ーworst behaviour
i had been introspecting
for days, for hours
and somehow
i am not at ease
i know the past is long gone
but not the apologies
i hate how i let it be
i should have done something
back then
when i was at my worst behaviour
with heather and my old friend
i hate to even remember it
i hate the way i was
i hate that older, insufferable
version of myself
the one that had it all
and took it for granted
i am scared
i know sugar won't be
proud of me the least bit
if i tell him what i did to them
he won't be impressed
or worse, he wouldn't
like me no more
but that's not the point
i don't want to fix my mistakes
to put a nice
impression on my boyfriend
i want to fix my mistakes
because two angels deserve it
i hadn't been the best to them
it's left me aching for days
what do i do now?
how should i get rid of this guilt?
i look myself in the mirror
a nasty habit of mine
whenever i'm crying
at this point
i even hate making
eye contacts with myself
i hate living with guilt
i hate this mess
i look into the mirror
a bit more
and a voice in me said
keep no secrets no more
and that gave me strength
i have to tell it all to sugar
i need to be honest.
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