I feel lonely as days go by while I sit isolated by myself, the Russian woman has had others bring me food I can actually eat, but I rarely feel like I can stomach it.
Pietro, my mother or even Frankenstein don't bother me, but I know they're probably watching, the red flashing light in the ceiling camera persistent in the way it is so small and yet it keeps me up at night.
Being alone in this room makes me feel alone in my head, I feel the memory of Bucky's voice slipping away, it being so long since I heard it, knowing they've had me under anesthesia, I don't know how long I've been here.
Yet every other moment I have with Bucky plays in my head, my favourite ever present.
I'm sat on my bed with Bucky beside me, reading whatever book he'd been suggested that week and suddenly he puts it down, laying his head on my chest and wrapping his limps around me, I stroke his hair and he looks up at me softly, whispering quietly as he tells me 'I love you' before nuzzling his head into my neck and falling to sleep.
He slept soundly for hours, not waking once from a nightmare or anything of the sort, as I watched endless television, barely paying attention to the screen as my focus was solely on Bucky.
Bucky, I can't help but wonder where he is now, my heart aches for him.
More restless nights overwhelm me to exhaustion, barely eating, my body giving up on me.
I'm close to giving up on myself, but Bucky's face is always front and center in my head, and so I force myself to eat what I can, drink a few sips of water, my clothes starting to hang from me as my body fails to support itself, I have to convince myself to continue, for Bucky, my dad, Morgan.
Tears fall from me as I think of my little sister, a desperation in me craves to hold her while she sleeps which she occasionally has allowed me to do, watching her eat her cereal ever so slowly, letting her bring me into the imaginative world she creates for herself while she plays and how she includes me in every part of it.
I cry harder for my father, for every concerned night I know he's sat struggling with my behaviour, how best to handle the daughter he loves and is loathed by.
When I'm reminded of my mother's words, that Bucky was faking it all, I cry with anger, because I know she is lying, despite her convincing tone, his actions, his feelings towards me, that man loves me, I know it, and so does she.
When I think of my mum, my eyes dry, my throat tightens, and I feel rage burn through me. How could she do all of this to me? Faking her suicide, allowing me to see that image in my head every day since the day I lost her, my grieving mind amplifying it by the thousands.
What did she think would happen? That I would stay in England? While she was doing what?
As though a light turns on in my brain, I look to the camera above me, what is it that she has done all of this for? How evil is she?
Evil enough to allow her daughter to grieve her.
I swallow hard, clearing the lump in my throat. I love her, she is my mum, she was my everything, my best friend, my greatest supporter, my safety, and yet, that must of meant nothing to her, why else would she do this? Why does she continue to allow me, her daughter to suffer?
Climbing out of bed I sit in the corner under the camera, the one and only blind spot. This is where I allow sobs to wreck me, as I realise everything I had in my mother, I found in Bucky, and now he too seems lost to me.
***
Frankenstein has me on some sort of supplement drip, Pietro sits beside me as I drift in and out of consciousness, he mutters things to me inaudibly, his eyes raking over me, his lips twitch at the corners when I reciprocate the gentle squeezes he has been doing on my weakened hand.
I feel a little stronger, only a little, my skin feels dry, my brain fuzzy, I don't see Bucky clearly, just a clouded image of his bright smile.
From my bed to my bathroom, to my bed to the bathroom, the chills I feel as I curl up on the shower floor beneath the water as hot as I can stand it, I just need warmth, warmth means comfort. Closing my eyes tight, I think of Bucky scooping me from the floor, rubbing me dry with fluffy towels and brushing my hair gently before kissing the top of my head.
My body longs for Bucky to hold me, to just embrace me in his arms until I fall asleep, I need him beside me, I feel lost without him on a normal day, but now? I've never felt so isolated.
It's as I sit under the hot water for the third time today that I hear a commotion outside, the windows are high, I can see nothing despite my fairly tall height.
First it's shouting voices, but it turns to gunshots and explosions, my heart leaps and I hurry to dress myself, trying my door handle despite knowing it will be locked as always.
Maybe just this one time it'll be open.
I allow myself to dream of my freedom when it seems like there's even the slightest possibility all that noise outside could be my friends, my family, my Bucky, here to rescue me.
My eyes focused on the windows, craning my neck to see something, anything. I jump as something white clings to the window, stringy silver that looks like-
A web!
Peter?!
I throw anything I can at the window, rattle on the door handle to try and make any type of noise, let them know I'm here, I'm safe if they can only find me.
More explosions, each one making the ground shake beneath me, a stray bullet hits one of my windows, totally shattering it with the glass falling down onto my bed. I wrap my arms over my head as it happens, shielding myself from any stray shards that could hit me.
I get up and begin to scream, maybe with the open air, even with the sound of gunshots and yelling, they might hear me.
Desperation fuels me as I scream Peters name.
"PETER! PETER ITS EDEN! PETER PLEASE!"
I quiet and hope to hear any signs of acknowledgment, there's nothing, there's too much noise.
Feeling defeated, shouting as loud as I can, I hear footsteps running down the hall towards my room and I hide against the wall the door leans against, hoping they'll run straight in and I'll see them before they see me, if it's hydra, I have a very small chance of escape.
The steps get softer and the door opens, I feel my heart skip a beat as I wait for whoever it is to enter the room.
Her makeup as perfect as ever despite the uproar, the Russian woman, who's name I'm still unaware of, rushes into the room, looking around before her eyes find me and she lunges towards me, fear must be evident in my face as she pulls me quickly into a hug when she looks at my face.
"They're here Eden, this is our chance!"
She lets go of my embrace and grabs my arm, she pulls me with her, my weak limbs barely able to keep up as we go through corridor after corridor. I recognise none of them, I've only been woken in one room or another the entire time I've been here, never being awake as I'm moved from one place to another.
I mentally laugh at my stupid thoughts of escaping, they become insane the second I realise that this place is like a maze, they'd find me before I found my way out.
She drags me until we reach outside the building, so many people are scrambling that no one gives us a second glance as she pushes me out past multiple guards until I'm standing in a courtyard with gunfire occasionally shooting in one direction or another.
I have to squint until my eyes are adjusted to the sun, the bright lights in my room and the corridors doing nothing to replace the vivid daylight.
Hustled out and away from the fighting I watch through blurred vision as multiple agents, people, gather members of hydra into vans and trucks, handcuffing them as they struggle, the fighting has stopped, and a sinking feeling hurts my stomach as I question the whereabouts of Pietro and my mother.
Dark figures begin to emerge in front of me, shapes of bodies I recognise and yet I don't.
Peters face is the first I can make out, tears are falling from his eyes and his jaw looks a little more defined than the last time I saw him.
He gives me the strongest smile and pulls me into his arms, he's always been a little smaller than me, but the way he hugs me make it feel like he's ten feet tall, squeezing me just tight enough to make me feel safe.
Peter releases me from his arms and as I open my eyes I have to blink a few times as Steve comes into view, he's shaking his head as he walks towards me, "I can't believe you're here!"
If Peters hug was anything to go by, Steve is like being consumed by a mountain, his strong arms tightening around me as he continues to shake his head against my shoulder, he stands straight and with his hands on his shoulders holds me at arms length, "I really never thought I'd see you again." I've never seen Steve cry, not that I can remember, but I see the slightest glimmer of a tear as he looks me up and down once more and hugs me yet again.
If I ever had any doubts of my place, of the love these guys have for me, this is the greatest way to convince me. They've all missed me, feared me dead, only a few weeks and they have these reactions?
My eyes search the faces of those in front of me, looking for my dad, Nat, Sam, Bucky...
I spot the wings first, and when Sam lands in front of me he just seems to stare at me, his eyebrows pulled into wiggly lines. Looking at Steve, who nods, Sam finally steps forwards and holds my arms, looking me over, he starts to shake his head like Steve had, but it's more than that, his eyes fill, his face softens to a point i'd never imagine, tears streak down his skin and he pulls me into the most comforting hug of the three.
"I am so sorry Eden! So sorry!" He pulls back and looks directly into my eyes before pulling me back to him and repeating the words until I reassure him it's truly okay.
"It wasn't your fault, they tricked us all, I don't blame you-" Sams face stops me from saying anymore, "you might not..."
The way his voice shakes only slightly, Bucky? My dad? They blame Sam?
My eyes go to Steve, pleading with him silently to tell me that isn't true.
Peter bows his head, I know he's awkward, and he is very much wanting to avoid whatever issue I am bound to have with this.
Steve puts his hand on my shoulders and takes a heavy breath, "they blame themselves the most, Bucky couldn't handle losing you, Hydra sent pictures of your body Eden, they told us you were dead."
It's my turn to cry, dead? "B-But my mum? It was her.." my voice is barely audible, but Steve looks at me and I know he's heard, his face visibly confused, "she's dead Eden."
No, "no! She's alive" I turn to the Russian woman that I realise has been lingering beside me, holding me up when I'm not overtaken by my friends.
"It is true, Evangeline is alive. She has been behind all of this." I can't imagine how exhausted she must feel, going through all of this shit, I still have absolutely no idea why she's doing it either.
Some strange feeling overcomes me and I look at her a little curious, why is she doing this?
Steve looks at her and frowns, "and you are?" He extends his hand out to her, "Irina! I'm so pleased to finally meet you Captain."
Irina shakes Steve's hand and genuinely smiles at him, am I just paranoid? This woman has been caring for me while I've been here.
I look to Peter and he seems to be keeping an eye on Irina, he has that curious look on his face I always find very amusing. I've missed him so much, and the fact he came here for me, despite being so angry at me...
"Is there anyone else here or shall we leave?" Irina smiles and pushes me towards my friends, Sam takes me under his arm and holds me steady as I walk, I occasionally feel him look down at me and I reciprocate the glance which earns me a warm smile.
"Bucky?" I ask Sam as he helps me into a truck, he continues buckling me in and doesn't look at me until I say his name.
Desperation in my voice, "Sam? Please!" I hesitate, "why didn't he come for me?"
Now he looks at me, and he has an angry frown on his face, he looks back at Steve who's still stood outside and then to Peter.
"Eden he's done nothing but look for you for the last year!"
My breath catches in my throat, "y-year?"
I look at Irina who looks ashamed stood behind Steve and Peter.
Sams angry expression softens as he realises, "Eden, you've been gone for just over a year."