Chapter Five
Nightmares
teasing
giving me glimpses
of memories so blissful
then
taunting me of my past
and the happiness that can never last
Impairing feelings, so thick
with sorrow and guilt
though I know I am not at fault
they still haunt me
as they display the scenes
of that frightening night
eventually shaking me awake.
"Tyler, where are you?" I call, walking down the trail to find my little brother who seemed to disappear. I half expect him to jump out of the trees, scaring me. The sun has fallen, giving no light except the moon and stars. It wouldn't be the first time he did it.
"This isn't funny!" I yell when I reach the bottom of the trail and still don't see him. My parents are going to kill me. Tyler is almost thirteen, I trust he can look after himself. I walk to the park gate, and peer out, wondering if he's waiting.
What I see tears me apart.
"Tyler? Ty!" I run to the body that is laying out side the park, on the middle of the street. I kneel down beside my little brother, crying out and cupping my hands around his face. His face is dripping with blood, the side of his face cut up.
"Tyler, open your eyes!" I beg, but they stay shut. "Tyler, wake up! Wake up, please. Wake up!" I scream, shaking his shoulders, tears running down my face. "Tyler!"
"Emma, hey. Look at me," a woman, who I can't remember her name, is beside me, checking Tyler's pulse. "I'm a nurse. I've already called 911 and your parents. OK, now put pressure on his chest, it'll slow down the bleeding."
Tears rush down my face but I do as she says, covering my bloody hands over my little brothers chest and pressing down. Tyler isn't waking up, no matter how much I plead. I hear sirens in the distance, and I can see an ambulance flying over the hill behind the woman, followed by a police car.
"Tyler? Tyler? Where is Emma? Emma!" Behind me, I hear my mom's frantic voice and I look behind me to see her and Dad running towards us, followed by Aidan and Quinn.
Aidan grabs me tightly around the arms as our parents rush to Tyler's side, but a paramedic holds them back, and Tyler is loaded into the back of the ambulance, currently unconscious.
My mom pushes past the paramedic, getting in the back of the ambulance. Police officers shut the doors and Tyler is driven away. My dad spins around and comes to Aidan, Quinn and I. He takes me in his arms.
"Let's go. They're taking him to St. Alberts," he says, panic in his voice.
Wordlessly, everyone got into the car and Dad speeds away, following the ambulance. I cry all the way there, scared, that my brother might not make it.
"Aidan, call your brothers, tell them whats going on. Now."
Dad looks into the mirror at me, eyeing me sadly. "Emma, sweetheart, he'll be fine," he says, reassuring me but by the look on his face, the crinkle in his brow, I know he's trying to convince himself too. I look down at my hands, which are covered in my little brother's blood and sob.
I sit up in my bed from the memory that is starting to become repetitive, a nightmare. Tears run down my cheek uncontrollably as sorrow and guilt fill up inside of me, my chest heaving as I gasp for breath.
The nightmare is a memory of what happened that night, but it keeps repeating in my dreams, so it has turned into a nightmare. I do what my therapist said to do; take a deep breathe, count to three, let it out. And over again until I feel calm.
At the first of the summer, I went to a therapist, but only because my parents forced me to go. They said I needed to talk to someone if I wouldn't talk to them. I stopped going though after about half way through the summer, declaring I was fine.
Dr. Noble managed to convince me that the accident wasn't my fault, that it was just someone who was driving along and couldn't stop in time when Tyler ran out in front of the vehicle. I know it wasn't my fault, but how could I not feel guilty when Tyler was with me when it happened? I was supposed to watch him, to make sure nothing like that never happened.
When I've calmed down, I look over at my clock on the nightstand and groan when it says it's only 3:18 am. Today is Monday, so that meant it is school again and I already know the day isn't going to be good. And the sun hadn't even come up yet.
Not bothering to change from my pink polka dotted onsey, I tiptoe downstairs, careful not to step on the creaky spots. The house is quiet, but when I round the corner to the kitchen, I jump in surprise when I see my Dad sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee.
He looks up and grins.
"Hey, kiddo. What are you doing up this early?"
I shrug and sit down across from him.
"I couldn't sleep. What about you? Mom hogging the blankets again?" I ask, smirking. He shakes his head.
"Nah, I have to be at work early this morning. Want me to make you some chocolate pancakes?"
My eyes widen at the mention of chocolate chip pancakes and nod. You might be thinking, what's so special about chocolate chip pancakes but my Dad makes the best. He makes them from scratch, and then as he's cooking them, he put chocolate drizzle in along with the chips, and it just makes them so much better.
"I thought so. No one can turn down my famous pancakes," My dad says, chuckling as he gets up and starts getting the ingredients. "So, how is school going? You like your classes? Any boys that interest you?" Dad gives me an evil eye.
"No, no boys," I say, but then think of Austin, and how I like being around him. "Well, maybe this one guy but we barely talk and I don't even know if I like him."
Dad stops paying attention to the stove, and turns to stare at me.
"A boy?" I think he is going to say I'm too young, and joke that I wouldn't be dating until I'm forty, like he usually does but instead he nods. "Well, if you like this boy, and he doesn't see how beautiful and amazing you are, then I guess he doesn't deserve you."
I smile, and Dad places a pancake on my plate.
"Thanks Dad."
"Just remember that if you like him, tell him. Guys won't wait forever."
"Did you wait for Mom?" I ask, shoving a piece of pancake into my mouth, and my Dad chuckles.
"Yes but that was only because I love her. She was very stubborn but it was worth every minute." Dad gives me another pancake seeing as I devoured the first one in five seconds and sits back down in his seat. I play with my food for a minute.
"Is something else bothering you?"
"No, I just had a nightmare. I'm fine." I mutter, hoping its enough to assure Dad whose eyes are full with concern. He nods, letting it go and finishes his coffee.
"Alright. Well, I should get going. Have a good day, sweetheart," He says, kissing my forehead. After I hear the door shut, and dad's truck leave the yard, I go back upstairs and lay on my bed, not able to get to sleep and write.
***
"You feeling okay?" Andrea asks when we meet in the hallway at school. "You look like shit."
I narrow my eyes at my best friend as we walk down the hallways to our homeroom. I can't blame her though, I do look like shit with bags under my eyes from barely any sleep and a stomach ache.
"Yeah, I'm fine. What did you do yesterday?"
"Not much, tried to get some of my Chemistry homework done"
"Tried being the key word," I say, laughing. Andrea hip dumps me into on coming students. I quickly move out of their way.
"I watched movies with Cassie, who brought popcorn, and who can resist popcorn? Oh and she bribed me with milkshakes from McDicks to watch The Notebook."
"Did you ask her about Logan?"
"No, I wanted to but figured they would know we knew something," Andrea says, sighing
"What happened to being nosey?"
"Em, she brought popcorn and smoothies," Andrea says, huffing as if that explains everything. She has the weirdest obsessions with chocolate milkshakes and extra buttered popcorn together. We come to a stop from across our homerooms, greeting Mr. Hall and Mrs. Longo who stand outside their classrooms. "You know my strange obsessions can get me distracted." Andrea rolls her eyes as the bell rings.
"You're doing that wrong."
I look up from my worksheet that Ms. Kinney handed out and see Austin peering over my shoulder, glancing down at my near completed worksheet. It's right before lunch, and I don't have the energy to do much thinking.
"Oh, sorry I'm not a genius like you," I snap, then realize it might have been a little harsh by the way he pulls away from me.
"Don't bite my head off now," Austin says, his lips turning up into a smirk. He leans in close again and I get a whiff of his cologne. "I'll help you if you help me at English... I'll even buy you lunch." I quirk my eyebrow up, surprised at his offer.
"The Cafeteria lunch is free," I say, a bit confused.
"I'm not talking about the Cafeteria food. I mean I'll buy you something at the Diner," Austin says, with a roll of his eyes.
"I'm not allowed off school property, remember? Seniors only."
Realization forms in Austin's eyes, then a devious grin takes place. This can't be good.
"We could always just sneak you off campus," Austin says, shrugging his shoulders like its no big deal. I shake my head. I'm right, this isn't a good day. And it's probably about to get worse. Austin starts to text a few people before taking my paper and writing me a few things on the page.
"Yeah and then I'll get suspended when I'm caught."
"You won't get caught," he says, grinning. He begins to talk about chemical equations that still make no sense to me.
I sigh, resting my elbows in on the desk. I'm going to fail this class, and then have to take it all over again, and fail all over again.
"Are you even listening to me?" he asks, snapping his fingers in front of my face. I turn and glare at him.
"Nope, not really. The only thing I'm focused on is getting out of here," I say, glancing up at the clock to see that we still have twenty minutes left of class.
"Well, then lets no do work. Let's play a game," Austin says, sliding my page back over to me.
"Alright. What game shall we play?"
"Name as many foods you can that starts with the letter...K in them."
"Kiwi."
"Kidney beans."
"Kit Kat."
I have to stop and think for a second.
"Ketchup."
"Kentucky Fried Chicken"
"Kool-Aide," he says smugly after a few seconds.
I laugh. "That's not food. That's a drink."
Austin scoffs.
"Whatever," he says. "let's go with the letter D."
When the bell rings, the two of us had gotten a scolding from Ms. Kinney on being loud and not doing our work. Oh well, at least we had fun.
"Hey, where are you going?" Austin asks, outside the classroom. We are heading different ways. I point down the hall, the usual way I take to the cafeteria.
"Going to get something to eat after that dreadful class," I say.
Austin walks toward me and grabs my hand. He starts to pull me towards the exit doors but I drag my feet. "I'm not going to The Diner." I protest but he has a tight hold on me, refusing to let go. I grab the door as he tugs me out outside.
"Help! I'm being kidnapped! Help!" A hand flies over my mouth and he chuckles.
"Do want us to get caught and dragged into detention?" He asks. "Now get into the car."
Austin pushes me to the passengers side of his black ford truck. I climb in, hoping no one sees me. he pushes on the radio and Highway to Hell blasts out.
The Diner isn't anything special, it's mostly a place for teenagers to hang out. Inside, there's a circular counter and booths around the windows. Seniors from school sit around eating pizza and laughing.
"Emma! You made it!" The familiar voice of my best friend yells. I whip my head around and see Andrea, waving her hands frantically in a booth in the far corner of the Diner. She's also sitting by my brothers, Aidan and Ben and their friend Henry.
"Andrea? What are you doing? Did they kidnap you too?" I ask her, sounding shocked and narrowed my eyes at Aidan and Ben who roll their eyes.
Austin slides into the booth beside Ben, patting the seat beside him.
"Just so you know, if we go down," I say, gesturing to Andrea and I, "you guys are going down too." I point to my brothers, Henry and Austin.
Austin put his arm around the back of the booth behind me, and I feel Andrea's stare.
"Whatever, I'm pretty sure that the principal will believe us over you knuckleheads," Aidan says, sticking his tongue out at me. "Oh, and we ordered you two some food too." I feel Austin's hands slip down onto my shoulder as he talks to Ben.
I don't know if it's on purpose or accident but his touch makes my skin tingle.
"Oh, look here comes the food," Aidan says, clapping his hands together happily then pauses and shoots his eyes over to Austin, glaring. "By the way man, get your hands off my sister." He snaps, his tone harsh.
Austin moves his hand quickly as Violet, the waitress sets our food in front of us. I peek a glance at Austin and see his face is a little red.
"Grumpy," Andrea comments, putting her fork in Aidan's face.
"Sorry, it won't happen again." Austin mutters, shoving a fry in his mouth.
That's a shame, I kind of like it.
I mentally scold myself to stop thinking about Austin and eat my food, before Andrea or one of my brother's notice my dilemma. I know it will not go over well.
At home after school, Mom has taken Joey and Quinn shopping for groceries and Aidan and Ben are at Henry's studying for a quiz. The rest of my brothers are still at school or at work. Do you know what that means? The house is silent.
It's rare to have this kind of opportunity.
I decide to eat ice cream and watch The Big Bang Theory on the sofa, relaxing after a long day. I have to admit, the day was good after we got back from the Diner without anyone noticing Andrea and I missed lunch at the cafeteria.
The show is at the part when Penny finishes the Soft Kitty song to a sick Sheldon that I hear the door bell ringing.
I groan, kicking off the blanket that is wrapped around my legs and go to answer the door. When I open it, I'm surprised to see the person that stands in front of me.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, frowning.
"Well you need a tutor for chemistry, right?"