Upon returning to his room, Run Yu placed the sleeping immortal on his bed before retreating to the throne room.
Today had been a painful reminder of how terrible of a person he really was.
Of course Xu Feng wouldn't forgive him.
Their relationship would never be normal again in this lifetime.
The emperor worked quietly, reading and stamping scrolls that required his urgent attention.
Hours passed until he finally felt the urge to work on something else.
There was a box of white scrolls written in red ink that sat by the foot of the emperor as he worked on a blank white scroll with fresh red ink.
He kept working and working until he dozed off from exhaustion.
Mei Xiu woke up to the sun peering through several windows in a giant bed alone.
With a roll of her shoulders, the immortal carefully got out of bed and headed to the throne room.
Her eyes scanned the giant marble room before she spotted the emperor hunched over a small table.
Tiptoeing across the marble floors, the tiger immortal managed to sneak up on Run Yu to see what he was doing.
The immortal's face began to warm up once she realized he was sleeping.
"Goodness." She breathed out. "Why didn't you come to bed?"
Careful fingers moved a strand of hair from his face before her eyes moved to the open scroll on the work table.
On the scroll sat several crimson characters.
Her eyes narrowed as she read what was written.
Because I loved Jin Mi, I committed more than the previously stated sins. Not only did I not tell her that Sui He killed her father and his wife, but I lead her to believe that the man she loved killed them. She loved my brother more than life itself, but it broke her heart so badly to think he did kill her them- that she killed him. After killing him, she coughed up the loveless pill her mother had planted inside of her to prevent her from suffering and blacked out. I had also poisoned my father as retribution for my mother who was murdered by his wife. My father was a terrible man. He killed his own brother to gain the throne and the things he did to Jin Mi's mother will forever be unforgivable. Poisoning him was too easy of a way out, but at least he's dead. My father's wife was wicked as well and deserved to fall from the terrace to her death. I wish I had pushed her, but her death is enough for me. As punishment for my acts, Jin Mi never loved me and did everything in her power to bring my brother back to life. To stop a war between us, we- I accidentally killed her as she jumped between our stream of power. My brother hated me until he brought her back to life. His hatred still remains, but it is slightly muffled for the sake of his wife and son. I've never been able to understand how instead of letting Xu Feng move on with someone else and loving me, Jin Mi continued to rejected me. As I begin to reminisce on every second on my life, I can say with sure confidence that I have never been loved. Not my mother. Not my father. Not my brother. Not a soul in the heavenly realm or in any other realm. One may assume my dearest servant may love me, but it is surely out of pity. Perhaps being unloved is my retribution for crimes I committed in a previous life. Regardless of this realization after writing out every deed and crime I've ever done amongst these scrolls, it brings forth a new question.
Who could ever love the unloved emperor?
Will he be loved and welcomed like the rising sun?
Treasured and praised like the harvest moon?
Love evades him.
Hate awaits him.
Who could love Run Yu?
Something wet splattered on the scroll, disturbing the dried ink that shaped the characters for the emperor's name.
Mei Xiu's eyes widened as her hands flew to her cheeks, softly catching a few tears before they further ruined his hard work.
He had clearly written out his pain with good reason.
The immortal didn't want him to have any reasons to rewrite it.
Tears continued to race down her cheeks as she quietly cleaned up the area.
She put the closed ink, brush, and dried scroll in a crate containing similarly colored scrolls.
With a soft sigh, Mei Xiu sat on the opposite side of the table and gently caressed the sleeping Emperor's cheek as he slept peacefully.
What she had just read was only a fraction of the burden he constantly carried.
The other white scrolls probably contained even more misery.
He was always so alone and the person he gave the world to didn't love him at all.
Besides Jin Mi, even his family didn't love him.
Imagine being so alone...
With no one to treat you kindly.
With no one to talk to you compassionately.
With no one listening to you earnestly.
With no one to tend to your wounds sincerely.
With no one to love you honestly and unconditionally.
or even in a lover's mind... to touch you passionately.
It made Mei Xiu's eyes water and burn with rage when she imagined the emperor crying out into the darkness for someone.
Anyone.
Only to be abandoned and neglected by those who were supposed to make him feel important.
And beyond important- needed.
Without feeling needed... what is one's purpose?
Mortals and immortals both shared the need for purpose.
To exist without purpose is to be not exist at all.
The immortal lowered her gaze as more tears raced down her cheeks.
Who could ever love the unloved emperor?
She could.
Will he be loved and welcomed like the rising sun?
He'll be loved like lungs love air and welcomed like the sun after the rain.
Treasured and praised like the harvest moon?
He'll be treasured like the stars in the sky and praised like statues of righteous immortals.
Love evades him.
She'd make love stay.
Hate awaits him.
She'd sweep hate away.
Who could love Run Yu?
Mei Xiu.
If Run Yu really did love the tiger immortal with every fiber of his soul, she would dedicate her entire being to his cause without a single hesitation.
She wouldn't share him or allow him to have room in his heart for any previous lovers.
There would be no other future lovers.
Mei Xiu would be with him in every lifetime forward if he was willing.
If he was willing.
Despite their moments of mutual affection, there was a small ounce of doubt in the tiger immortal's heart.
She hoped he would be willing to tie souls with her.
Perhaps she would just have to make her intentions clear.
All it would take is one bold move.
She reached into her sleeve and pulled out the red string Danzhu had given her.
Their conversation echoed in her mind.
"Do you believe in love?"
"I do."
"Good. Good." He hummed before holding out the string. "Tie this around the wrist or ankle of someone you admire and your love will blossom."
Her fiery gaze inspected the long crimson thread before she leaned in close and focused on tying it around the sleeping man's wrist.
A small smile decorated her lips as she inspected the thread that was neatly tied around his wrist.
With a soft hum she traced his finger tips and palm.
Minutes passed before the black immortal fell silent, her eyes glazing over as she sunk into her mind.
The entrance of the throne room groaned open, instantly breaking Mei Xiu's daze.
Without a second thought, she pulled her hand away and carefully turned around to see Kuang Lu approaching with a tray of food and tea.
She quickly got up and motioned for her to go outside.
Kuang Lu nodded and quickly retreated, the two of them tip toeing towards the slowly closing entrance with very little elegance.
"And what exactly are you two up to?"
The duo stiffened before quickly turning around to see the rising Emperor staring down at them.
Despite just waking up, he didn't look disheveled or slumped.
"Um." Mei Xiu blinked.
Kuang Lu offered a small smile before bowing. "Good morning, your majesty."
Mei Xiu's eyes widened for a second before she quickly bowed. "Good morning, your majesty."
"That didn't answer my question."
"Say good morning back, your majesty." Mei Xiu pouted, earning a soft chuckle from the man before her.
The room seemed to shine with light as the two women stared at the amused emperor.
"Good morning Kuang Lu. Good morning Mei Xiu."
Kuang Lu smiled before approaching him with breakfast. "You seem to be in good spirits." She gently settled down the platter of food before setting up his cup of tea. "Did you have a good dream, your majesty?"
He sighed softly as he stretched before taking the outstretched cup of tea from her extended hand. "No."
"Oh." She frowned before stepping back.
"But near the last part of my nightmare it slowly turned into a sweet dream."
"That's good to hear." Kuang Lu smiled before turning to look back at her friend who was still staring at the heavenly emperor without shame. "Mei?"
Mei Xiu blinked. "A dream?"
Kuang Lu and Run Yu both snickered at her startled form.
"Yes." He hummed as he put down his now empty cup. "Can you imagine... a beautiful immortal came to me in my sleep and tied a red string around my wrist?"
"A red string?" Mei Xiu repeated before raising her eyebrows in feigned surprise.
Kuang Lu covered her mouth with her sleeve as the emperor waved the distant beauty over.
"Come now, Xiu'er. Don't play coy."
Kuang Lu watched her friend come over slowly before sitting across from him.
"Danzhu said one's love would blossom with it."
The immortal lowered her gaze and pressed her forehead into the edge of the table in a childish manner earning soft laughs from the emperor and Kuang Lu.
"Oh?" He hummed. "Then I'll be sure to keep this until our love is as full as an eternal spring."
Mei Xiu still didn't lift her head, refusing to break her silence.
"Are you embarrassed?"
"No."
"Then why won't you look at me?"
"I won't know when to stop."
Kuang Lu blinked as she watched the emperor turn bright vermillion red.
She wasn't sure when the two had grown so close, but she was grateful that Run Yu was finally giving someone a chance.
He deserved to be happy just as much as everyone else.
Even at the expense of her broken heart, she'd allow it.
Just like she once did with Jin Mi, she would now do for Mei Xiu.
Her eyes moved to the bowed immortal as they became more and more blurry with each blink.
Before she could suppress it, a loud sniffle filled the throne room immediately catching the couple's attention.
"What's wrong Kuang Lu?" Mei Xiu frowned before moving to comfort her.
"Just happy." She lied.
"Happy about what?"
"I have been by his majesty's side for years and I've never seen him so in love in years."
"In love?" Mei Xiu furrowed her eyebrows before looking back at the flustered emperor.
"Before you there was Jin-"
"Watch your tongue Kuang Lu."
The aura of the room became cold instantly, rushing out the warmth of his sun-like smile with an avalanche of misery.
It was all-consuming and chilling to the bone.
Both immortals clung to each other as Kuang Lu shivered under the emperor's glare.
"Sorry, your majesty."
"You're dismissed."
Kuang Lu sniffled as she gently pulled away from her friend and quickly fled the throne room.
Mei Xiu was startled by how fast everything happened.
She turned around to see Run Yu glaring at the food before him.
It was a simple platter of grapes, honey glazed moon cakes, and nuts.
To her, it looked very appetizing but the emperor looked appalled by it all with his nose wrinkled in disgust.
"Are the grapes sour?"
"Report to the kitchen that grapes, honey, and nuts are banned from the heavenly realm."
Her eyes widened. "What? Why?"
He knocked the platter off of the table, shattering the plates holding the food and littering the floor with untouched food.
"Because I said so."
"Is it because of Jin Mi-"
The immortal flinched as his eyes burned into her like dry ice.
"I suggest you report to the kitchen immediately."
"Run Yu."
"I would like to be alone."
She let out a soft sigh before moving forward to pick up the fallen food. "Even so. You could have at least appreciated the food prepared for you."
"..."
"Those fairies in the kitchen work really hard to make sure we all have tasty food to eat and refreshing drinks to drink." She kneeled and carefully started picking up the fallen food.
"So what?"
"You shouldn't make their job hard."
Run Yu sighed as he plucked the fallen food from the immortal's hands before nudging her away. "I'll clean. Go sit down."
"No. You're the emperor."
"And you're my-" his eyes searched hers, the snow storm in them melting from the fire in her eyes.
"Your what?" she whispered.
He swallowed hard before looking down. "I want you to be more than what you are."
"..."
"But I don't deserve you."
"I don't care what you think."
"..."
She gently grabbed his hand and touched the red string on wrist.
"I've already picked you and you've already accepted it."
His eyes watered as he looked down at the red string.
"If you'll let me..."
"..."
"I'll love the unloved emperor."
Tears raced down his pinkened cheeks before he pulled the tiger immortal close.
"If you love me, I won't let you go."
"..."
"I'll be obsessive. I might do terrible things. I might hurt you." He choked out. "I love harder than most men."
"Nonsense."
"..."
"I'm sure you love just like any other man."
He cupped her cheeks as tears continued to race down his damp cheeks. "M-Mei Xiu. I did terrible things to keep Jin Mi under my thumb."
"..."
"I indirectly had her parents killed. I killed my family. I tore heaven apart." His hands were shaking as he gently thumbed away her own fresh tears. "I-I-"He fell silent before looking down. "I killed her."
"..."
"Do you truly understand what kind of man you love?" He sobbed. "A man who will kill everyone and anything. A monster. A wicked creature who could kill you in the end."
Mei Xiu was sobbing.
Seeing the emperor falling apart was breaking her heart.
"You're not a wicked creature-" She managed to get out past a sob before gently grasping his hands. "Run Yu, you didn't mean to kill her. You were so alone."
"..."
"You were so alone and you deserve to be loved."
"Being alone isn't enough of a reason to absolve me of my sins."
"I don't care." She sniffled. "Are you really going to push me away?"
"I can't love you properly without you knowing everything... otherwise... I'd just be taking advantage of you."
The immortal closed her eyes as hot tears squeezed their way out.
Her heart was screaming at her to run away, but the numbness from kneeling for so long was holding her hostage.
"Then tell me."
It was a painful and broken whisper.
Run Yu hated himself more for making her sound this way.
He loved her more than moths loved light- and yet here he was, weary of the flames that burned before him.
He was scared of the pain of being burned and consumed.
He was scared of the inevitable doom that every moth faced as they danced around the light they adored.
But there was a new fear.
What if the light he adored vanished?
What if it rained?
What if the wind blew too hard?
What if the river flooded?
He couldn't bare losing someone he loved again.
He'd rather shred his primordial spirit to bits and have it scattered across all the realms.
Mei Xiu opened her eyes and stared at the emperor watching her with fear in his eyes.
"Give me time."
"..."
He gently wiped away a few tears. "Okay?"
"Ok."