~Hanna's POV~
"What?" I asked, pinching the bridge of my nose to ease the headache.
"Do you remember that blonde girl at the game?" Cat asked softly, very obviously worried about my reaction.
"Of course I remember" I shut my eyes, leaning back over the toilet seat. Maybe I was gonna throw up again.
"How do you know who she is? Did you suddenly recognize her?" Sammy asked.
"No, no. Jimin told me. It somehow came up last night and he told me about her. Her name is Stella. Jin was right, she used to come to every single game and leave with Taehyung but nowadays she only shows up every now and then because-"
"I can't comprehend any of this right now" I groaned, my head still felt like someone was slowly splitting it in two, my throat was sore from throwing up and it hurt to speak.
"So is she Taehyung's girlfriend yes or no?" Sammy asked, impatient.
"No" Cat answered.
I had no idea what to think. I felt like a bystander listening in on someone else's life, completely detached.
"That's at least something I guess" Sammy muttered.
There was a short pause and I thought they'd leave it at that.
"It's more complicated than that though" Cat added.
"Stop" I shook my head, cutting her off before she could go on. "Honestly, I don't even wanna know."
"But, Hanna-" Cat protested.
"No, I'm serious, I don't care. She's not his girlfriend so he didn't lie, whatever. But you're hinting that they're hooking up or something and I don't need the details of that. I really fucking don't."
My best friends both looked at me like I was out of my mind but they didn't say anything else or tried to change my mind. Maybe they could tell that a bit of anger was starting to bubble up inside me.
I let out a long sigh, feeling the need to explain myself. "It doesn't matter. I was going to end things anyway, remember? What do I care who that girl is? I'm calling him once I feel better and I'll end it. The whole friends with benefits thing is off"
Still silence.
"But don't you wanna know-"
"No!" I cut Cat off, maybe I was being unnecessarily rude but I wanted them to get the message that I was done talking about this. "I'm gonna take a shower now, get cleaned up and drink some water. That's what I want. I want to take care of this hangover. I want my head to stop feeling like it's gonna explode any second, that's all I want right now. We can talk about this later" and by later I meant never.
"Alright, I understand" Cat nodded. "We'll leave you to it"
"I'll cook some veggie soup for lunch" Sammy mumbled, before closing the door behind her.
"Okay, thank you"
Once they had gone and I was by myself, I locked the bathroom door and stripped out of my party dress. I took a quick glance at the stains on it and tossed it onto the floor. It reeked of alcohol and sweat.
I took a good look at beaten up self in the mirror. My reflection did indeed look like a zombie. Pale, colorless skin, smeared makeup, messy hair.. and the smell..
I grabbed some makeup wipes and got to work, stepped into the shower and took my time to wash away the mess of last night. I couldn't remember it ever being this bad. Worst hangover for sure. What upset me even more was that chunks of my memory were still missing.
The warm water felt relaxing on my skin. I made sure not to turn it up too hot since that could easily make me faint in my hungover state. Soon I smelled of mango and coconut. I washed my hair, more thoroughly than usual, massaging my scalp in another attempt to ease the headache.
Almost nothing in the world felt more satisfying than taking a shower when you really needed one but after about 20 minutes of hot water, steam and standing up, I was starting to get dizzy.
Sammy was probably right. We should all get some food into our system.
At least I didn't feel sick anymore or to be more precise, I didn't feel like I had to throw up again. I only felt drained now and my head was still killing me. After some lotion and a change of clothes I felt like a new person. I decided to let my hair air dry and joined the others in the kitchen.
I had spent that time in the bathroom thinking about absolutely nothing but the calming sensation of the hot water on my skin. After a couple spoonfuls of soup and some bites of bread though, my head was feeling better and almost immediately, Taehyung popped back into my thoughts.
I wished I could remember what we had talked about last night but the memory just wouldn't come back to me. Not even fragments of it, I remembered absolutely nothing of our encounter. I only recalled him watching our beer pong match.
Sammy and Cat were avoiding conversation with me at lunch, most likely because I got pissed at them earlier. They probably thought it best to leave me alone for the moment being and they were right. Even though my hangover was slowly easing, my mood was still tanked.
When I charged my phone and checked it for the first time since last evening, a wave of messages rolled in.
Four missed calls, two voice messages, five texts. Two of the missed calls were from Taehyung, one from Jungkook and one from my mom.
I read through my texts before checking my voicemail.
+5 new messages...
Jungkook
Hey, where are youu?
Jungkook
Pick up your phone pls
Those two were from last night but there was one more from today.
Jungkook
hi, what happened last night lol
u just left without saying goodbye.
u okay?
Me
hey, sorry about that. I was super drunk last night and I don't really remember much
Jungkook
typing...
Jungkook
oof haha, that sounds rough
did u have a good time though?
Me
The parts I remember were fun haha
I definitely enjoyed our beer pong victory against you though;)
Jungkook
Listen, I demand a rematch,
that was some bullshit
Me
You just can't wrap your head
around the fact that we
won fair and square
Jungkook
Whatever.
I'll beat your ass next time
The other texts were also from the previous night. Sammy and Cat had sent them, asking where I was and then there was one more text from my mom that just said 'call me'. Nothing from Taehyung.
I listened to my voicemail next. The first message was Jungkook again. Party music was blasting in the background and he was shouting into the phone, clearly drunk.
"Hannaaa, where are youu? Call me back, you're missing out!" he shouted, voice cracking on the last word.
The way he slurred the words made me smile, he sounded like he was having a great time. I regretted drinking more than I could handle and not hanging out with him more last night. But what happened happened. No point in beating myself up over it now. There'd be other parties.
The second voice message was from Taehyung. I was surprised when I realized it was sent only about an hour ago.
"Hey, Hanna. It's Taehyung. I'm guessing you're still pretty hungover. I hope you feel better soon. Let me know when you receive this message, I want to talk to you" his deep voice slowly spoke into my ear. I couldn't detect anything peculiar in his tone, he sounded normal.
It needed to be done. Today was the day I was gonna end things with him. He deserved at least an explanation, I couldn't just keep on avoiding him, so I texted him.
Me
Hi, I got your message.
You're right, my hangover's still
pretty bad. Can I call you tonight?
Instead of wasting time, staring at my phone screen until he answered, I started packing my stuff to distract myself. I was walking back down the stairs to the bathroom to get the dirty dress I had left there when Dom spotted me. Too late to pretend I didn't see him.
"Hey, Hanna! Haven't seen your face all morning" he smiled at me.
"Hi, yeah, I've been struggling a bit not gonna lie" I smiled back although I wasn't really in the mood to be talking to him of all people right now.
"Mhm Sammy said so too, told me to steer clear of you since you were in a bad mood earlier"
"Oh yeah, I should probably apologize to them for that before I leave. My head was killing me and I got pretty cranky"
"No wonder considering how drunk you were last night" that sentence was dripping with judgement but I didn't take him up on it. No point in arguing with Dom. At the end of the day it would only come down to his 'I was right, you were wrong' attitude and I was sick of it.
"Well" I sighed. "Mistakes were made"
"Mhm what happened to your plan of not going overboard with the drinking?"
Now he was stepping out of line. Don't talk back to him right now, don't. No attitude, Hanna, that would only make it worse. I told myself.
"Like I said" forced smile "mistakes were made. Next time I'll be smarter"
Dom looked like he wanted to go on but my neutral answer caught him by surprise. He was expecting me to argue with him. "Thank you again for picking us up but I have to leave now, my mom wants me home"
He nodded. "Alright, hope you feel better soon. See you, banana"
"Bye, Dom"
I decided to actually go apologize to Sammy and Cat. It was likely they didn't take my rude tone earlier personal anyways but just to make sure, I popped by Sammy's room. I was right, they totally understood.
"So you'll call him tonight?" Sammy asked when I had told them about Taehyung's message. She was putting her pink hair into space buns.
"Yes" I nodded. "I'll go home and rest for a bit, clear my head and then I'll call him. I'll just be honest with him and explain myself, what other sensible option do I have anyways?"
"We're proud of you, Hanna. You'll do fine, don't worry. Oh and text after your conversation with him. I'm really curious about his reaction" Cat said.
"I will" I promised them. "I don't know why I felt the need to go overboard last night with drinking but I still had a good time, especially when we were all dancing"
"Me too" Cat smiled. "It was a fun night"
Sammy offered to drive me home and I let her. It was only now that I realized she was still a bit hungover herself.
"What a night, huh?" she chuckled. "By the way, what did you think of Danielle?"
"She's the sweetest" I gushed. "You two are a really good fit. You balance each other out nicely and I like how responsible she is"
"I agree" Sammy beamed, her whole face lighting up with her bright smile. "She's an angel"
"I'm really happy for you" I told her. "Are you officially together now?" This would be Sammy's first relationship. She had been through a lot of shit and no one had ever been serious about her.
Sammy nodded. "I think so, yeah"
Her happiness was infectious and I soon found myself grinning along with her. She deserved this so much. "Well, feel free to bring her anytime. I'd love to get to know her even better"
"I will" Sammy assured me. We had arrived at my house. "Good luck with your call. You know you can contact me anytime if you're feeling down or just wanna talk, I'm here"
"I know, babe, thank you. I'll be fine though"
"You know it's fine if you're not though, right? I know you weren't a couple but I also have a feeling you liked him, even though you won't really admit that. It's okay to be upset"
"Okay" I sighed. I didn't know what else to say.
It was still difficult for me to admit what I considered to be 'weakness' to Sammy because of how much our friendship had suffered when I was with James or rather when I stayed with James.
It was stupid. I knew I could be 100% honest with her and she wouldn't judge me but somehow I still thought she would think less of me if I admitted it upset me to break things off with a guy I barely knew and who only liked me for sex. I felt like I was letting her down.
We hugged goodbye and I watched her drive away.
I was so caught up in my own head that I didn't notice my mom's car in the driveway. When I opened the door, I was startled by her waiting for me in the hallway. I had no reason to expect this since it was only Saturday, no family dinner planned for today. Clara was with grandma, so her being home early had to be about me.
"There she is" my mother put aside the magazine she had been reading. She was wearing one of her fancy pantsuits, her blonde hair slicked back into a bun. Why was she even home? She usually worked on Saturdays and on the rare occasion she didn't, she definitely wouldn't dress up like this just for staying home.
"What's wrong?" I cut straight to the point, feeling alarmed.
"Why would something be wrong?"
"You're home" I stated the obvious, cautiously eyeing her body language. I felt like the prey of a tiger.
"So, now I can't be at my own house on the weekend anymore? Nothing's wrong, honey, I just thought the two of us could spend some time together"
Highly suspicious. She was wearing heels too, a handbag next to her on the ground. "Why are you all dressed up then?"
"Oh this? It's really nothing special, darling" her forced smile and the excessive pet names sent shivers down my spine. Something was definitely up, she was just waiting for the right moment to reveal it.
"Did you have a good time with your friends? How are Samara and Catrina?"
I realized I was still standing in the doorway, frozen mid-step. I relaxed my tensed muscles and finally shut the door behind me. After I had slipped out of my shoes, I answered her.
"Yes, it was fun. They're both good. So what's your plan for today then since you're home?"
"I thought the two of us could do a mother daughter shopping day, you know like we used to do? You loved those days, remember?"
Mhm, when I was 14 maybe. I thought. I still had no idea where she was going with this. Could it be that she was actually trying to mend our relationship?
I couldn't think of an excuse to get out of this, she knew I had no other plans for today. Was this a trap?
"Okay" I gave her a small unsure smile.
"Great! If you want to get changed, I can wait for you down here and then we'll get going. I booked hair appointments too for a nice blow out" she told me.
I eyed my own outfit, sweats and a hoodie. She was right, I better went and changed. "Nice" I smiled, still a bit hesitant. "I'll change into proper pants and be right back down"
Do I just trust she has good intentions for today and give her another chance? If we grew closer again, maybe it'd be easier to talk her out of me pursuing a career in business. I figured it was at least worth a try.
The drive was filled with awkward silence. We hadn't been alone for quite a while and I didn't know what to talk to her about.
The mall she took me to consisted of mostly high end boutiques, much more fancy stuff than I would ever pick for myself. She made me try on pantsuits and dresses. Mostly dark colors, tight silhouettes. The material felt nice though, I brushed over the satin like material of my outfit whilst watching my reflection.
I felt like a version of me from an alternate reality was staring back at me. A reality where I turned out exactly like my mother.
"You look so grown up, Hanna" my mother commented. I didn't necessarily hate the outfits she picked for me. They were definitely nice clothes, I'd just never wear them myself. My mom looked great in outfits like this, chic, sophisticated, whereas I only felt alien in them.
"A beautiful young woman" the shop assistant chimed in.
I followed along with my mom's wishes, tried on everything she handed me and let her and the shop assistant gush over how great I looked in the outfits. The smile on my mother's face was genuine. She insisted on buying me two of the pantsuits and one dress I had tried on. This was the only point at which I started protesting. She dismissed my argument that there was no fitting occasion for me to wear those clothes.
"Nonsense. Every young lady should own a few outfits like these. You can wear them to interviews, maybe internships and every business occasion"
I kept my mouth shut. There wouldn't be any occasions like that though because I wasn't going to work in business. Not as long as I had any say in it.
She had also picked out a few pieces of minimalistic gold jewelry which I only realized once she had already paid for it. It wasn't that I didn't like her style, it looked great on her but it just wasn't me.
She surprised me by talking to me about other things than school and work over dinner. She asked about my friends and Clara, about what music I liked at the moment and if there were any concerts I'd like to go to.
"You know I'm starting to think about ideas for your 18th birthday" she told me as we were finishing our food. Right, that was already next month.
Last on the agenda was the hair appointment. They put oils in my hair and blow dried it with big round brushes. I stared at my shiny hair in the salon's big mirrors. It looked really thick and healthy. They had blown it out into soft waves. I felt great.
Surprisingly, I had had a good time with my mom. She hadn't talked about business even once. Nothing about my grades either. On the car ride back home we were straight up laughing with each other at one point.
We got back home at around 8pm. I thanked her for the nice afternoon.
"I had a good time, mom" I could tell her in honesty.
"Me too, Hanna. I'm glad we got to spend some time together. It was long overdue" we even hugged.
What a strange day. Back in my room I put the bags of new clothes into my wardrobe and let myself fall onto my bed. I hadn't forgotten about the call, I was just mentally preparing myself. After about half an hour of staring into space and overthinking, I decided it was time.
I picked up my phone and stared at the bright screen, fingers frozen, hovering over Taehyung's contact. You can do this. It'll be awkward but then it's over.
I pressed call. He didn't pick up right away which only increased the anxiety bubbling up inside me.
Finally. "Hey" his deep voice sounded in my ear.
"Hi" I replied, mouth going dry. I dug my nails into my palms to calm my nerves. How do I start?
"How's the hangover?" he asked, casually.
My tensed muscles relaxed a bit at that. "Much better" I told him. "But there's still a big chunk of my mind's recollection of last night missing"
"Hm, I thought so" he chuckled.
"Was I that wasted?" I asked, dreading his answer. Who knows what kind of embarrassing shit I told him. I hated this. I hated the thought of losing control over myself like that, especially in front of him.
"Yes. You even told me you knew you wouldn't remember our conversation last night"
"I'm sorry. I hope I didn't say anything stupid" I sighed, resting my forehead against my hand.
"Don't worry about it" he dismissed it. "I'm glad you called"
Okay, here we go. "Yes, um.. so-"
"I'm gonna be honest, Hanna, whatever you want to tell me, I'd much rather hear it in person"
I hesitated. Talking in person was only fair but it would make things more awkward, especially leaving afterwards.
"Alright" I said. I was mature enough to grant him that level of respect. It was the decent thing to do. Maybe a small part of me also wanted to see him again, just one last time.
"I know it's late and there'll probably be no bus. I can come pick you up?" he offered.
"Sounds good" I agreed. "Thanks"
"Okay, I'll be there in 20 minutes max"
"Park a few houses down, I'll come to you"
"Okay. I'll wait" he said.
"See you in a few" I mumbled.
Call ended.
I changed from my tight jeans into black leggings and a loose t-shirt. Since it was a bit chilly outside, I also pulled a hoodie over my shirt. I left my hair as it was, in its soft pretty waves from the appointment. I brought nothing but my phone and wallet, put on deodorant, a spritz of perfume and brushed my teeth.
I didn't dare attempt the jump out of my window without Taehyung catching me, so I tiptoed out of my room and down the staircase, never switching the light on and making sure not to make any noise. I slowly twisted the keys and slipped through the heavy oak door into the night.
I switched off the movement sensor of our driveway lights and successfully snuck away.
It hadn't even been 20 minutes, yet Taehyung's car was already waiting for me. He had his lights off. Smart. I quickly opened the passenger door and slipped in.
"Hey" he greeted me. His newly dyed black hair was falling into his face in messy curls. It suited him really well and complimented his skin tone even better than the silver did. He was wearing what he usually wore when we hung out, sweatpants and a t-shirt. When he hugged, I noticed he smelled of cologne and smoke.
"Hi" I returned his small smile. I didn't take notice of the odd smell until his eyes met mine and I saw that they were slightly reddened. Then I caught on.
"Did you get out okay?" he asked and started the car. Once we had passed a couple more houses, he turned his lights back on.
"Yea, I'm fine, don't worry" I assured him. Was he high? The car undeniably smelled of weed and his eyed were read. I hesitated to ask him about it.
"Did you have a good time last night?" I asked instead. I was suddenly aware we were both acting a bit awkward and stiff with each other, he probably knew what I wanted to tell him.
He smiled. "Yeah, you could say so. I was certainly entertained haha"
Oh, no. "I don't even wanna know what kind of things I said" I groaned, deeply embarrassed. Out of all the people at that party I had to stumble upon him. "I'm sorry" I mumbled.
"Don't apologize, like I said, I had a good time. Too bad you don't remember any of it though"
"So, you weren't as drunk as I was then?" I asked, hoping he had at least been a little intoxicated.
"Oh no, I stayed pretty much completely sober that night. It was much more fun to watch all the guys from the team embarrass themselves and then I bumped into you and watched over you for a bit until you were picked up. Your brother wasn't too happy to see me again though"
"Who, Dom? Oh, he's not- I'm so sorry if he bothered you in any way. He can get a bit overprotective"
"That's fine, I can handle it. At least he's looking out for you and making sure you get home okay. Not a lot of people have someone like that"
"I know and I am grateful to him, it's just, well, sometimes he overdoes it"I explained.
"But he's not your brother?" he asked.
"No, he's my best friend's brother but I guess he doesn't really differentiate between us. He treats me like I am his sister as well"
"Hm" Taehyung nodded. "Interesting. So you don't ever, you know-"
"No, what? God, no, ew" I laughed. "Like I said he's more of a brother to me"
The rest of the ride went by in no time, we listened to some music and talked about nothing important, I told him a bit about school, he mostly just listened to me talk.
He parked his car and I followed him into the familiar house. I couldn't remember whether I had ever come here for something other than sex. Didn't recall that I ever did. This was probably the first time. And likely the last time I ever came here for anything.
"Do you want anything to drink?" he asked. He usually had the habit of standing very close to me but tonight he was keeping his distance. I picked up on that right away.
"Just water, please"
The large windows in the kitchen let in enough moonlight to illuminate the room in a dim silver glow. Even without the silver hair Taehyung still blended in so effortlessly.
I leaned against the wall, trapped in a trance like state just watching him move around. I knew I got caught up on this every single time we were alone but he was just so so pretty.
So much so that he almost didn't seem real. From the curve of his neck, to the glow of his honey skin and the soft wave of his dark hair.
It was so easy for him to captivate me, for me to get overwhelmed by his charms. I came here to break things off with him and just watching him, just being with him, without even touching, I was already tempted to reconsider.
"Are you sure you just want water? I have juice or soda, I could make you some tea or-" he was rambling on.
"Juice sounds nice. What kind do you have?"
"Apple, raspberry and lime" he showed me all three but avoided eye contact.
"Raspberry, please"
I finished half the glass.
"You can bring it with you to my room if you want" he offered and I nodded. When he realized I wasn't following him out of the kitchen, he turned back.
"Taehyung?"
"Hm?" he stood in front of me. I had to tilt my face up to meet his eyes. He was standing a bit closer now, I could've reached out my hand and touched him if I wanted to.
"Are you high?" I asked.
"Yeah, a bit" he admitted. "It helps me relax"
I just looked at him. I had seen him high a couple of times but it seemed like he hadn't smoked much tonight. Less than usual.
He must've thought my silence meant I didn't believe him because he quickly added "But don't worry, I only smoked a little bit, like I said to relax. It's not like I'm high out of my mind. I'm fine"
"No, I believe you" I said. So he had been nervous too? Was that why he had smoked, to seem more collected?
"Do you want to go up to my bedroom?" he asked when I still wasn't moving.
I hesitated.
"Just to talk" he clarified.
"Sounds good" I smiled.
We sat down on his bed. His room was tidier than I had ever seen it. All the curtains were pulled aside to reveal the tall windows. Cool moonlight was pooling into the room. I placed the juice glass on the bedside table and pulled my legs onto the bed to face him.
"I noticed you've been avoiding me" he started. "And I think I know why you're here."
If he actually knew, it would make this conversation a whole lot easier to get over with.
"You seemed upset when you left after the last time we hooked up" he noted.
I nodded. "Yea, I didn't feel too great after our talk that day" I admitted. I decided it was best to talk openly today, there was no point in holding back the truth to save face.
"I think I know why" Taehyung said which made me look up at him in surprise. "I think I'm at fault here" he went on. "I always claim that I don't like playing games and that people know where they stand with me but this time I messed up"
I waited for him to go on. He was contemplating his words for a moment, staring up at the ceiling in search for the right ones.
"I think we should've discussed the whole friends with benefits thing in more detail. It wasn't fair of me to expect you to partake in that without first explaining my intentions and what that kind of relationship entails in my mind and what it doesn't" he said.
I was glad he mentioned it first. "Yes" I nodded my head. "I think we both thought it meant different things. In my mind, I knew it wasn't the same as dating but I somehow still thought it was exclusive and that we were only hooking up with each other" I admitted.
"I know. And I'm sorry, that was my fault. I should've explained it better. I've had this kind of relationship before and to me it was clear it meant we were free to hook up with other people as well"
"Hmm" I hummed. "Our communication could've been better"
He nodded. "I know you don't remember our talk from last night but you told me you often can't tell what I'm thinking or feeling and that I seem closed off to you"
I had said that in my drunken state? Impressive. "Yeah, that's how I feel and I often hesitate to mention specific things that are bothering me because I'm worried you'll get annoyed with me" I sighed. "I just got the impression from you that you dislike talking about yourself and what you're feeling with me. I almost felt like it was a taboo subject for you"
We were sitting across from each other, our knees were touching. The proximity and the serious nature of our conversation made it hard for me to meet his eyes. He surprised me when he reached out and gently took my hand in his.
"I'm sorry" he said. "It's definitely not a taboo and it shouldn't be. Talking about my feelings is a bit out of my comfort zone but I should've realized that it's necessary in an intimate relationship like this. So again, I'm sorry. I hope this can change from now on. Maybe you can ask me about some of the stuff that has been on your mind and I'll answer as honestly as I can?" he offered.
He was trying. He was genuinely trying to fix this. His hand felt soft and warm against mine, his finger was stroking my wrist in a soothing motion.
"Okay. We can try that" I agreed and thought about what I should ask first. "I can ask anything? And you'll answer honestly?"
"Yes" he said.
"Okay. Just to make sure, you are hooking up with other girls, right?" I knew this was irrelevant at this point but I couldn't help wanting to be sure once and for all.
"No" Taehyung said. "I'm not seeing anyone as regularly as you right now but I have slept with other people since we made the deal with each other"
"And Stella is one of those people?"
His face froze when I mentioned that name. From his reaction I could tell that he wanted to ask me questions about how I knew about her. He hesitated but then he said "No, I haven't slept with her since we started the deal"
"But you have slept with her before"
"Yes"
"And you still hang out?"
"Sometimes"
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we're friends. We've known each other for a long time"
"And are you interested in sleeping with her again in the future?" the questions were leaving my mouth before I could think twice about them. I suddenly felt the need to ask all I could since I couldn't be certain I'd ever get a chance like this again.
"No, that chapter is closed"
"Are you uncomfortable talking about her?"
"Yes but I understand you want to know. I assume someone told you we used to see each other a lot" he sighed. He had let go of my hand when Stella came up.
"That's right. I thought she was your girlfriend"
"Never was, never will be" Taehyung shook his head.
He really didn't like talking about her but he did it because I asked. And that was enough for me right now. I had asked enough about her. "Can I ask more questions? Not about her"
"Go ahead" he smiled and reached out to brush away a strand of hair that had fallen into my face. "Your hair looks nice"
"Thank you" I blushed a bit because he had touched me and was staring at me now.
The next question took a bit of bravery. "You would like to keep our friends with benefits deal going? You would like to keep seeing me?"
"I would"
"Why?" I properly blushed now, heat flowing into my cheeks.
"Because I like you. I like having you around, I think you're interesting and I really enjoy sleeping with you" he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. My flustered reaction made him grin. He took my hand in his again.
"I feel the same way about you" I told him, although I didn't sound half as confident as him.
"That's good to hear" he smiled. "I'm glad"
I smiled a sad smile back at him before taking a deep breath and mustering up all my courage. "But I don't think I can do it" I admitted.
I watched the smile leave his face. This was all too tempting. Taehyung was all too tempting. But it was no use. The thought of him sleeping with other people bothered me and I knew it wouldn't magically stop bothering me. I couldn't see this ending in any other way than heartbreak for me. I would grow attached and be let down or he would lose interest. Either way he would move on and I would be crushed.
"I don't feel comfortable with you sleeping with other people" it took a lot for me to finally say it out loud. "I don't want to be one of many, it wouldn't end well"
"I understand" Taehyung said and I thought that was it. It was over.
But then he asked "What if you weren't one of many?". "I still don't want a relationship, maybe I'll never want one, who knows but our deal could be exclusive if you want"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean it could be like you thought it was. Only us. No other hookups"
"You'd want that?"
"I'd rather that than lose you" he said and now I met his eyes. He was serious.
"What about communication?"
"I'll try to do better. I'll let you in more and you tell me what you're thinking. You tell me when something's bothering you and we will figure it out together"
He reached out again to caress my face and I wanted to say yes. I wanted him, I didn't want this to be our last conversation or our last touch. I wanted this to work and he made it sound like maybe it could work.
"Okay" I finally said. "We'll try"
"We'll try" he smiled. "This means you can't sleep with anyone else either though" he teased. I hoped he wasn't still talking about Dom.
"Shut up" I laughed and he pulled me onto his lap. "I'm not interested in anyone else" I whispered into his ear.
He leaned in, gently cupping my face in his hand. He kissed me slowly. Soft lips carefully brushing against mine, like he was testing unknown waters. When I kissed him back, he deepened the kiss and I felt myself flush with heat in seconds. Once we pulled back to catch our breath we were both smiling at each other like fools.
"Me neither" he whispered.
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A/N: Hii everyone!!
I had some additional free time this week and your sweet comments motivated me to use it for writing. 6000+ words!! More than double the word count of the last chapter. I really hope you enjoyed!
Quick question: if you have a look at the beginning of the chapter again, do you prefer when I feature pictures like this (where you click on it to see it in full) or would you rather I just put the pictures into the story (like the party picture last chapter)?
Please never stop sharing your thoughts in the comments, I enjoy them so much, you all genuinely make me so happy when you engage with my writing💜
P.S. next chapter will be a quote chapter again, please don't be disappointed. I hope to upload the next story chapter soon too💜💜
See you soon,
Umi xx