It was another week before Morgana received a message from her sister. Too Morgana's delight, a small box on her window sill appeared one evening, housing a piece of parchment on which a message was inscribed.
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Sister,
Meet me tonight in the darkling wood at dawn. When the time comes, you will know how to find the place. I look forward to speaking with you.
- Morgause
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She rolled it up, relieved she would finally be able to confide in her most trusted confidant. Morgause would know what to do. She always did.
"Gwen!" she called.
The maidservant appeared from behind a screen.
She smiled at her. "I would like to retire earlier tonight. Could you prepare my bed?"
"Of course."
"Thank you." She returned to staring out the window. She would retire early so as to rise before the sun, although she didn't know how she would be able to sleep with the knowledge that she would soon be in the presence of her sister. She was rarely able to sleep with even minor anticipations and excitement.
<<>>
Indeed, Morgana had been right that she would get no sleep, but not for the reason she had expected. She had drifted peacefully off for a few hours until...
BANG!!!
Shouts rang out from the courtyard below. The sounds of metal against stone and stone crashing against flesh. She shot up with a start.
"Gwen!"
"I'm here, my Lady!" She entered the room nursing a dim candle.
"What on earth is going on down there? Are we being attacked?"
"There was some sort of magical creature ravaging the streets! Not to worry though, I believe the knights and Prince Arthur have already taken care of the situation."
Oh yes, Morgana remembered now. Arthur had boasted of how he had slain the beast which had killed many innocent citizens. She recalled being disturbed by the battle before. She sighed to herself. At least some things remained the same.
Although the raging noises had quieted, she could not get anymore sleep. She stayed awake in bed until the first signs of dawn peeked through her window.
She was up, and slinking through the halls. Morgause was right, when the time came, she knew where to find her sister. She could feel her magic pulling her towards her.
"Sister," she called into the lightening clearing.
Morgause emerged, wearing her signature elegant red dress, bedazzled with gems and stones of the prettiest sort. "I'm here."
They embraced affectionately.
"Morgause, I'm so pleased we are able to meet. So much has happened since we last spoke. There is much to discuss."
"Well then," Morgause gestured to a fallen log that they might sit upon. "Do tell me everything."
"Like expected, nothing arose from what you told Arthur about his mother."
"Unfortunate. He looked murderous as he rode off."
"I'm sure Emrys was the one to talk him down. Oh, Morgause, I did my best to live everything the way I had done, but something happened that was new. I am unsure what to make of it..."
"Go on."
"Merlin approached me and began a conversation. He was concerned for my well being! He nearly revealed his magic to me. I had to stop him before he did so."
"That was wise."
Morgana nodded. "Who knows what his confession would change. I wouldn't be able to act as I did without suspicion."
"Anything else?"
"He had a fight with his guardian, Gaius, about it. I followed him as he stormed off, deep into the dungeons we went. It is there where Uther kept the Great Dragon, Kilgharrah."
"Pitiful," she said in reference to Uther.
"Merlin sought his council, but... Morgause, Kilgharrah knows what I have done."
"What, how? Did he inform the boy?"
"No, to my surprise, he didn't tell him. But he knew about everything... even about Kyulds. He told me any attempt to change my destiny would be in vain!"
"Dragons, however mighty, were often a dastardly breed, only caring for themselves."
"He did warn Merlin of Kyulds."
"But not of you?"
"No."
Morgause rose from the log and paced in front of her sister. "Good... good..."
"But what the Great Dragon said about destiny-"
"You would not be here if your destiny was set in stone!"
"Your right of course," she said, although she wasn't sure.
"I have been thinking, Morgana, about the perfect way to enact our attack, or in your case, your revenge."
This perked her up. "I'm listening."
"Revenge, it is something best served when there is something to avenge. What I'm trying to say is that, killing Merlin now, before he's had the chance to hurt you, will not be as satisfying..."
"What are you saying."
"I think you should give the boy the same opportunity to poison you."
"Relive that betrayal?"
"It will feel twice as good when you finally exact your revenge. What is the use of killing the boy before he reveals his true nature towards you?"
Morgana thought for a moment, then smiled. Morgause was right. She could picture it now: Merlin standing over her, thinking he'd finished her off, but to his surprise...
"I agree, I will wait."
"Remind me, sister, what was the poison he used?"
"Hemlock."
"Then I will enchant a concoction for you that will make you immune to this poison."
"When should I strike?"
"You need to be trained, Morgana. I suggest taking the same year absence from Camelot, to spend it with me. We can use this time to formulate a plan, to get a hold of your magic."
Morgana nodded in agreement. "But sister, promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"The knights of Medhir must ride as soon as possible. I will not wait much longer."
"It will be as you wish. I will prepare them at once."
"Thank you, sister."
Morgause knelt beside Morgana and held her face with her hands. "You are strong Morgana. Stronger than most I know of. That is how I know, together, we can build a world we both dream of."
"Thank you. You were always the one who made me feel powerful."
"I will send you another message when I am ready to light the Fires of Idirsholas."
"And I will be ready for it."
They smiled at each other and after a few more rushed words of goodbye, parted ways into the morning wood.
Morgana strolled happily through the brush, taking in the beauty of the dawn and the sounds of the forest waking to greet her. She smiled to herself. Things were falling into place.
She stopped suddenly, hearing a strange sound that startled her. Was it an animal? No, it couldn't be. It was definitely a person. She crept closer, hoping not to startle whoever the stranger was. As she drew nearer she could clearly make out what the sound was. Someone was crying. Deep guttural sobs that ripped through their chest and came up in unpredictable bursts. She peered through the brush and gasped. It was Merlin. It was Merlin on his hands and knees, weeping into the ground covered in leaves. Even with all the hate that Morgana carried in her heart for this boy, it was painful to watch and before she could stop herself, she realized she was crying with him. Silent tears rolled down her cheeks as she watched, unsure of what to do.
After some time, his gasps and sobs quieted, but he stayed where he was, shaking in the foliage.
"Merlin?"
He didn't look up.
She drew closer. "Merlin?"
He still said nothing, but moved toward her, collapsing into her arms with a new wave of sobs and tears.
"Merlin?" On instinct, she held him tighter, trying to lesson the quivering of his chest. "Merlin, what is it?"
She didn't remember Merlin being this upset about anything the first time she lived through these days. Maybe she just didn't notice.
"Merlin..."
"I couldn't save her..." he mumbled into the embrace. "I couldn't save her..."
"Who? Who couldn't you save?"
He didn't say, answering her question with more tears and strangled cries. She held him tighter still.
What was she doing? She was comforting the enemy?!
It was to throw him off the scent, she told herself. He needed to believe that she was his friend in order for their plan to work. But the longer she remained with him on the forest floor, she began to wonder if that's why she really stayed. I'm just curious about what could have possibly made Merlin feel this way! half of her mind screamed at her. He looks like Mordred, the other half said. He looks like Mordred after Kara was executed. It had been Morgana who comforted him then, and now...
"Who Merlin? What happened?"
"Why couldn't I save her? Why am I not good enough?"
"I don't know, Merlin. I don't know what you're talking about."
"Freya."
"Freya?"
Another sob escaped his lips at the repetition of the name.
"Who's Freya?"
"Freya's... Freya's... she's gone."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry too," he said, suddenly pulling away and realizing the situation. "Why- why are you in the woods?" he managed, still fighting to maintain an expression that didn't resemble anguish.
"I was out for a walk. To clear my head. I heard you."
"Oh..." he wiped away the stray tears from his face. "You mustn't tell Arthur."
"I won't... but tell him what, exactly?"
"I don't know. That I was here?"
"I won't. As long as you do the same for me, don't tell anyone I was here."
"I wouldn't."
"Thank you."
Another suppressed sob escaped Merlin's lips. "I'm sorry!" he said, trying to tuck away his grief.
"There's no need to apologize. Just talk to me... who's Freya?"
Merlin only shook his head. "I can't... I can't do it..."
"You don't have to."
"Tell me, Morgana," he sniffled. "Have you ever felt like an outcast? Like people should be afraid of you?"
She thought for a moment. "Yes."
He shook his head. "It has to stop... it has to stop. The fear has to stop."
"I would agree."
Merlin wiped his face and stood shakily. "I have to go. I have to get back to Arthur. He'll be missing me by now."
Morgana stood too, but said nothing.
"You'll be missed as well," he said, trying to sound chipper, although, the usual light behind his blue eyes was missing. His smiled, but it barley passed for a grimace before walking slowly off into the brush.
She followed, taking care to trail just behind and pretending not to notice how he still wiped away his flowing tears and took many ragged breaths.
It wasn't long before they reached the lower town and the gates of the citadel. It was there that they parted ways. Morgana headed up the stairs to her empty chambers, while Merlin trailed off to his own.
She closed the door behind her as she entered her chambers. For some reason, the room looked foreign, a feeling she had felt when she first woke up in this time. But here it was again. After she returned from her trip, the room returned to its unfamiliar state. What had caused it?
It was simply foolish to think about, she told herself. She was obviously just not as well adjusted to the past as she had thought.
Morgana removed her dress and slipped back into her nightgown. She suddenly felt overwhelmingly exhausted and decided she would get as much sleep as she could before Camelot descended into chaos once more.
<<>>
Merlin stared at the warm light emanating from the window in the physicians chambers. He sat slumped, listening as the citizens of Camelot began their day like any other, like nothing had happened.
Gaius appeared in the doorway, just getting home from an eventful night.
"Merlin, I was worried."
Merlin said nothing, continuing to stare at the yellow glow.
Gaius sighed. "What became of the girl?" he knew what the answer to the question was, he had been present when Arthur informed his father of the news, but he wanted to hear it from his ward.
"She's gone. She's dead." Gaius could tell the boy had been crying.
"I'm sorry, Merlin." He embraced his ward.
"Why did you do it?" Merlin mumbled into Gaius' robe. "Why did you have to do it?"
"Do what, Merlin?" he asked gently.
He looked up, dried tear streaks prominent on his face. "You told Uther. You told Uther about her. Why didn't you trust me?"
"I told Uther about the beast, I told him what I suspected was attacking those people."
"Freya was not a beast!" The force of his shout forced Gaius back.
"I'm sorry, Merlin. I had to tell the king. I had to protect the innocent citizens."
"Freya was innocent to! You could have helped her! She just had an ailment, that was all. She was no different than any other patient."
"No difference!?" Gaius was beginning to match Merlin's heat. "She killed innocent people!"
"She didn't mean it!"
"I have never heard a more foolish thing escape your mouth!"
"It could have been me! How am I any different!" Loose objects around the room began to shake, in tune with his anger. He gestured at the commotion. "Look! I lose control! I could hurt someone! Does that make me a monster?"
"Merlin, you're being ridiculous!"
"No! No! I think I'm finally seeing sense. First with Morgana, then with Freya..."
"What about Morgana?"
"You won't let me help her, you won't let me talk to her!"
"It will put you at risk!"
"I don't care! She needs help and I am not about to sit around and watch it happen! If there's a chance I can save someone, if I can help them, why shouldn't I do it?"
"I can't lose you, Merlin! You're like a son to me!"
This quelled Merlin's emotion slightly. "You're not going to lose me, Gaius. I'm not going anywhere."
He put his hand on Merlin's shoulders. "That's not guaranteed. I have seen more than twenty years of Uther's cruelty. If he finds out about you... there won't be any mercy. Hiding that girl was dangerous. If you were found with her, you would have suffered a cruel fate."
Merlin stared into Gaius' eyes. "You told him more... didn't you..."
"Merlin-"
"You told him where she was-"
"No!" Gaius said firmly. "I told the king only of the danger. I told him nothing more. I would not do that to you."
Merlin buried his face. "I'm sorry..."
"It's alright... it's alright, my boy." He wrapped his hands around his head. "And I'm sorry for so many other things too. You should do what you think is best. If you think Morgana needs it... then maybe you should be there for her. Maybe you know better than I."
Merlin looked up at him. "Do you really think so?"
"You can't save everyone, Merlin. But you should always try to save as many as you can."
"Morgana is on the edge of a dark path. I can sense it. I told you I saw her with Morgause-"
"You did. And I fear the same. But Merlin, I caution you against it. The less people that know, the better... the safer you will be. Please understand..."
"I know, Gaius. I know... and I'm still not sure about it myself."
"I trust you, Merlin. You are wise beyond your years. When you make a decision, I'm sure it will be the right one."