𝐀𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬
So I'm doing this because I love reading other author's thoughts after the book finishes! I hope this can give you some understanding to my thought process when writing!
So I wrote this book with an end goal in mind, and it was never really going to have a 'happy ending'. I wanted to be different I guess and be realistic, that's why I constantly referenced how unrealistic fairytales are. There are some people in life, believe it or not, that have the worst luck imaginable - and our Nova was one of them.
Obviously, the epilogue showed her happy and successful but that doesn't completely wipe away all that she had to go through in her life. Let's call it a veil, her past was veiled by her success. Let me touch on one thing though- Nova is still far from okay, I still imagine her in therapy (a great therapist that she looked for herself). She still has nightmares, she still aches from time to time because of the loss of Jungkook and her aunt, but that's natural right? It's realistic for someone like her to be imperfect yet so perfect at the same time.
Even though the books finished now, I kinda want to explain to you how I imagined Nova, once and for all. If you reread, I need you to understand that Nova does fit the standards of beauty but believes herself that she doesn't. I was dead set on writing a character that hasn't had it easy BECAUSE of her attractiveness. Society takes girls like Nova and puts them on a pedestal, they're made into models, actresses, influencers, you name it, and we're made to believe they live a superior life because of their pretty privilege - and to a certain extent that's true. However, we also have those girls who suffer with body dysmorphia, eating disorders, mental disorders and so many other illnesses that make them believe they are not how others perceive them. Nova was my way of showing that it's not always easy for the pretty girls, sometimes it's just as hard... Literally if you re-read you'll notice how many times Nova compliments Sana and talks about how beautiful she is even though she is just as beautiful.
This is how I created Nova, I didn't want to play around too much since she's supposed to be Wasian. I mostly let the computer take the different attributes and put them together. I didn't put this image at the beginning because I hate reading stories and being shown how they look.
This is absolutely stunnnning though!
Another thing I'd like to touch on is that THIS IS NOT A BOOK THAT DIRECTLY ROMANTICISES ABUSIVE AND TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS. Yes, it's important to understand that Nova does stick with Jungkook even though he isn't necessarily good for her but only because it's been drilled into her from being a victim of sexual assault and experiencing relationships like her one with Kai. Once you get into a habit, it's difficult to break, especially when that habit is manipulating you day in and day out. I spent a lot of time... and I mean A LOT of time researching different types of BPD and the spectrum of severity, to make Nova relatable in her choices. I see a lot of people post announcements and thoughts stating that the "damsel in distress" theme should be axed and whilst I somewhat agree, I do believe it's important to sometimes write realistically. We do still live in a frickin' misogynistic society and that means characters like Nova are going to do what they've been taught and that is to see men in a authoritative role. I hate it, you guys hate it, my strong views on feminism hate it, but there are going to be women out there who know no different. So I beg you, refrain from making comments about her being weak because I personally think it's offensive to the women out there who are finding it near impossible to break out of an abusive relationship. IT'S NOT THAT EASY. Jimin's character was developed as a sign of hope and as an example of men out there who grow and fight against the misogyny created by the male gender.
If you want to read about powerful female characters then read my new book Familiars.
Let's talk about the death... hehehe. So originally I had planned for (drum roll please) our beloved Jimin to die. I thought it was fitting that the guy that put himself before her all the time was to die. He would do anything and everything for her and I thought the best way to end it was for him to save her one last time.... I just couldn't bring myself to do it after writing chapter 50 so I stuck with my back up and that was to, I guess, redeem Jungkook.
This is a book that I'm constantly editing as my views/knowledge/experiences change. This is probably one of the only stories I've written that I wouldn't ever think about publishing because it's very intense and I'm always changing my mind on how I'd expect Nova to handle situations.
Okay moving on to our characters!
JUNGKOOK
Jungkook's character was a difficult one and in some ways I'm really protective of him. Some readers really hated him and some understood his decisions. In chapter 49 I explained his back story a little bit - he came to Seoul to work under Namjoon, being starstruck by his success, but somewhere along the way he was encouraged into Joons side business, which corrupted him. The whole lifestyle made him greedy and possessive and that carried over to Nova too. He's not a bad guy, he just found it really difficult to explain his emotions. He loved Nova and put everything into their relationship but we have to remember he also loved Keira but Joon did the exact same thing with her. I kind of referenced a few times that Keira just disappeared without a trace and that's because Namjoon chased her away like he did with Nova.
Jungkook whisked Nova away from everything bad, he never stood and fought for her which was one of his downfalls (not that a guy has to protect a girl). The reason she chose Jimin is because no matter what, he was there for her, even when he told her he wouldn't be. For her, Jimin was better than Jungkook. I know Jungkook's character was a bit toxic but he was never awful and I know you guys know that by seeing the way you responded to his death! If I'm being honest (because this is my final notes and I can be) she was never going to end up with Jungkook, it was always going to be Jimin or Tae 😈
I cried when writing his death scene, it took me hours to write and I still don't feel like I did it justice but I hope I showed that he was beyond loved! Clearly I wrote his character well because I've got you all crying 🤣
TAEHYUNG
So Taehyung's one of my favourite characters in the book. He had an hard back story, being the son of a alcoholic. Like Nova still loved Mark despite what he was doing to her, Taehyung loved his father. Side note - I think it's important to show how abusive relationships work, you don't always hate the person inflicting you so much pain. Often you do all you can to see the best in people to keep yourself afloat. Taehyung's dad probably wasn't the nicest guy but he was still his dad and it's drilled into us to love our parents.
Moving on to his relationship with Nova, I've said it a million times in the comment section and my author notes - I truly believe in some ways he was the perfect person for her. However, Taehyung was always going to be a reminder to the worst day of her life. Even though Taehyung would have helped her, loved her and cherished her, you'll notice if you re-read, all he ever does is talk about the past. Nova needed someone that was going to help her grow from it and Jimin was that person!
I know I called this a 'vminkook' fanfic and you all were begging for Taehyung to have his moment, but as I was writing I realised how unfair that would have been on him. I wanted Nova's character to be likeable and that wouldn't have been the case if she lead Taehyung on and slept with him. So I decided against it! Sorry!
Also in my epilogue you'll notice I wrote that a girl was with him at Nova's party... I'm not saying that she's not the one, she could be, but Taehyung said he would never stop loving Nova... Take from that what you will. Hehe.
JIMIN
The one the only Park Jipain. So as most of you know, the reason this fanfic hasn't got a BTS member on the front cover is because I had no idea who she was going to end up with. It's dangerous writing a story that way but also sort of exhilarating too. I wish I could tell you guys, "I originally had planned out for her to end up with blah blah" but that would be a lie. Around the chapter where Jimin gave her the theatre and let her go... I had actually planned for her to find her way to Tae but quickly dismissed that as I saw the development of Jimin's character. I thought about it a lot and from then on I was like no, this guy is actually perfect for her. She's never going to choose the easy option is she? Jimin's known loss, he's known trauma and guilt and what it's like to be alone. They are absolutely perfect for each other and like she says in the final chapter, they learnt how to build each other up.
At some points in the story, especially the beginning, I was like wow Jimin's character has switched up quickly. Keep in mind that they were never supposed to be weirdo characters that were sadistic and pervy; just because they played a game where they tried to pick up girls doesn't make them weirdos... Kinda makes them men lmao. In the chapter where Jimin and Nova are about to have sex, I had to edit it because I wasn't okay with what his character was like. It wasn't realistic. For those of you who don't know, Jimin originally slapped Nova for trying to take control instead of just throwing her back onto the bed. I didn't think this was right after writing Jimin's backstory. I eventually was like nope nope nope, there's no way after he lost his brother and was bullied in school that he would hurt others. He might be controlling and domineering but never abusive. I had to go back and edit, we could all tell Jimin wasn't going to be bad after he listened to her talk about her mum, he was too moved and intrigued. GOD I LOVED WRITING HIS CHARACTER!!!
I wrote a lot that Jimin didn't know what love was and that even if he did feel it, he wouldn't know what he was feeling and if it was love - if that makes sense. But of course, Nova is Nova and he knew he loved her from the moment he met her let's be honest, he was just scared of losing control!
I definitely want to write another story with this kind of theme!
NAMJOON
Wow, where do I even start? What a evil son of a bitch, am I right? His character did a 180 let me tell you haha. Fun fact, I didn't plan for Namjoon to be in love with Nova it just happened to go that way. Most of the time I was just seeing where my brain took me and I was writing him as this guy so obsessed with keeping his boys safe that he started to sound crazy. I started thinking about whether or not to go in the direction of him falling in love with her and thought to myself - What drives powerful men crazy? WOMEN. From the moment Namjoon saw her, he understood why people wanted to settle down and get married and that terrified him. He'd come so far on his own that he couldn't understand why his brain would allow her in there. If you want a bit of extra context, I truly believe his character was worried for the boys and worried that they were going to be dragged down because of their love for her but only because he was currently being dragged down too!
But at the same time he was just simply jealous that she would never want him... He'd hurt her beyond repair and knew she's never even give him the light of day.
Is Namjoon evil? No. Is he power hungry and reckless? Yes!
SANA & JIN
Wow. I loved their dynamic and they were the purest couple in the story. Obviously their relationship was based on a lie but it couldn't have been realer at the same time. I'll let you in on a little secret - I was going to kill off Sana too hehehehe but decided against it. I don't think Nova would have survived it. I honestly put that girl through hell!
I hadn't planned on writing about them getting back together but was unhappy because I loved them... So I gave in and wrote and epilogue haha.
So I loved this story with all my heart and I hope you all liked it. I know it wasn't an easy read but I warned you in my first author notes that it was going to be dark.
I think mental health is an important subject to talk about because we've all suffered at one point. I wrote this story because I won't lie, some of it is from past experiences of mine! Obviously I won't say which but there are some people that have the worst luck in the world and are going through the toughest of circumstances. So please spread love and check up on your friends and family, it's so important!
I hope you will all support me with my other books, thank you so much for reading and following me! I truly love you all.
All I can say now is... This might not be the end for our characters, there's a future out there for Nova and Jimin and I might feel the need to write about it some more... Who knows?
Follow and stay tuned!
Meg x