Levi's POV
I look down at the reins in my hands as we make our way through the city. Closing my eyes I try to clear my head to get her out of my mind.
You idiot. You were just supposed to get close enough to learn more about Erwin, not develop feelings.
Some child's voice chanting her name pulls me out of my thoughts, I look over and see her run over to three kids. They looked so happy to see each other. After talking for a little bit she hugged and kissed them goodbye before running back.
I look back down, not wanting to make eye contact. She comes off reserved and cold, but underneath she deeply cared and was always willing to help someone in need. And we're gonna repay her by killing one of her best friends and disappearing from her life.
How did it come to this?
In my peripheral field I see her go to mount her horse, but she pauses and looks over. Don't look, don't look, it'll only hurt more . Luckily she quickly turns away and gets up, putting her attention forward.
I start to think back when we first arrived at the Survey Corps HQ. Everyone gave us dirty looks and treated us differently since we were from the Underground. But she immediately took us under her wing and treated us with kindness. Isabel was the one to point her out, she seemed close with the Commander and was a cadet as well, it was the perfect opportunity.
Looking up I see the gates slowly rise and wind rushing out, Erwin raises his sword and shouts "Let the 23rd Reconnaissance Mission commence!" We all rush through the gates and enter the open fields.
I glance over to see Isabel and Farlan in awe of the sky, "Incredible!"
I look up myself, admiring the blue sky, "Ah, not bad."
(Y/N) turns around and shouts "Hey, Magnolia, eyes forward, you have to stay focused unless you want to get eaten."
We were riding for a few minutes until the booming of loud footsteps could be heard. Flagon shouts "Two fifteen meters approaching from the front!"
Another soldier shouts, "Two more fifteen meters approaching from the rear!"
We turn around to see two titans waving their arms and charging towards us. Farlan looks shocked, "T-that's a titan?"
I felt a slight twinge of fear as I saw them closing in on us, I don't necessarily care about dying, it's Isabel and Farlan that I'm afraid of losing. Erwin's voice booms across the field, "Ready your maneuver gear and prepare to engage! Mike and Flagon take the front, (Y/N) take the rear!"
She flies past us, getting in a crouched stance and readying her blades. Isabel calls out "Be careful!"
We watch her soar up to a tree next to the titans, both turn to her and go to grab her. She moved extremely fast and before we could even process anything, she killed the first titan. Within seconds the other titan was dead on the ground and she was riding towards us. I've seen her train with ODM gear, but watching her on the field was completely different. She seemed to be able to calculate every one of her movements and keep track of surroundings.
She rides next to me, "I hope you newbies took notes."
I give her a half-smile, "Not bad Johansen." I didn't want to say her first name, it was too painful. She had no idea what we are planning. She rides up back front next to Erwin, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't slightly jealous seeing them so close. Christ Levi, get a grip, you're here to do a job and that's it, you can always find someone else. But in the back of my mind, I knew that wasn't the case.
Erwin rides closer to (Y/N) and takes a peek at us before saying something to her. Based on her body language, it was a question. She always slightly cocks her head when pondering an answer. I try to study her response but I'm too far away. He responds with the same serious look on his face and her stance immediately changes to what seems like anger. She snaps at him and he just narrows his eyes before responding. What could they be talking about? (Y/N) rarely gets worked up during serious situations like this.
Farlan noticed me staring and steers his horse so he's right next to me. In a hushed tone he asks, "Levi, are you really sure you're up for this? We didn't expect you to grow so close." I shoot him a glare, "Of course I am, have you forgotten who I am? We came here to get a job done and I plan on fulfilling it, I'm securing our surface citizenships no matter what."
"What if she gets in the way? Her and the commander are close. She'd be more than willing to protect him, even put her life on the line for him." I chewed my lip while turning my attention back to her, thinking of all the possibilities and outcomes. My gaze falls back to Farlan and I feel my features darken as I lean in to murmur, "If it comes to it, I'll deal with her." He gives me a shocked look and we both look up to see her staring at us, something flickers across her face when she meets my gaze and she quickly turns around. (Y/N), please, just stay out of the way.
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Our groups eventually split off, and Isabel, Farlan, and I fall a little behind Mike and the others. It's pouring rain now and thick fog is starting to accumulate. "I didn't know it could rain this hard" Isabel said. "Ah, we won't be able to make out any rampaging titans in these conditions" Farlan notes.
They're right, we can barely see 15 feet in front of us, but this also presents an opportunity. "This is our chance, we'll us the rain as cover to get close to Erwin." They both gasp.
"Are we gonna go for it, bro?"
"Ah, yes. But it would be suspicious if all three of us broke off. I'll go alone."
Farlan looks over, "True, it's probably best not to carelessly move around."
Isabel chimes in, "We've got no choice. We're counting on you, Bro! Go and secure our surface citizenship!"
"If anyone asks, tell them I went on ahead to survey the terrain." With that I take off, I turn around and see the two slowly be swallowed by the fog. After about 10 minutes I hear galloping and see an anchor sink into the tree next to me. What the? I turn to the direction it came from and see a green hood approaching me. I tried to jump out of the way but the mystery person crashed into me and sent us tumbling to the ground. We land with them on top, straddling my hips and pinning my arms to the ground. I look up in surprise to see (Y/N). I start struggling under her grasp but she responds by pushing her hips further to add more body weight and tightens her grip on my arms. When did she get so strong?
"Levi, listen to me, I know why you're here, I know you're planning to kill Erwin."
I feel my eyes widen, how does she know? Why doesn't she sound mad? I narrow my eyes at her and in a demanding voice say, "(Y/N), please, don't get involved, I have to do this."
"No you don't! We can talk about it. The Corps can get you guys full surface membership if you become full members - " Rage flows through my body and I cut her off, "I don't want to be a scout, none of us do. We spent our whole lives fighting and surviving in that shit-hole. We're not gonna spend the rest of it fighting for some stupid regiment, we want freedom, we want a life." She doesn't understand, after being exposed to the surface, we could never go back, I would rather die.
She releases a grip on one of my arms and shoves her sleeve in my face, forcing me to look at the wings of freedom emblem. "But this is freedom! I saw the looks on your faces when we exited the gates, you guys were happy." Her eyes slightly widen when she realized one of my arms is loose, she went to pin it again, but I was faster.
I pulled her other arm off and used it to hold her in a bear hug, with my other arm I push up and twist our bodies so I land on top, this time pinning her arms to her sides. "I'm giving you one last chance. Stay. Out. Of. My. Way." I hold a stern gaze to make sure she knows I'm being serious. Hers eyes dart across my face, but then land on mine, "Are you really gonna make me choose between you and Erwin?"
She really doesn't know who she's dealing with, does she? "No, I'm making you choose whether you want to walk away alive or not." I've done things I'm not proud of to get what I want and protect my friends, I'm not willing to change for one girl.
Her face drops at my words, "Y-you're bluffing." Her voice started to crack at the end. "I'm sure you know me well enough that I don't bluff." I swiftly move both her arms above her head and pin both wrists with my left hand, I then proceeded to take out my knife with my other. Her eyes widen and tries to pull her arms out, but I'm stronger and just push them further in the mud while placing my knife up against her throat.
Her breathing becomes shaky and even in the rain I can start to see tears form in her eyes. "Did you ever want to be friends with me? Or were you just using me to get close to Erwin?" I felt a pang of guilt shoot through my chest, but I need to emotionally detach myself. Remember, you're doing this for Farlan and Isabel. I keep a cold gaze on her, "You were a valuable asset to us."
Mixed emotions play across her face until it lands on one I'm too familiar with, rage. Her face turns red and her hands start to shake, her voice drips with venom. "If I was just an asset, then what the fuck was yesterday?"
Before I even realized it, I blurted out, "A mistake." This was actually true, I never should have involved myself emotionally with her. Isabel and Farlan were supposed to come with yesterday but they ended up having to do extra laps because they pissed off Mike. And quite frankly, I enjoyed spending time with (Y/N) alone, she had such a calming presence.
The face she made sent chills down my spine, but not in a good way. Something's happened to her before, I can tell by the way her color drained from her face. She closed her eyes and I could see a single tear roll down her face. I'll make this quick (Y/N), you won't suffer. I go to jerk my hand to finish the job but I freeze. Images from yesterday at the lake flash before my eyes, within seconds they're replaced by her reuniting with the young children before. All I could see was her bright smile and beautiful face, she was so happy.
She opened her (E/C) eyes and all I could do was stare into them. Then the unexpected happened, she started smiling. I furrowed my brows in confusion, "Why are you smili-" She cut me off by spitting directly into my right eye. Instinctively, I reached up to wipe off the disgusting body fluid, she took this opportunity to break free from my grasp. You know me better than I thought. I aimed my knife to slash her throat but her hands were quicker and she was able to push it up at the last second, slashing her cheek instead.
Hearing her yelp in pain caused me to freeze again, I felt my heart sink at the fact that I just hurt her. Get your shit together, you have a job to do, we're not going back, no matter the costs. She grabbed my wrist with both hands and twisted has hard as she could, forcing me to drop the knife and rear back. Of course, she uses one of the moves I taught her. She grabs the knife and goes to slash my abdomen, but I jump back and click my swords in place. She throws the knife at me forcing me to block and take a step back.
I see her jump up and click her blades in place as well. To be honest I was amused at the thought of her trying to fight me, she knew she would lose. "Tsk. You know you can't beat me in a sword fight, you're only better hand-to-hand."
I see her eyes survey the land and the gears turning in her head. Before I could even make a move she kicks a large amount of dirt in water in face, I put my blades up in a cross to block. Then I hear the sound of a blade whipping past my head. Ha, you missed. The second I finished my thought I hear a loud pitched neigh, I whip around to see my horse dead on the ground.
She hooked a line to a tree next to her horse and was instantaneously galloping away. I immediately started charging after her, maneuvering through the trees as fast as I could. I underestimated you Johansen, you're a lot smarter than I thought. Before I knew it I caught up to her, she starts to turn around but I speed up the process by shooting an anchor straight into her left shoulder blade making her shriek again. I pull my line causing her to fly off her horse and slam straight into a tree.
I could hear her gasping for air, I most likely knocked the wind out of her, and maybe even broken a few ribs. I landed next to her, looking down. The face she made looking up at me, I don't think I could ever forget. I felt disgusted in myself, for what I did, and was about to do. "L-,levi.... waait... we.. c-an... still... talk." Seeing the one girl I ever felt some kind of connection towards begging for her life sent my head spinning. Stop it, stop it. stop it. You've known her for a month, you'll get over it. I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and without thinking I landed a hard kick to her face, instantly knocking her out.
Her body goes limp, except for the small rise and fall of her chest. I look down at one of my blades and then at her. I could tell finish her right now. But something in the back of my head was screaming me to stop, that I should leave. I ball my hands in fists and punch the tree. "Goddammit (Y/N), why did you have to be nice to us? Why couldn't you have treated us like shit like everyone else? This would have been so much easier." I have to leave, I can't stand seeing her like this. She's strong, maybe she'll survive. I still have time to finish our job to secure our citizenship and we won't have to see her ever again. This is the best option at this point.
Copenhagen stood silently, occasionally trotting his feet in place. I hoist myself up and ready the reins. Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't try to buck me off considering I just attacked his owner and probably best friend. But he seems to be comfortable with me. I take one last look at (Y/N)'s body, she seems to be having a nightmare based on her facial expression and limb twitching. I have to go, it won't be long until she wakes up.
I slap the reins and we take off into the pouring rain. I try to think of anything but her. However, my mind is cruel and loves to mess with me. A certain memory starts to play in my head.
Flashback
The three of us sat in a storage room below the main building. Since we didn't have to start training that day, we had time to wander around.
Farlan looks over to me, "Levi, we need to find a way to get close to Erwin."
"I know, but he seems pretty guarded, the only people he's close with are captains and other higher-ups. He doesn't seem to be the personal type."
Isabel chimes in, "Wait what about (Y/N)? She mentioned how he took her under his wing. Also she's a cadet like us, so it'll be won't be suspicious if we try to befriend her."
I half-smile forms on my face, "That could work. Not bad Isabel, I always forget how smart you are."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean."
We spent the next 30 minutes figuring out how to get close to her. She was also stand-offish like Erwin and seemed relatively quiet. We soon decided that I would try to get close to her. My reasoning was that I was the best at manipulating people. But deep down I knew something drew me towards her, I just didn't know what. Later that day when I caught her getting ready to go for a ride, I couldn't help myself but ask if I could join.
End Flashback
I tried shaking that memory out of my head, but all I could think about was her arms wrapped around my waist as we rode in silence. I couldn't help but laugh at the irony. I'm riding on her horse after leaving her for dead, the same horse I associate my first happy memory with her.
The sound of a flare being fired pulls me out of my thoughts, a scout covered in blood points behind me and spurts out, "Ti-tan." He points behind me and I see large footprints leading the way I came from. How is that possible? Did we pass each other? Oh God... Isabel and Farlan are back there. I whip Copenhagen around and start speeding back to their last known location. (Y/N) wasn't too far from here either. As I pass the tree where I left her, I almost came to a dead stop.
Her scout cape was sprawled out on the grass, covered in blood. A hole could be seen where I shot my anchor into her back. I looked around frantically, but her body was no where to be seen. Oh God what have I done? Kneeling down I grab her cape, I don't know why, but it felt like the semi-decent thing to do.
Copenhagen and I take off making our way back the rest of Mike's group. The fog still makes it very difficult to see ahead, I hope I'm going the right way. My thought is soon answered by Copenhagen almost tripping over a dead body. My eyes widen in horror as I look at the scene in front of me, I feel my knees give out and I collapse to the ground.