"Calynn!"
I immediately went to her car at kinuha ko siya sa driver's seat. Sinakay ko siya sa passenger seat ng kotse ko, wala siyang malay. Pumasok na ako sa driver's seat pagkatapos. I am driving this car as if I am in the freaking Fast and Furious movie. My girlfriend just had a car accident and I need to bring her to the hospital as fast as I can.
"Hold on, love. Please." mangiyak-ngiyak na ako habang nakatingin sa kaniya. Hindi ko na alam 'yung gagawin, basta nataranta na lang ako kaya hindi na ako tumawag ng ambulance.
"Doc, please, emergency!" I told the doctor as soon as I entered the hospital. I am now carrying her and there are a lot of blood on her head!
"Emergency!" I heard the doctor shouted.
I transferred her to the stretcher. Nakasunod lang ako sa kaniya habang dinadala siya emergency room.
"Please, gawin niyo lahat!" I told the doctor. My shirt is covered with blood. Napasabunot ako sa ulo ko while tears are falling down from my eyes.
My girlfriend!
"Sir, labas po muna kayo." the nurse told me.
I shook my head. "No, my girlfriend needs me, she needs me!" I hysterical.
"Sir, pasensiya na po, sa labas na lang po muna." pagpipilit ng nurse.
I went outside the emergency room and immediately got my phone from my pocket while watching Calynn on the small glass window of the emergency room.
"Hello, Lian! Lian, naaksidente si Calynn! Pumunta kayo rito!" I shouted at Lian over the phone.
(Ano?! Anong nangyari?!) she shouted on the other line.
"Pumunta na lang kayo rito, please." my voice broke.
I waited for a few minutes outside the emergency room until I saw Lian. She immediately ran to me when she saw me.
"Steve, tangina, anong nangyari!"
"Naaksidente siya. Car accident, Lian" tears fell down to my cheeks.
"Nasaan ba kayo?! Steve naman, ano bang nangyari?! Sabi niya pupuntahan ka niya! Puta naman, nandito pa sa ospital si Ate!" she massaged her hair because of so much frustation. Lumayo siya nang kaunti sa akin at may tinawagan sa phone. "Tito Raf, si Calynn!" I heard her. She's already crying.
"Doc!" I ran to the doctor. It's Gab! "Gab, ano gising na ba siya? Okay na ba siya?" dire-diretso kong tanong.
"Nagkaroon siya ng internal bleeding due to the accident, we need to conduct tests para malaman natin kung nagkaroon ba siya ng traumatic brain injury." Gab said.
"Magiging okay ba siya?" Lian asked while she's crying.
"Let's hope for the best. Excuse me." Gab said before walking away.
"Tito, si Calynn!" nagmamadaling lumapit si Lian sa Daddy ni Calynn nang makita niya.
"What happened?" Tito asked.
"Car accident daw po." Lian said, sobbing. Umiiyak pa rin siya. Maya-maya lang ay dumating si Nat. "Nat, si Calynn!" Lian immediately hugged Nat.
"Magiging okay rin siya, Lian." Nat console her while caressing her back.
This is my fault!
Biglang humarap sa akin si Lian. "Steve, ano ba kasing nangyari?!"
"Nag-aaway kasi kami," tears fell from my eyes. "She saw me with... she saw me with Bella." I looked down.
I was so shocked when Lian immediately slapped me.
"Tangina mo naman, Steve!" she shouted while crying.
"Lian, please." nakatakip lang 'yung mukha niya gamit 'yung kamay niya. "Lian, hindi ko ginusto. Let me explain." I tried to explain pero hindi siya nakikinig. Iyak lang siya nang iyak.
"Mamaya na, Steve." kalmadong sabi ni Nat at inakay na si Lian paalis.
Fuck!
Deserve ko.
Kasalanan ko.
"Tito," lumapit ako sa Dad ni Calynn.
"Steve, kapag may nangyari sa anak ko..." he stopped.
"Sorry po." that's all I can say. I can't even defend myself. Kasalanan ko naman talaga.
Ilang oras pa kaming naghintay bago dumating ulit si Gab, may kasama na siyang ibang doctor. Napatayo ako kaagad sa upuan when I saw them. Lumapit din naman kaagad si Lian but I know, I know galit pa rin siya.
"Nagkaroon siya ng traumatic brain injury, the soft tissue of her brain absorbs the powerful force of the impact, karaniwang nangyayari 'to sa mga nakakaexperience ng car accident katulad ni Miss Dela Rosa." the other doctor said. I can see Lian in my peripheral vision, hindi na siya matigil sa kakaiyak.
"It could affect her entire brain or a specific part of it. Due to the impact caused by an accident, according to the velocity inside the skull, it resulted a closed brain injury." he continued. "It can result in long-term complications or death."
I feel like my whole world just collapsed because of what he said. Nakita kong napaluhod si Lian habang umiiyak. Parang nanghina 'yung tuhod niya at pilit siyang itinatayo ni Nat.
Lian stood up. "Doc, gawin niyo lahat!" she cried so loud. "Please, parang awa niyo na!" she said, still crying.
"We'll do our best." the doctor said before walking away.
"Lian," tumabi ako sa kaniya sa upuan. Nakatulala lang siya.
"Steve, ano ba 'tong ginawa mo?" she asked in a monotone without looking at me.
Napahinga ako nang malalim.
"Lian, I'm sorry. Please, let me explain." I begged.
Kahit ayaw niya ay nakinig siya. Inexplain ko lahat. Sinabi ko kung bakit kami magkasama ni Bella.
"Lian, gising na si Ate." Nat ran to us. Nagmamadali naman si Lian na pumunta. Sumunod na rin ako.
"Ate," Lian said nang makapasok kami sa kwarto ni Ate. Umupo kaagad siya sa upuan sa tabi ng bed ni Ate. She smiled but she looks so weak.
"Calynn?" that's the first word that came from her mouth. These tears can't help not to fall.
First, si Ate... and now, Calynn.
What have I done?
"Pahinga ka muna, Ate. You need to rest." Lian smiled at her.
Nagbantay siya kay Ate habang ako, nagbabantay dito ngayon kay Calynn. She's in a coma.
"Love," I held her hand and tears quickly fell from my eyes. "'Wag mo muna akong iwan, please." I bowed down.
"Love, hindi ko pa kaya." I cried. "Sorry, sorry, love." I sobbed. "Mahal na mahal kita."
Para akong pinapatay tuwing nakatingin ako sa kaniya. Nakapikit lang siya, ang sakit, sobrang sakit. Wala akong magawa. I can't believe I put her in this situation.
Calynn's father entered her room. "Steve, ako muna rito. Hinahanap ka ni Beatrice." I nodded. Umiiyak akong tumayo at pumunta sa room ni Ate.
"Ate," umupo ako sa tabi niya. Nasa couch si Lian.
"Steve," hinang-hina niyang sabi.
"Sorry, Ate." tears immediately fell. Hindi ko na alam. Ang sakit. "Sorry for putting you there, nagpabaya ako." yumuko ako. "Sorry for putting Calynn in that situation." I can see tears falling from her eyes.
"Steve," she smiled, holding my hand. "Wala kang kasalanan." halos pabulong niyang sabi. "Thank you." kitang-kita ko 'yung pagbagsak ng luha niya. "Thank you for loving my sister." she added. "Aasahan ko na aalagaan mo siya habang buhay kasi kung hindi, mumultuhin kita." she chuckled pero hindi ako natawa.
"Ate, don't say that."
"Ramdam ko na, Steve." she smiled. A painful smile. "Give this to Calynn." she handed me a watch, 'yung watch na galing kay Calynn. "Tell her that she can never bring back time so she should continue her life. Both of you, Steve." she said.
"Ate naman,"
"Alagaan mo 'yung kapatid ko." I sobbed. Wala na akong pakialam kahit na nakakahiya dahil lalaki ako. Sobrang sakit. Sobrang sakit nang naidulot ko sa kanila. "Mahalin mo siya." she cried. Halos blurred na siya dahil sa mga luha ko, agad ko naman 'yon pinunasan.
"Promise me, Steve. Promise me that you won't blame yourself."
Hindi ako makatango, hindi ko alam kung kaya ko bang hindi sisihin 'yung sarili ko.
"Promise me, please." she smiled pero mas napansin ko 'yung luha niya. Pilit akong tumango habang umiiyak.
"Lian, can you call Daddy?" Ate asked Lian, tumango si Lian at lumabas ng kwarto.
"Steve, aasahan kita. 'Wag mong susukuan 'yung kapatid ko. 'Wag mo siyang sasaktan. Mahal na mahal ka noon." she smiled. I nodded at her.
"Ate," I held her hand. "Pag-gising ni Calynn papakasalan ko na siya." I said. "Okay lang ba sa 'yo?" I smiled with tears.
"Ikaw lang 'yung gusto ko para sa kaniya." she smiled at me. Hindi ko na napigilang umiyak. Umiiyak lang ako hanggang makarating 'yung Daddy nila. Nagpunas ako ng luha ko at pumunta sa gilid para malapitan niya si Ate.
Lumapit siya kay Ate, nakatayo lang siya at nakatingin kay Ate.
"Dad," Ate held his hand. "I don't know why Mom left us," tears fell from her eyes. Ganoon din 'yung Daddy nila. "but thank you." she smiled. "Thank you for staying with us, Dad."
"And you will stay with us, too, right? Right, anak?" Tito Raf asked her.
Malungkot na ngumiti si Ate. "Please take care of Calynn."
"Beatrice, please." her dad cried.
"Inaantok na ako," she smiled weakly. "I love you, Dad." she said before closing her eyes.
Flat line.
That sound in the monitor.
That's the next thing we heard.
"Beatrice!" sigaw ng Daddy nila, gumilid muna ako at doon na lang umiyak. I saw Lian covered her mouth, tulo lang din nang tulo 'yung luha niya.
"What happened?" biglang pumasok sina Addie at Elly. Tumabi sila kay Lian sa couch.
"Wala na..." Lian sobbed. "Wala na si Ate." she's continously crying. Mabilis siyang niyakap nina Addie at Elly. I saw Nat, she's with a doctor. Papunta sila kay Ate.
They tried to revive her but...
"Time of death, 9:36 PM" the doctor said. Kitang-kita ko kung paano tumulo 'yung luha ni Nat.
This is my fault!
Gusto kong sisihin 'yung sarili ko.
Pero ayaw 'yon ni Ate.
Hindi na naiburol nang matagal si Ate dahil nasa ospital pa si Calynn. Tito Raf was devastated as he threw the flower on Ate's coffin.
It must be so hard for him. His daughter just died and his other daughter is in a coma.
And it's all because of me.
"I'm sorry, Ate." I said before throwing the flower on her coffin.
Pinanood lang namin kung paano ibaba 'yung kabaong ni Ate.
It hurts.
It hurts so bad.
-
"Hindi ako papasok habang nasa ospital si Calynn, Ma." I said to my mother, dumaan ako sa office namin after ko pumunta sa libing ni Ate.
"What?" she stood up.
"Calynn is in the hospital. Fire me if you want, I don't care. Hindi niyo na ako matatakot." I said in a monotone before leaving the office, hindi ko na hinintay 'yung sasabihin niya. Wala akong lakas para makipagtalo.
Kaya ko lang naman sila sinusunod dahil pinagbabantaan nila si Calynn. Pero ngayon, wala na silang maipapanakot sa akin. Calynn is in a coma, hindi na ako natatakot na may gagawin pa sila. All I need to do is to take care of Calynn.
I went back to the hospital. Hindi ako umaalis sa tabi niya. Nagbabantay lang ako. Nagdala na rin ako ng damit kaya dito na ako lagi naliligo. Ayokong magising siya na wala ako sa tabi niya.
"Love, sana naririnig mo ako." I smiled while sitting on the chair beside her bed. "Hintayin kitang magising, ah."
"Steve, magpahinga ka muna. Ako muna rito." Lian said when she entered the door.
I looked at her. "Okay lang ako." I smiled.
Pumunta siya sa kabilang side ni Calynn at tinitigan si Calynn. "Birthday na ni Calynn bukas." she said, still looking at Calynn.
"May pupuntahan ako saglit bukas, Lian." I said to her, my eyes are also on Calynn.
"Sorry," she suddenly said. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. "Sorry for blaming you." she added, not looking at me.
"It's okay. I deserve it." I smiled.
-
"Bro, bakit ba tayo nandito?" Luke asked me. We're now walking here at the mall. Pupunta ako sa isang jewelry store.
"May bibilhin lang ako." I replied.
Nang makapasok kami sa jewelry store, medyo nagulat pa si Luke pero parang gets na niya. Hindi na rin siya nagtanong. Lumapit na kaagad ako sa mga singsing.
"Ano maganda?" I asked him while we're looking at the glass of rings.
"Ano ba tingin mong bagay sa kaniya?" he replied, nakatingin din siya sa mga singsing.
When I saw the square diamond ring. Alam ko na agad. It will fit to her finger. It suits her.
I saw her one time, she's looking at some rings on her phone. Tinignan ko pa ang phone niya kung anong picture 'yung sinave niya at ganito 'yon.
I pointed the ring to the sales lady and she handed it to me.
It's so beautiful... but it'll be more beautiful in her finger.
"Miss can you put it in a yellow velvet ring box?" I specifically requested it as I gave back the ring to ther.
"Bakit laging yellow?" Luke asked. Hindi ako sumagot, I just smiled at him.
-
"Happy birthday, love." kakarating ko lang sa kwarto niya. I have a cake and the engagement ring. May mga lobo rin, si Lian siguro ang nag-ayos.
"Labas muna ako." Lian said and I nodded.
She went outside, kami na lang ni Calynn ang nandito.
Nilapag ko 'yung cake niya sa table.
"Hi, love." I sat on the chair beside her. "Birthday mo na pero tulog ka pa rin?"
"May dala akong cake, gusto mo, kain tayo?" I smiled at her, looking so dumb because I know she won't reply.
"Love, wala akong dalang gitara pero kakantahan kita." muli akong ngumiti.
~Bucket full of tears, baby, know I'm here
I'm here waiting
Close your precious eyes and just realize
I'm still fighting~
I started singing. Hawak-hawak ko 'yung kamay niya.
~For you to be with me and sit under this tree
We can watch the sunrise
We can watch the sunrise~
I started tearing up.
~Wake up feel the air that I'm breathing
I can't explain this feeling that I'm feeling
I won't go another day without you~
My voice broke, I can't even sing properly.
~Hold on, I promise it gets brighter
When it rains I'll hold you even tighter
I won't go another day without you
Without you~
I put her hand on my cheeks and started crying. Nakatingin lang ako sa kaniya. She's becoming blurred because of thetears in my eyes.
I miss her, I miss her so much. Her voice, her smile, everything about her. I want her to wake up because I won't go another day without her.
She's my everything.
"Gigising ka pa, 'di ba?" I cried. "Hindi mo ako iiwan, 'di ba?"
I took the ring on my pocket and I opened it.
"Love, look." I started. "Sana pag-gising mo hindi ka na galit sa akin para maisuot ko na 'to sa 'yo." I smiled. "Bagay sa 'yo 'to." nangingig na 'yung boses ko dahil paiyak na naman ako.
-
"Steve, natutulog ka pa ba?" Addie asked me. Halos isang linggo na kami rito. Hindi pa rin ako umuuwi.
"Oo naman." I smiled and went to the sofa so they could go to Calynn. Umupo si Addie sa upuan sa tabi ng bed ni Calynn, kung saan ako nakaupo kanina. Nasa likod niya si Lian at si Elly naman ay tumabi sa akin sa sofa.
"Magpahinga ka rin." Elly told me.
I nodded and smiled at her.
"Oh, ayan na pala 'yung nurse, eh." Addie said when Nat entered the room.
"Baliw!" Nat replied habang papunta sa kabilang side ni Calynn at may ginagawang kung ano roon.
"Kumusta siya?" Lian asked.
"Ganoon pa rin." Nat smiled sadly.
"Kay Calynn ang focus, Addie, huh." Nat chuckled. Inirapan lang siya ni Addie.
-
Two weeks na, two weeks na pero hindi pa rin siya nagigising. Hindi pa ako umaalis sa ospital na 'to simula noong binilhan ko si Calynn ng singsing. Ako 'yung nagbabantay kay Calynn, 24/7. Paminsan-minsan ay nakakatulog na akong nakadukmo sa bed niya.
"Kumusta anak ko?" Tito Raf asked when he entered the room. Dumadalaw-dalaw lang sila ni Lian dahil si Tito ay may trabaho sa office nila, si Lian naman ay may bake shop. Hindi sila pwedeng dito matulog.
"Ganoon pa rin po, eh." I answered. Lumapit siya kay Calynn kaya tumayo ako sa upuan at pumunta sa likuran niya. He sat on the chair beside Calynn's bed.
"Gising ka na, nak." he started. "Baka hindi ko na kayanin kapag pati ikaw nawala." I saw his tears but he immediately wiped it.
"Tito," I started. He looked at me, nasa likod niya ako. "Sorry po."
"It's okay, Steve." he smiled. "Walang may gusto."
"Tito, papakasalan ko na po siya pag-gising niya." I bowed down my head.
"Okay," mabilis niyang sagot kaya napalingon ako sa kaniya. "You have my permission." he smiled at me. "Alam kong iingatan mo siya."
-
"Hi!" Lian entered the room. I looked and smiled at her. "May dala akong pagkain, Steve." pumunta na siya sa table at inayos 'yung mga pagkain.
"Mamaya na ako." I returned my gaze to Calynn. Hindi ako nagsasawa sa mukha niya kahit araw-araw na akong nakatitig sa kaniya.
"Ay, hindi!" napalingon ako sa kaniya. "Sabayan mo ako dahil kung hindi, isusumbong kita kay Calynn pagkagising niya."
I chuckled and went to the table.
"Gigising pa siya, 'di ba?" I asked Lian habang inaayos ko na rin 'yung pagkain ko. Magkatapat kami ngayon.
"Oo naman! Sure ako." she proudly said.
-
"Bro," Luke tapped my shoulder. Hindi ko napansing bumukas 'yung pinto, nakatingin lang ako kay Calynn.
Napatingin ako kay Luke. "Uy," I nodded
"May dala akong pagkain." he raised the paper bag.
"Thank you," I smiled.
Binaba niya 'yung paper bag sa table at pumunta siya sa kabilang side ni Calynn.
"Mahal mo talaga, 'no?" he asked while looking at Calynn.
"Sobra," I smiled, I'm also looking at Calynn. Mahal na mahal ko talaga siya, sobra pa sa inaakala niya.
"Gigising siya, bro."
Nilingon ko si Luke, he smiled.
I smiled back at him.
-
"Bro," I looked at the man who just entered the room.
"Gio,"
"Anong nangyari sa kaniya?" Gio asked while walking towards the other side of Calynn.
"She's in a coma for almost a month." I answered.
"Will she be okay?"
"We're hoping." I smiled sadly.
-
"Anong nangyari?" my lips parted a bit when I saw Drew, pero mag-isa lang siya.
"Long time no see." I nodded at him. "Nagkita kayo ni Lian?" I asked him.
"Hindi." tipid siyang ngumiti. "Anong nangyari?" he asked again. Lumapit na rin siya sa kabilang side ni Calynn.
"Car accident." I replied.
"You look tired. Magpahinga ka rin, bro." he said.
I smiled at him.
-
Lumabas ako sandali para kausapin 'yung doctor. Nang pabalik na ako, I saw Lian covering her mouth while crying.
"What happened?" I nervously asked her.
"Gising na siya." she said. "Hinahanap niya si ate..." she sobbed. "I can't.. I can't tell her." she cried even more.
"Ako na bahala." I said, then I entered the room.
"Steve," she called me. I wanted to cry. I waited for that voice for as long as I can remember. Boses pa lang niya, nanggigilid na 'yung luha ko.
"You need to take a rest, 'Calynn." I said.
Ayoko pang sabihin sa kaniya 'yung tungkol kay Ate but I feel like mas masasaktan siya kapag pinatagal. She needs to accept it. We all need to accept it.
"'Wag niyo akong kausapin! Ayoko kayong marinig! You keep on telling na wala na si Ate kahit hindi naman!" she yelled.
Awang-awa ako sa kaniya. Kakagising pa lang niya pero nauubos na kaagad 'yung lakas niya.
"I'm sorry, love. Kasalanan ko."
"Kasalanan mo talaga."
Akala ko pag-gising niya, okay na but it's not. It's harder. She's mad at me and I know she has the right to.
"Kung may natitira pang awa at pagmamahal sa 'yo, iwan mo na ako." she whispered. Parang mas nasaktan ako noong pabulong niyang sinabi, it's as if ubos na 'yung lakas niya at nagmamakaawa na siyang iwan ko siya.
Ayoko!
Ayokong umalis... pero hindi ako nakakatulong sa kaniya. I'm just giving her more damage.
"Is that what you really want?" I asked her hoping that she would say no...but she didn't.
"Umalis ka na," she whispered.
My heart broke into pieces. Durog na durog ako, sobrang sakit.
"Ikaw pa rin sa susunod na habang buhay." I said before leaving her room.
I don't want to go. I promised to Ate, but I also don't want to hurt Calynn even more. Sobra ko na siyang nasasaktan.
Dumiretso ako sa bar pagkagaling ko ng ospital, wala na akong pakialam sa mundo. Ang sakit, sobrang sakit.
"Bro, bumangon ka riyan!" Luke tapped my shoulder, nakadukmo ako at itinaas ko lang 'yung ulo ko nang marinig si Luke. I'm here at the bar, drinking. Kakarating lang niya.
"What?" I asked him before drinking again. Sa tequila na lang ako tumingin.
"Umayos ka!" he almost shouted at me. Tumingin ako sa kaniya at nakaupo na siya sa harap ko. I just laughed at him.
"Wala ng patutunguhan buhay ko, Luke."
"Galit lang 'yon."
"Ayaw na niya." I said before drinking the tequila.
"Umuwi ka muna.
Umuwi ako pero bumili rin ako ng napakaraming alak. I hope that this would lessen the pain. I hope that these liquor would help me forget the pain, kahit saglit lang.
I looked at our picture in our room. Nakasabit 'yon. It was the day when she agreed to be my girlfriend. We're under the sunset and we were so happy.
"Mahal na mahal kita," I cried while looking at the picture. "Bumalik ka na, please." I sobbed.
-
Wala akong ginawa kung hindi ang uminom at matulog. I barely eat anymore. I no longer have the strength to move, paano pa ako kakain?
"Steven!" napatingin ako sa kakapasok lang na babae sa condo namin ni Calynn, nakaupo ako sa lapag at punong-puno ng alak 'yung center table namin.
"Ma," I sarcastically laughed at her.
"What are you doing?!" she shouted and went in front of me. "And what is that?" she pointed the drinks.
"Liquor, ma." I chuckled. Nakatingin lang ako sa center table na punong-puno ng rum at tequila.
"Sinabi sa akin ni Luke 'yang mga pinag-gagagawa mo, are you trying to waste your life?!" she shouted.
I stood up. "I just lost my life!" I shouted back. "Kung ano-ano kasing kalokohan ang pinag-gagagawa niyo! Kung ano-anong kagaguhan 'yung mga pinapagawa niyo sa akin!" I yelled at her. I still want to respect her because she's still my mother, but knowing what she did to me... to us? Ang hirap. "Iniwan na ako," I started tearing up. Napaupo na ulit ako sa lapag. "Iniwan na ako ni Calynn," I put my hands on my eyes to stifle my tears.
"Babae lang 'yon, umayos ka. Grow up!" she shouted again.
I looked at her with so much anger. "Stop talking, Ma! You don't know what Calynn and I have!" I shouted. "She's my family, she's my home, she's everything that I have!"
"At kami? Ano kami?" she asked me, she's a bit calm now.
I looked at her. Nakaupo pa rin ako. "Hindi kayo naging pamilya sa akin!" I yelled. "Puro sarili niyo lang ang iniisip niyo at para sa inyo, tiga-ayos lang ako ng mga gulo niyo!" I shouted again. "Umalis ka na lang sa harapan ko, Ma, because you can't do anything to ease the pain that you caused." hindi na siya sumagot at nakatahimik na lang.
"Umalis ka na, please." I calmly said. Lumabas na siya ng condo namin. Parang mas lalo akong nagalit kaya sinunod-sunod ko 'yung rum nang walang chaser.
Sobrang lungkot. Wala ng buhay 'yung condo namin. Wala ng sumasalubong sa akin. Wala ng naglalagay ng mukha niya sa braso ko sa tuwing naglalaptop ako rito sa couch. Wala na.
Wala ng gumigising sa akin para magbreakfast. Wala na akong katabi matulog.
This is my fault. I should live with the consequences... but I just can't.
I should but I can't.
Tinignan ko 'yung bulletin board namin na puno ng pictures, inayos ko 'yon dati para sa kaniya. Nagsimula na naman akong maluha, I realized that we've been through a lot together.
Parang mas nasasaktan lang ako kapag nandito ako sa condo, lagi ko lang naaalala si Calynn. Lumabas ako at pumunta sa bar kahit gabi na, umorder ako ng napakaraming alak at mag-isa lang ako sa table.
"Hi," a woman approached me. Hindi ko siya pinansin at uminom na lang ako ulit.
"Are you alone?" she asked again.
"I want to be alone, please leave." I said in a monotone without looking at her. Umalis siya pero maya-maya ay dumating na si Luke.
"Luke, buti dumating ka na." I laughed without any reason. "Samahan mo ako, damayan mo ako!" I handed him a tequila.
Iinom na sana ako pero kinuha niya 'yung shotglass ko. "Tama na 'yan," he said.
Kinuha ko ulit 'yung shotglass sa kaniya. "Baka 'pag nagkasakit ako balikan ako ni Calynn, baka kapag nag-aagaw buhay na ako balikan niya ako ulit."
"Steve,"
"Okay lang ako, Luke." tinungga ko na 'yung punong black label.
"Umuwi ka na, halika na." tinayo niya ako sa table. Siya na rin 'yung nagbayad at inalalayan niya ako hanggang palabas.
"Huwag ka na magdrive," he said when he saw me walking towards my car.
"Kaya ko," I laughed.
"Steve," hindi na siya nakapagsalita dahil mabilis akong pumasok sa kotse ko at mabilis ko rin pinaandar. Wala na akong pakialam sa pwedeng mangyari, wala na rin naman sa akin si Calynn.
"Ano ba?!" a man shouted at me dahil muntikan ko na mabangga 'yung kotse niya.
"Pasensiya na po," tumawa ako habang nakatingin sa steering wheel.
"Lasing ka ba?!" sigaw noong lalaki, halos kaedad ko lang din.
Tinawagan ko si Luke, balak pa akong kasuhan noong lalaki pero pinakiusapan siya ni Luke. Mabuti na lang at pumayag.
"Sinabi ko sa 'yo, huwag ka nang magdrive." he scolded me when I entered his car. Na-impound 'yung kotse ko.
"Sorry," I laughed. Hindi ko alam kung bakit tawa ako nang tawa.
"Huwag ka nang lumabas," he commanded nang ibinaba niya ako sa lapag sa tabi ng couch. "Diyan ka lang at hindi ka pwedeng lumabas. Baka sa susunod lang ay sa morgue na kita sinusundo!" he shouted.
"Okay lang,"
"Steve, tangina, umayos ka naman!" he shouted.
"Sige na, okay na ako rito. Salamat, Luke." I smiled at him. Humiga na ako sa lapag kaya umalis na rin siya.
Natulog ako sa lapag sa tabi ng sofa. Natatakpan ako ng center table. My head hurts so bad but I manage to get up when I heard the door opened.
I saw Calynn, kinukuha na niya 'yung damit niya. Nakatingin lang ako sa maleta sa ibabaw ng kama.
Ayaw na talaga niya ako makasama.
"I'm just getting my things." she coldly said.
I can't help but to begged to her. I knelt before her. Ayokong mawala siya. I can't live a life without her.
"I love you, I will wait for you hanggang maging handa ka." I started crying.
"Steve, please." I could already feel in her voice that she was hurting so bad so I stood up, but I was even more hurt by what she said next.
"Please, let me go."
It shattered my whole being.
Gusto niyang pakawalan ko siya, gusto niya mawala siya sa buhay ko. Paano ako? Hindi ko kaya 'yon, ikamamatay ko 'yon.
"Mahal na mahal kita," bulong ko sa kaniya pero tanginang luha 'to, ayaw tumigil sa kakabagsak.
I love her so much and I can't imagine waking up one day without her in my life.
"Mahal..." she sobbed. "Mahal din naman kita." she said.
Parang nabuhahayan ako, I hugged her. May pag-asa pa. Hangga't mahal niya ako, I won't lose hope.
Umalis siya. She left me. Hindi ako umaalis sa pwesto ko at hindi ko rin siya nililingon dahil hindi ko siya kayang makitang unti-unting umaalis, bawat hakbang niya palabas ng condo ay hakbang din niya paalis sa buhay ko. I knelt on the floor when I heard the door closed. I covered my face. I was sobbing so loud.
I just lost my life.
Paano ako babangon?
For 7 years, kasama ko siya.
I went to the ref to get another tequila. Sinunod-sunod ko na naman inumin 'yon nang walang chaser. I haven't eaten yet but I can't feel any pain in my body, nothing at all compared to the pain I am feeling.
Even though it was painful, even though I knew I would be crushed, I played the song we talked about for our wedding when we were in the car.
"Steve," she called me.
Napalingon ako sa pinto namin, she came back!
"Calynn!" I still can't believe. Se came back. She came back to me.
"Why did you come back?" I asked her while I am crying and kneeling with her at the back of our door.
"Hindi ko..." she sobbed. "Hindi ko kaya nang wala ka." she started crying.
Ako rin! Hindi ko rin kaya.
"Let's make it legal?" I asked her the question that I really wanted to asked her.
"Yes," she cried.
I hugged her. Iyak lang siya nang iyak. It seemed like I was dead a while ago but when she came back, I found the reason to live again.
I placed the ring on her finger.
"I love you," I said.
"I love you too," she replied. She's still crying.
I kissed her. I can feel her love through all her kiss.
-
"Are you excited?" I asked her, we're now here on the airplane, going to our honeymoon destination, Amanpulo.
"So much." she giggled.
When we arrived at the resort, nagcheck-in na kami. Gabi na kami nakarating dito, inaayos na namin 'yung mga damit namin ngayon dahil isang linggo rin kami rito.
"Race ulit tayo!" she energetically said habang may hawak pang damit. She's on the other side of the bed. "Pero, dapat wala na akong damit para mabilis ako."
"No!" I immediately cut her off.
"Sayang swimsuit." she pouted. Natawa ako nang bahagya, she's so cute.
I walked towards her and put my hands on her waist. "Love kita," I kiss her shoulder.
She smiled and put her arms on my shoulder. "Same."
"Dance?" I wiggled my brows at her. Alam na niya 'yon.
"Dance lang?" she glared at me. She was about to say something but I immediately stop her by kissing her. "Love," she said in between our kisses.
"Hmm?" I replied while kissing her but she averted her face for a bit. "Bakit?" I asked her.
"Wala, narealize ko lang na mahal pala talaga kita." she said out of nowhere. "At saka narealize ko rin na scammer ka talaga." she said before kissing me again. We both chuckled in between our kisses.
She put her arms on my nape and I put my hands on her back. My kiss went down to her jaw, down to her neck.
"Steve," she giggled when I bit her shoulder. I slowly removed the strap of her beach dress before pushing it down to reveal her body. She held the hem of my shirt and pulled it to reveal mine.
My lips went to her lips again and I slowly brought her to the bed without breaking the kiss, I put my hands on her back for support and her hands were now wrapped on my nape to deepen our kiss.
I slowly brought her to our bed. Nang naihiga ko na siya, napaluhod ako sa ibabaw niya. I held both of her hands using my left hand and pin it to the top of her head while my right hand is traveling to her legs.
"Ilang baby?" I asked, I'm on her top, holding both of her hands with my one hand.
She shrugged. "Kung ilan kaya mo,"
"Don't challenge me," I smirked.
I kissed her again... over and over before doing the things that a married couple does after their wedding.
-
"Love, dati lang 5th anniversary lang natin tapos naglalakad din tayo sa ganito." she said. I am holding her hand and we're walking on the seashore. It's night so we really enjoy the vibe.
"Yeah." I replied. She's even swinging our hands. She's so cute.
"Love, kung hindi kaya kita nakilala, ano kaya ako ngayon?" she asked.
I stopped walking. Inayos ko na 'yung dinala kong blanket na uupuan namin. "Upo ka muna," I made her sat down on the sand. "You were saying?" I asked again nang makaupo na ako.
"Kung hindi kaya tayo nagkakilala, kayo pa rin kaya ni Bella?" she said while looking at the ocean.
"No." I shortly said.
She looked at me. "Swear?"
I also looked at her. "Eh, ikaw, kung hindi tayo nagkakilala, sino kaya kasama mo rito ngayon? Si Chris, Jerome, Gio, Dominique?"
Her lips parted. "Why does it sound like I am a playgirl?" she asked. I laughed at her. "Ang sama mo, ah." siniko niya ako nang bahagya.
I chuckled before holding her chin for her to face me. I kissed her lips softly before kissing her cheek.
"I fell for that," I smiled, looking at her dimple.
"What? You fell because of this and not because of my personality?" she held her chest dramatically. "That's offensive!" she exclaimed.
Natawa ako at kinuha na lang ang kamay niya.
"You know what, love." I started. "I don't think I can enjoy this day if you're not the one I am with."
"Really?" she looked at me. I saw her eyes twinkle. So cute.
I intertwined our hands together and she leaned her head on my shoulder. We're now looking at the ocean.
"Love," she called me.
"Hmm?"
"Thank you." she said out of nowhere.
"No, thank you." I replied. "Thank you for coming back to me that day." I added while looking on our hands.
"I will always come back to you." she replied.
"And I will never leave you, I will always hold your hand kahit na mapasma pa 'yan." I said as I tightened our hands.
"I will always hug you kahit hindi ka pa maligo." she said, I chuckled.
"I will grow old with you." I said.
"I will too." she replied.
"Look, love." inangat niya 'yung kamay namin na magkahawak at itinapat sa moon. "It's so cute." she said. "Give me your hand, the one with the ring." she commanded so I gave my left hand to her.
She put her left hand above my left hand. She hold it, revealing our rings at tinapat niya 'yon sa buwan. She took a picture of it. She's so cute, she's into photos so much.
"May I?" I asked so she could show me the picture.
"Sure," she smiled and handed me her phone. I saw the picture, it's so nice, it's so beautiful.
"Can I upload it?" I asked her.
She looked at me. "You want?"
"Yeah," I smiled. She airdropped me the photo so I could I upload it.
I looked at Calynn, she's using her phone. When I saw her, I already know the caption that I will put.
I offered my hand to her, inilagay naman niya 'yung kamay niya sa ibabaw noon. I intertwined it.
"Love," I called her.
"Hmm?" she asked, looking at our hand.
I looked at her, she also looked at me. "Why did you come back to me that day?" I asked with a serious voice this time.
She smiled and held my cheeks. "Because it will never be you against me, it's you and me against the world, right?" she smiled with tears.
"Cal," my voice broke.
"I'm glad that I came back because you are worth every pain, Steve."
Tears fell from my eyes because of what she said, I smiled and looked at her. I can't help but to appreciate her being with me today, everyday.
"We made it," I whispered.
She smiled. "We did," she whispered back, wiping her tears.
I really love this woman. She's my sun. She gives me a reason to live for. She's giving me light. I will choose her over anyone... and anything, because she's my everything.
We're only getting older but we will always stay together, with each other... forever.
I posted the picture and put a caption on it.
'Ikaw at ako, habang buhay.'
-THE END-