Chapter 9:
1 step forward
SEUNGHEE
My working studio is the same one that Kang Haneul got me from To the sky but this time, Sorn lives there now too. I come to work this morning to see her still asleep on a sleeping bag on the floor with a laptop next to her. I think she's been writing. It's all in English so I ignore it.
I go ahead and make some coffee after putting my bag on my desk. "Eonni?" Sorn's small, groggy morning voice calls out.
"Good morning. Coffee?"
"Yes, thank you. Good morning. You're earlier than I thought you'd come. Haneul said you come around eight. I should've set my alarm earlier." She says, scratching her head.
"Why are you sleeping here?" I ask, giving her a cup of coffee.
"Kang Haneul said this is where I live now."
I nod. "They must really not have a budget."
"No, I should be thankful. It shouldn't even be their responsibility where I live while staying in Korea but I'm broke and well, Kang Haneul is nice."
I take a sip and turn on the computer. Kang Haneul is nice. Ha. "Were you writing?" I ask.
Sorn gets up and stretches. "Yeah, I stayed up all night because I was so inspired to write a new book situated in Seoul."
"Aigoo, I wish I still have the same enthusiasm that you have." I start working on my draft.
Sorn just watched me quietly and then she says, "What did you do last night, eonni? Did you make a lot of progress?"
I chuckle. "I slept."
"I wish I have the same ease that you have. Eonni, I really love writing. That's why I'm trying to learn different styles and I especially love the way Koreans do it. Anyway, I hope I could learn a lot from you." She says smiling and then she turns her back on me for a moment and I sigh and mutter, "I don't know about that."
Sorn turns to me again. "Do you mind working with music on, eonni?"
I shake my head no. I really don't.
Sorn plays an English song. She sits right across from me after washing her face, humming to the song that's playing. "But she's beautiful... she looks kind... she probably gives you butterflies..." Sorn starts singing and her voice is actually really good.
I hope you're happy
But not like how you were with me
I'm selfish, I know
I can't let you go
So find someone great,
but don't find no one better
I hope you're happy
But don't be happier
My fingers hover over the keyboard as I listen to the lyrics.
"This song makes me think about a non existent ex, eonni." Sorn says with a grin.
I smile a little. "It reminds me of an existent ex."
Her smile vanishes. Her lips pout. "Eonni!"
"Let's actually get working, shall we?" I say, chuckling.
Sorn turns off the song.
"It's fine." I say.
"I don't want you to cry."
"Okay."
Just as soon as we drop it, my phone vibrates on the desk with a text from Haneul. I stare at his name on my screen before opening it.
My office. Lunch time.
* * *
YEEUN
"Do you have a boyfriend?" Some random guy in the coffee shop asks me while my mind has sort of been flying over the fact that I'm meeting Joon's parents this weekend.
My lips part slightly. "Huh?"
He smirks. "Do you have a boyfriend? How much for your number?" He repeats.
Sungjae comes over with a tray of drinks and dessert in his hands. "Can you give this to the corner table? That woman with the laptop." He asks me.
I nod, taking it from him.
"We sell beverages and sweets. We're not a matchmaking company." I hear him say as soon as I turn my back on them. "The employees here are not for sale."
I pause and look at him. He's not even looking at me or at the customer. He just keeps on working. "What are you talking about?" The guy asks, annoyance in his voice.
"I'm saying, you either buy drinks or something to eat or leave the shop."
"You're going to regret this." The guy swears before he leaves.
Sungjae shrugs. "I would like to."
He catches my eyes because I'm still standing there after everything. "What are you doing? Do your job." He says, raising an eyebrow.
I quickly nod and smile at him before walking away.
* * *
SEUNGYEON
I roll all over my bed, staring at Kang Haneul's business card. I don't think I can go back to work like this. I don't feel at peace with the idea. I need to meet whoever made that anonymous post online.
* * *
SEUNGHEE
People can see their reflection against the huge windows of KBC when they pass by. I'm wearing a white shirt inside a white coat and a pair of black pants. I stare at myself for a moment and tuck my hair behind my ear. I don't know what I'm doing. So what if Cha Hyunjin is going to be there? He's in a relationship, for goodness's sake, Seunghee.
I untuck my hair and walk inside the building to the elevator and guess who's thereㅡlike my life is literally a joke, Cha Hyunjin is standing right there. Our eyes meet as soon as I step in and I almost step back but I force my feet to go forward anyway.
The doors close and soon enough, the other people with us have gotten off. We're going on the same floor and there's this meaningful silence between us.
"How are you feeling today?" He asks so casually. I wish I could do that so effortlessly too.
"What?"
"You weren't feeling well the other day." He says.
Come on, Hyunjin, you know that was a lie. "Oh, yeah. Better. I had stomach cramps. Sorry for leaving like that."
"Ah," he says softly, "You still get them?"
Something about that takes me a while to respond. "...Yeah."
"Seunghee-"
But the elevator doors open and I quickly step out of it. He's just a few steps behind me.
"Cha Hyunjin," some producer calls him. Haneul looks up and sees us both approaching. "I was in the lobby earlier and someone was looking for you. Is that your girlfriend? She gave me your lunch box."
I feel Hyunjin look at me but I keep my eyes on Haneul. "Good morning." I greet him.
"Good morning. Did you have a bad hangover?" He asks, handing me a small bottle of a hangover drink.
I take it, slightly surprised. "No... I'm fine." I reply. "Thanks."
"Good. I need you in your best condition today. We'll talk about casting. Hyunjin is coming with us for lunch."
"What?" I ask, wide eyed. "I mean, oh, okay."
Haneul raises his eyebrow slightly at me. "Are you sure you're fine? You're kind of red."
"I'm fine." I say, handing him a folder of my newest draft. "Here's what I worked on this morning. I thought you might want an update. I wrote it with Sorn."
"Sorn? Oh, Chonnasorn? You two jumped into the nickname basis quickly, huh."
"She's really friendly."
He takes the folder and gets up from his chair. "Let's go to the cafeteria." He says to me and then he turns to Cha Hyunjin, "Hyunjin, we're going to the cafeteria. Meet us there later at lunch time."
"Alright." He replies, looking at me briefly. I catch a glimpse of the lunch box on his desk. I never did that for him. Never prepared a lunch for him to take at work.
Haneul and I walk away but my mind is there with Hyunjin.
* * *
SEUNGYEON
The anonymous person who made the viral post only agreed to meet with me in private and without a lawyer involved. Something about it screamed danger to me and I hate to be one of those main characters I played in the dramas that went head to head with danger, but I just wanted everything to be over and to get my life back desperately.
So I'm back in my hometown and I'm waiting at the empty courtyard of my old high school, a thousand things running through my head. I mostly try to recall the past, try to remember the people I hurt, feeling like a garbage for not remembering and yet wanting to go back to my good life at the same time.
“You really came.”
I look at where the voice is coming from. It's a woman wearing a brown hoodie and black jogging pants, chewing a gum.
And I can't even remember her.
* * *
SEUNGHEE
“She's crazy. She rejected the proposal and now she still thinks about him?” Haneul comments as he reads my recent draft. “The title of the episode is 'Don't be happier'.”
“Sorn was listening to this song this morning. It's inspired by that.”
Haneul nods thoughtfully. “Is the boss a love interest?”
I cough on my coffee. “What? What gives you idea?”
He shrugs. “You said he's handsome and he's nice to the main character. There is a potential love line—”
“There is none.”
“I want a love line between them. Develop it.”
“But—”
Haneul looks at me in the eyes. “Give me a love line. You got your friendship trope.”
“One of the main characters already have a love line. We don't need more romance.” I argue.
“No, it's not enough. We need a thrill with something subtle. Like the push and pull kind of thing.”
I sigh and look at him. “I... don't really see a romance between these two.”
“Then use your eyes. Open them wider.”
I open my eyes wider and Haneul actually chuckles. He stops abruptly as if he's not expecting it either. “Anyway, I didn't know Chang Seungyeon is your friend.”
“How did you know that?”
“Seunghee, I took you home last night.”
“What? Really?” I ask, genuinely surprised. I remember having a meal with him and drinking with him but I didn't know that he'd driven me home. “I really thought I took a taxi... I usually grab a taxi.”
“I have a car so why would you take a taxi when you were with me?” He asks.
“Thank you for taking me home.” I say immediately. I don't want to seem ungrateful. Our team work is already going so much better than before and I don't want to ruin it.
“I told Chang Seungyeon to audition for a role in our project.”
My eyes widen even more this time. “Really? Seriously?”
“...Yeah, why are you so surprised?”
“Haven't you heard about her situation lately?”
“Nothing is proven. She's one of the actresses I've been wanting to work with.”
“Nothing is proven because she didn't do it.”
“How would you know that?”
“We're high school best friends. I would know if she bullied anyone and do I look like a bully to you?”
Haneul looks at me for a while with a poker face. “Uh...”
I open my mouth to protest but Cha Hyunjin already comes to our table. “Hello!” He greets, placing his lunch box on the table.
“Oh, finally. Wait, we'll get some food. Seunghee, come with me. It's your first time eating in KBC's cafeteria, right?” Haneul asks. I quickly follow him.
“Yeah, this is the first time.”
“They have good food. Don't worry.”
The staff behind the buffet smiles at Haneul. “Haneul-ssi, who is beautiful girl? She has no KBC ID. Yah, you perhaps— are you bringing your dates now to the company?” He whispers but I could hear.
“No!” Haneul denies immediately. “This is Oh Seunghee, a writer I'm working with. Aigoo, ahjussi, you're making me sound like some sort of a casanova when all I do is work.”
I snort at that. Haneul looks at me and mouths, “What?”
“What can I do? You two look good together!” Ahjussi says.
“Aigoo—” Haneul shoots me an awkward glance. “Ahjussi, know when it's awkward for us to hear that. We're working together.”
“More room for romance!”
“I want bulgogi, please.” I chime in, hoping we get out of this situation.
“More kimchi for me, ahjussi.” Haneul says.
Ahjussi laughs. “I'm kidding but if you're feeling awkward right now, there's a chance...”
“Ahjussi!” Haneul finally screams and I hate to admit it but a smile curves on my lips, seeing him flustered in embarrassment.
Ahjussi winks and smiles at me before adding more bulgogi on my plate.
We come back to the table quietly. Cha Hyunjin has already laid out his lunch box.
“Your girlfriend really put a lot of effort in that.” Haneul comments as he looks at the bear shaped kimbap on Hyunjin's lunch box. I take a spoonful of rice in my mouth.
“Yeah... well, she likes cooking.” Hyunjin replies.
Thank God for ahjussi giving me more serving of bulgogi.
“How long have you been dating?” Haneul asks him. He sounds friendly and purely innocent of what's between me and Hyunjin.
I'm not even looking at Hyunjin but I feel the hesitation in his voice whenever he talks. “...Three months.”
Three months versus our three years, and I never made him a lunch box.
“Do you have a girlfriend, sunbaenim?” Hyunjin asks him, desperately wanting to avert the topic from himself, I guess.
“No, I'm busy.” Haneul says and then, “Oh, right. You two said you know each other. How?” He asks.
Damn it.
Hyunjin and I finally look at each other.
“We went to the same college.” I say.
“We were friends.” He says.
Haneul looks at the both of us back and forth. I try to continue eating. “You sure as hell don't look friends right now.”
“We fell out of touch.” I say.
“We did.” Hyunjin says quietly. “Right, why did you want me here, sunbae?” He asks him.
“Oh, well, I haven't really eaten lunch with you and Seunghee. I want to know more about the people I'm working with. And what do you think about What Planet Are You From so far? Did you review the drafts I send to you last night?”
I freeze but they don't seem to notice. Hyunjin nods. “I did.”
“Well, what do you think of it?”
“Personally, one of the main characters reminds me of someone I know.”
“Which one?”
“Heejin”
I put my chopsticks down.
“Ah, the one who rejected a marriage proposal? I'll never understand why she rejected it when she loved the person.” Haneul says, shaking his head and then turns to me. “Why did she reject it?”
I can feel Hyunjin's eyes on me. “You'll find out when I write it down.” I say.
I grab my bag to tell them I have to leave soon but then Hyunjin asks, “Does she regret it?”
Our eyes meet. It seems like he really wants to know.
“Does she regret turning him down?” He asks again.
“...Yeah,” I say after a while. “She regrets it, yes, but even if she could go back, she wouldn't change a thing. That's the kind of person she is.”
“She's brutally honest and cruel.”
“That's why she didn't deserve him.” I say, looking away and to Haneul who's beginning to look like he's catching up. “I'll update you of my progress tonight. Thanks for the lunch. If you need me to do more revisions, just call me.”
“I'll walk you out.” He says after recovering from his own thoughts. “Hyunjin, I'll be back.”
“Okay, sunbae.”
Haneul walks me out of the building and we're not saying anything. I'm still reeling on the conversation I just had with Hyunjin. I just want to go home and get under the covers but I have to write even after this.
“So, it's Cha Hyunjin.” Haneul says as soon as we stop by the side of the road, waiting for my cab.
“What?”
“Is he your inspiration for that story?”
“Haneul-ssi,”
Haneul smiles, sliding his hands in his pockets. “Seunghee, I'm a director. I tell people how to act, you know, so I see everything. You can't even look at each other in the eyes for more than five seconds. So, I wanted ask you. Will working with him make you uncomfortable?”
The wind blows and I don't know what to say to him. Of course, it'll make me uncomfortable but that's not enough reason to quit.
“Cha Hyunjin is pretty skilled, Seunghee. I picked him because I see potential in him the way I see potential in you. So, I need to know if you could both set aside your past to work on this project.”
I look up at him and nod. “Yeah, we dated.” I tell him. “And that's also a long time ago. As you can see, he's in a happy relationship. I can't look at him in the eye because I'm the one who did wrong. And you're right again, it makes me uncomfortable. My stomach churns at the mere sight of him but I also know this is work. I won't lose sight of the line between my personal life and work, so don't worry.”
Haneul is quiet for a moment, just staring at me until the cab arrives.
“Seunghee,” He calls out as I open the cab's door.
I turn to him without saying anything.
Haneul shakes his head as if changing his mind. “No, nevermind. I'll check on your progress later.”
I get in the taxi and I melt down on the seat. “Aish—why did I just tell my boss that? Oh Seunghee, you're crazy!" I hissed, hitting my own cheek.
The driver looks at me through the rearview mirror. “Where to?”
* * *
YEEUN
Seunghee is sitting behind our dining table with her laptop on but instead of typing like she should, she keeps banging her forehead against the table.
“Eonni, stop it.” I say, chucking a straw on my third bottle of banana milk. “What are you thinking?”
She looks at me, pouting. “I'm working with Cha Hyunjin. There is no turning back. I'm screwed. I'm really screwed.”
I sip from my banana milk and ask, “Why are you screwed? Do you still have feelings for him after all this time?”
She sighs, grabbing one of the banana milk bottles. “I don't know. Feelings? What kind of feelings? I sure do have a lot of feelings for him. Regret, longing, anger—”
“Love?”
“I don't know. How do you separate longing from love? If you miss someone, does that mean you still love them?”
I sigh. “I don't know either.” What do I know? I'm in my first romantic relationship ever.
“I think I'm confused. I don't know if I'm longing for the person or if I'm longing for what could've been.”
“That's a great line. You should write it down.”
“You're right.” She quickly types down on her laptop and then looks at me over the screen. “What about you? You've been drinking banana milk like it's soju.”
“...I'm meeting Joon's parents.”
“Finally?”
“I feel like it's too soon.”
“You've been dating for five months.”
“Six.”
“Proves my point.”
I press my cheek against the surface of the table. “I'm not ready. What will his parents like about me? I'm not exactly in my impressive state right now.”
“So, tell Joon that you're not ready.”
“I can't. He looks so excited. Besides, he already met my mom and Rieun.”
“Yeeun-ah,”
“Hm?”
“Do you really like Joon?”
I raise my head and look at her to see if she's being serious. “What kind of question is that? You know this is my first time going out with someone.”
Seunghee nods. “Right.”
“I like Joon.” I say. “He's the first person that I've ever liked this way. He's the first person I wanted to risk it with. So, I should take this step forward with him.”
Seunghee grins. “Ohhh, that's a good line. I'll write it down.”
I roll my eyes, smiling. “But where is Seungyeon eonni? I haven't seen her since this morning.”
“Oh, right. It's not like her to not text at least once all day too.” Seunghee says, grabbing her phone to check.
“Should we be worried?”
“Let's call Yujin.”
_________________
When in doubt, call Yujin.
Hey guys! Sorry for updating so slowly but believe or not, I'm making a lot of progress with this story and it's all I could really think about lately. It's turned a little more complicated than I intended 👁️👄👁️
So please be patient with me. Lol tysm if you're still reading this and I hope you're enjoying it!! I'll start updating more often. ♥