This could be the comfiest booth inside the coziest restaurant in the whole, wide world. Cushions made of the finest materials, soft fluffiness to rest your ass on. Maybe even take a nap. It wouldn't matter. I'd still be crawling out of my skin and shifting in my seat, eyes darting to the entrance over and over again. Anticipating.
Overeager.
It's the first time in what feels like forever that I'll be seeing Amber off the sand, away from the rippling ocean waves, and without Stella there as a buffer.
No, this is not a date.
Even though I wish it was.
I feel like the dynamic between the two of us has changed significantly over the last month or so. Sundays are officially my new favorite day of the week and I've never enjoyed walking more than I have with her by my side. Even if there's a small chance she only shows up to see the dog.
I think I can live with that.
Our interactions become more meaningful with every walk, making it feel like I've known her forever. She's more open, comfortable. I'm even seeing more of that fire of hers that I always knew was there.
And yet, I'm so nervous to see her tonight. Wondering what she'll say, hoping I'll be able to talk like a normal person under this new setting. Thankfully, Trevor and Lacy will be here, too, so it shouldn't be too crippling. And I know their presence will add a layer of comfort for Amber.
The door swings open and the three of them walk inside. Lacy and Trevor seem to be immersed in their own moment as he dips down to say something in her ear while they pause at the entrance. But I watch Amber's head turn slowly in a lowkey survey of the entire restaurant before her eyes land on mine.
She was looking for me. Goodbye normal heart rate.
Her hand comes up and gives me a small wave as she brings Trevor and Lacy's attention to the table I'm sitting at and they all head over. I stand up, ready to greet them. Lacy gives me a half hug and Trevor's hand comes out for me to shake before he guides Lacy to one side of the booth.
I turn to Amber, not knowing how to properly greet her in this setting. We don't usually hug or shake hands or have any physical contact on the beach. We just sort of meet up and start walking alongside one another. It feels natural for us but that doesn't mean I'm not dying to grab her hand or make contact somehow. I think about it every damn time I see her. But as always, I'm treading carefully, going against all my normal impulses to make sure she's comfortable.
Before I have to debate much longer on how to go about this greeting, I'm surprised to feel Amber reach down abruptly, grabbing my right hand into both of hers. I'm shocked at first, taken aback by her boldness, struck by the electricity in her touch. But it doesn't take long to realize what's gotten into her when I remember there's a pretty nasty looking cut on the top of my hand. Just a fun battle wound from today's little work adventure. The blood is dry now but it still looks pretty fresh and gross.
"What happened?" Amber asks, her voice low as she traces her finger around the laceration.
She has no fucking idea what she's doing to my entire nervous system right now and I laugh a little, trying to control my breathing.
"Teenager with a pocket knife," I tell her, resisting the urge to shrug it off like it's no big deal. It does look worse than it really is but I don't mind the way her hands feel wrapped around mine so I'm gonna milk this one.
"It looks painful," she remarks softly, lifting her face up to mine and holding my gaze.
Fucking gone. I'm gone in those eyes.
That's how I end up hitting her with the most cliché, macho line that ever existed in the world of fist fighting and juvenile brawling as I mutter, "You should see the other guy."
Amber's eyebrows float up and the ghost of a smile appears on her lips. "Whatever you say, Maverick."
Now that I'm getting a good look at her face, even through her cute movie quip, I notice there's something missing from her smile, like she's holding back or forcing it. I just can't tell which it is. I've seen this look on her face a lot, witnessed the veil that lifts up and drops back over it as she contends with herself over feeling what she's feeling or covering it up the way she's done for so long. It never gets easier to watch and it's in these moments I wish I could pull her against my chest, hold her close, and tell her that it's going to be alright.
I wish we were on the beach, where I'm confident she would open up to me out there under the clouds, using the backdrop of the setting sun and Stella's nonsense as a distraction to take the pressure off.
But for now, we're in this restaurant and I have to settle for an encouraging glance. I don't even know how long we stand here in our own little world as Amber seems to tell me without speaking that something is bothering her and I try to remind her she's strong, but it's long enough to catch Lacy's attention and demand that Amber accompany her to the bathroom.
Before I know it, she's dragging her off as I try to rein in my concern and take a seat in the booth across from Trevor, allowing my eyes to drift off in the direction Amber is leaving in. And yes, falling to her ass, despite the very emotional moment we just shared. I can't help it. Tilting my head for a better view was completely accidental though and apparently not missed by Trevor.
"Are you checking out my sister? Right in front of me?"
"No," I blurt out, looking over at him. The suspicion on his face is exchanged for a semi-grossed out scowl and I know I've been caught. "Yes," I mutter, admitting defeat. "Sorry, man. But she's like... really pretty."
Really fucking pretty.
Trevor's eyes roll dramatically but there's some amusement in them now. "Sure you don't mean hot?"
I clear my throat, wanting to laugh but also needing to choose my words and facial expressions carefully in this tiny booth. I go for a not too blatant shit-eating grin. I'm only here to inform, after all.
"Your sister manages to walk the fine line of both," I tell Trevor. "Excellently if you ask me."
He shakes his head, offering me a half smile before his face goes serious. "Well, I hope you know what you're doing, Tommy. This is a big adjustment for her. Even if her marriage seems to have been over long before she finally left that asshole, it really only makes her situation more complicated in some ways."
Oh boy. "You're jumping way ahead here. I didn't say I was going after her or anything." I can feel the lie dancing around on my tongue. But then, technically, I haven't actually said much to Trevor about his sister so it's not really a lie. However, this seems like just as good a time as any to test the waters, so I shoot him a side eye, "But if I was... I can handle complicated. Would you have anything to say about that?"
Trevor's hands go up in surrender. "You're a grown ass man and she's my older sister so I'm not getting involved. But just... handle with care if you do. And don't forget she's got a daughter. I don't need you inserting yourself into my niece's life and making things harder for her. For both of them."
"I wouldn't do that," I assure him before changing gears and sending over a confident smirk. "Besides, kids love me."
"You think everybody loves you."
"Your girlfriend loves me. So does your mom."
Trevor laughs. "My mom loves everybody, Tommy. And Lacy tolerates you because she loves me."
"Okay, that's fair," I shrug, fiddling with the silverware in front of me.
Wait. I can joke about Lacy all I want but Amelia taking to me kindly is actually crucial here. And Ed... oh, shit.
I look at Trevor again. "Your mom does like me, right? And your dad... I mean, do they think I'm a good person?"
He nods his head with a smirk. "Chill out, man. You're in their good graces."
"Okay."
Just making sure.
When Amber and Lacy return, that familiar anticipation floods my chest as I stand up and guide Amber past me. The light, pleasant smell of her coconut shampoo invades my nostrils, waking up the rest of my senses as she slides into the booth before me. I watch her eyes track my movement when I sit down and she offers me a little smile as I take my seat beside her.
Now, I don't know what girls do on these mysterious trips to the bathroom together but whatever it is, I'm happy to report it seemed to repair Amber's mood a bit.
She's a bit more spirited as she strikes up a conversation with Lacy about her latest art endeavor. But all at once, when Trevor asks his sister how parents' night went with Mia a couple days ago, I don't miss the sinking of Amber's shoulders as the veil floats back down and she halfheartedly shares a few details about Mia's classroom and her teacher before changing the subject with a smile.
Up goes the veil again. She's back and I'm beginning to put the pieces together.
The waitress drops off menus and takes our drink order before disappearing and we all look over the options. Trevor and Lacy share a menu, going back and forth across from us in a lively discussion about what they're each going to order as Amber and I quietly peruse our own menus.
I glance over at her. "What are you getting?"
She peels her eyes from the menu in her hands, bringing them up to meet mine. "I was looking at the nachos, but..." Her words come out slowly and she follows them up with a nervous laugh as though she's unsure. "The tray is so big," she explains. "I won't finish all of them."
The corner of my mouth tilts into a sly grin. "Are you asking if I'll split the nachos with you?"
"Are you up to the task?" she counters back immediately, a spark of humor in her eyes.
"Sure. If you agree to put the sour cream and salsa on the side," I respectfully request.
Her brows knit together as she shakes her head. "Your insistence on always dipping sour cream and salsa is weird."
I throw my hand on my heart, feigning offense. "It's not weird."
"You dipped your tacos in the salsa that one time instead of putting it in the shell with the rest of the toppings, Tommy. That's weird."
"I'm offended that you're offended by that."
"Go ahead and be offended," she laughs, animatedly tearing her eyes away from me like she can't bear the disappointment of my preferences anymore. This is something I haven't lived down since the time we got tacos after our walk a couple weeks ago and I'm not gonna lie, I love how fired up it gets her.
As I drag my own eyes back to my menu, I hear her mutter softly, "I will get the sour cream and salsa on the side for you, weirdo."
I smile. I mean, I smile really fucking big. And while I'm contemplating how much bigger that smile can get, it dawns on me that the conversation across the table has all but stopped entirely. Amber seems to notice at the same time and both of our heads drift up to see Trevor and Lacy staring back at us, apparently enjoying our little dip debate like a couple of spectators.
Before I can inquire what the problem is, Amber beats me to it.
"What?" she asks, staring Trevor down and then moving her eyes to Lacy.
"Nothing," they mutter at the same time before looking back down.
Amber looks back at me with a shrug before the buzz of her cell phone sends her jolting. She reaches for it and turns her body away from me to check a text. Whatever it says is upsetting, that much is clear. That distraught look from earlier returns with a vengeance and my chest squeezes with another pang of concern as I watch her turn the volume down on her phone and shove it in her pocket.
"Everything okay?" I ask her, keeping my voice low.
"Yeah," she mutters, busying herself with folding her napkin. "Everything's fine."
I let it go for now. Sunday on the beach can't come fast enough.
._._._.
"Okay, spill."
"Spill what?"
"The details," Lacy explains excitedly. "I wanna know everything."
I knew this was coming, I should have seen it a mile away. Lacy dragging me to the bar, claiming that she needed help bringing drinks back when we could have just as easily had the waitress put another order in for us... this has all the makings of a set-up. She already cornered Amber in the bathroom when we got here, now she's out to get my side of things.
Too bad Amber and I are just friends, though, and there's no juicy answers to be found here at the bar. Let's see what Lacy thinks of that.
"Didn't you literally just take a trip to the bathroom with Amber? Isn't that when and with whom you women share gossip?"
She waves a frustrated hand at me. "Amber barely gave me anything to work with. Her lips were sealed tighter than a drum."
That's my girl.
"Anything to work with? What are getting at, Adams? Are you scheming?" At my question, Lacy's mouth drops open in shock and I give her a satisfied smirk. "That's right. Trevor told me all about you."
"And what did my dear heart say?"
"He said you run schemes on people. Set-ups to bring them together."
Her mouth finishes it's slow descent before she pulls herself together, giving a maniacal laugh as she glances back at our table and then to me again.
"First of all," she begins defensively. "What he failed to mention is that he was by my side through all of that. And second, it's only ever been done for the greater good. So, fess up. Tell me about what happens at the beach. I promise I won't repeat what I hear."
I sigh in defeat, knowing I'll never get her off my case but also not entirely turned off to the idea of having somewhere to drop this. It's not as though I can tell Trevor. I know he and Lacy are practically married and that when she says she won't tell anyone, that doesn't necessarily include him. But I do know she'd be discreet enough.
"We've been having... conversations on the beach," I tell her, treading carefully and giving myself time to think about how I'll answer her next round of questions. It would feel like a betrayal to Amber if I were to divulge too much but there's no harm in sharing the gist of it.
Lacy's eyebrows go a mile up. "What kinds of conversations are we talking about here?"
"Just... stuff," I shrug.
"Like what? Deep shit or the basics? A mix of both?" Her relentless prying comes to a halt as she gives me an unimpressed frown. "Don't tell me this is one of those things where you discuss the philosophies of time and space but you don't know her favorite fucking color, Sallow."
"It's not like that at all."
"Okay," Lacy says, eyeing me suspiciously. "So you talk about everything, that's good. And how often do these conversations take place?"
"Often enough," I answer curtly.
"You are such an ass," she laughs. "I heard from Amber, herself, that you two have been meeting up once a week. Same time and place. Just the two of you and your cute dog. So, stop giving me the run around and just tell me something I can swoon about later because I'm dying here. Amber is so different now than when she got here and it completes the fuzzy feeling in my heart to believe that you have something to do with that. Even if it's just a little."
My mouth twitches, eager to release in word form everything that's been going on in my heart and head lately. Oh fuck, I was wrong.
Here comes the juicy stuff.
"Lacy," I sigh, unable to keep it in anymore. "She's something else. I've never known anyone like her before and it's freaking me the fuck out. We've been meeting on the beach for weeks now and talking about everything under the sun. And that... you know that shit that happens in your chest when you're so happy, it feels like something wants to fucking explode out of it?"
Lacy's face is calm now, a serene smile crawling across her mouth as she nods because she knows exactly what I'm talking about and she's happy. Happy that she knows where I'm about to go with this. Happy because when you know what that shit in your chest feels like, you want everyone to feel it in their own way, too. It's not the kind of feeling you want to keep to yourself. It's the kind of thing you wish on the entire world.
"I wish everyone felt like this," I say, uttering my thought out loud.
Lacy's eyes go all glossy on me and I'm not gonna lie, it's a little scary on her, a far cry from that tough and sarcastic look I'm accustomed to.
"Okay, Sallow," she says with a grin, reaching for her drink and grabbing Trevor's as she turns around, giving us both a smooth break from the intense words I just shared with her. "Let's get you back to your girl."