-Some nightmares are reality-
Sila
Smoky air, stale food and cheap yellow taxis were the tokens of my first day's start at the Hill land. Maryam and I had to wake up as soon as the sun was hinted at in the sky and were asked to get in a yellow taxi by a stoic factory man. He told us that this was going to be the routine for us labourers.
Cheap breakfast. Early morning starts. Late Night shifts.
The drive into the main city was quiet.
Maryam was super sleepy and kept her head resting against the glass of the car window. I sat in the middle of the backseat and kept absently staring at the view outside. The change from the dirty grounds to the rich city life was extremely spectacular. My nerves were playing in. And with the morning sun still to rise fully up in the sky, I was wondering how my first working day would go. So many fears, issues and imaginations.
The anxiety was so real.
After so long, I was going to do something new and try to move on from my past. This was my leap, and it had me so tangled. Curling my fingers and feeling slightly better since last night's hit of extreme depression, I kept staring at the tall building before me with a thoughtful look and wondered when I would make some space for myself here.
Soon, our taxi stopped before an extremely tall and metallic building.
'Kingston Incorporation'
"Maryam, wake up!" I elbowed Maryam, with my eyes widen in awkwardness, as the gruff taxi driver simply pushed an empty tuna can towards us.
"Cash!"
"We are from the labourers' town. Our fares have been taken care of," Maryam groggily spoke, rubbing her eyes and sitting up straight.
"Okay." The man wasn't really happy with our response.
Quickly, before he chewed out more of his random mood swings, I pulled Maryam along and stepped out of the vehicle. The man immediately drove his taxi away. Slight shivers ran up my spine. That experience was oddly frightening and uncomfortable.
Momentarily looking around and wondering if anyone saw this, I grimaced to notice a few bystanders eyeing in our direction. This was a working city. People, here, were already on the roads to head towards their workplaces. The click of stilettos, office boots, etc, and the smell of coffee were so profound in the air.
"Let's go." Maryam grabbed my hand and pulled on it before I could get lost in the mayhem of the street noise.
"Course." Giving the tall building a once over, I gulped in lowly to calm my anxiety and started taking firm steps towards the building.
***
The Kingston building was a rich, corporate building with its different floors dedicated to several work areas; IT, Finance, Accounts, Marketing, HR, etc. They were so many departments on so many floors, with each floor too busy. Maryam and I didn't get to observe much before we were escorted by the ground floor's manager to the staff room.
Just one lady was sitting on a brown couch placed in the middle of the staff room. There were brooms, bowls, over-flowing cupboards, a sharp stench of chlorine, floor-cleaning liquid, soap, water buckets and random files stuffed inside this place. Also, there were only two couches and a table set here, which meant either this place had been miser when hiring low-level labourers, or that the staff members just didn't get time to sit.
The manager was a man in his forties and seemed to be of a foul temper. He stood before us with a stern stance, as he spewed out the instructions for us.
"You will report before 6 daily. You will join our staff's team and help clean, dust, take care of the files, sort them out, arrange the cupboards, take orders from the working staff here; serve them food, coffee and pass around any work files for them. Also, your shift will be flexible, but you will remain four hours behind after the work hours of this place. You guys will help make sure that the department you are appointed to is in spotless condition before the next morning. You will be paid a fixed amount on the first of each month, regardless of how many extra hours you work."
'Leave Sila alone. I don't want my baby to do any stressful work.
'Sila, don't wash the dishes. You will tire yourself. Let the helper lady handle it.'
'We don't let Sila do any work. She is our baby. We have her focus solely on her studies. Her future means so much to us.'
I had been pampered, loved and adored. I had been so heavily sheltered that I hadn't even been able to pick the first stroke of cruelty. There used to be so many helpers at my home, so many ladies working shifts, and I never really understand their efforts; the pain of working hard is a necessity of their lives. The efforts of low-level staff are often ignored and repaid in the form of minimum wages. No one really sees the hard work they do. No one bothers to hear their hurt.
Listening to all of my duties reminded me of how much I had to struggle to gain momentum. There was so much hard work and endurance needed from me. I had to go a long way before being able to stand on my feet. I had to work super hard, while losing myself completely in the process, to get somewhere in this city.
Tears brimmed my eyes, but I quickly suppressed them back with the determination to act strong. There was no time to break down here. Both Maryam and I obediently nodded with our hearts racing fast, feeling extremely overwhelmed.
"Okay, now Madam Zaina will give you girls your uniforms and your schedules. If you have any more questions, you can ask Madam Zaina." He gestured to the lady sitting with her back towards us. We mutely nodded again. He turned around and left.
Feeling a bit relieved to have him gone, Maryam and I turned to Madam Zaina with a hopeful look. The lady was sipping on a cup of tea. She placed it down and slowly turned towards us with a bored expression.
"I hope you like blue colour."
Huh?
"Your uniforms." She pointed in an obvious tone. "Go and get them from cupboard two."
"Oh"
Nodding, Maryam and I quickly rushed to a cupboard with 2 written on it and pulled it wide open. Inside, there were two transparent packets placed above some kitchen tools. The packets were stuffed with our uniforms and schedules.
Pulling out our stuff, both of us hurriedly opened the packets and shared a look.
Our uniforms were light blue and simple. Holding my uniform in my hand, I looked at Maryam, who seemed to be studying her share, and frowned. It was going to be awkward wearing a uniform in a place where everyone had the choice to wear their own formal attire. I felt embarrassed yet knew that I had to gulp in this emotion.
Heaving a sigh, I then looked at my schedule and tilted my head. My first shift was on the second floor-the HR department.
"Maryam, where is your first shift?" I quickly turned towards her.
"Finance department." She jokingly shuddered, making me give a soft smile.
"Sounds boring." I tried to ease our discomfort and hidden feeling of pain.
"I will meet you here in an hour." She announced.
"We will have tea together." Anything to take the sinking depression away.
***
(trigger warning for the readers there will be a mention of a panic attack.)
Feeling strange and inferior in having to wear a uniform while others roamed around in their unusual attire, I tried to drink in my embarrassing tears and kept my gaze firmly on the floor, as I rushed to head towards the elevator. I felt ashamed, so low and tiny. I felt belittled and small.
Trying to not let depression engulf me, I kept telling myself that this is just how so many rich people started before earning bucks, that no one was watching me. The ground floor was full of white-collar workers, employees...everyone didn't have the time to stare at the low-level staff. I was just overthinking. My uniform was being looked at with disgust and a sense of superiority. I was just like everyone else. I was also to be respected.
Upon reaching the elevators, with my heart beat extremely frantic and nerves completely tangled, I saw an old man-some manager nod his head at me.
"Your floor?"
"Two," I spoke in a tiny voice, keeping my gaze on the floor, feeling inferior because of my attire. I shouldn't be.
"Yes, of course." He pressed the button.
Soon, an empty elevator moved to our floor. The man, instead of stepping inside, gestured me to go inside. Though hesitant and a bit fearful, I complied and was astounded to see him simply press the 2 button without stepping in. Wow!
This man had been waiting for the elevator much longer than me. He seemed some kind of a manager here, yet he had given me so much respect. I felt emotional.
"Thank you." My voice sounded so grateful. And soon, the elevator doors shut.
Inside, the privacy of the elevator made me feel comfortable, away from the scrutiny. I leaned against the silver mirror walls, breathing in to calm my anxiety. I could do this. The lights of the elevator were dull. There was a sweet fragrance echoing in its air and the small act of kindness by that old man had somehow given me a little boost. Some people had to work hard in life. So many rich and influential people started from here...
I had to let go of my depression and pain if I needed to get somewhere.
No more breaking at every single point.
I had made mistakes, and it was time to start doing something about that.
Soon, with a little prep talk, I straightened up as the elevator finally stopped before a crowded floor. There were so many cubicles on this floor, men working on computers, helpers moving around while carrying trays, files. I felt momentary shy before working up the courage to walk out of the elevator. I had to work here.
Awkwardly stepping out while not having a clue what to do here, I stiffened as I saw a janitor now walk towards me with a tray in his hands.
"Finally! Here, go and serve this coffee cup to our boss sitting in room 2. Also, after that, go and bring a cloth. You are to dust and mop for today." He bombarded me with tasks. The noise of the floor was too much for anyone to focus on me. Also, the floor was too overflowing that it made me feel comfortably invisible. Perfect.
Nodding, glad to know I had something to start with, I grabbed the tray with confidence and breathed in. Finding room 2 didn't seem a problem here. Behind the cubicles, there were so many rooms that were numbered.
Carefully manoeuvring through the cubicles, I managed to reach a dark-brown door with a golded plate plastered on its upper part. On the golden plate, it was carved: room two.
Splendid!
Prepping myself to seem professional and formal, I knocked on the door and slowly pushed it open. My heart was beating so fast. I always felt awkward meeting new people. It was because of my anxiety and mental issues. There was always this sense of fear in me.
Carefully balancing the tray in my hands, I walked inside the room and saw a man standing behind a desk that had been placed before the wall opposite me. There were bookshelves pressed against the right and left walls. A wall-length window right behind the desk, covering half of the wall.
My heart...it had suddenly turned so frantic. A terrible feeling sense, a state of denial of knowing something but not wanting to face it...my face was turning pale, blanched, hands shaking, as I halted into an abrupt stop, only to have my terrible fears confirmed as the man looked up, his eyes narrowing in surprise.
''Sila, he wears rings and is mostly found on the streets. The air guns you hear at night...it is him and his friends. He is not a good man, my dear.'
'Please...I know I don't have a good reputation on these streets.'
'Sila, run away with me.'
'I am sorry...'
Everything started blurring. Suddenly, I felt so back in my mind, so disconnected. My head had unconsciously shaking no...while I began spontaneously backtracking. I could hear my frantic heartbeat loud in my ears, the abrupt disconnection with the world. Tears brimmed in until my senses snapped in at the sound of a mug smashing against the floor; the coffee now creating a pool around me. My panic attack had been triggered.
An audience gathered around, but I didn't care as terrible terror, despair and a sheer feeling of excruciating devastation hit me hard. He was here. The man who had ruined me was here. My nightmare, my torture...I had moved all the way to face him again.
The anxiety, the panic...suddenly, I couldn't breathe. Hands grabbed me, but I didn't care. I couldn't breathe!
"Madam!" Many shouted, yet my nightmare stayed at his spot, behind his desk.
"I-I can't-t breathe!" The hysteria was catching up with me. "I can't breathe!" A sense of dizziness was hitting me hard, and before I knew it, my consciousness began drifting away. The shock, the terror, my soul had been moved so badly.
There were just empty, panicked noised around me, as I swiftly lost myself into a state of unconsciousness...as my heart hid from my nightmare.
a/n: thank you so much for reading, voting and commenting. I hope you liked this chapter.
What do you think?
Finally, they met again!
This chapter is written solely for Palestine. It is heartbreaking what is happening to my Palestine brothers and sisters. I am so crushed and angered. Palestine lives matter! Save Palestine! We need to stand tall with them! I was crying just thinking about how much pain they are in. Palestine! We love you! You are sooo brave, courageous and mighty!