are in a place where you are ready to leave Tucker. Because if you are not. What is the point of him calling."? Callie asked seriously
" Uggh Torres I don't know. I hate that I'm in this situation. I've known Tucker since med school, and we been together for almost 12 years. I never thought that it would get this bad and we would end up like this. But I also think I met the one last night. Truthfully. I'm scared. Miranda whined.
"What did you tell Derek about Meredith. "Callie asked knowing the answer.
They both spoke at the same time. " You already know what you have to do.. that's why it hurts so bad."
" Okay, well girl I'm going to use this day off and go back to sleep I'm very tired. " Miranda said yawning.
" Yeah you got worn out last night. Alright girl I'll see you at work tomorrow and I had fun singing with you last night." Callie said laughing hard.
" Me too and I'll see you tomorrow."
Miranda hung up and put her phone on the dresser. She laid on her back and stared at the ceiling. Silently hoping he would call; it was 1 in the afternoon so she figured he would be up by now.
Ben woke up and rolled over expecting Miranda to be there. But he was saddened to find the bed empty. He figured she might have gone to work. He wiped his eyes and saw the note lying on the pillow.
Ben read the note over and over again. He was angry that she didn't tell him up front and hurt that she belonged to someone else. He didn't feel like he wasted his time though, because it was the best night of his life and he was glad that he shared it with her. As much as he want her, he knew he couldn't or wouldn't call her because it would be too hard to not have his way with her, and Ben wasn't the kind of man that would break up a marriage or come in between one either. He shook his head and balled up her note throwing it in the trash bin by his room door.
It has been two months since the night at the karaoke bar and Miranda just went on with business as usual. She went to work, and she tried to forget about it. She and Tucker were coexisting.
Miranda walked into work and she was extremely tired. She couldn't sleep the night before because she was having terrible back pains. She walked out of the attendings lounge getting ready to get started on her rounds.
" Whoa what's wrong with you Bailey? " Arizona asked noticing the frown and discomfort on her face.
" I'm okay just very tired and my breast hurt like crazy." Miranda said shifting her bra trying to find some comfort.
" Ohhh I see. It's that time of the month. that's normal. I hope you feel better though " Arizona said as she walked away.
Miranda's eyes got wide. No, it was not that time of the month in fact it's very, very, very beyond that time of the month. She hurried off to one of the on-call rooms and she placed back and forth.
" Hey, who paged me here." Callie said opening the door a little.
Miranda opened the door and pulled her inside by the arm. " Miranda what's going on. I am trying to build cartilage from out of thin air. " Callie said.
She could see the sad and frighten look on her face. " Are you okay Bailey." Callie asked
" No, I am not okay. My cycle didn't come at the end of last month and here we are at the end of the month again and it's still not here 3 days past the date." Miranda said pacing again.
" Ohhh you and Tucker are still sleeping together. I mean it's okay separated people back slide all of the time. " Callie said
Miranda grabbed her arms and looked her in the eyes. " God no me and Tucker haven't slept together in 3 years. The only person I've slept with was Ben. " Miranda said seriously.
" You should be fine, you used condoms." Callie said . Miranda's face fell and she was quiet. "Miranda please tell me, you used condoms." Callie said crossing her arms.
" No, we didn't. Oh god, this is bad." Miranda said whining some.
" You know I always pegged you for the diaphragm type." Callie said.
" I have- well had a diaphragm but I haven't had sex in 3 years prior to that so it was no point. With Ben everything happened so quickly, neither one of us thought about a condom. " Miranda said putting her hand on her forehead.
"Well all you have to do is take a pregnancy test and everything will be okay Miranda." Callie Said
"Torres." Miranda whined and used her eyes to tell her what she wanted.
"Miranda no, all you have to do is go to the clinic and take 2 out the box." Callie said seriously.
Miranda just stared at her. Her eyes were getting glossy because she was about to cry. Miranda tried to contain her tears. But it was too late. She burst into tears and she used her hand to wipe them.
"Aww come here, I'll grab them out the box and no matter what the outcome is you will be fine." Callie said hugging her and rubbing her back as Miranda sniffled.
Miranda carried on with her day and she was trying to fight sleep. After she finished her post ops paperwork she went home. When Miranda got home, she took the pregnancy test out her purse and she held them in her hand for so long and just stared at the boxes. The knock of the door brought her out of her thoughts. Miranda walked and looked at the peep hole and she saw Callie on the other side with food in her hand and two other bags.
"Callie what are you doing here?" Miranda asked shocked.
"I couldn't leave my best friend alone and let you take the test by yourself. So, I figured we will take the test and then we can eat. I also brought my night bag to stay with you." Callie's said
"Aww you didn't have to do this. This is so kind of you." Miranda choked on her own words as she stared to cry.
Callie already knew in her heart that Miranda was pregnant; Miranda was emotional, too emotional than normal but she honestly was excited for her. Miranda would be awesome with a child and now Sofia would have someone to play with.
"Okay so you ready." Callie said as Miranda looked mortified.
Miranda's took both of the boxes and she went into the bathroom. She opened both up. After Miranda was done, she sat them on the counter, and she walked out and set a timer waiting. Miranda and Callie's talked about work until she heard the timer go off. Her eyes got wide and she stared at Callie. "Okay Callie you go look and then tell me."
Callie's got up and walked through the bathroom door and Miranda followed her staying at the bathroom door. Callie came to the door with a huge smile on her face. "Okay I don't know if that's a congratulations you're not pregnant or congratulations your pregnant smile. " Miranda said
"Miranda you are going to be a mommy." Callie said hugging her. Miranda cried and looked at Callie. Eventually She smiled, she always wanted to be a mother and she and Tucker tried for so many years before the gave up on it.
Miranda and Callie sat at the counter and ate chicken and macaroni. " So, Miranda you need to go get your first visit done. This about the time you would get your first ultrasound done. You are probably about 7 or 8weeks. And you should have been started on your prenatal care." Callie said.
" Oh gosh I'm already starting to be a horrible mom. My baby is the size of a raisin or raspberry and I didn't even know that it existed" Miranda said sniffling. This was a lot on her.
"Hey Miranda. " Tucker said as he opened up the door and set his stuff down.
" Hey Tucker." Miranda said wiping her eyes. Tucker looked from Callie to her and then his face changed.
"You could at least tell me that we are having guess over. " Tucker said snappy.
" Don't mind him." Miranda said to Callie. Tucker left and walked down the hall. Miranda and Callie carried on as normal whispering and talking about the baby. She had to admit, deep down she really was excited. Tucker cut into their conversation. " I'm sorry about being rude Callie and congratulations on your baby." Tucker said.
Miranda and Callie eyes got wide. " Baby." Both of them said at the same time.
" Yeah I seen the two pregnancy test on the counter in the bathroom." Tucker said shrugging his shoulders.
" Um Tucker... It's my baby not Callie's. I'm pregnant. Those are mine. " Miranda said staring at him.
Both Callie and Miranda could see the anger burning in his eyes. Miranda looked down and saw his fist. It was balled up trying to contain his anger. Then he stormed off and slammed his room door.
Miranda rolled her eyes and she turned back to Callie. " He will get over it. He thinks I don't know that he already knocked up some bitch across town. I received some shocking news today and I'll be dammed if I was the only one surprised tonight." Miranda said shrugging her shoulders.
Miranda and Callie went into her bedroom and they changed for bed. Miranda put on a night gown and she looked into the mirror. " How did I not know." Miranda said looking at her tiny pudge that was clearly noticeable to her.
" We only see things that we want to see and Miranda you are a surgeon, always on the go. So, you just didn't notice. " Callie said sitting on the bed.
" I have to find Ben and tell him. He needs to know. But he probably doesn't even want to see me anymore. what if he doesn't believe that it's his." Miranda said putting her hand on top of her head.
"You don't know that, and he will believe you, trust me. What will you gain from lying about a baby."? Callie said laying back.
" I do know that. If he wanted to see me again, he would have called, and I lied about being married so why not lie about a baby. "Miranda said frustrated and got up under the covers.
"I been telling you this all day, but everything will be just fine. I promise you that. I am confident you will find him, and he will scoop you up and it will be happy ever after. " Callie said smiling.
"Good night Torres." Miranda said smiling and placing her hand on her stomach.
Its been two months and Miranda search everywhere she could think of, its almost like he dropped off the face of the earth. She walked beside Richard as he walked up the steps to gather for a staff meeting. She listened as he talked about the new merger with Mercy West. Richard told the staff that we all needed to be on our P's and Q's. All of her co-workers gasped and whispered about the situation and all Miranda could do was pause like time was frozen. The father of her child might possibly be working here with her. If he didn't quit. She tried her best to hide her pregnancy but her little bun in the oven was growing so big and eventually she had to tell everyone.
Many people asked her about the father, and she told them he worked at another hospital. Richard was definitely surprised because the only thing she had told him was about her divorce from Tucker. After she told Tucker she was pregnant. He immediately drew up the divorce papers and Miranda wasn't even sad about it. The divorce would be final next month.
After work Miranda went home and she drew her a bath. She dropped her clothes and she got into the water. She looked at her belly and she smiled. She really loved being pregnant, she discovered something new every day. She hoped for a girl because she always wanted a little her. But a cute little boy with his father's looks, she wouldn't mind either. She knew she would spoil either one.
She thought about Ben for the millionth time. If he does work, there she needed to figure out what she would say if she was to see him. Hi Ben, I know I left you that night and I lied to you about my marriage but I'm pregnant and its your baby. No, that sound stupid. Miranda said to herself.
She got out of the tub and she dried off. Miranda put on her panties and her bra. She walked over to her long mirror in her room. She grabbed her phone and she took a picture of herself. She was documenting her growth weekly; she was going to get them all blown up when she reached 34 weeks. She was only 16. Miranda also wrote in her journal every week about what she was feeling and what the size of the baby was. She or she is the size of an avocado now.
It was Monday morning and Miranda got ready for work, she decided to wear a long maxi dress. she needed to go shopping to buy some pants. She couldn't zip up any of hers up. When she got to work. She changed into her scrubs and she walked to the entrance of the hospital. Staring on the stairs, She looked down at all of the interns from Mercy West. They had on prison orange scrubs, she shook her head and then laughed to herself.
Miranda worked with Meredith all day, trying to get to the bottom of where a tumor was in their patient's body. "I'll take it to the lab." Miranda said grabbing the biopsy. "no, it's okay, I will take it Bailey." Meredith said interjecting. "Grey I am pregnant not handicap. I got it." Miranda said walking out the door. She walked down the hall and she was bumped into a wall. Immediately she held the bottom of her stomach. "hey, watch where you are going, this is a hospital not track and field" Miranda yelled looking up
"Ben." Miranda said as her voice shook.
"Miranda, I'm sorry for bumping int-" Ben stopped talking and look down at her stomach and then he reached her eyes. Miranda had her mouth opened trying to find the words.
"its yours." She said at a whispered.
Miranda seen Alex in the hall. "Karev, take this biopsy to the lab for me and put a rush on it." Miranda said and handed to Alex.
"Ben, we need to talk" Miranda said as she walked to an empty meeting room. He walked in behind her and close the door.
"Ben I." "it's mine?" Ben said cutting her off.
"yes, it's yours and I am a 1000% sure. Because you are the only man I have been with after 3 years of no sexual intercourse. I know you might think that I get around because of what I did to you but I"
"I believe you." Ben said cutting her off once more. He truly did believe her. He was just angry with her, angry that he wasn't able to share with her in the moments or doctor visits and pissed that she didn't tell him. she knew where he worked and lived.
"you are just now telling me." Ben yelled
"When I found out I was pregnant I went to that hospital and sat outside so many goddam nights hoping that you would walk out. I asked the people at the front desk for you, looking like a stalker and a crazy person because the only thing I know is, your first name is Benjamin. I even went to the karaoke bar searching. I went to your condo and sat out there. You know you really should tell someone your first and LAST name before you sleep with them. Miranda yelled frustrated.
" Well you really should tell someone you are married when you meet them, and we would have never been in bed together in the first place." Ben said snarky
Miranda eyes got big and she narrowed her eyes at him and walked towards the door. Ben started to say something, but Miranda put her hand up silencing him behind her. Then she spun around. " You know what Ben... For gods sakes what is your last name." Miranda said pissed.
" It's Warren." Ben said
" Okay Benjamin Warren. I never meant to do that to you and yes, I recognize that I should have told you up front and it was selfish of me. I get that. But there is nothing I can do about that anymore. I am 4 months pregnant with your child and the only thing we can do is move forward. Because I'm trying. I'm trying to do the right thing here." Miranda couldn't even talk anymore as she busted into tears and opened up the door.
Ben stared at the women leaving out. She was frustrated and he realize that this probably was hard for her. It was hard on him too, but he never meant to hurt her feelings and it was killing him to see her cry.
" Miranda wait." Ben called out.
Miranda turned around again to face him. She shook her head and wiped her tears and walked out.
Now Ben was left feeling like an ass. She hurt him and lied to him and he was the one who felt guilty. Dam she was good. After that night they share together Ben left town for anesthesia conference on the east coast. It was to learn new technique and he also taught seminars. It was a month-long program and he taught new groups of doctors every week for four weeks.
So, he probably was gone when looked for him. Ben sat down in the chair and he tried to process everything. He was going to be a father and the thought made him smile. He never knew that we wanted children until now.
Ben got up and walked to the O.R. He had to prepare for surgery. Ben sat down in his chair and got his tools ready. He looked up and saw Miranda in the scrub room. Scrubbing in. he watched her, and he was in awe. She was just as beautiful as he remember if not more. He watched as she stepped into the room and the nurses gowned and gloved her. The surgery got started and he watched as she worked. She was flawless. "Sloan you want to have the anesthesiologist start lighten him up." Miranda said looking at Ben. Ben rolled his eyes " or you could ask him directly." Ben said starring at her.
Miranda left out and went to go scrub out. Mark was still working. "What her deal?" Ben asked Mark. "oh, Bailey she is tuff, but she has a heart of gold." Mark said while fixing their patient's face.
"she is beautiful." Ben said to no one in particular.
"oh you like her? She is a very private person, but she is in the middle of a divorce, the bastard was cheating on her and get this she is pregnant but its not his. I think she has a boyfriend but the only thing she would tell us is that the father works at another hospital." Mark said shrugging his shoulders.
After the surgery was over Ben went to find her, he asked around and they told her that she normally takes a nap around this time.
Ben looked into 3 on call rooms until he saw her laying on the bed in the fourth one. Ben sat beside her and put her feet in his lap. He massaged her foot and she opened her eyes. "I'm sorry." Ben said sincerely
Miranda stayed silent and she sat up.
"Miranda we need to talk. Can I please take you to dinner?" Ben asked while he was still rubbing her feet.
Miranda laid back on the bed again and was still silent. She was unbelievable tired and his foot rub felt so good, she was nodding off.
Ben stopped rubbing her feet and she opened her eyes " hey why'd you stop." Miranda asked.
"Oh now you have a voice." Ben laughed.
"Yes Benjamin I will go to dinner with you. Come on start up again." Miranda hit his arm