*Flashback 1 year ago*
Kevin had me and Pax roped into some baseball outing with a couple more of his friends at an empty baseball court. Usually, I would avoid any outings that involve sports to hide from the possible public humiliation for my lack of skills, but my favourite people were there! What kind of person would say no to spending time with your crush and your friend at the same time?
The athlete had enough baseball equipment for the 3 of us, he said his family loved playing baseball so that was another reason why he invited us there instead of bowling or flower picking or anything.
I wanted to just watch by the sidelines in total content isolation away from others, but Kevin appeared to have other plans in his mind.
He tried to talking me into playing the batter role, but I attempted to decline by making excuses, which only fueled the athlete to persuading me further.
"But I...uh...don't know how to play baseball..."
"Is that it? You could've just said so! It's easy as dribbling a ball, come I'll show you."
"But I-" before I could say something else, he ran to my direction and pulled me up to my feet. The touch of his calloused hands on mine always make the butterflies in my stomach flutter, and my heart skipping. What happened next made my whole body on fire.
He gave me his baseball bat and taught me to swing properly...by getting behind me a little too close and held my hands against his, every new physical contact from made my body burning than it already was.
His body was muscled up from all the practices he had in the team, they were fast to act yet considerate, his hands try to be as gentle as they have my arms in their hold, and despite being the taller one, it felt as if Kevin had me under his wing and protectively embracing me.
Finally, after long lingering minutes of being extremely close together, he pulled away and went to his position while giving me a thumbs up for confidence before the game begins, I swear I thought he was smirking as he walked away...
After many failed swings to hit the ball, I finally nailed it!... but instead of the small globe like I should, it was my bat. I lost control of the wood and it fled off to the sky and down somewhere far in the bushes.
"You just sent your bat flying instead of the ball!" One of Kevin's friends sneered, making me blush in embarrassment and bowed down to the dirt, rubbing the back of my neck.
This is the mortification I dreaded for. Nothing new, public shaming was one of the common things I've experienced. But it hits different when Kevin is there to see it.
Is he going to join them? I know there's a huge chance he won't, but it could still happen.
"Hey it's fine, it's just a rookie mistake. I'll go get it, don't start without me!" the athlete shouts to everyone across the field, raising my head a little to his path and I see him giving me a comforting smile before running out of the meadow.
I waved at him as he disappears with a faint pink blush on my face.
I stood still on my place as we wait for him, Pax walked towards me, holding their glove out. They were smiling knowingly at me.
"You know...you and Kevin, should just make it official." they said out of nowhere. Their comment made me jump stunned and drew back. "What now?"
Their blue eyes rolled, then came back to meet mine with a tint of playfulness. "Don't think I didn't sense the sexual tension between you two; the hands-on approach, the eye sex, the 'joking' teases...I've watched and read many romance book to know the erotic subtext going on."
"I don't know what you're talking about, Pax." I tried to ridiculing their theory, but this is Paxton Quinn, nothing goes over them."Suuuuree..." the teasing in their visibly strengthen as if my answer was fuel to their hunch and smile only widens in the process.
"What about you? You're so good at detecting even the slightest bit of romance, why don't you get a partner?"
"Hm, not my area, I don't like getting myself in romantic relationships."
"Huh? Is that so?"
My eyebrow quirked up with curiosity.
They nod curtly and stared off to the distance. "Yeah...I never felt any romantic feelings for anyone growing up, and it would be crude of me to force myself going on dates if this feeling stays with me when I become an adult."
"So...you would just like to remain single forever?"
"Not necessarily. My parents are platonically in love and only married under the idea sharing expenses, and they taught me the difference between love and romance. Basically romance is that emotion the female character feel for their bad boy next door in love stories; the thrill, the intense infatuation, the excitement, the nervousness, and it only lasts for a short time."
They turn back to me with a more thoughtful expression. I swear, the emotions in those eyes were so readable for someone who could do a poker face perfectly. They sparkle with concentration and sincerity.
"And love is about extreme devotion, undying loyalty, everlasting companionship, and committing to the person with deep unconditional emotions...in short, romance is shaped like a heart, while love is shapeless. Many misinterpreted love and romance being the same thing and that you couldn't truly love someone, or make someone your top priority without romantic feelings involved and I think their mentality is full of bull crap; if that were true, we should classify family as pedophiles and incestrous."
Wow...I...I'm speechless.
I took a moment to digest what they said before laughing at the last sentence. I couldn't relate about the family thing, but it was still funny. Wiping my tears away, I reply. "Okay you have a point... and that's really deep, Pax."
REALLY deep, I never thought of it that way before...I always thought romantic feelings meant total love, maybe it does get deeper than just flowers and chocolates...
The twin smiles at me. "Thanks, I got half of it from a movie I watched last night. Anyway, back to having a relationship...I think I would like to have a deep friendship with a friend, just like mom and dad have. I'd want a partner in crime who would be at my side until we get sick of each other."
"So basically a platonic relationship, that's..." I considered my thoughts for a moment before breaking out a grin. "...really nice, really. Having a special bond with someone that's not out of infatuation, but just genuine affections...that's amazing."
I'd like to have one, it seems really fulfilling! Maybe if things don't work out with Kevin...but that thought makes my insides churn. I don't wanna lose Kevin, he makes me feel loved, safe, and warm, something I never had and I don't know what to do if I lose him...oh well.
"Have you thought of someone as that special friend yet?"
When I asked the question, Pax slowly turned their head away from me and up to the sky. "...Maybe, not sure though. I've got my eye on someone, but...I'll let you know when my feelings are finalized."
~~~~
It was getting dark, so everyone started putting away their objects. As we were packing up our stuff, I walked over to Kevin to return his baseball bat. When I offered it to him, he only smiles warmly and slowly pushed my hands back. The heat of his hands curled onto my fingers made a blush crept to me.
"Keep it." he said.
I tilt my head again, confused. "Huh? Why? Isn't this your bat?"
"Yeah, but... I'd like a part of me being with you all the time."
Oh...Oh. Oh my God. I tried hard as I could not to blush at his reply, but it was impossible and let myself transform into a human shaped tomato. "Oh...uh...t-thanks." I stuttered out and looked away from the athlete, who was chuckling at my reaction.
A cough was heard from behind me. We turned around and saw Pax smirking at us, holding their own hand of borrowed equipment. "Definitely not you two making me the third wheel here, no siree~"
Because of Pax's additional remark, it made me sputter at my own words and Kevin laughing even harder. "T-There is no wheel to begin with!"
====
Date: 2012 April 27 - 14 days remaining
Did I feel like shit.
Since I couldn't sleep, I decided to take a walk at 1 AM...to the pet cemetery; where my cat Frankenstein was buried under a tree, away from the other graves.
Sometimes, when something was bothering me and didn't have someone to vent to, I'd go there to 'talk' to him.
When he was still alive, he was my first person to rant on about my worries and Franky in return, would lick my face and cuddle on my stomach the whole night until I could fall asleep.
He was 10 years old when I adopted him as a 11 year old...he died 3 years ago; do the math.
I loved him as if he was my child even when our age gap was only 13 months; I brought out the kitten out of him, and he brought out the best of me. And you know what the old folk always said; nothing was ever built to last, Frankenstein died in my arms peacefully one morning...
I blamed myself for probably hugging him too tightly and thus death by suffocation and I still did. It might be true, it might not be, but I felt responsible for it either way.
Lying my head next to his tomb. It says:
"Here lies: Frankenstein Azaleas, an old stray cat who finally found a place to call home after 10 years in the street."
Ahh yeah, Franky was a stray cat for 10 years and he's quite known in the neighbourhood; a lot of people tried adopting him, he would run every time someone attempted to.
I guess Franky looked at 11 year old me crunching on lollipop shards one afternoon and thought, "this is the one; he shall be my can opener and poop scooper from now on."
I wish I had Franky's confidence, he knew his worth and the power to pick anyone to be his slave...I was just an utterly piece of pathetic trash, trying to find comfort from his grave, because of one damn memory of fighting with my friend haunted my brain the whole night.
Whenever my mind recalled it, guilt would slowly eat me alive...I was a goddamn monster to make an angel like the Quinn twin to burst out in tears. And I shouldn't be overthinking it, I should be moving on and continue doing reckless teenager stuff!
"Hey, Franky. How's it been?" My voice croaked out quietly to the grave, and of course, no answer. What? Were you expecting a loud bored meow inside the casket 4 feet deep below the ground? You have one sick mind.
"I'm sorry it has been...a year since I last visited? It just...have been one hell of a journey. Because...well, you already know Kevin during last talk. So I'm going to fill you in on what's going on..."
As I continued to ramble on about Hanahaki, my last weeks to live, and the fight I had with my dearest friend yesterday, I felt a big relief from stress rushing out of me, like I've finally shrugged out a big boulder of emotions...and just for that one sinful moment, my lungs were free.
As comfort washed through me, I fell asleep curled up next to Franky's tomb; it was not like it would've been the first time, I've slept a few times there...
just for that time...everything was normal again...
====A couple of hours later====
Someone's touch on my shoulder gently shook me to consciousness. I slowly opened my eyes to see...Juliette in a purple sweater and jogging leggings, her dark black hair in a neat ponytail. She kneeled to my level, she didn't have her usual gothic makeup.
"Hey...you dead?" she spoke softly. A sleepy yawn ran out of me as I proceeded to shifted and straightened my spine after being curled for...
"Jack, what are you doing here? You know it's dangerous to sleep in a place like a cemetery; how long were you asleep?" She scolded in a sharp whisper to avoid disturbing the cemetery peace. "Well, what time is it?" I asked rubbing my eyes, my voice rasped due to dehydration. I pulled myself into a sit position.
"It's 3 AM, I have special classes at 4."
"Then I've been here for...2 hours."
Silence overwhelmed us...
"You can't sleep, can you?" Well that didn't take much to figure out, did my eye bags give it away?
I shook my head slowly, confirmed her question while my hand ran through my hair. "I keep...thinking about the fight yesterday between me and my friend...and I came here for my late cat's comfort."
I gestured at my cat's grave by tapping my knuckles on Franky's tomb. "I'm sorry you had to see it...and I'm sorry I lied to you about the whole still-in-school thing." she must have already figured out my disease, I did choked out two flowers in front of her face.
She lazily shrugged and sat next to me with her knees against her chest. "It's fine, Jack. We all have our own secrets... and I've seen the way you looked at your friend."
"Huh?"
"He's a very dear friend to you, wasn't he?"
'Was she probing on me...?' I couldn't read her; all through the times we've hung out, she had the supposedly mannerism of a mother or an older sister, but I don't have an older sibling and my mother was anything but one to me...so she's a new and foreign person to me.
I stared down the grass before replied reluctantly.
"...y-yeah, they are. They were almost like a sibling to me...when we fought, it was as if I was...I don't know, I felt like I monster when they...it's just..." I suddenly realized I was stammering into my words and being incoherent, Juliette was staring at me weird. My mouth quickly shuts when the realization hit.
...It was useless to explain. She wouldn't understand, no one would...because I myself couldn't even understand where I was trying to get.
"Hey...why don't you come back to my house? You look like you've had a rough night, and you look like you didn't eat dinner. I'll whip you up something."
Although it was true that I didn't have dinner last night, my stomach never complained and I didn't feel hungry, not with the emotional baggage and stress my back was carrying.
With eyes widen, I protested. "Oh no, Jules. I don't wanna-"
"I figured you'd say that, but I wasn't asking. One thing I learned from my dad, is you don't leave a starving kid."
"I-" before I could do anything, she grabbed my hand, pulled me onto my wobbly legs and led me back to her house; which wasn't so far away since the cemetery was just only a couple blocks away from the shared household.
She led me inside the white bungalow house; The first thing noticeable inside the place was the living room walls were filled with both abstract and realism paintings that were definitely made by hers truly, the signatures on those artworks gave it away.
"Julie!~ You're back early from your jog!~" A lady with long peach pink hair and wore matching gray frilly dress and bows came out from the living room's closet and ran towards Juliette, stood on her tiptoes to press a sweet and brief kiss against Jules' lips. Oh...it's her girlfriend.
And damn was she short!
"Yeah, well, you know that kid I've been telling you about? The one I found high on the sidewalk?" Juliette leaned down to kiss the lady's cheek before she pulled me into the lady's sight.
Being the awkward pin ballhead I was, I just stood there awkwardly. "I-It's nice to meet you." The lady's contact lensed eyes sparkled in awe and began jumping in her feet while squealed her voice out. "OH MY GOD!! This is him?!? He's as tall as Edward from Twilight!!"
...Was I?
"Oooh, maybe dye the hair brown, mess the hair a little, and get some golden contact lenses and we'll have our very own Twilight Edward!"
She must have be on the drugs because all I saw in the mirror was a pathetic excuse for a person on earth underneath the new blue clothes and blue hair, not a pretty boy from a romance novel who had a chance on getting the guy he liked...
Hey, that was the only time I thought of Kevin! ...not that it's a good or a bad thing, just wanted to point that out.
"Mel he's a teenager, we're adults; and I'm pretty sure your sexual orientations don't line up." Juliette rolled her eyes and pulled me to their living rooms couch. She pushed me onto the couch and spun towards the direction of the kitchen. "You stay right there, I'll make you something real quick." annnnd there she left me.
I shrunk small into the seat, embarrassed and remorse. Why did she even try? She knew I was going to die soon regardless now my sickness was out and the food she made for me would've not been wasted, they could've been gave it for someone who's not worthless as I was.
People were so weird...I was a waste of time so why did they even bother?
Juliette's girlfriend skipped towards the couch and plopped herself beside me. I swore to God she was so short it was unbelievable, not even Bianca and Leslie were this short, and they were my shortest friends.
"My name is Melanie, it's nice to meet you Jack. I've heard so much about you! Tell me, do you by any chance, have an older sister?" She gleamed with hope. Yeesh! Juliette wouldn't be glad to hear that.
I could only stuttered a reply as like, I said before, despised socializing so I tried shutting down the question as fast as possible. "Ah...no, not really. I am the older brother as my sister is 12..."
The hope she had was immediately crushed as soon as the information left out of me, but Melanie remained a soft smile. "Oh. Oof. Sorry for putting you in the spotlight."
"It's fine..."
Silence again.
"So..." Melanie started, "Juliette was up late at night trying to study your sickness -- Hanahaki, is it?" Hm it seemed that word travelled faster than light.
"Uh, yeah." I said briefly again, not interested in whatever the conversation was going.
"Judging from what my Julie said, you've been carefree and rebellious these days...I'd say you're taking the illness really well."
Well I did: get high twice, dyed my hair, drank vodka, ate gummies for breakfast and dinner, tried graffiti art, successfully snuck into some parties three times, trespassed in some old buildings that were rumored to be haunted...learned how to shoot with a gun by a friendly officer ghost who died in one of those buildings.
One might say I've been having the time of my life...which was only half true.
"Yeah...I don't, uh, really like living. I'm just doing the things I've always wanted to do before I pass away..." I sheepishly scratched the back of my head.
"Oh? What's wrong?"
'Everything. Everything's wrong.' that thought passed me, no matter how wild and crazy I was the past days, in the end of those days it always had me heaved out petals and cried in my sleep just begging for the Holy Ghost to get me already.
But I didn't want to get into details about what I was feeling because it never mattered, so I replied with a short, "Nothing...just nothing."
I could feel Melanie's suspicion, but I had been with enough humans to know most people wouldn't pry further, and which she didn't.
Juliette came back with a bowl of cornmeal porridge(or in other words, Polenta) and a plate of lost bread. "Uhm...Jules. Is this necessary?" I asked with hesitance as she placed the food down the coffee table in front of me and sat the other side next to me. I really didn't wanna eat, to waste their food for someone like me.
"I don't see why it's not, eating is one of the basic needs. Now eat." Juliette put the silverwares down, waiting for me to eat the meal she brought.
I could only stare down at it. No matter how I wanted my limbs work, they wouldn't...I didn't move an inch, the girls' gazes never left me. After minutes being still, I heard a sigh from Juliette. "Don't tell me I need to spoon feed you, that porridge isn't going to eat itself."
Or is it now?
"But imagine if they could!" Melanie butted into the conversation, looked up the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. "Self eating food...it could end food waste!" ain't she such a silly airhead.
Juliette stared at her girlfriend lovingly before turning to me with a stoic look. The food remained untouched on the table. "Okay Azaleas, you leave me no choice..."
Wait what? What was she going to next? She reached for the spoon, grabbed the bowl, and scooped a spoonful of Polenta. "Here comes the train, open wide! Choo, choo!"
Was she serious!? Her voice was high as if she were talking to a baby as the spoon moved towards my face. "NO! STOP IT!"
I pushed the spoon away from me, squirming away. But Juliette kept her stance. It was ridiculous; finally had enough, I spoke up.
"Alright, alright! I'll eat it myself!" I swiped the spoon and porridge from her hands and quickly stuffed my mouth with cornmeal after every scoop.
After finishing the food within less than 2 minutes, the now empty bowl was slammed down on the table and whirled to face her. "There I finished it, you happy now Juliette?!"
Jules had a surprised expression before it turned an amused smile took shape on her face. She leaned to pat my hair. "Yes, my dear child. You made mother so happy! Yes you do!" her voice got even more high and her hand moves down to pinch my cheek gently.
What...what the hell was she doing?
The girls started laughing when I didn't respond to Juliette's mocking gesture.
No really...what the hell she was doing?
====
"Alright I'm gonna continue my jogging since I've wasted enough time trying to feed junior here." Juliette pointed at me. 'Junior'? Really? Geez...
She turned to her girlfriend. "Mel, give him a glass of juice, water, milk... whatever he wants as long as it's not alcohol or drugs, and make sure he gets some sleep in the couch."
Wait hold on! "Wha-"
"You got it, darling! I'll make sure he sleeps like a baby!" Melanie grinned at Juliette with a cheery tone.
"Wait-" before I could even get a chance to say something, Jules headed to the door. With a loud close, she was gone.
Melanie stood up and gazed at me. "You heard Future Mrs Juliette Noel! Finish your French toasts and I'll get you a blanket and a glass of...water? Does that sound good to ya?"
"Sure, water works. And...Mrs Noel?" I raised an eyebrow at what she said.
The peach pink haired nodded with enthusiasm. "Yep! I'm planning to propose to her when we graduate, she'll either change her name to Juliette Noel or I'll be Melanie Mahoutsukai. Whatever might be, I'm excited."
So she's Melanie Noel and...Jules's full name is Juliette Mahoutsukai? "Juliette has a Japanese surname?" I asked with even more curiosity.
I was taught to never ask someone about their or someone else's heritage or race if it's obvious, but I never striked Juliette as somebody with Asian lineage.
"Oh yeah, Julie was an orphan due to family abandonment and emotional abuse, no one wanted her until she was adopted by a Japanese man. I haven't met her adoptive father yet, but based from the stories about Mr Mahoutsukai, he sounds like the best father she could ever asked for."
Ahh, that explained everything.
"Don't tell her I'm planning a proposal, got it?" Melanie made a warning glare, I only just shrug in response with no interest. "Yeah, sure. I'm sure she's bound to find out someday anyway."
She smiled at me again, her hand reached out to pat my head gently. "Eat up, sweet pie. I'll get you some milk and a fluffy pillow." My hand waved her hand off. I attempted to stand up, I didn't wanna be a burden for her any longer.
"Melanie, I don't think this is required. I should go-"
"No!" she pushed me back down onto the couch. "You need your beauty rest, Jack. Even dying people needs to recharge their battery! Plus, I want you to accompany me later to the mall when classes are over."
My eyebrows slowly raised. "To...the...mall...?"
"Yep! See, I'm gonna visit an animal shelter in the next few days so I'll be buying some cleaning supplies, and you're coming with me! ...Unless you have other plans?" she eyed me questiongly.
Did I have plans..? I didn't feel like going out and getting wasted; I just wanted to lock myself in my room and listen to 'This is How I Disappear' by MCR until I memorize every pitch of Gerard's voice. So aside from moping around and suffering in my own blood of flowers, nothing seemed to be come up in my schedule.
"Not really, but-"
"Then it's settled! You're going to help me, it'll be a good distraction from your sickness and from the break up with your brofriend."
...huh? Brofriend...? Did she meant...how-
"Julie told me; she and I tell each other about everything." Melanie said with a shit eating grin on her face as if she caught me red-handed.
"...that explains a lot." I just stated deadpanned, wondering how Juliette told her the event yesterday, hope nothing misleading.
====
"Never thought I'd wear something as...chaotic like this." I muttered under my breath, looking down on the borrowed black T-shirt I wore with a sentence printed on in white bold letter that said: "YOU CAN'T SPELL 'SUBTEXT' WITHOUT 'BUTTSEX'".
You couldn't blame me at this particular moment; by the time I woke up from my slumber, it was 2 PM and Melanie forced me to wear something else, my jacket got crumpled from all the toss and turn I did.
She gave me one of their housemates' old clothes who had generously gave me those type of shirts.
Melanie continued to smile at me despite the thing I wore. How did she even manage to talk to me normally without bursting out laughing? She said their housemate wore the shirt too many times to the point they didn't care anymore.
"Paul got that from a dare. But don't worry, Jack. You look adorable, no need to fret. And I bet people won't understand what it says."
"It's in English..."
"Yeah but we're not Americans or British, we don't just speak English. We have 2 more official languages." Ah, right. The 2 other languages that were rarely used in our area...
Though the shirt I wore was infinitely better than the others, the other shirts Melanie gave to me were even more chaotic; one had a print that said: "MY DICK IS BRIGHTER THAN MY FUTURE", and one had: "ALL PREPPED UP AND READY 4 U'" with a big penis at the back. Whoever made those shirts were definitely on crack.
We got into Juliette's CUV car; since Juliette finished her classes early, she decided to join us and she insisted on driving. Melanie sat in the front seat with her and me at the back.
Melanie decided to turn on the radio, and the first song that came up was "Wannabe" by Spice Girls. "Aww yeahh! This is my jam!" she exclaimed, swaying to the music and singing to the song. Juliette smirked at her girlfriend from the rearview mirror.
I gotta say, the song was really catchy; I've heard it countless times with my parents, but I was discouraged from liking it because they thought "a boy who sings or dance to songs made for girls becomes gay" and they did the same nonsense to Lucile when they heard her sang "Black Parade" as they think MCR is for guys...
Their logics never made sense to me, they weren't there and I was free to sing if I wanted to.
Melanie continued singing along, when the next line came, I took this opportunity to join in. The peach pink haired didn't seem bothered; she only grinned widely and encouraged me to sing with her.
As we sang each verse together, I glanced at Juliette at the mirror and I could see she was trying to hold her laugh and her focus on the road.
15 minutes later came by faster than we realized. The next thing we knew, we were already parked in a parking space. "Slam your body down and wind it all around! Slam your body down and wind it all around! Whoo!" Both of us high fived by the time we finished off.
"Okay Spice girls, we're here, you can stop replaying the song for the next 15 minutes." Juliette laughs, smiling. Then it hit me...the radio has been turned off the whole time.
"Did...did we really sang the song 5 times during the whole ride?"
"Yep."