Sept. 1991 - This is the first weird experience I had with Layne and it was before he passed. When the Facelift album came out, I loved it instantly and I pretty much became an AIC fan right then and there. The music just grabbed me and wouldn't let go. I saw they were coming in concert with Van Halen to my city, so I went and stood in line at the box office in a department store. This was before the internet, so this is how you got tickets back then. I was shocked I ended up with 11th row seats! I had never been so close to the stage at any concert. So concert day rolls around and I just remember being very happy to finally be seeing AIC live. I was just planning on enjoying the concert and that was it.
I was never particularly focused on Layne before this, he was kind of under my radar, a continuing theme with him. Honestly, Jerry was always the one that caught my eye! My friend and I went and AIC took the stage at the outdoor amphitheater. I remember being very focused on Layne as soon as he came out onstage, but I wasn't focused in a fan way. I was focused on watching him as a person and the way he moved, his behavior. It wasn't a premeditated thing, it just happened automatically as soon as I saw him. I couldn't really control it. I think I had read something about him doing drugs in a magazine article during the previous year. Why that stuck in my mind I have no idea, because duh, lots of musicians use drugs, it's nothing new. At the time I was very interested in psychology and I was trying to figure out what made him 'tick'. In retrospect, I was actually reading his mind/energy and I didn't really realize at the time what I was doing. I was trying to figure him out, his feelings and most importantly, if he was going to overcome his drug addiction. For some reason, I felt this was super important to figure out.
What I felt from him – I felt pain, depression and isolation from him even then. At this point in time, things had not become really bad for him yet. There was an anti-social feeling from him. I remember trying to figure out if he was going to make it or not, like if he would ever be able to come out of the mindset he was in. I knew his mind/attitude wasn't right. I sadly concluded that he wouldn't. I remember at the end of the concert feeling sad for him, because he just seemed so resistant to change. I also felt very disappointed in him and even a little disgusted. His future didn't have to go that way, but he just didn't care. It just felt like such a waste and his attitude was so flippant and cavalier. It was like "I got this, don't worry about it, and get the fuck out of my mind". I just remember thinking to myself "Wow, this guy is going to let himself go down the tubes and he isn't going to do a thing about it." That feeling was a little taste of what those closest to him felt intensely for years, I'm sure.
I also got that he was closed energetically to what I was doing. He was like a brick wall. I feel on some level he felt me doing it, because he was very intuitive and sensitive to energies. I really doubt it was on a conscious level, but who knows, this is Layne we're talking about here! I was in the 11th row, but I doubt he actually saw me. It was very weird how I felt compelled to do that as soon as I saw him, I've never had that happen with any other performer at any concert, and I've been to a fair amount of them. Only him. So, I came away from the concert thinking he was a flippant asshole. I never picked up on who he truly was - that sweet, funny, beautiful, deep guy, because he put up that energetic brick wall.
Honestly, that whole experience kind of cooled my jets for AIC because I was so bummed from what I felt from him and what I knew was going to happen. I didn't have the same enthusiasm for them after that and I ended up getting rid of all my AIC CD's a few years later. I never even bothered listening to the Mad Season album either. Life went on, and I basically forgot about AIC and Layne.