Adnaan's POV
Almost twelve hours of silence were enough to kill me due to guilt. I was silently fighting with my ownself! I was trying to understand the actual feeling inside me. Sara was not crying anymore but she eyes were telling me that she was crying from inside. I didn't want to love her, I still hate her but I couldn't bear her tears!
What kind of hatred is this in which neither I want to make her happy nor I want to see her sad?
What is this feeling?
Since childhood I've same feeling for her.
Saturday night was a mess in itself, and whole Sunday was passed in cleaning up that mess! But still nothing was fine. Last night We both didn't sleep peacefully and now; Monday morning we both were getting ready for work. I was a bit worried about facing Mansi because in sake of making Sara jealous I did what I shouldn't! At that time I was enjoying her jealousy, because I was feeling how she was huffing after watching me talking to any girl but my fun was converted into a blunder!
After taking shower I stepped out of the bathroom and my nostrils were hit by my favourite ginger and Cardamom tea. I was shocked to see Sara in kitchen.
She was ready to go for her job but still making breakfast for both us, there was a smile on her face as same as every morning.
"Sa.." I open my mouth to ask what she was doing but actually didn't found guts to ask a single question.
"Breakfast kar lena, aur office se wapas aate hue kuch groceries le aana main list send kar dungi" She said in hurry while placing a cup of tea on dining table along with butter and bread.
(Have breakfast, and come back from the office with some groceries, I'll send you list of required items)
But her behaviour was not normal, or maybe her normal behaviour was a vail behind a tornado which she was hiding herself. She was behaving like nothing happened in between us.
"Sar.." I was unable to say anything.
"I'm going" She said hurriedly while biting the butter coated bread, and shrugged her bag on shoulder. She took a step ahead and I caught her wrist.
"Why are you behaving like this?" I asked and she turned towards me.
"What? How I'm behaving?"
"Aesa behave kyu kar rhi ho jese kuch hua hi nahi hai?" I couldn't help but ask with frustration, and she narrow her eyes with a smile on her lips
(Why are you behaving like nothing happened?)
"Kuch hua bhi hai?" She asked after freeing her wrist from my hand and I was confused on her behaviour.
(Have anything even happened?)
"Sara I w.." She didn't let me complete and smile while slowly shaking her head.
"Please, no need to say anything in your explanation I..." this time I didn't let her complete her sentence and held her both hands.
"Main jaanta hu tum mujhe Naraz ho" she again narrow her eyes at me like I said something odd
(I know you're offended with me)
"Naraz? wo bhi tumse? Nahi to" She said with same sweet smile and polite tone, but her act was out of my mind.
(Offended? That too with you? Not at all!)
"Is baat ka kya matlab hai?" I asked with full f confusion and she pulled her hands from my grip.
(what does or mean?)
"You know what Adnaan, Jo log dil ke qareeb hote hain unse naraz nahi raha jaata.." (It's difficult to stay offended with those people who are close to our heart) Her words gave me a reason to smile as so she was smiling but very next moment "Aur paraye logo se shikwe nhi kare jaate." (And there isn't any point of expecting anything with people who aren't close to us) my smile died right then.
"Hamare beech koi rishta hi nhi hai to gile-shikwe, ruthna manana, naraazgi jesi kisi cheez ki bhi koi jagah nahi hai" Saying that she took steps towards door, she wasn't angry but smiling and her smile was more dangerous than a dagger which was giving deep wounds to my heart.
(If there is no relationship between us, there isn't any room for anything like expectation towards each other, complaining, resentment.)
"Adnaan... Breakfast karne ke baad butter fridge me rakh dena, otherwise melt ho jayega" Saying that in same normal way she stepped out from home holding same smile.
(Adnaan, put butter in fridge after having breakfast, otherwise it'll melt)
I can bet she wasn't Sara Mahmood with whom I got married some three months back. That Sara was aggressive, short tempered and quick witter but this Sara Adnaan Rizwi was difficult to tackle, she was stronger than Sara Mahmood that's why she was defeating me without actually using a single harsh word. She was making me guilty every now and then with her normal behaviour.
I don't know how to deal with her. No matter whatever she says but her eyes always narrate a different story.
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That was lunch time, everyone was in cafeteria but I wasn't feeling hungry so I decided to stay on my work place and complete the presentation but suddenly I jumped on my place when a soft hand with sharp nails touched my nape and in no time slipping forward they rest themselves on my chest, under my shirt as two buttons of my shirt were already open.
"What are you doing Mansi" without bothering to conform who was that person I asked looking here there and she placed her chin on my shoulder.
"Nothing much" She whispered in my ear and I felt her smirking, but I removed her hands from myself.
"Mansi what the hell are you doing? Are you out of your mind? I yelled in whisper while standing up but she took a step towards me.
"Adnaan, after party night... " She stopped and I run my fingers through my hair realising my mistake. I shouldn't arose that feeling in Mansi by dancing with her.
"Can we again..?" My eyes became wide after listening that and maybe she got answer with my reaction. "Just for once..." She muttered in requesting way and I shook my head.
"Mansi don't forget about that decision, and now I'm married" Saying that I maintain distance between us.
"Adnaan How can you forget our relationship so easily?" She asked holding a pain in her voice but I shook my head.
"That wasn't a relationship, that was a mistake! Just a mistake for which I'm regretting from that night to now?" I said straight forward and stopped her to come closer to me. Meanwhile few of our colleagues approached towards their work desks and fortunately Mansi left from there.
Holding my head I sat down on my chair remembering what happened two years ago.
When I joined this office Mansi was also new here and soon we became friends, close friends.
And one night she offered me dinner in her home, I accepted that without any problem because that wasn't anything new for both of us. We use do dinner with one another everyday. But that night was different, after having dinner, we both were having coffee sitting in her balcony. We both were chit chatting and in playfulness she told me that vodka tastes like water with a burning, unpleasant, mildly bitter flavor due to the alcohol, and she challenged me that If I would do a vodka race with her then I'll lose for sure. And I accept that challenge. I don't know what happened then. Next day when I open my eyes I was with Mansi in her bed. I still remember when I saw her she was in my arms and unfortunately we both were free from our clothes. Our amazing friendship was turned into a new relationship which was not simple to define. I was regretting for hours but when Mansi woke up she was happy and satisfied. And after watching her without any guilt I was also a bit satisfied. And we both continued our relationship for next two or three months. I know I did wrong but at that time there was no reason for me to stop myself to do that sin.
But then I started feeling suffocation and guilt in that relationship because there was no sign of love or affection between us, that was only lust and then I decided to stop what I was doing. I started to make distance with Mansi, firstly she was not really too leave that relationship but then she found a boyfriend and our relationship was completely over. I decided that I won't do anything like that again
At that time Mansi was also happily accepted my decision, but we also decided to keep our friendship as it was in past.
But now, few weeks back Mansi had broke up with her boyfriend, she was upset so I took her for dinner after office and we both talk for hours. Just talk nothing else.
Around mid night, when she dropped me home, she didn't want me to leave her alone. I was standing outside my building and she was hugging me while crying, she was requesting me to stay with her for some more time.
I'm not sure but Maybe from that night she again started feeling to have me in her life. But it was impossible. I am already ashamed in front of my almighty and my ownself to stay in that relationship outside the marriage.
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Sara's POV
I sighed while placing the blue and black markers on table.
"Is this topic clear or not?" I raised a question and in the reply one few students raised their hands.
"Yeah ask the doubts!" I grant permission and they started asking questions one by one.
After a long class I went to work room, where other teachers were sitting in their free time, I got busy in correcting paper but I was still thinking about Adnaan and my relationship.
"Sara you're married. Right?" One of the middle aged teacher asked and I nodded with a small smile, though there wasn't something in my marriage which could make me happy but I had to do that for show-off
" How long has it been since you got married?" She asked in her lovingly manner.
"We'll complete our three months anniversary next week" my reply was short and appropriate but she was gasped as of I gave her some kind of shock.
"How simple you're... It's not even complete three months of your marriage and no one can say that even if you are married" She said like a mother and I just smile in reply
"Ma'am I don't like to do makeup" I said truth
"Aww... Sara you're so sweet and simple, otherwise Girls like to wear jewellery and bangles after getting married." She awed at me and I just smile. Actually I told her only half truth, I don't like to do makeup, but I love to groom myself. I love to wear jewellery and bangles but after my marriage I almost forgot to groom myself.
Before marriage I use to ask my mother that how I was looking in different dresses but after marriage I didn't had time to think about grooming myself because I was busy in understanding Adnaan and his behaviour.
"Where did you went for honeymoon?" My colleague who was same as my age asked me and I manage to maintain a smile on my face but maybe my eyes lost their shine
"Umm.. Actually... My husband is working on some important project of his office, so he couldn't afford long leave. That's why we postponed our honeymoon" I lied and my colleagues nodded. I always wanted to go to some hill station for my honeymoon but from the time I got to know that my marriage was fixed with Adnaan I had a doubt that maybe he won't take me to hill station with himself. But after marriage I got to know that he won't give me the status of his wife in his life. I'm just a show piece in front of this world As Mrs Sara Adnaan Rizwi but actually there was a wall between both of us. I hate that man.. But actually I want to be loved by him. I know I'm behaving like a fool, I'm demanding for what is impossible to get but still I want my husband to love me.
Who girl wouldn't dream to be loved by her husband? I also wished that but my fate!
Since childhood I saw my dad, he was a great father and lovely husband. He use to say that a man is incomplete without his wife and children, but he was wrong. If he would watch Adnaan then he got to know that a man is complete with a beautiful girlfriend, wife is just a show piece in front of society.
In all these things I'm suffering emotionally. I didn't want to show myself weak in front of Adnaan but actually I wasn't this much strong. It's not easy to see my husband with someone else. Moreover I don't have anyone to share my feelings and problems.
Mummy called me to ask about the matter between us, but due to her illness I told her that it was my fault. To be honest, I don't want to share anything with her, I love her so much but still she didn't believe on me but her nephew, that think still hurt me. That was difficult for me to digest that my own mother and brother thought negative about me but they favour Adnaan. But I can't completely blame them, in the beginning days of marriage his acting was great and only his acting made me fall for him.
I don't know what will happen with me in upcoming time? How will I live my whole life with a man who doesn't love me?
Our elders ruined my life.
I don't have any flaws in me, I could get a better life partner who might love me. But they all tied me up with a man who doesn't want me in his life and doesn't need me as his wife.
What's my fault in this?
And who is responsible for my situation?
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Assalamualaikum.....
How is this part??
🙃 🙃 🙃
Ughhhh...
I'm tired...
Now it's 1:03 am & I'm trying to publish this chapter since an hour but
My internet is not working
😩😩😩
_Naaz Jamal