𝐎𝐂𝐄𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐘𝐄𝐒
𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑: 𝐕𝐈𝐈𝐈.
Kaz watches her expectantly as she pushes her glass forward, asking for another before she looks back at him. "I grew up in an orphanage in Keramzin," she says. "Smallest of the bunch. Weakest. My mother died when I was born. And my father... I was five when he left me at the orphanage."
"How does this- -" Kaz begins.
She shakes her head. "Shut up, or I won't tell you anything."
He rolls his eyes, adjusting his grip on the goat. "Fine," he says.
Raisa swallows thickly. "I was thirteen when the testers found me at the orphanage. Took me to the Little Palace, gave me a kefta. Red and black. There were others like me, young and afraid. But for some reason, General Kirigan took a liking to me. I don't know why. I don't know if I'll ever know why. He took an interest in my training. He would oversee my sessions with Botkin sometimes or I'd train alone with him."
Kaz's voice is still cold as ever, though there's a hint of intrigue to it, a bit of confusion. "What could the Shadow Summoner ever need with one little girl?"
"I was very naive. I was loyal. I was like a little dog who doesn't know to run away when it's been kicked. So even when he made me kill a man, I did it. He said the man was Fjerdan and that he had killed another Grisha, so it must be justice. I wasn't skilled enough to make it instant, painless. And he screamed. General Kirigan held me and let me cry. But I swear it was like- - like the shadows were growing all around me."
"The... shadows?" Kaz asks.
"They surrounded him. At every moment, it was like I could feel them. Even in the brightest room, there are shadows. He could summon them with a little snap of his fingers. I became very attuned to knowing the shadows. And even if he could mask what he was feeling with smiles and little words, the shadows couldn't."
She feels tears stinging her eyes and she wants them desperately to stop. Stop, stop, stop.
Stop it!
There's a hammering in her head, her heart racing. She swallows down the lump growing in her throat.
"Every time I hurt someone, every time I did something cruel or cold, he was comforting. But it was like the shadows were feeding on it. The violence. My fear. The pain. They liked it. And they were him. Everyone has those dark parts of themselves that they try to hide or fix, but you can't see those. I could see them. And there comes a point when you have to escape that. That was what I had to do. I couldn't live in that darkness anymore."
They sit there together, silent, for a long time.
Kaz is the one to break the silence. "We should meet the others."
She forces a smile to her lips, pushing her stool away from the bar. "Of course," she says.
Kaz nearly flinches as she leans to scratch the goat's head, her hand inches away from his arm. Her eyes lift to his for a moment before she says softly, "Poor little volcra bait."
She swears she sees the hint of a smile on Kaz's lips when she straightens.
Thankfully enough, they are able to find Arken quickly after that. Or, rather, Arken finds them, Inej and Kaz in the midst of a heated discussion about whether he just turned tail and ran. Raisa nearly snorts at the expression on his face as he greets them meekly before they head for the meeting place.
It doesn't take long for them to start worrying about just where Jesper has gotten to. Kaz is the one who voices the concern, annoyance filling his voice. "Where the hell is Jesper?"
"Just a little further," Arken says, leading them through the darkness.
Raisa's eyebrows go up at the sight of the sign marking the entrance to the field.
"Landmines," Inej notes.
Kaz comes to a halt, while Arken starts forward. "We'll wait," Kaz states. "Follow the path that you carve."
Arken finally looks at the sign, seeming to understand their discomfort. "That sign, that was my idea to keep people away," he says. "Can't be too careful. We're fine. Come."
Raisa shudders. Something about his words feels... off, but she shakes it off as she and the others start to follow Arken.
There's a track, hardly visible in the darkness, laid over the dusty ground.
They're so close to the Fold that Raisa can practically hear the volcra inside it already.
"It's one thing hearing about it, but this is- -" Inej begins.
"Nothing compared to what's within," Arken states.
He passes the torch in his hands over to Raisa, whose hands are shaking as she takes it.
Inside the churning darkness, lightning splits the Fold and thunder roars, echoing in Raisa's ears.
Can't turn back, her thoughts are screaming, you're too far gone now.
They watch as Arken works a crank, hauling forward a hunk of metal with squeaking gears that screams in protest as it comes down the track.
"There," he says. "So, goat, jurda... Thank you. Now we're just waiting on..."
Jesper's voice splits the air, frantic as he pleads, "Wait for me!"
Raisa's eyes fall on him and if it weren't prudent that they get this done quickly she might laugh at the sight of him, running as fast as he can. Gunshots fire off behind him, his assailants illuminated by the torches they're carrying.
"They can't see the train," Arken says, diving to grab the torch from Raisa, dropping it to the ground.
"Jesper, get here now!" Kaz states.
"Leave the lantern," Inej instructs, and Kaz does as told.
"Landmines!" Jesper cries, skidding to a halt in front of the sign, terror in his eyes as a bullet ricochets off the metal, falling to the ground beside him.
They're getting closer now. Finally, Jesper gives in, crying out, begging them to wait as he sprints across the field.
Inej is the last one in the train as Jesper finally reaches them. Raisa catches his arm, dragging him in as Inej closes the door.
"Please tell me you have twenty pounds of alabaster coal," Arken states, eyes falling to Jesper.
"Slight snag in the plan," Jesper answers, his voice casual enough that it makes Raisa want to wring his neck. "Turns out that the kid who was helping me buy the coal didn't exactly know how to, uh, buy coal."
"That's an outright lie," Raisa chimes in.
"Don't need to be a Heartrender to know that," Kaz answers. He looks at Jesper with a sigh. "We know you gambled away the money."
"I lost a little bit of the money," Jesper says, but he crumbles quickly enough under Kaz's cold gaze and Raisa's impatient tapping of her feet. "I lost all of the money. Uh, but, I managed to steal twenty pounds of alabaster coal."
He shoves the bag into Arken's arms, allowing the man to weigh it as he shrugs off his jacket.
"No, no, there's sixteen pounds," Arken says.
Jesper's breathless as he amends, "Sixteen pounds of alabaster coal."
"Can we do it on sixteen?" Kaz asks.
"Never been done," Arken replies.
Raisa jolts as a gunshot hits the outside of the train. Jesper's pursuers are close on their trail.
Arken is quick to chain the door, grabbing hold of Jesper and forcing him to the floor in front of it, his back against the wood. "Sit here," he states. "Never shift your weight."
He rolls up his sleeve, revealing several raised scars that catch Inej's attention quickly. "You've crossed that many times?" she asks.
"It's a numbers game," Arken explains. "Cross this often and you get nightmares."
An explosion sounds outside. "Landmines," Jesper notes as the screams fill Raisa's ears.
"I thought you said they weren't real," Kaz says.
Arken shakes his head. "I said nothing of the sort. I just said I put up the sign myself."
Raisa takes in a deep breath as he starts up the train.
"This might be the stupidest thing I've ever done," she mutters.
Kaz's answer makes her scoff despite herself. "Given what you've told me, Heartrender, I have to say that's not quite true."